Chapter 38
you’ve always been mine
MIA
September
I wake to a heavy weight draped over my body. Dominic. I fell asleep in his arms, and this morning, nothing has changed. His head is still tucked against my nape, his hot breath steady against my neck. For a moment, I let myself enjoy how his strong, muscular body blankets mine.
When he holds me like this, it’s easy to forget everything that went wrong between us. All the pain. All the tears. All the stupid decisions.
But the moment I walk out of the room, this illusion will disappear. Unless we sit down and have a real conversation, clear the air, I don’t think anything can be fixed.
Even mind-blowing orgasms won’t change how badly he hurt me.
Carefully, I slip out of bed. He stirs, turning onto his back, but he doesn’t wake up. I grab fresh clothes from my suitcase and slip into the bathroom.
I don’t wait for the water to heat up before stepping in. At first, I gasp when the cool spray hits me, but soon, the water is scalding. I leave it that way, as if the heat will wash away the weight of what I did last night.
This doesn’t mean anything, I told him, trying to convince myself by voicing it. He didn’t argue, but I think he knew I was lying to both of us.
It means everything.
I wash my hair, wincing when I discover how tangled it is.
Slowly, I work out each knot, and when I’ve gotten rid of them all, my head feels lighter.
It’s a weird analogy, but that’s how it feels to be with Dom: pain when we’re not together, lightness when we are.
I’ve never been happier than I was when I was with him.
It didn’t matter how healthy my last relationship was; I craved his darkness, his dominance, his unapologetic possessiveness.
He told me he’d ruin me for all other men, and he delivered on that promise. It’s been four years and seven months since our breakup, and I still can’t deny how much I love him.
How much I wish it was the same for him too.
Steam curls around me as I step out of the shower.
My skin is hot and blotchy, yet I shiver as I wrap the towel around me.
The temperature outside the shower is much cooler, making me pause.
That’s when I realize the door is open, and he’s here.
His shoulder propped against the doorframe, Dom watches me.
His hair is a mess, his gaze penetrating, as if he sees right through me.
I wipe condensation from the mirror and clear my throat, doing my best to ignore the hammering of my heart. “You could’ve knocked.”
A lazy smile pulls at his lips as he saunters up to me and stops just inches from my back. “I didn’t want to interrupt.” He lifts his hand, fingers ghosting over my skin. “Though maybe I should’ve. You look like you showered under boiling water.”
“Not quite, but close.”
He brushes my wet hair away from my shoulder and kisses it gently. “Why? Wanted to wash away your sins?”
I arch an eyebrow. “Maybe I wanted to get rid of your scent.”
Gaze darkening, he presses his chest against my back, caging me between his body and the sink. He cuffs my throat, his eyes locked on mine in the mirror. When he lowers his head to my ear, a zing of excitement rushes through me.
“You can wash away my scent, brush your teeth to get rid of the taste of my cum in your mouth, but you’ll never get rid of me.
” He presses his lips to my temple. “Because I’m here.
” His other hand slides down my arm, stopping at my wrist. “And here, injected deep into your veins.” He slides his fingers over my waist and down my hip.
“You’re mine, Mia. You’ve always been mine. ”
He takes a step back and walks out of the bathroom, finally giving me the privacy I so desperately wanted.
Fuck. I think I need another shower.
Sunlight filters through the trees as we hike up the trail. The air is crisp, the scent of pine thick around us. I inhale, filling my lungs with it, the fresh air cleansing my soul.
Tall evergreens stretch toward the sky, their branches swaying lazily in the soft breeze. Every step is a mix of crunching pine needles and loose gravel shifting beneath my sneakers. I’ve stopped to fix my ponytail, my attention trained on the lake below us, when he steps up behind me.
“Keeping up okay, city girl?”
I glance at Dominic and shake my head. “You act like I didn’t do this when we were kids, or like Italy is some concrete jungle with no greenery or trees.”
That easy-but-devilish, sexy smile spreads across his lips, and I can’t look away. I assess him, my center throbbing. He’s dressed in a black hoodie, black sweatpants, and white sneakers. But the cherry on top? His backwards cap.
“You’re staring.”
“How can I not when the trail is this beautiful? I was looking at the trees; you’re just in the way.”
He chuckles. “In that case, shall we?” He holds out an arm. “I don’t want to interrupt your bonding time with Mother Nature.”
“That’s very generous of you.”
He stays true to his word, quietly walking beside me. Matt, Luna, Liam—who arrived this morning—Chiara, and Miles are all walking ahead of us. Their laughter and snippets of conversation reach us here and there, but mostly, it feels as if Dom and I are in our own little world.
This would be the perfect time to start the conversation we need to have. So, before I can change my mind, I blurt, “What really happened that night? At your place. With Remi.”
He turns his cap around, scanning the trail before he meets my gaze. “You saw what I wanted you to see.”
I figured that out a month or so after our breakup, when I realized they weren’t together like he claimed. But still, I ask, “What do you mean?”
“I asked her to help me. Brought her to my place, let her kiss my neck. You planned to come over that night, so I knew you’d see it.”
I let out a forcible breath and cock my head to the side, my body temperature rising. “Why? Because the bullshit you fed me the next day was exactly that—bullshit.”
He works his jaw from side to side, peering up at the sky.
“Because,” he finally says, fiddling with the bill of his cap, “I thought you deserved better than me. You were working yourself into the ground, yet you always found time for me. And not just that—you spent what little free time you had creating designs for me. Then, there was Monica. Yeah, she always treated you badly, but it got so much worse after we got together. And every day, you looked more exhausted. You were losing weight and running on fumes. No matter what I said, you just kept going.”
