Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
SCARLETT
I had never seen a place as beautiful as this, I was absolutely certain. The thick walls of foliage enveloped us in a world entirely of our own, a make-believe bubble on the verge of bursting. The lush green leaves in front of me still dripped with the morning dew, hidden from the sunlight for the time being. A bird called out overhead, a melancholy sound. Large purple flowers twirled around the trees, blooming in the small rays of sunlight they could catch coming through the canopy.
Coming on this expedition, I’d been expecting to spend time in villages—both inhabited and not. But Nash had been so excited to show us the “most amazing waterfall we’d ever seen,” that there was no way I would disappoint him. Besides, getting off the boat was good for the soul.
As much as I was loving being on the Carpe Diem , after a few days, the close proximity and creaky floorboards started to eat away at me. I had no idea how Nash managed to live on her full time, but he was a stronger person than I’d ever be. Probably a better person, too, all around. Nash was a lot of things, all of them positive, and sometimes it was hard to focus on anything other than my normally shirtless captain.
“Watch your step.” Camp caught my elbow, and I fell back against him as he pointed to my feet. “You almost tripped on that root.”
I shook my head with a laugh. “God, I don’t know where my brain was.”
Except I did. It was focused on Nash and his muscular pecs while Camp walked by my side.
I had looked into my textbooks a bit the night before, wondering if they said anything about being attracted to multiple people at the same time, but the results were bland and not useful in the slightest. Sociology didn’t always translate over smoothly to real life. It wasn’t a perfect science, not like chemistry or physics, where the answer was always in front of you. It didn’t account for the nuances in individual humans, how we reacted to different situations. It didn’t account for people who were raised in different scenarios. Hell, sometimes the same person could react differently to the exact same thing, depending on the time of day.
It didn’t account for the fact I had never seen myself as polyamorous, and I wasn’t even sure I fit into that word. It was like trying on an outfit for the first time. I needed to see how I moved in it, how it moved around me, before I made the final call. The facts—I was attracted to Camp. I was fairly certain I wanted to build a relationship with Camp. But that didn’t take away from the feelings I was having toward Nash, which I also wanted to explore. And we just weren’t going to talk about James, or what happened in the hallway.
Of course, none of this took into account Nash’s feelings on the situation. There was a chance all my stressing about categorizing and labeling was for nothing.
I shook my head again, realizing Camp was still looking at me, holding my elbow, a crease between his brows.
“You okay?” he asked.
I smiled. “Of course I am. Just hot out here.” I scratched one of my mosquito bites absentmindedly. It wasn’t a lie. But whatever Camp and I were was new, and it wasn’t fair of me to dump an entire textbook’s worth of social sciences on his lap and expect him to go along with it.
Camp scanned my face again, and seeing through whatever facade I tried to present. Reading people was just one of his natural talents.
Or maybe it was a punishment. Seeing people for who they really were weighed heavy on your heart, even when you thought it wouldn’t affect you.
“You don’t have to hide whatever it is you’re hiding.” He gave my elbow a gentle squeeze.
I pressed a hand onto his shoulder. “I know. But let me process it before I vocalize it.”
It was a strange thing, physical touch. I’d gone without it for so long, I assumed I was the kind of person who didn’t like it, or didn’t need it. Something I could easily do without. But now that I had Camp, standing in front of me, no real way to define what we were, I realized what the nice thing about touch was.
It was an anchor. Something physical, tying us to this world when everything else seemed lost.
Camp gave me a tiny smile. “You sociologists are all the same. Too much time in your brains, not enough time in the real world.”
I laughed, shaking off his grip so I could continue walking along the muddy path—if you could even call it a path. “I’m pretty sure all we do is focus on the real world. People are pretty real, wouldn’t you say?”
“Hmm,” Camp muttered behind me. “Depends on who you ask. Haven’t you ever heard of the simulation theory? This could all be one big computer simulation, and none of us could be real.”
I rolled my eyes, holding back a tree branch that was sticking out into the middle of the narrowing path. “Of course I’ve heard of the simulation theory. How about you just focus on your formulas and I’ll focus on the real world?”
He laughed quietly, the sound almost completely concealed by my feet hitting the ground. I hadn’t yet heard him let go completely and laugh at full volume, but I had a feeling it was something I was going to like a lot when it happened.
The path was definitely narrowing. I wasn’t imagining it. The trail, once wide enough for Camp and I to walk side by side, had narrowed at some point during our hike, leaving barely enough room for me to duck through without the trees brushing my shoulders. I couldn’t see Nash ahead, but I was fairly certain it was him I heard slinking through the bush. Hopefully. Either I was right, or he was wrong, and there was a jaguar stalking me even though it was still daylight.
At least it would be a cool way to go out, right? A jaguar attack. The kind of story you see in the news. Not “Scarlett Ward died in her sleep at 98” but “Scarlett Ward died fighting off a jaguar on a riverboat expedition in the rainforest.”
One was definitely cooler than the other, but I needed to ignore the spiral of contemplating my own death for a moment at least.
