Chapter 11
Chapter
Eleven
CAMP
S itting in my room alone felt like a strange comedown after everything Scarlett and I had shared. For the first time, I felt like I was seeing someone for who they really were, instead of what I expected from them, and I didn’t know what to do with that information.
The flipside was she could also see me for who I really was, minus the security measures I put in place. It was a strange feeling.
For someone who didn’t have a good reason to be fucked up, I was feeling even more fucked up than normal.
I lay in my bed, staring out of the small cabin window. Nash had anchored us a little bit ago, and he whistled to himself as he stepped inside his cabin. Dusk fell quickly once the sun set behind the thick rainforest canopy, which to me was when the river began to come alive.
All the creatures that slept in the day, or hid away from the heat of the sun, started to live their lives beneath the glow of the moon. Wasn’t that the truest kind of existence?
Closing my eyes, I listened to the sad calls of the frogs, and the strange songs of the nocturnal birds. Eventually, I had to go find food for dinner. But right now, I was content just being .
Scarlett saw me for who I was. She didn’t mind all my flaws and imperfections. She didn’t mind the way I calculated people and moves, needing to understand them before anything else.
She trusted me— me , of all people—enough to teach her the true meaning of pleasure.
And goddamn, the way she fell apart in my hands…I wanted to replay that in my head on a loop for the rest of my life. Her soft sighs and moans enchanted me more than the night symphony that surrounded me, and the way she cried my name— exhilarating .
I wanted more. I needed more. More terrified me .
I still wanted to know why she was on this boat. I didn’t buy her flimsy excuse, something to chase me off the real trail. If it was all she wanted to offer me right now, then I’d let her. She’d tell me the truth when she was ready.
I was sure of it.
Eyes closed, I could’ve drifted off for minutes or hours. It could’ve been weeks. My imagination was filled with thoughts of Scarlett and Scarlett alone. I knew she was attracted to Nash. I could see it in every interaction they had. Hell, you could practically taste it in the air.
But there was something to be said for being the person she trusted first to make her shatter. A tiny smattering of pride spread across my chest, knowing I’d had something neither of the other passengers had.
Despite my admittedly crude question of James on day one, Scarlett wasn’t a prize, or something to be competed for, something to be won. But I’d won just the same.
I swatted away one of the mosquitos that never seemed to leave us alone, finally dragging my eyes open when my stomach growled angrily.
“Fine, I hear you!” I rolled out of bed and slipped out my door. Before I headed downstairs to the galley, I stopped at Scarlett’s door, knocking lightly. I figured the least I could do was see if she needed any food while I was headed down there anyway.
There was no response, although to be fair, from the height of the moon, it was later than I expected. If she was saner than I was, she’d be sleeping already. I couldn’t be certain of my own sanity at this point, though.
I smiled, remembering the way she’d touched my face so lightly, the quiet way she took what she needed from me.
As if there was a wrong way. I’d take whatever Scarlett was willing to offer, which was a pretty fucking scary thought. Now aware of how late it was, I took the creaky steps downstairs as quietly as I could, even as each wooden plank groaned and protested beneath my feet.
My eyes barely adjusted to the gloom below deck—it was fucking dark without the stars and moonlight to help you see. I couldn’t remember where the hell the light switches were. They weren’t even the greatest lights, but they were better than nothing.
Fuck it. I stumbled along in the dark the best I could, keeping one hand along the wall as Carpe Diem bobbed gently beneath my feet.
The kitchen door was solid beneath my hand, and I shoved it open, blinking in the suddenly bright light. The transition from the dark hallway to this was shocking.
I blinked again, rubbing at my eyes. “James?”
The usually put-together man sat at one of the chairs, looking positively bedraggled. He tipped a glass half-filled with an amber liquid. “Right in one.”
“Okay, then.” I shook my head, not sure if his crumpled shirt was more disturbing than the way his icy blond hair stood up in a thousand different directions. “Party for one?”
I stuck my head in the fridge, scrounging for a midnight snack, my eyes landing on some shredded chicken and bread. A sandwich would be perfect. I pulled my ingredients out and started assembling my meal. James watched me from his perch, the smell of alcohol all too clear now that I’d been in the room for a few minutes.
His gaze made me uncomfortable. I didn’t know what he was watching me for, or what he could be looking for, but if I had half a guess, he was probably plotting how best to knock me out and throw me overboard without anyone knowing. A few quick calculations relaxed me. James was stronger than me, but he was—going off appearance alone—absolutely plastered. I had some inches on him, so if push came to shove, I’d be able to fend him off fairly easily.
James still didn’t look away, his heavy gaze boring into my chest. Finally I raised my eyes, meeting him directly. “Did you want a sandwich?”
James grimaced. “Is there even any chicken left after that monstrosity you just constructed?”
I looked down at my dinner, wondering what the hell was wrong with my meal? It wasn’t like the three inches of chicken was going to go to waste.
“I’m being facetious. I’m fine.” James swirled his drink around in his hand. “See? Liquid dinner. Also known as the dinner of champions.” When he set his glass down, some of his drink sloshed over the side. I winced.
The bottle he was drinking likely cost more than my entire university education. Those drops he’d spilled could probably be a down payment on a car.
I suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore, so I picked up my plate, about to put my sandwich in the fridge, when I hesitated. I didn’t want to spend more time with James than I had to. But the man was obviously drunk, and as much as he was a jackass who deserved the killer hangover he was going to have in the morning, it didn’t feel right to leave him alone either.
