CHAPTER 4
There are a few things in this world that I hate and one of them is hearing my road name come from my woman’s lips. Sure, she hasn’t admitted that she’s mine, but we both know the truth. Fucking hell, everyone in our lives know the truth.
Now that her recovery is almost over, I have no reason to hold back. It was fucking torture already and it felt like I was swinging at the end of my rope of control.
She has no idea all the things I would do for her.
Bringing her lunch is barely even a hint of everything I would do for my woman. Everything in me is desperate to take care of her.
Yeah, I’ve been by her side while she’s been recovering, but that was different. She wasn’t herself and I never wanted her to feel like I was taking advantage of her and the situation. It was a struggle, but I tried to keep it more on the side of clinical between us.
Not that I didn’t jack off to memories of my woman and the night we spent together. I’m a fucking man, after all.
Being so close to her now, her light floral scent surrounds me. I take a deep breath, my eyes locked on her face as she snaps her mouth closed. The way her eyes search my face, makes me wonder what she’s looking for and what she sees.
I’ve never made it a secret how I feel about her or what I want from her, though I’ve made sure not to put too much pressure on her during the months of her recovery. Now she has to see the way the intensity of my stare has increased. Right?
“Crosby,” she whispers, the sound so soft that I wouldn’t hear her if all my focus isn’t already on her.
“That’s right, Sioux,” I coax her, “say it louder.”
Something about those words snap her out of the dreamy state she’s in and she rears back slightly. She doesn’t just pull back from me physically; I can feel the emotional distance she tries to put between us.
“Crosby,” her voice has a prim and proper quality to it that has a smile tipping the edges of my lips. “I appreciate you making the trip. I was not looking forward to my fruit and yogurt.”
Even though her words are overly formal, there’s a small, sheepish smile on her lips as she admits the last part. Yeah, I know she wasn’t. How did I know? I have no fucking idea, but I have no issue chalking it up to the connection I have with my woman.
I give her a sharp nod, knowing how much it cost her to say the words and recognize that I’ve gone above and beyond for her. She hates feeling like a burden. I get it, but the last thing Sioux could ever be is a burden to me.
She’s not an obligation.
I sure as fuck haven’t been helping her through recovery because of guilt.
It’s been partially self-serving. Because I need her close to me and need to know if she’s doing okay. Yeah, I want to be there for her, but it’s for me as well.
I don’t think I could have survived her months of recovery if I hadn’t bulldozed my way into her life and refused to give her a choice when it came to coming back to my place. I had good reasons for it, especially in the beginning, but I can’t say it was entirely for her.
“I think this will hit the spot then for you,” my words are a sensual drawl and I watch as her pupils dilate and her body sways toward me slightly.
She can try and deny it all she wants, but the way her body reacts to me can’t be faked.
I know I’ve got her right where I want her when she glances away from me and squeaks, “I’m sure it will.”
While it’s probably true that I should walk away from her without giving into the need to touch her or show her affection, I’m not that strong. The kiss I put on her forehead is brief and it’s not nearly enough, but it’ll do.
For now.
As I stand slowly, her eyes take on a dreamy quality. As if I don’t know what gets under my woman’s skin.
“I know you don’t get nearly enough time to eat, Firefly.” As difficult as it is, I force myself to take a step back. “I’ll see you at home tonight.”
“Right,” she breathes out before clearing her throat and shaking her head like that’ll clear away the way she feels about me. It won’t. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Everything in me is screaming to kiss her, but I force myself to walk toward her door instead. Even though I want to steal more time with my woman today, I know now is not the time. The way she respects her job and the way it fulfills her is something I love about her. I could never do her job, but someone needs to.
Seeing how much she’s put into being a teacher is inspiring as fuck. I’ve watched her spend her own money on getting her room set up and on supplies she’s needed throughout the year. Have I made sure that she gets double of anything she’s bought? You’re damn right I do, but until she buys it, I have no idea what she needs and there is no way she would ever ask for my help outright.
She’s independent, which is something I admire about her. But I wouldn’t mind it if she would come to me for help more often. That’s alright, one day she might just surprise me.
“Crosby,” her sweet voice calls out just as I’m about to step out of her room. I look back at her over my shoulder, knowing I’m on the edge of walking back in and claiming my woman the way I’ve been wanting to. The sweet, soft smile on her face is almost my undoing. “Thank you. Really.”
“I’ll always take care of you, Sioux,” I remind her before I smirk and add on, “even when you don’t want me to.”
The way she rolls her eyes has me chuckling and shaking my head as I walk into the hallway. She’s full of sass and it’s something I’ve had the pleasure of watching come back to her as she’s recovered.
The way she emotionally curled in on herself after being shot scared the hell out of me. It was a huge fucking relief when she started coming out of her shell. The better she felt, the more she got back to her fiery self.