“Nash?” I called.
“Just up here. Everyone keeping up okay?” His voice threw me off, unable to place exactly where it was coming from in the dense foliage. It could’ve been from anywhere, giving me a weird sense of vertigo.
Everything was too green.
I tramped through the rainforest, trying to catch up to Nash. The distance of his voice definitely had thrown me off, because it was barely anytime at all before I was stepping through another curtain of leaves and colliding with his broad back.
“There you are, darling,” Nash said with a laugh, spinning around so he could grab my arms. “It’s not that much further now. Ten minutes maybe. Hope you brought your swimsuit.”
I frowned up at him, trying to distract myself at how he seemed even more muscular with his shirt on. Maybe the tightness of the thin material was just emphasizing what I already knew was there—hard-working, tanned muscles from long days on the boat. His words clicked in my brain.
“Swimsuit? Nash. You didn’t tell me I needed to bring my swimsuit.” I would’ve remembered if he told me to bring a swimsuit. I would’ve checked it off on my mental list, packing it in my bag along with the other things he said, like snacks and water and a hat.
He raised a brow, fighting a smile. “Darling, we’re going to a waterfall. Why wouldn’t you need a swimsuit? Scared of a little bit of water?”
“Um, because when I think of a waterfall, I’m thinking of something spilling over a massive cliff, and probably something that isn’t safe to swim in?” I immediately thought of those pools at the top of the massive cliff faces, where people swam close to the edge, toying with danger in a way I would never dream of. Thinking about it, it was probably what Nash planned to do. “Did you tell James and Camp to bring a swimsuit?”
Nash shrugged. “I thought I told Camp, but if you’re telling me I didn’t tell you then it’s anyone’s guess, really. And James is a lost cause. I don’t know if he even knows how to have fun anymore.”
Fun. Of course Nash thought this was fun , while my heart outpaced my thoughts by a million beats a second. “So like, how high up is this thing?”
“You’ll see.” He smiled. “Come on. It’s not that much further. I can’t wait to see your face when you see it.”
I couldn’t wait to see my face either, because my thoughts were giving me worst case scenario vibes.
When I didn’t move forward, Nash grabbed my hand, pulling me behind him. The same kind of electricity rippled through us, as it had before. We both blinked up at each other before Nash quickly pulled away.
“I’m sorry. That was too forward of me. I know you and Camp are exploring things.” His mouth moved, and I could hear the words he said, but they weren’t exactly processing.
I was too busy focusing on the way my hand burned where he’d touched me, and the idea of him touching me at the same time as Camp. Both their hands on me… all over me…
“It’s okay,” I whispered, but so quietly I wasn’t sure he heard me.
Nash had already turned forward once more, but not quickly enough that I didn’t notice the flush spreading across his face. I wanted to rest my hand on his cheek, tell him it really was okay. That he hadn’t done anything wrong. But I wasn’t sure how to broach the topic, and Camp being directly behind us complicated things further.
Maybe I just needed to be content in knowing I could find human connection if I needed to, and focus less on the men aboard the Carpe Diem —James, included.
I trailed behind Nash, following his footsteps easily. Somewhere behind me I could hear Camp, or maybe it was James, tramping through the brush as well. Just like Nash’s voice had felt like it was coming from all directions, so did the footsteps trailing us. It was impossible to separate the sounds individually from the cacophony of the rainforest surrounding us, alive on every level. A chorus of frogs croaked, deeper than I could’ve ever fathomed. Cicadas came alive in the damp heat. I thought I could make out the trickle of running water, but it just as easily could’ve been my imagination. I sniffed the air, surprised to find the heavy scent of orchids once more. Outside of the rainforest, they were considered a rarity, but here…they seemed to bloom without hesitation.
Eventually Nash turned to me with yet another smile on his face, as if the previous moment was all but forgotten. “Are you ready?”
I met his easy grin, even as my thoughts reminded me I had no idea what was behind the curtain of leaves in front of us. “Always.”
Nash parted the leaves, shifting to the side so I could walk past him.
Stepping through the canopy was like stepping into an alternate reality, even more lush than the wild rainforest we already found ourselves in. My mouth fell open as I took everything in, trying to remind myself what I was seeing was real, tangible. It was hard to know it was right here, instead of behind a screen, or on a photograph, or even just in a dream.
Because it surely looked like a mirage.
The rainforest opened up to a clearing, nearly a perfect circle, with the immense azul waterfall directly in front of and above us, spilling into a stunningly clear pool of water at its base. It was the most serene shade of blue, clear enough I could make out the bottom even from where I stood.
“Nash…it’s beautiful,” I whispered, tearing my eyes away from the scene in front of me to look at him.
He smiled. “I told you that you would like it. And now you understand why I asked you if you brought your swimsuit.”
I shook my head. “Is it safe to swim in there?” The water didn’t look stagnant or diseased, but I didn’t think that alone meant it was safe, either.
