Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
RAFE
I’d never been the type to reflect much. I didn’t like dwelling on things. I always had the mindset that life was about moving forward, getting to the next thing, and pushing through the chaos. But that was before my Little Poison.
I hadn’t expected to see her again. But I did, and she ran away from me…again. Here I am, alone with my thoughts, trying to sift through a mess of feelings I thought I’d buried long ago.
I close my eyes for a second, and I’m back in that old house three years ago. It was a Sunday afternoon, the sun streaming in through the windows, making everything look warm and easy. Charli and I were sitting on the porch swing, my arm around her, the sound of crickets and wind rustling through the trees in the distance. Her entire family had gone away for the weekend, but she stayed back, claiming that she was sick.
It wasn’t a big deal back then. At least, that’s how I thought about it. But the truth is, I knew. Even then, even when we were just two dumb kids, I knew I was falling in love with her.
She was different. I mean, every time she smiled, it felt like the world tilted just slightly in the right direction. I’d never met anyone like her. She had this quiet confidence, this calm that made me feel like everything was possible when she was around.
But that was the problem, wasn’t it?
I was too young. Too focused on my future, on everything I was trying to prove. I didn’t know how to balance it all—the relationship, my career aspirations, the pressure of living up to expectations. And maybe I thought I could just…wait it out—that we could be one of those high school sweethearts who somehow stayed together through it all, despite everything pulling us in different directions.
But it didn’t work that way.
I let my fear get the best of me. I was so afraid of losing JD and becoming more of a disappointment to my father.
I remember the last time we were together, like it happened yesterday. The night she finally told me she needed more than I could give. She needed to grow—to experience life in a way I couldn’t understand. And I fought it, I fought her. Because it felt like she was slipping away, like she was becoming something I wasn’t part of anymore.
“You don’t get it, Rafe. I’m not just your secret girlfriend,” she said, her voice shaking but determined. “I’m me. I need to figure that out.”
“I’m not coming back,” she had said softly, like she was already grieving the end, even though we hadn’t gotten there yet. “I have to let go of this, of you. It’s the only way I don’t lose who I am.”
That was the last time I saw her for months.
And when she did come back? She wasn’t the same Charli. She was stronger. More confident. I think she was happier too. And that hurt.
It hurt so damn much.
I didn’t reach out at first. I couldn’t. I was trying to figure out what I wanted, where I was going—but I knew, deep down, that I didn’t want to see her moving on without me. But that was the reality. She was out there, living her life, while I was stuck in the past. She wasn’t waiting for me anymore and I did that to myself.
I ran into her a year later. At a bar, of all places. She was with some guy, laughing, like nothing ever happened between us. Like we didn’t share everything—late-night talks, stolen kisses, the feeling of being so damn close you could almost feel each other’s heartbeats sync.
She saw me first. I could tell because the moment our eyes met, there was a flicker of recognition. A flash of something in her gaze. I swear, for a second, I thought I saw it—a hint of the girl I used to know. But then it was gone, replaced with that confident smile she’d perfected.
“Rafe,” she said, like it was just another casual greeting.
I tried to act normal, tried to smile, but my chest felt tight, like something was lodged in there and wouldn’t let go.
“Hey, Charli. You look good,” I said, but it came out too quickly, too stiff.
She laughed softly, her eyes lighting up. “Thanks. So do you.”
The guy she was with—David, I think—was a total contrast to me. He was clean-cut, polished. The kind of guy who had his life together, probably had the world figured out. I wasn’t that guy. I didn’t even know who I was anymore, let alone what kind of future I was supposed to have.
I didn’t stick around long. I made some excuse, something about needing to catch up with JD, and left before I could embarrass myself any further. But as I walked out of the bar, I felt like a failure.
Charli was moving on.
And I was still here, in the same metaphorical place I’d been before, too afraid to take the next step, too caught up in my own damn head to realize I was losing her.
I had thought about reaching out. I thought about calling her, sending a message, apologizing for being the dumb, selfish prick I was. But I didn’t. Because what if she was better off without me?
Because the truth is, I never really let go of Charli. And I never will.