Chapter 17
Chapter
Seventeen
CAMP
T rying to fit the pieces of everything that had happened both at the waterfall and on the boat was like trying to force two magnets together. I knew they were supposed to fit. It made sense for them to fit. But I was trying too hard to shove the same poles together, and they just kept repelling each other, over and over again.
This was what I knew, laid out on paper, simplest terms only. We were on the Carpe Diem , which was supposed to be going on a tour of the rainforest, but James threw some money around and now we were searching for a city most of the locals insisted didn’t exist. A wild goose chase, really.
I also knew my feelings about reliance and humans still stood. Humans weren’t inherently good. We were put on this planet to destroy and conquer, no matter the consequences staring straight back at us. It was better to be reliant solely on yourself, and prepare for the inevitable fallout.
The final concept I knew to be true, was I had very real, very deep feelings for Scarlett, even as everything in my body screamed to run in the opposite direction.
Besides, how was I even supposed to bring up the idea of feelings to her? We’d been pretty clear on day one, our relationship was just physical. She was looking for an escape from reality. I was looking for something that made me feel real. Two opposite magnetic poles, fitting neatly together in the middle.
The time we’d shared in the waterfall didn’t help me make sense of my knot of emotions, either. Was she into me? Was she into Nash? I also couldn’t help but notice the glances she stole in James’ direction. Was there a possibility she was attracted to all of us?
Probably more than a possibility, if I looked at the facts in front of me. We were in extremely close quarters, and the more time we spent on the boat, the more tensions grew.
I was certain the heat was not helping things. Even lying on my bed, door open, window as wide as possible to catch a breeze, sweat clung to every single one of my pores. It was overbearing, thick as mud, and at times, seemed nearly impossible to breathe. Funny, though, because I didn’t remember it being this hot before I got on the boat. It was February in the rainforest, and the rainy season made everything sticky and humid, but this was crazy.
Maybe that was the solution I was looking for, plain in front of my face. I was crazy. Being crazy would make the most sense, wouldn’t it? Occam's razor, the simplest answer was usually the right one.
I was the crazy one, thinking someone as beautiful and witty as Scarlett would ever have feelings for me, when Nash was right there, with his smiles and his laughs and his huge-ass shoulders. Seriously, how did the man get so fucking buff with no gym in sight? And even if Nash wasn’t an option, James had money and status. You’d have to be blind not to notice the way James stared at Scarlett, but I wouldn’t put it past her to explain it away as something other than attraction. Still, I knew something was there.
And then there was me. The university dropout. The one on the run from the cops. The one with nothing to offer except maybe a couple good orgasms.
That was it. I had to be crazy. Even if I wasn’t, I was headed there with the heat slowly driving me mad. How did Nash put up with this for years on end? The man had to be a god or something. There was no way someone looked that good naturally .
“Knock knock.”
I sat up at the sound of Scarlett’s voice, only to see her standing in my open door. “Hey.”
“Hey, yourself.” She looked around the room, as if it held some hidden secret to the parts of me she knew I still hid from her. Finally, her gaze landed on my face. “Can I come in?”
“You don’t need to ask.” I scooted backward until my shoulders rested on the wall. “Lots of room.”
She took a seat on my bed, leaning against the other wall. “I was getting worried about you. You don’t normally sleep this long.”
I was too busy figuring out where the hell I stood with you to think about breakfast. “Yeah, I think the heat is getting to me.”
“It’s way hotter than it was when we got on the boat, right?” she said. “I swear if Nash wasn’t so paranoid about something eating me in the night, I’d have better luck sleeping on the deck.” I know you’re lying.
I don’t know how to tell you I think I have feelings for you, when I’m pretty sure you just want the physical. “I mean, the man has lived here for ages longer than any of us. If he thinks something is going to eat you, I’d listen to him.”
Scarlett fell silent, tapping one of her feet to an invisible beat. We were playing a game of chicken here, both of us with unspoken words on our minds, but neither of us wanted to confess our true reason for the conversation first.
In my internal notebook of how the human race functioned, I usually found confession to be a sign of weakness. The inability to keep a secret was a flaw in our genetic makeup. Sitting in front of Scarlett, the words I so badly wanted to say were stuck behind my teeth, and the inability to confess felt like the real defect.