Before I walk out of the high school, I stop back into the main office where Mrs. Bisby gives me a beaming smile. This woman has helped me in so many ways over the last few months. She might be pushing 70, but that doesn’t mean she’s not the epitome of stealth and secrecy.
The first time I met her was the day Sioux started back at work. I had tried to tell my woman that it was too soon for her, and she needed to take a little bit more time off. She wasn’t having any of that shit. I knew she was going stir crazy at home and was frustrated that she wasn’t back to life as normal. It wasn’t that I couldn’t sympathize, but I was petrified something would happen and she would get injured again or she’d push herself too hard.
Since I wasn’t getting anywhere with Sioux and she was insisting on going back to work, I knew I needed someone on the inside to keep their eyes and ears open. I wasn’t sure who I would recruit for the job or how to go about it. Until I walked into the front office and was greeted by Mrs. Bisby.
Normally, people are wary of me when they meet me. And rightfully so. I’m not a small man and I’ve honed my ‘don’t fuck with me vibe’ over the years as a member of the club and then as an enforcer. I come by the violence wafting off me honestly. If someone wants to judge me, they can go right ahead. I don’t give a shit; it’s not like I was usually interested in having them in my life anyway.
Mrs. Brisby, for being a slight woman and more than half my size, practically knocked me on my ass. She smiled brightly at me and there wasn’t a hint of judgement in her eyes as she greeted me. “Good morning,” her voice was welcoming and warm. “How can I help you?”
I leaned against the tall counter in front of her desk and hunched my shoulders, hoping I wouldn’t intimidate the woman I was hoping to recruit for help. “Good morning,” my voice sounded rough and didn’t hold any of the charm and sweetness I was hoping for. “I was hoping you could help me with something very important.”
She seemed to sit up a little straighter with my words as she focused on me. “As long as it’s not illegal, I can see what I can do,” there’s was a teasing lilt in her voice that had me chuckling.
It was easy to imagine Mrs. Bisby as a younger woman and that ember of sass reminded me of my firefly. There was no doubt in my mind she was the right person to be my eyes and ears on the inside.
“It’s not illegal,” I assured her and shrugged one shoulder, “but if my woman finds out what I’m up to then she’ll be pissed at me.”
“Ohh,” she held out the word with a knowing glint in her eye before prompting me, “well, don’t leave me in suspense.”
That had me throwing my head back and laughing; the glitter of mischief in her eyes only making the situation more amusing. “You know Sioux Crandal?”
Mrs. Bisby’s smile turned down into a frown and her face creased with concern. “Of course. I’ve been praying for her.” She shook her head and I swear I saw tears forming in her eyes. “I was so worried about her when I heard what happened.”
Thinking about that day had my throat closing up and it was difficult to swallow past the lump in my throat. Almost losing her was almost too much for me. Even though I watched the man who shot her die, he didn’t experience nearly enough pain to quell the vengeful fire inside of me.
As she studied my reaction to her words, Mrs. Bisby’s face smoothed out into something serene before she reached over and patted my hand. “I’m glad she has someone who cares about her as much as you clearly do.” Her words soothed something inside of me, something feral that wanted to break free and rain havoc down on the remainder of the Riding Rebels. Not nearly enough blood had been shed for my liking over the entire situation. “Now, how can I help you with Ms. Crandal?”
Even though I hated the fact that Sioux didn’t have my last name yet, I knew playing the long game was the only way and I let that go. “Sioux is a strong, independent woman who is determined to come back to work, but I think it’s too soon. I just want her to be safe and to make sure she doesn’t push herself too hard. Would you mind keeping an eye on her for me?”
“Of course,” the older woman agreed without hesitation. As I slid my card from Devil’s Construction over the counter, she held my gaze which reassured me even more than her ready agreement.
“My cell phone number is written on the back. Please give me a call if she’s pushing herself too much or if she needs anything.” I sighed, the weight of the fear for my woman settling on my shoulders. While it wasn’t a burden, not by a fucking long shot, it was heavy. “She won’t ask for help, and I can’t be at her side while she’s teaching.”
Mrs. Brisby giggled, fucking giggled, before covering her mouth. “I think you would be quite the distraction,” she glanced down at the card before looking up at me with one arched eyebrow, “Apostle.”
“I appreciate your help, Mrs. Brisby,” I read her name off the placard on the reception desk. “If you could keep this between us, I would be forever grateful.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to bring her anger down on you when you’re just trying to be the man she needs,” she assured me while waving her hand dismissively as if the thought of letting Sioux in our arrangement never crossed her mind. The smile she gave me was reassurance wrapped up in care and understanding. “I’m sure everything will be fine, but I’ll keep an eye on Sioux and call you if I need to.”
I believed her promise which took a tiny bit of weight off my shoulders. I stood tall, knowing that at least my woman had someone at her back while she was at work. I gave Mrs. Brisby a chin lift in thanks and then left the office.
