Chapter 33
Rule thirty-three: Do not, under any circumstance, talk about your feelings.
T his might be the worst hangover I’ve ever experienced. My head throbs as I try to pry my eyes open. The room around me is slow to come into focus, the light worsening my headache.
I’m never drinking again.
It takes another few minutes of hangover misery to realize I’m not in my own bed. I freeze, confused, until I notice I’m surrounded by the comforting woodsmoke scent I’ve become so attuned to.
Oh fuck.
This is Sin’s room.
Scrambling up, I ignore how the movement makes me queasy. I’m still in my jammies, which is probably a good sign. The room is empty, and there’s a glass of water on the small table beside the bed .
Okay, Sin isn’t here. A part of me relaxes with that realization, and I drink the water without hesitation. The night’s events play through my mind until finally, I remember trying to sneak into Sin’s room.
My cheeks flush, realizing how stupid I was to come in here.
Luckily for me, this is the shortest walk of shame in the history of time. It takes me all of five seconds to dart out of Sin’s room and take shelter in my own. After a long, hot shower, I finally feel at least ten percent human, and head out in search of the others.
While I can certainly see the perks of hiding away in my room until I’m ready to deal with yesterday, I’d rather have a cup of coffee while I overthink things. Besides, I might be the one who snuck into Sin’s room, but he’s the one who kept me there. So, he can be the one who feels embarrassed today.
Personally, my mental and emotional processing plates are full. As my partner, it seems only fitting that he shares the load.
To my surprise, the dining room is empty, except for a basket of muffins and a pitcher of coffee.
Well, that’s a first.
After making myself a cup of coffee and stealing a blueberry muffin, I go in search of the others. The sound of cussing doesn’t leave me looking for long, and I find them close by in the sitting room. There’s no sign of Sin, but Morgana is sitting at her desk, reading a journal, Damien and Rosie are arm wrestling, and Magnus is patching up a wound on Arianna’s shoulder .
I nearly choke on my muffin when I realize it’s a stab wound. “Ari, what the hell happened to you?” I ask, taking a seat across from them.
Arianna gives me a sheepish grin. “Morgana’s dagger found me before I could steal it.”
I frown, confused.
Morgana glances over at us, looking annoyed as she clarifies, “Sneak into my room again, and I’ll take something more permanent, like a finger or two.”
I gape at her. “You stabbed her?”
Morgana shrugs. “Stay out of my room.”
Arianna doesn’t look remotely upset. “Don’t worry, I heal fast.”
Magnus tuts, “Not if you don’t stop moving, pest.”
Arianna grins. “But Magnus, it tickles when you use the needle.”
I shake my head at her. Arianna’s sense of humor is morbid. I both love it and am terrified for her. Mostly love, though.
It’s important to support friends like that.
“So, we both lost then?” I ask, feeling a bit better about the fact.
Rosie looks up from where she is surprisingly holding her own against Damien and gives me a knowing look. “Oh, for sure. But I wonder where you ended up sleeping last night. Seeing as you didn’t make it back to us.”
My cheeks heat. “I just passed out. That’s all.”
Arianna cackles, causing Magnus to miss where his needle was piercing. She hisses, darkness leaking from her hands, “Do that again, Magnus. ”
Magnus grits his teeth. “I helped raise you from practically a child. Don’t be vulgar.”
Arianna blows him a kiss. “I know, it’s hilarious to watch you get grossed out.”
The annoyed expression on Magnus’ face is something I will cherish forever. The shifter is almost always a picture of cool, calm confidence, and I had no idea Arianna had such a gift for breaking through it.
Truly, the girl is going places.
Hopefully, not back to a prison, but other places, in general.
Their antics are interrupted when Sin apparates in the doorway. He glances my way, giving me a once over as if to assure himself I’m okay, before heading over to Morgana, ignoring the rest of us. At this point, I’ve become used to his silent streaks. Sin chooses the weirdest moments to get chatty.
However, it’s clear that Arianna is having none of Sin’s brooding, and she calls out to him, interrupting the start of his whispered conversation with Morgana, “Good morning, sunshine!”
Sin quirks a brow at her, nodding in response.
Arianna is a shit-disturber. “Where did you go off to this morning after leaving Vivian in your room, I wonder.”
I start choking on my coffee. This is becoming a bad habit of mine.
Sin crosses his arms, leaning against the table. “I had business to attend to in the Mortal Realm.”
That gets my full attention, and I turn to him. “What were you doing in my realm? ”
The timing is far too close to his asking about who gave me my scars. And no matter how hard I try to remember, I can’t remember if I told him who was responsible.
Sin shrugs, indifferent. “Nothing you need to worry about.”
I want to argue, but Morgana addresses the room again, “Now that you’re all here, we need to discuss our next moves. Like I said last night, war is coming, and we must be prepared.”
My pulse picks up at her words. I still think war is terrifying, but I refuse to let the Council continue to manipulate and hurt people. I want to help.
