Chapter 21 #2
Greg, Emma, and I all watched him, waiting for an answer.
He looked stricken. And I felt terrible.
I had told myself that I drove up here for him, to tell him that I loved him.
But watching him staring at me like an animal caught in the headlights, it was clear that I was ambushing him.
I was thinking of my feelings and my impatience to have everything fixed right now.
Tick, tick, tick. The cuckoo clock that Mavis Scott bought in Bavaria ticked loudly.
A full minute passed before I picked up my purse, embarrassed and so ashamed.
“I should go.”
“I’ll walk with you,” Wyatt said softly.
We walked a few feet down the single-track dirt path that led to the main cabin. It was late enough that no one was out. Though a couple of lights glowed in the big house and in a few of the cabins we passed.
“Sorry,” I began. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
“What did you want to talk about?” Wyatt asked.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I came tonight, even after you told me that we’d talk things over after the reunion. I should have believed you. I should have been patient. I just hated the idea of losing you.”
We’d come to a place in the path with a break in the trees so that we could see the lake and the moonlight shimmering on the water. Wyatt stopped and turned to face me.
“Losing me? Or losing a boyfriend?”
“You,” I said.
Wyatt continued on as if he didn’t hear me. “Here’s the thing, Caroline, I think you want a boyfriend. And you’re desperate enough that you’re willing to settle for a ‘player’ like me.”
“No, it’s not that at all.”
“That’s how I see it. And I was so grateful that you were finally willing to date me that I didn’t care. But being up here... so many memories came back. Remember that first night when you kissed me?”
“Yes.” I cringed inwardly. The similarity of the two situations was not ideal.
“That moment changed me. Not the kiss, but what you said to me about loving me—well, Greg—and I knew you meant it. After that, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be loved the same way you loved him. For years now, I wanted you to say that to me—those three words—and know you meant it about me , not my stupid cousin. And finally here you are, and I’m certain the whole drive up you practiced a pretty speech to give me.
” He was right. I hadn’t yet settled on the exact words, but I had practiced what I might say.
“Please let me . . . ” I began.
“No.” Wyatt shook his head sadly. “Caroline, you don’t love me.
You don’t even know who I am. I am just a man with a heartbeat and a decent job.
And just a few days ago, I didn’t care that you were settling for me.
I thought it was enough just to be with you because I have loved you for so long.
But I realized the other night that no matter how hard I try, no matter how many suits I wear. I’m never going to be enough for you.”
“No, Wyatt! Please listen.”
“Stop before you make a fool of yourself,” he said. “I don’t believe you. You told me yourself you were desperate to date anyone. And I’m no longer okay with being the ‘anybody’ you’re desperate for.”
“I’ve been an idiot.” I started to cry, but he was unmoved by my tears.
“It’s so clear how wrong Greg was for me and you.
.. Wyatt... you make me laugh, and put up with my bad moods, and you see me .
And I’m sorry that it’s taken so long for me to see you—the real you.
Not Greg’s version. But I see you now. And I choose you over everyone.
” I hadn’t practiced this particular speech.
I thought it sounded pretty good. I certainly meant every word.
But Wyatt’s stony face told another story.
I wasn’t getting through to him. I was losing him.
“I love you, Wyatt. Everything about you, and you don’t have to wear a suit, and you could even grow back that stupid mullet, I’d still love you. ”
“Caroline,” his face softened as he said my name. For a moment, I thought I had reached him. “I want to believe you. But I don’t. I think you’re just scared of being alone.”
His words struck hard. For a moment, I couldn’t speak as the past years replayed in my head. I saw everything in a new light. I could see where he was coming from and why he felt the way he did. I felt truly sorry for all the times I had hurt him.
“You’re quiet because you know I’m right.”
“No, I’m not afraid of being alone. Not anymore. But you’re right—fear of being alone was why I stuck with Greg for too long. I thought I loved him. But I didn’t, not really. I was motivated by fear. I didn’t know the first thing about love until you came along.”
Wyatt closed his eyes as if praying for patience, then took out his phone. Was he texting Emma? I considered asking but held my tongue. Not trusting Wyatt was how I got into this mess in the first place.
“C’mon Caroline. I don’t want you driving home this late. I just checked with Grandma Mavis. She has a room for you.”
“Oh! Thank you.” And I meant it. Even hurt and angry Wyatt was still so thoughtful. I felt ashamed for ever doubting him and relieved that for once I had kept my smart mouth shut.
A light flipped on the porch. “Wyatt, Caroline?” Mrs. Scott stood at the kitchen door in her bathrobe, not a silver hair out of place.
“Good night, Caroline.” Wyatt gave me a feather-light kiss on the cheek. His lips barely brushing my skin meant the world to me. Maybe all was not lost.
I watched him walk back to the cabin in the dark.
I was desperate for Wyatt Knox. No one else would do for me.
But how to convince him? Driving up to confess my love at the family reunion had been a major misstep.
Unwittingly, I had recycled the same grand gesture I had used on Greg, giving the message, once again, that I saw them as interchangeable.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Wyatt was nothing like his cousin. And at some level, I had always known that.
That was why I had always felt safe being myself with him.
I had just wanted his reassurance the other night, not thinking how much it would wound him to hear me doubt his loyalty.
“Caroline, how nice to see you again,” Grandma Scott said with a genuine smile.
“Would you like some tea or cocoa?” she asked, her brown eyes brim with compassion. Dating two of her grandsons. What must this woman think of me? Probably no worse than I thought of myself.
I had to do something. Not to win Wyatt’s love back—I was confident I already had that. I wanted to do something to show him and myself how very committed I was to this relationship—something drastic and very specific that only Wyatt could appreciate.
I shook my head. “No, but I need your help. Do you have any scissors?”