34. Hollis
“ A re you sure that was smart?” Elias asks on our way back home.
No, not at all. “It was necessary,” I reply.
He snorts, but doesn’t bother saying anything else. We both know whatever argument he can come up with won’t change what happened, or what will come next.
The truth is, I didn’t plan any of that, certainly not the recording of me fucking Emilio—again. I wanted to reinforce my control, to show him that I meant it when I put him in his place before. I didn’t expect him to be so…perfect.
He’s defiant in a way my lovers aren’t. Even when Tennant and I are playing our games, there’s give on both our sides. With Emilio…he knows who he belongs to, and it isn’t me. It’s fun showing him that it doesn’t matter one bit when it’s just him and me.
Reining back in the need he’s awoken in me when we get the Bosses back is going to be…difficult. I’ll do it, because the last thing Cristian needs is to be at odds with Allesandro, but that doesn’t mean I won’t consider a…negotiation with the Martelli Boss first.
Especially since Tennant is hellbent on keeping Benjamin. There’s nothing to say the puppy and I can’t continue to have our fun…
Thankfully, the drive home is uneventful, though I’m sure I’ll hear more about it from Tennant later. He was…less than pleased when I told him of my plans. Though, he did agree that we couldn’t exactly trust many people right now, so taking the risk of being physically on site to initiate the first step in securing their network was something I had to do.
It also allowed me to patch Leandro in, so he could tailor his kill-switch to their specific network. The other protections would take more time, but that, at least, is done. A few tweaks once I finish getting everything in order, and then we can go back to doing other things, which includes building up our own protections, should the fucking police deem it necessary to come after us.
When I enter the house, I’m met by Carter. I expected someone to be waiting for me, but I’m mildly surprised it’s him.
“I had Tennant take Roman to bed,” he explains without preamble. “The boy will work himself to death if we’re not careful. He’s so determined to show everyone that he can do this, he’s blind to the fact he already has a handle on it.”
I incline my head. “His insecurities are running rampant. I’m afraid that nothing we say or do will change that; only bringing Cristian home will ease his mind and heart.”
“We all want that,” Carter says, his voice catching a little.
I study the mafia spouse. Noting how dark the circles under his eyes are, and his slumped posture—something he would never allow while standing by Cristian’s side, as he's always determined to make his husband look good.
I can see how Cristian’s absence has beaten him down, and my heart goes out to him. It wasn’t too long ago that Tennant was kidnapped. And while that was only for a few days, and I was confident that bastard Gerald Bradley wouldn’t kill him, it was still the worst time of my life. I can’t imagine how Carter feels right now, considering we don’t have a who , just a direction of where to look.
If this goes on for much longer, I'm calling H, Emilio's opinion be damned.
“How are you holding up?”
Carter gives me a bland smile. “Swimmingly, can't you tell?”
I roll my eyes at his sarcasm. “Tell me you're attempting to sleep, at least. I don't know how Roman, or Tennant, for that matter, will hold up if you're down because you didn't take care of yourself.”
Carter scrubs a hand over his face, his fingers lightly trailing over his scar, before he drops his hand. “Lots of tossing and turning, and staring up at the ceiling. I've paced the whole house a few times, and I'm sure I look pretty pathetic as I do so. I'm not sleeping in our room, I'm in a guest bedroom. If I'm not mistaken, it's the same one Cris used when my connection to Georgio was discovered. Bit of irony there, if you ask me.”
“I'm sure Doc can get you something, if you need help sleeping.”
He shakes his head. “What I need is my husband.”
“We'll get him back, Carter.”
He nods stiffly and then says, “What are you doing with the Martellis? You and Tennant both.”
“We are…dealing as best we can. Emilio needed something that nobody else could give him, so I helped. I didn't intend for it to become more.”
“But it has?”
I wish I could lie, but that isn't my style. “Yes. He…brings out a side of me I didn't realize was there. At least, not in the way it is around him. It's not just sex, but neither of us is in a position to discuss what it could be. I'm aware he belongs to Il Padrone.”
“And Tennant?”
