Chapter 21
Déjà Vu Déjà Vu
Caroline
I texted Wyatt. Rapid Fire.
Caroline:
I’m sorry
Can you forgive me?
Please forgive me!
Please call me
I miss you
Are you blocking me?
Three dots danced. He was replying.
Knox:
I’m not blocking you.
I need some time to calm down. We’ll talk after the reunion
I’m not going anywhere
I took a screenshot of all of this and sent it to Charlie.
My phone rang, and for one wild moment, I hoped it was Wyatt. But no. It was just my brother.
“Sticky, what did you do this time?”
“I ruined everything,” I sobbed. “I’m finally dating someone perfect, and I sabotaged it.”
“Tell me what happened . . .”
“Are you sure? It’s the middle of the night. I could call you in the morning.”
“I’m up now, and I won’t be able to sleep until you tell me everything.
” And this was why I could never be jealous of Charlie for long.
Maybe he was the lucky one, and maybe he was the favorite.
And maybe he didn’t do as much housework growing up, but he always thanked me.
And when he came home late and found me doing dishes, he would take over and send me to do my homework.
He was always there for me, and I knew it.
So, I told him all about finding out that Greg was engaged and falling apart at Wyatt’s.
“That must have hurt him to see you cry like that over Greg.”
“You think? If anything, he looked angry, not hurt.”
“Men act angry when we’re hurting. It’s easier than being all vulnerable. He was probably trying not to lose it.”
“But you’re vulnerable.”
“I’m a special case. I’m emotionally evolved. And I still do the same thing. We all do. Why do you think you were so mean to Wyatt in the first place?”
Charlie was right. I had been pushing Wyatt away because he scared me. At some level, I always knew that I could really like him, and he could really hurt me. Better to keep my distance.
“Oh, yeah, you might be right.”
“Of course I’m right. Wyatt’s already sensitive to being your second choice. And then to see you lose it over Greg getting engaged. I mean, I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel your feelings. But imagine how that looked to him. I should send the guy flowers.”
“It gets worse!” I moaned.
“Oh no! Sticky, what else did you do?”
I told my brother about the whole conquests comment and calling Wyatt a player.
“You what?” Charlie sounded furious. “Caroline, do you have any idea what lengths this guy went to win you over? After Ed asked you out, he convened a council with Jane and I to plot how to win you back. He got a stupid mullet for you.”
“He did that to irritate me.”
“No, he did that to tease you. To flirt, to make you laugh.” I thought of how much I laughed with Wyatt. How much fun we had together.
“I see that now, and it worked. I wasn’t very nice tonight. I was so swept up in my feelings, I didn’t think of his. That’s always how it is with us. He’s taking care of me, and I’m taking him for granted. How am I ever going to fix this?”
“How did you end things?” my brother asked before yawning loudly.
“You read the texts. Wyatt said he needed time to cool down. That we could talk after the reunion.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“No, it doesn’t! I don’t want to wait two weeks to see him, and Emma Woodward is going to be there to console him.”
“The guy definitely needs some consoling,” Charlie quipped.
“Don’t say that!”
“Chill, Sticky. My best guess is Wyatt will return from the reunion and you two will work it out. He really likes you, you know.”
“Charlie,” I said in a more serious tone. “He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because he was in love with me. That was two years ago! Can you believe that?”
“That tracks. The guy is absolutely devoted to you.”
“I really hope I didn’t ruin everything.”
“Word of advice: give him some time.”
“But he doesn’t know how I feel!” And Emma will be there, I thought to myself.
“Go to bed, Caroline, we’ll talk in the morning.”
But of course, I didn’t go to bed. I stayed up and replayed the evening over and over again in my mind.
The more I thought about it, the more I saw Wyatt’s point of view.
If the tables were turned and he had been crying about his past girlfriend.
.. well, I wouldn’t have been comforting.
I would have left in a huff. In comparison, Wyatt had stayed for a long time.
He didn’t really lose it until I compared him to Greg and accused him of being a player.
He was right. I should have known better than to believe anything Greg said, especially after the whole dropout incident.
I realized that throughout our relationship, Greg’s comments had given me a bias against Wyatt.
And that would have been forgivable when we first started hanging out.