“As safe as anything in this world can be.” He pointed up to the top of the waterfall, a good twenty-five feet above our heads. “There’s enough water coming down that it keeps the water from staying still for too long. And then this tiny stream feeds back into the main river.” He trailed his finger down to the pool, tracing the outline of the small stream I had missed at first glance.
“Holy shit,” Camp cursed, coming out of the trail behind me. “Now this, this is what I’m fighting for. To keep places like this free and safe from humans and their pollution.”
“We’re humans, and we’re here,” I pointed out.
Camp grabbed my shoulder, squeezing lightly. “I have a feeling you aren’t here to destroy nature’s beauty for a couple of bucks in your wallet.”
Nash spoke over both of us. “Right, well, I’m going swimming. Anyone joining me?”
Camp looked just as dumbfounded as I felt. “We were supposed to bring a swimsuit?”
Already tugging his shirt off, Nash turned to shake his head at us. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of getting a little wet after blowing up a pipeline and running from the cops.”
I knew what was going to happen before the last words even left Nash’s mouth. Camp was not one to turn down a challenge. When I glanced over at him, he was already stripping out of his clothes, dropping his pants until he stood in nothing more than his boxers.
“What are we waiting for then?” Nash asked.
I tried to ignore the way my pulse raced, and the goosebumps trailed up and over my skin, even in the thick heat. Nash, broad, tanned shoulders and thick muscles raced Camp’s lean build to the pool. Now I was certain—I really had died and gone to heaven. It was the only way two men, who I found myself captivated by, were about to go swimming half naked in the most stunningly perfect place I’d ever seen. There was no other way any of this could be real.
Nash whooped, leaping into the pool with an effortless grace, while Camp followed close behind, diving in without a splash.
“Jesus, that’s cold!” Camp cried, and Nash laughed. Their friendship was an odd one, likely built more from proximity than things they had in common, yet they had struck a balance.
The crunching and swearing grew louder behind me, as James appeared through the underbrush.
Still dressed in one of his perfectly white shirts, the only thing that gave away how uncomfortable he was in the heat was his quiet panting. Otherwise, he could’ve been in a boardroom, leading a dozen men in some corporate meeting. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, exposing the muscles that usually lay hidden underneath. They flexed when he wiped his brow of seemingly imperceptible sweat. His blue gaze drilled into me, piercing me with a thousand unspoken words, before drifting over to where the guys floated.
“I’m going to go ahead and guess this was a lost cause for me,” he muttered beneath his breath, taking a seat on one of the rocks surrounding our tiny bit of paradise. “Which Nash probably fucking knew in the first place.”
I wasn’t sure if I was meant to hear what he said or not, but I couldn’t help myself from finding out more—a curse to be sure. “What was that?”
James seared me with another sharp glance. “Nothing you need to concern yourself with.”
I rolled my eyes. Nash must have lured him off the boat with the possibility of his hidden city being out here, and now we were all going to have to deal with the fallout of a miserable James.
“Maybe you should try and keep your inside thoughts inside, then.”
James cocked his head, weighing me up as competition, or possibly as prey. Whatever he was about to say passed, because his expression shifted to a neutral one once more. “At least you seem to have more brain cells than Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum out there.”
With impeccable timing, Nash waved his arm in the air. “Scarlett, stop messing around and get in here!”
Camp echoed his sentiments, “It’s beautiful, Scar. Come on.”
I looked between the two men, enjoying the moment, in sharp contrast to the miserable one I was sitting next to. In less than a second, my decision had been made.
Skinny dipping had never been on my bucket list, but I hadn’t come on this trip to sit on the sidelines either.
“Coming!” I called.
James raised a pale eyebrow. I met his gaze without hesitation, only breaking it while I tugged my shirt over my head. My bra and underwear really weren’t that different from a swimsuit, right?
Except when I looked at James again, as I stepped out of my pants, he visibly swallowed. His eyes shifted down my face, across my chest and over the planes of my body. I wanted to file away the way he categorized every inch of me, studying me in a way he would never admit aloud.
There was something kind of magical about the power I held over James, whether or not he chose to acknowledge it. This game we were playing was dangerous, I knew that as much as the next person, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from getting close to him, even as our words pushed each other away.
I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “You sure you don’t want to swim?”
James made a choking sound, covering it up with a cough, and transitioned back into the stoic expression I’d become accustomed to seeing. “I’m good without contracting any parasites, thanks.”
I shrugged, far more confident than I felt. “Suit yourself.”
I turned on my heel, stalking toward the pool like a woman with ten times the confidence I actually held, James’ gaze weighing on me the entire way. I wanted to turn around, to see the expression on his face, but I refused.
If I caved, I lost the game.
If I showed any weakness whatsoever, I lost.
I knew men like James. I worked with them. I befriended them. I saw through the acts and pretenses, to the most basics of their wants and needs, what drove them through the day. When you laid it out on paper, James was simple. Because men like him wanted nothing. They just took.
Then again, James wanted me.
And he hated me for making him want something.