As he chews on the inside of his cheek, I wait. My stomach is in knots. Anger and pain swim inside my chest.
“I told myself I wasn’t good enough for you, that I’d ruin your life, just like I ruined my dreams and Miles’ future.
That I didn’t deserve you. Yet, I was too selfish to actually do something about it.
” He kicks at a rock on the path. “Until Monica told me you were failing your classes. That’s what finally did it for me, and I figured if I didn’t break up with you right away, I’d let my selfishness take over again.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I’d have to make you hate me to actually get you to leave.
I figured once you did, you could have the life you deserve.
I could watch you from afar, cheer you on, admire what you became when I was no longer holding you back. ”
Vision blurring, I press my hand over my chest, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.
Mom was behind this?
“Mia? Dom?” Matt’s voice sounds so far away, muffled by the white noise in my ears. “You coming?”
I inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth, repeating the simple exercise, hoping it might dampen the nausea in my stomach. It doesn’t, but at least I can see clearly now. I look over Dominic’s shoulder and see Matt and Luna watching us ahead.
I skirt him and hurry down the path, desperate to escape him before I do something stupid.
My brother and Luna turn and keep walking, peering over their shoulders questioningly but giving us space.
“Mia, wait.” Dominic catches up to me with ease. “I know what—”
“You know nothing,” I snap, whipping around to face him.
“It was hard for me, sure, but that was my choice. I needed my mom to see she couldn’t control me.
Yes, the balancing act was exhausting, and it was affecting my grades, but my time with you was what made it all worth it.
I was happy. I was in love. I felt like I could do anything when you were around. ”
He drags a hand over his mouth, his eyebrows drawn together.
“That day, I spent hours studying. I emailed professors and made plans to redo assignments. I busted my ass on the projects I’d already started.
I wasn’t going to let myself fail. You weren’t an obstacle along the path to a happy and successful life; you were the fucking destination. And you ruined it.”
“I did it for you,” he grits out, a vein pulsing in his neck.
“Keep telling yourself that.” I shake my head. Anger seeps from my pores, outweighing all the longing I have for him. “Because from where I’m standing, you did it for yourself. You did it to assuage your guilt. You decided what was best for me, like I was incapable of making my own choices.”
I poke a finger into his chest, for once not distracted by the muscles there.
“You acted like a coward, breaking my heart cruelly so I’d hate you.
” With a step back, I lift my chin. “And not only did I pass all my classes, I finished the semester with grades I was proud of, despite being heartbroken and working almost as many hours as I did when I was with you. So you destroyed me—destroyed us—for nothing.”
My eyes burn with tears while he just stands there, staring at me with an unreadable expression on his face.
Well, I guess we’re done talking.
Fuck him.
Turning, I stride toward the clearing where our friends all hover, probably listening to our conversation. Let them. They can think whatever they want. I honestly don’t care anymore.
All I want is for him to leave me alone.
For the rest of the hike, I stick close to Chiara. Thankfully, she and Miles and Liam distract me. Their silly jokes and lighthearted conversations allow me to power down the part of my brain that only ever thinks about Dominic.
Ignoring his presence is hard, but he keeps his distance. When we return to the house and gather around the fire pit, he watches me but doesn’t try to engage, doesn’t try to touch me. Thank God.
It’s long past two a.m. when the group disperses. I’m not ready for bed. I’m not ready to be in that room with him, so I stay where I am.
But so does Dominic. By the end of the night, he turned into my silent shadow, following me around, sticking to my side while keeping his hands to himself.
When it’s just the two of us left, I stretch in my seat, yawning, and figure I better clean up the mess we made before I go to bed.
I stand, and he does too. I pick up plates, and he snatches two empty glasses from the table.
We silently clean up the backyard then move to the kitchen. He washes the dishes; I dry them off and put them in the cupboard. Every time our fingers brush, a jolt of electricity runs through my veins. I do my best to ignore it, but the tension only grows thicker between us.
When we’re done, the house is quiet and dark. I flip off the kitchen light, and we use the flashlight on Dominic’s phone to navigate through the house.
As I approach the stairway, a low moan stops me in my tracks. Heart skipping, I tilt to one side to peep into the living room. What I find makes my breath hitch.
With the moonlight coming through the big windows, the couch and the people on it are visible. Chiara is topless, wearing only a bra, and she’s straddling Miles, riding him slowly, moaning with each dip of her hips. He caresses her hips, her waist, her tits.
I should leave. I shouldn’t be here.
But my feet are glued to the spot.
I watch, my heart rate picking up. The way she moves on top of him, the way her tits move… My clit throbs, and I squeeze my legs together. Fuck.
I’m so caught up in the scene, I startle when Dominic shifts beside me. I look at him, and my stomach floods with heat. His eyes are fixed on me, watching my reaction.
He angles in, his lips brushing the shell of my ear, and whispers, “You like to watch?”
A shiver runs down my spine, but before I have a chance to reply, Chiara’s loud moan breaks the spell. I jerk away and rush up the stairs.
The asshole, of course, is hot on my heels.
I stumble into our room and pace in front of the bed. When he steps inside, he closes the door quietly. The sound of the lock makes me falter.
Hands in his pockets, he stops in front of me. “Use me.”
I rear back, my heart lurching. “No.”
“Why not? You need it. I can see it.”
As I hold his gaze, my pulse picks up again. He’s right, but after what happened on the hike today, after his revelation, the last thing I want is to fall back into bed with him.
It won’t fix what he broke. If anything, it will make things messier.
I step into him. “I said no.”
With that, I head to my suitcase, grab my pjs, and shuffle to the bathroom. As I close the door, he smiles and nods.
I don’t want to consider what it all means.
All I want tonight is some peace of mind.