Over the last few months, she’s called me a few times to let me know that she was worried about Sioux and how hard she was pushing herself. It wasn’t difficult for me to come up with a reason to go and visit her at school. Today’s food wasn’t the first I’ve taken her over the last few months.
And she always seems surprised when I show up with something for her.
There were times I didn’t even hide my need to see her, to check on her, behind the ruse of food. I would just pop in and tell her flat out I needed to check on her and make sure she was doing okay. If she looked too frazzled or tired, I would tell her that she had to sit down and relax, if only for a few minutes.
When she wouldn’t try and fight me on it, I knew she was really feeling a strain. It was difficult not to take her over my knee in those moments as a reminder that she needed to take better care of herself. But I knew she wasn’t ready for me to do that.
Now that her recovery is almost over and she’s pretty much back to her old self, I just need a sign from her. I’ve been giving myself blue balls and gotten really fucking well acquainted with my hand over the last few months while replaying the night we spent together.
No other woman will do other than my firefly and I’m more than willing to wait for her to be ready for me.
“Thanks for letting me in, Mrs. Bisby,” I tell her, a warmth in my voice that not many people get to hear, but this woman has been a fucking angel since the moment I met her. I don’t think I could ever put into words how grateful I am to her.
There’s a sparkle in her eye and a teasing in her voice as she asks, “I take it Ms. Crandall liked her lunch?”
“I don’t know how my woman thinks she’ll survive on fruit and yogurt alone.” I shake my head in disbelief knowing that would never be enough to sustain me while I’m on a job site…or any other day really.
“Well, women are funny creatures,” Mrs. Bisby has a sing-song quality to her voice, and I can only nod solemnly.
Don’t I fucking know how true that is. I’ve been at Sioux’s side for months and yet she refuses to admit that we’re anything more than friends, and that’s being generous with how she would categorize us. I think she’d rather look at me as an annoying roommate or even a nurse. I’ve allowed it, but my control on taking what I want and what we both need is wearing thin.
“She’s almost done with physical therapy and will be considered recovered by her doctor after her next visit,” I keep my voice low, not wanting to spread all of Sioux’s business while needing this sweet woman, who has had my back, to know what is going on.
Mrs. Bisby looks conflicted, her words measured, “That’s good. She’s been working hard for months.”
“She has,” I agree.
She leans forward, her voice taking on a conspiratorial quality she’s perfected during our clandestine little meetings in the front office, “Does this mean you won’t be coming by as often?”
“And miss out on seeing you and my woman?” I scowl slightly, my voice firm, “Never.”
“Phew,” she collapses back into her chair slightly, “good. You had me worried there for a moment.”
“I wouldn’t do you dirty like that,” I tease her, and she giggles in response. I nod toward her partially eaten lunch, the one I brought her to sweeten the pot considering I knew she was going to let me walk down to my woman’s classroom. “I’ll get out of the way here. Enjoy the rest of your lunch.”
Her eyes go soft as she looks at me and there’s so much warmth there it makes my heart squeeze. I might have left my hometown almost the moment I turned 18 because the small town I grew up in wasn’t nearly big enough for me, but that doesn’t mean my family wasn’t important to me. I needed to get out of the town, but leaving my family behind wasn’t easy.
My mom was the best and she never made me feel bad about my need to get out of Magnolia Point. She supported me, no matter what I did. Dad was an amazing man, who gave me a deep love of music, but when I left it was harder on him.
He had this big dream of me taking over the family business—a record store. But that was never what I wanted to do with my life.
Dad didn’t lay the guilt on me, and it didn’t take him long to get over his feelings of rejection and abandonment. At the end of the day, he just wanted me to be happy.
Leaving behind my little sister was difficult, but she’s five years younger than me and we were in different stages of our lives. The fact that our relationship, especially now that our parents have died, hasn’t bounced back is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
Still, I don’t think I would do things any differently knowing what I do now. I needed to leave.
I shake off the memories of growing up and my mom as I knock on Mrs. Bisby’s desk and then walk out of the high school without looking back. I need to get moving, not that I’ll ever feel bad about taking the time out of my day to take care of Sioux. If anyone has a problem with it, they can take it up with me.
I’ll set them fucking straight really quick.
Normally, I would head out to a job site since it’s the middle of the day, and I like being hands on at Devil’s Construction. I run the business for the club alongside my brother Hammer, but being out on sites and doing the work has always been the best part of the job. Being in charge of the crews and the foremen underneath me is nice and all, but getting my hands dirty is even better.
Today, my position as enforcer has me heading to the clubhouse. There’s something going on and my Prez has called a meeting before we meet up for Church.
A knot twists tighter in my gut. If this has anything to do with those asshole Riding Rebels, they don’t even know what is coming for them.
No matter what the issue is, I’ll make fucking sure Sioux is protected. I never want to see my woman bleeding out on the fucking ground again.
Never fucking again.