A killer headache was one thing. But if I left him alone, and he threw up, passed out, and asphyxiated, would that make me a killer?
This was why I avoided the ethical side of science. Once I started down the rabbit hole, it was hard to pull myself out. Spending time around Scarlett, and thinking about the ethics she brought into her research, complicated things.
James made the decision for me, gesturing to the seat across from him. “Go ahead and sit. I can read you as clear as day. You’d think you’d have a better poker face for all the lying you’ve done.”
I rolled my eyes, stalking over to the table and slamming my plate down. “I never lied to anyone. I’ve been very upfront about exactly why I’m here, and why I ended up on the boat. I have no reason to hide anything.”
“Sure. And being on this boat is the best goddamn thing that ever happened to me.” James laughed, a bitter sound that reminded me more of broken glass. I wanted to hear Scarlett’s laugh again, not his. I didn’t need this shit tonight, not when I’d been in such a good mood before.
Maybe being a good person wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
“What the hell is your problem tonight?” I snapped, grabbing my plate again and getting ready to stand. “I know your natural setting is asshole , but you don’t invite someone to sit with you just to insult them.”
“God, you’re touchy.” James sneered and took another sip. “I promise not to insult you anymore. Now quit being such a pussy and eat your sandwich.”
I huffed and sat back down. I hated people. I hated them so much. This was why I enjoyed my work with the environment more than I’d ever enjoyed my work with other people.
Humans weren’t good. They were just degenerates doing their best to hide their rotting souls by putting the blame on someone else. James wasn’t the exception, and if I hadn’t known Scarlett would look at me with disappointment in her eyes if I left and something happened to James, I’d be long gone. Fuck people, man…
“I heard you.”
I paused, my sandwich midway to my mouth, trying to focus on what James said and not my inner thoughts screaming at me. “What?”
“I heard you.” James met my gaze then, his eyes searing a hole through me. “You and Scarlett. I heard you. I heard her…”
“Oh.” For all my bravado, discomfort radiated through my chest at the ache that was so clear in James’ eyes. Two seconds ago I’d been hating the fact we were a part of the same goddamn species, and now here I was feeling guilty? No. Something was wrong with me. Give someone a single orgasm and apparently he was a changed man.
He took another hard sip, eyes glassy. Who knew how long he’d been down here drinking before I saw him. I had a feeling it was longer than I realized. “I heard her come. I heard…I heard you make her come.”
Fuck’s sake. I knew the walls were thin in the boat, but that thin? I didn’t really care, and a part of me was kind of proud he heard exactly how good I made Scarlett feel. I wanted to shrug and say he deserved to hear. But something in his eyes wasn’t sitting right with me. Jealousy ? I was silent, putting my sandwich back down on the plate, unsure what to say.
James opened his mouth, and closed it again. He eyes fell closed and he took a deep breath before opening his mouth again. “Did you use your fingers? Your tongue? Your cock?”
I wasn’t a shy man. But it felt wrong to discuss Scarlett like this when she wasn’t here. I wasn’t the kind to kiss and tell. Besides, I kind of felt protective of our time together. “I…I don’t think that’s my story to tell,” I muttered.
When James opened his eyes again, the emotion spilled out. “Please. I would never ask, but I…” He trailed off, finishing the last of his drink and meeting my gaze once more. “I need to know what she tastes like. What she feels like. I need to know what she looks like when she comes or I’m going to go mad. She hates me. I know that. I’ve accepted that. But not knowing this, and knowing I’ll never know…”
“James, I…” I didn’t even know what words to say. How did you discuss a situation like this? I couldn’t believe I didn’t recognize his unease as jealousy before, because my own jealousy bubbling beneath my skin could never be mistaken for anything else.
“Please,” he begged again. “I know I’m no better than lowlife scum right now, and I can’t believe I’m begging. Me.” He scoffed. “We don’t beg in my family. We turned down beggars, and told them to learn their lesson in the next life. And here I am, fucking drunk over a woman I’ll never have a chance with. I just can’t stop thinking about her, Camp. I couldn’t sleep. All I could see is what she would look like if she was underneath me , the way she should be. The way my name would sound on her lips.”
I held up my hand and shook my head, feeling only the slightest bit sorry about how he would feel in the morning—if he even remembered. Maybe his drunkenness would be his saving grace. “James. No. I’m not going to tell you anything. If you want to know, you’ll have to ask Scarlett yourself. I’m sorry you heard us.” I got to my feet, all of my simmering jealousy suddenly rushing to the surface. I shook my head as I grabbed my food and headed for the door. “Actually, you know what? No. I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry you heard us. Maybe it’ll be good for you to learn some humility. Your name isn’t going to get you everything in this life. Maybe you’ve never begged before. But it’s never too late to start. You’ll never get me to talk about what happened between me and Scarlett, because that’s mine .”
James was silent, watching me with an unreadable expression on his face. Maybe I couldn’t overpower him physically. But words? Words I could do.
The sad, rich man sat alone at the table. I scoffed. “Those moments are mine, James. Not yours. And they’re not something you can buy, either.”
The kitchen door slammed closed behind me after I left, but I didn’t care who I woke up. Someone else could deal with James, because he wasn’t going to take anything from me.
She was mine.
Now I just needed to get her to admit it, too.