Speaking the words aloud were needed, yet I feared they would make me weaker once they were out in the open. I didn’t know how she would respond, and the fear of her opinion felt like a chip in my soul.
I had never cared before. Why was I starting now? But of course, we always came back to Occam’s razor.
The simplest option was usually the answer.
I cared because Scarlett mattered to me. I didn’t want to acknowledge she mattered to me, because doing so would make me weak. So speaking the words aloud made no difference. No matter if I said it or not, the feelings were there just the same.
Before I could open my mouth and spill my guts, Scarlett beat me to it, another point for her while I still lagged behind. “I was worried you were avoiding me after yesterday. I should’ve spoken to you before, but I got caught up in the moment, and you didn’t seem to oppose and I?—”
I shook my head. “Wait, what?”
She looked at me, cocking her head, her long, loose hair tumbling over her bare shoulder. “I figured you were mad that I kissed Nash and invited him into this,” she gestured between us with a finger, “without asking you first. So I’m sorry. That was fucked up on my part to think you’d be into a threesome kind of thing. You probably think I’m crazy weird now, and I don’t blame you, but I can’t stop myself from also thinking this is right, and really, what’s telling me it’s wrong to have feelings for multiple men? Society? Which is just freaking nuts. But it probably makes more sense in my head, and fuck, you’re looking at me like I have two heads. Tell me to shut up.”
I leaned forward, wrapping my hand lightly around her throat, just enough for her to relax into my grip while I pressed my lips against hers. “Scarlett. Baby. Shut up.”
“Okay,” she breathed.
She stared at me wide-eyed, so I pulled her closer until she straddled my lap, and kissed her until her eyes fluttered closed. A soft moan echoed from her throat.
Kissing her made me feel like I wasn’t on some kind of weird race with myself to find out where I belonged in this world. Touching her made me feel like this was where I was supposed to be all along. But as much as I wanted to keep kissing her, other things needed to be said.
I pulled away, but she stayed on my lap, looking a hundred times more relaxed than she had before.
“I’m going to talk. And you’re going to listen. Without interrupting. Okay?” I smirked when she nodded her head solemnly.
“First.” I held up a finger. “I don’t think you’re weird or fucked up, or whatever other adjective is swirling around inside that impressive brain of yours. I think you’re figuring out who you are.”
She nodded, shoulders sagging further.
“Second. I’m not mad about yesterday. To be fair, I was confused where it left me, but I would never try and take away your happiness from you. Ever. So if being with both of us is what makes you happy, so be it.” I hesitated. “If there is an us, that is.”
Scarlett unsuccessfully tried to fight the smile climbing across her face. “Of course there’s an us. I sleep in your bed almost every night, and you’re questioning if there’s an us? I know I’ve been out of the game for a while, but back when I was in undergrad actually sleeping together usually meant something .”
I couldn’t deny the relief her words brought me, hearing her say them out loud. Maybe I wasn’t losing my mind. Or maybe I was in the best way. I shrugged. “I know we agreed on the physical. Everything that came after…we never talked about. The way you look at Nash, I just assumed…”
She hesitated. “I won’t lie. My feelings have been…confusing. I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was normal, or even right. How could someone have feelings for more than one person? Especially someone like me who really hadn’t been, like, actively dating in the past. But when we were trekking through the rainforest, and it was just me and my thoughts, I realized that maybe these feelings were what I had been looking for all along. Does that make sense? Or do I sound crazy? I probably sound crazy.”
I laughed quietly, leaning forward to rest my forehead against hers. “I’m pretty sure we’re all mad here, baby. Maybe it’s the boat. Maybe Nash is the sanest one of us, and the boat really is sentient, bringing us together. But regardless, nothing you could say could scare me off at this point.” I pressed a light kiss to her lips. “Well, unless you told me you think the earth is flat. We might have some problems then.”
She pulled away with a smirk, eyes wide. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those idiots who believe the earth is round! God. I knew I should’ve asked first.”
I pushed her off my lap, both of us laughing now. “I swear, if you start denying physics, I’m going to have to go hang out with James instead.”
Scarlett was quiet for a moment, eyes distant. “He thinks I hate him.”
This was where my knowledge ran dry, and I had to rely instead on my intuition, which was a strange new world for me. I had no research in reassuring my—girlfriend?—on her relationships with other men. Was there even a textbook for this? Maybe I hadn’t spent enough time on the dark web after all.