Morgana continues, and the rest of us stay deathly quiet. When our leader speaks, we listen. I briefly wonder if the others are as intimidated by her as I am. “Our allies will decide whether to join us in the coming days. Once their answers start to arrive, we’ll have a good idea of where we stand, army-wise. In the meanwhile, we can’t stay idle,” she says before turning to Damien. “After the attempt on Vivian’s life last night, it’s unclear as to whether any of our allies have notified the Council of our plans. The last we heard, they want Vivian alive, so this may have been an outside job. Find out what they know.”
“I’m not scheduled to get back into rotation for a while yet, but I’ll frequent the barracks and taverns to see what kind of rumors have been going around,” he answers, and once again, I’m struck by the loss of his goofy, easygoing personality. This Damien looks… hardened .
Morgana looks to Rosie next. “Rosie, I need you to listen to the Council through their plants again, as much as possible. I know time in the Otherworld is dangerous for you, so I’m sending you with Arianna. Keep each other safe.”
Rosie and Arianna both nod solemnly, all trace of humor gone.
Morgana turns to Magnus, but he stands before she has a chance to address him. “I know, I know, boss, back to the black market. I’ll be taking some potions from the warehouse. I’ll need the goods to bring in more loose-lipped customers.”
He leaves the room, and Morgana turns to me. “I will be visiting our allies, pushing them for an answer. Vivian, we need to know more about your other powers. The energy storm you caused when you arrived here – if you can learn to control it, will make you a valuable asset in the war. Sin will adjust your training so you can focus on energy-wielding. If anything, we’ll hopefully be able to figure out what you are.”
Sin nods in agreement, and I do the same, trying to avoid the pit of anxiety in my stomach at the thought of using that energy.
Everyone but Sin leaves the room, looking determined. No one says goodbye, and my stomach twists further. But rather than letting myself worry about the what-ifs, I push that thought down and focus on the very real problem staring at me from across the room. Sin and I are about to be alone together, at least for the next few days. The thought has me gulping, and I consciously remind my body that any more intimacy with Sin is a very bad idea.
But from the way he’s watching me, I think Sin has also just realized we’re about to be alone. His eyes darken as he stalks over from Morgana’s desk. No matter how hard I mentally kick myself, I can’t look away.
“How are you feeling?” he asks. His voice is gruff, but there’s a gentle edge there that I’m not accustomed to from him.
“I’m fine,” I lie. Because a lie is easier than blurting out the truth. Sin’s admission that he wants me to scream I’m his has only made me more confused. Does he just want sex? Or does he want more? Not to mention, I’m still worried about what he did in my realm this morning, I’m freaked out about using a power that doesn’t look particularly safe, and, finally, I’m out of coffee.
None of those things are fine.
Sin raises an eyebrow but doesn’t call me on my fib as he sits across from me. “About yesterday…” he starts.
I’m quick to cut him off, already blushing down to my toes, “It’s fine, really. We don’t have to talk about it. I know this is just physical and that you bit my neck to warn away Magnus and Damien.”
The words taste sour, but I’m proud I managed to get them out. Sure, I’ve never had to go through the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ chat before, but I think I’ve watched enough Netflix to know where this is going.
At my answer, Sin sighs, standing.
My pulse picks up .
Is he going to ditch training today? Should I have stressed that we can still be friends? Oh crap, I’ve blown it. I totally forgot to say that.
But my anxiety spiral is cut short when Sin picks me up off the couch before sitting back down and settling me on his lap. Yelping, I start trying to climb off him, but he holds me still before growling out, “Keep rubbing your ass against my cock, and things are going to get very physical, very fast.” His words come out strained, and I go still immediately.
Sin tucks me against him, and I relent, melting against him, but not without grumbling, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I need to not be having this conversation. Not when we’re about to be alone together. I can’t see a path forward that doesn’t end badly for me. Either he admits it’s just physical, I get attached and then hurt, or he explains he wants more, only to realize I’m not worth it.
That’s a strong ‘no thank you’ from me. My heart hurts less if I don’t know.
Sin’s sigh is blistering, but he grumbles back, “Fine. For now,” before releasing me.
I pull away, and Sin eyes me like he’s trying to peer inside my soul again. His gaze has me standing and retreating towards the door.
What happened to the man who kidnapped me and was afraid of emotions? Those are quickly looking like the good ‘ol days.
“Thank you. I think it’s good that we focus on what’s most important right now to avoid getting distracted.” The words come out strained, but I force them out anyway.
“Important?” Sin echoes, his eye twitching. His face hardens to a look so determined I almost shudder. But he doesn’t push the issue. “I’ll see you in twenty minutes in the courtyard. Get dressed to fight.”
I nod and leave the room without throwing him any sass. It feels weird, and I already hate the new dynamic. Still, war is coming. That’s a lot more important than my attraction to Sin. Because that’s all this is. Attraction.
I refuse to let it be more.