“That is…more complicated. He’s attached to Benjamin. The boy delights him. It's a fun challenge, and…he could probably fall for Benjamin, if given the chance.” Not that I'll tell Ten that. Matters of the heart are something he has to come to accept himself, and that doesn't always look the way other people expect.
“What does Roman think of that?”
“He gave his blessing.”
“That's not what I asked.”
“We've discussed the possibility of what happens after. Everyone is aware of where Tennant stands. Being in a relationship like ours, our main goal is for everyone to be happy and content. If Benjamin is part of Tennant's happiness, who are we to begrudge him?”
Carter studies me for a long moment, his navy eyes boring into mine. “Don't break his heart, Hollis. That boy has so much love to give; don't abuse it.” The threat of what he'll do if we hurt his son goes unsaid, but I hear it anyway.
“We're being careful.” Relatively.
He nods and sighs. “I should head to bed for my few hours of restless sleep. Are you heading up?”
I shake my head. “I have too much work to do.”
He looks at me carefully. “Take care of yourself, too. That thing about not breaking Roman's heart? It applies to more than just fucking around with the Martellis.”
Carter heads upstairs, while I continue on to my office, mulling over our conversation.
I understand his concerns, but I can't be there for Roman in any capacity if the threat of us, or his friend, being arrested hangs over our heads. Or if his father never returns. That, more than anything, will break the boy.
For the first time in a long time, the office is my own. I've gotten so used to Leandro and Boston's presence, that sinking into work takes a moment. After sending messages to both Joel and Soren about Emilio and his doctor’s plans to set up a meeting with Doc, I settle into work, letting the rest of the world fade away.
W hen my chair is pulled away from the desk, my first instinct is to reach for my knife, but the sudden weight of a familiar body has me relaxing again.
“Okay?” I ask Roman, grabbing the hair at the back of his head as he buries his face in my neck.
“Couldn't sleep. Didn't want to disturb anyone else.” Though we both know Tennant knew the moment he got out of bed—he just chose not to chase after him.
Roman koalas himself to my front, and I slide back up to the desk.
“It's been awhile since you've done this,” I comment as I let him go and get back to work.
“Haven't needed it.” His voice is so full of melancholy, I pause my work and look down at the top of his head.
“Are you sure you're okay with what we're doing with the Martellis?”
He shudders and takes a shaky breath, but nods. “Yeah, I am. Did I expect you to feel something for my friend? No. But, much as I won't tell Tennant not to pursue Benjamin, I won't tell you to stop with Lio.”
“You could, if you wanted to. You know that, right, Amore?”
He pulls back to look at me. His green eyes are full of a love I probably don't deserve, but will never let go of. “No. It's not… I'm not jealous or anything. Things are just…upside down right now, that's all.”
“I know. I'm sorry I can't make this better for you. If I could, I'd take away all your pain. That's how much you mean to me. Ti amo. You, Jude, and Ten are my life. If that means we have to close our relationship, and never touch someone else again, so be it. I've killed for less than whatever we're currently doing, and I won't hesitate to do it again.”
He scowls. “You can't kill the Martellis.”
“Are you sure?” I raise a brow.
“Yes. I promise, it's not that. Dad is gone, I'm in charge, and while the Family hasn't burned to the ground—yet—there's still time. I just… I feel inadequate. Adrift. I don't even know.”
Cupping his face with both hands, I press our mouths together, kissing him slow and deep. “You are everything I've always wanted, and then some. Because you're smart, snarky, and love with your whole being. You're doing amazing because you were born for this; never doubt your ability to lead, because I, and our lovers, will follow you anywhere.
“And…” I give him a wry grin. “You can pick out your own Martelli, if you want.”
He laughs. “How generous of you.”
“I am. We're already in deep with them, might as well go all the way.”
He snorts. “Thank you. I love you.”
I kiss him again. “Love you, too. Never doubt that.”
“I don't.” He lays back against me and I hug him tightly.
When his body relaxes, I get back to work, some of my own tension easing as we soak up this small piece of normalcy in the eye of the storm.