I ran my tongue along the inside of my teeth. By nature, I wasn’t a comforting person. I was more of a “the world is going to end one day anyway, so what’s a mistake or two matter” kind of person. Somehow, I didn’t think my philosophy would hold much weight in this situation.
And as much as I didn’t like James, to the point my blood pressure jumped with the mere thought of him, I really liked Scarlett.
“Have you talked to him?” The words felt wooden in my mouth, so I cleared my throat and tried again. “James, I mean. Have you spoken to him about your concerns?”
“Kind of.” Her gaze shuttered, and I knew I shouldn’t push the topic anymore. When she was ready. But I had another question.
“What about Nash? Have you told him everything you just told me?”
Scarlett winced. “Not yet. I just...he’s sensitive, you know? What if he takes it as a rejection?”
My thoughts flickered back to the waterfall the day before, the way Nash took control of the situation, and the way he looked at Scarlett like nothing less than a goddess.
“I don’t think you have to worry about that.” I leaned forward, rubbing the back of her neck. “But you do need to talk to him. I’m only one side of the equation, baby.”
“I know.” She rested her head against the wall with a groan. “Why does life need to be so complicated?”
If I had an infinite amount of time, I would have gone into detail about my theories about life. I wanted nothing more than to spend hours talking with Scarlett, contemplating the meaning of us being here, at this moment, on this day, a thousand and one permutations leading to us having this discussion. I wanted to, but now didn’t feel like the right time. One day. So instead I simply said, “If I figure out an answer, you’ll be the first person I tell.”
My intuition must have been doing something right, because right then, the giant bell that hung next to Nash’s wheel began to ring, once, twice, and then frantically, over and over.
I leaped out of bed with a racing heart, Scarlett close behind me.
I’ll only ring the bell if I need everyone on deck immediately.
We were out the door, James following suit from his room next to us. We made brief, but uncomfortable eye contact, before we both looked away.
We both knew more than we should, and while we each knew things about each other, we weren’t sure exactly what it meant. Nash rang the bell again, and the three of us hurried to see what he needed.
Nash had already killed the engine when we got to the wheelhouse, the Carpe Diem chugging a few final choking breaths as she reached the riverbank.
“What’s up?” I asked, trying to read Nash’s face for any clues I might be missing. Was it terrible? Had the authorities caught up to us?
Could boats even be pulled over?
I had never really considered such a thing before. To be fair, I hadn’t had a reason to.
But Nash only shook his head, pointing toward the riverbank to the side of us. “Look. I almost missed it. I’ve probably missed it a thousand times.”
I followed his finger, squinting against the bright sun to see what he was trying to point out to me. Trees, vines, more trees, and then… I realized what he was seeing.
At the base of a large tree, almost entirely covered by a fallen branch and cannibalistic vines, sat a perfectly round stone.
Too perfectly round to be natural at the size it was, too large for a smooth river rock, and nothing like the jagged formations that made up the waterfall we saw the day before. I could just about make out the faintest etching across the front of it.
“Is that…?” James’ voice was hushed, nearly reverent, a strange mixture from the stoic man.
“If I were a betting man, I’d say this is probably the best chance we have of finding your city.” Nash ran his hand through his hair. “It’s weird, though. I’ve been traveling this river for years. Never once seen that rock. Not like there’s much of a trail to mark it. But for me to see it now…”
Scarlett crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Maybe it’s just a case of right place, right time. Rains might have knocked that branch down, and moved some of the vines. There are a thousand reasons you might not have seen it. After all, there’s a good reason for the city being a legend with the locals, right?”
Scarlett’s logic made perfect sense, but it still didn’t stop a chill from running down my back, even in the humid air.
I wasn’t a superstitious man. Not in the slightest. I had no issues stepping on cracks or opening my umbrella indoors. There was too much science in the world to believe things like that.
But something was making me shift from foot to foot, unable to settle. I wanted to chalk it up to the sweating, but the chills trailing down my back said the exact opposite. “So what do we do?”
Nash shrugged, but I didn’t miss the same sense of discomfort flashing in his eyes. “What we came here to do, I guess. We go and see if there’s something to be discovered.”
There was a problem with searching for hidden things, though.
Not all of them wanted to be found.