But I had spent a lot of time with Wyatt this summer—enough to know that all Greg’s digs against him were lies.
Yet, I had still been swayed by them. No wonder Wyatt was hurt and angry. I had so much to apologize for.
“I see you took my advice and decided to slow things down,” my mom said Monday night after she returned from setting up her classroom.
“No, not exactly. We had a fight.”
“See, that’s what I’m saying. You two need to take your time and find out if you’re a good fit.”
“Wyatt is exactly what I want and need. I’m not so sure that I’m good enough for him. He has reason to be angry with me.”
“What did you do?”
I told her what happened. She nodded along and refilled my tea.
“The thing is,” I explained after telling the whole story. “I wasn’t upset about Greg getting married. Good riddance. But finding out that he had found someone else brought up my deep fear that I’m not lovable.”
“Caroline, you’re so lovable.”
“I think I know that, but sometimes I panic... and poor Wyatt. I was not very nice to him. And he has been nothing but good to me.”
“So what are you going to do?” my mom asked.
“I’m going to repack my bag.”
***
I had made this drive in the middle of the night once before.
Six years ago, I drove up to the Scott family reunion to apologize to Greg.
Funny thing, Greg didn’t deserve that apology.
And Wyatt... he deserved so much more than an apology.
The whole drive, I ran through all the ways I might have hurt him, all the times I was sharp and he was kind.
All the times I took him for granted. I couldn’t stop thinking about what a total brat I had been.
When Ed asked me out, I should have said no.
I already knew I liked Wyatt. I had told myself I was going for Ed because he was more suitable, but deep down, I had wanted to make Wyatt jealous.
I didn’t take him seriously. Why? Because Greg had called him a dropout?
And here’s the thing: dropout or not, Wyatt would still be the same wonderful guy.
What mattered—what I felt deeply ashamed about—was that I hadn’t bothered to ask him enough about his life to know about his past girlfriends or what he studied in college.
I’d been too busy feeling sorry for myself.
I was dismayed by how selfish and self-centered I’d been.
It felt like déjà vu knocking on the Stag Cabin after dark. It was nearly as late as the last time I made an impromptu apology visit, but this time, the cabin lights were on.
Greg opened the door.
“What a blast from the past! Caroline!” He was obviously a little drunk. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to Wyatt. Is he here?”
“No... I’m pretty sure he and Emma are up to no good.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
My heart sank. But I hadn’t come all this way to give up at the first setback. And something about the smirk on Greg’s face made me suspect he was twisting the truth. “Fine, I’ll wait here.”
“Make yourself at home.” He waved me into the common area. Grandma Scott had switched up the furniture since the last time I’d been there. The white couch had been swapped out for a gray one. I sat on the edge of the cushion. I couldn’t relax with Greg hovering over me.
“You’re looking good, Caroline,” he said, plopping down in a nearby leather chair.
It was strange seeing him in person after more than a year.
He seemed diminished compared to my memories of him.
I marveled that I ever mistook him for his cousin.
Wyatt was so much taller and stronger and.
.. alive. That was it—Wyatt was just so much more curious about everything, while Greg was just miserable.
Constantly talking about how everybody and everything wasn’t good enough for him—how had I ever found him attractive?
How had I not noticed that nothing pleased him?
The way he treated me had nothing to do with me.
He didn’t cheat on me because I was not worthy of love, but because he was a miserable human.
I felt sorry for his poor fiancée. And especially sorry for the pitiful tears I had wasted on him in front of Wyatt. I was disgusted with myself.
“Thanks. I heard you’re recently engaged.” The words came out casually, as if I were talking about the weather, and that was how I felt. Greg could marry whomever he wanted.
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Where did you hear that?”
“Mo.”
“So it’s true? You really are slumming it with Knox?”
“If I were fortunate enough to be dating Wyatt,” I said, “I wouldn’t call it slumming. I’d consider myself the luckiest woman alive.”
The front door opened. Emma entered carrying a bottle of alcohol.
“The great heist was a triumph!” She whooped as she held up the bottle as if it were a trophy.
“We got old Samson’s Scotch!” Then she noticed me on the couch.
Greg’s face turned angry. Wyatt stood behind her, he saw me and all color drained from him face as if he’d seen a ghost.
I stood up. “Wyatt, can we talk?”