8. Randi
Chapter 8
Randi
M y finger traces the edge of a white ripple that cuts through the sodalite stone's deep navy and warm purple. Should I add it for truth or the amethyst sitting next to it for peace?
I grab both from the shelves cut into the cave’s walls and add them to the circle of gems lining the floor’s chalked center circle. I’ve amassed piles of crystals and spent hours combing through Shadow Books, hoping to find something Vandera and I missed. I’ve read about stones for health, dangling charms to ward off evil, a poultice to draw infection, a hex for a human goat thief… Nothing is clearly marked “save the shifters from extinction” or “bond without a horde.”
A beam from the rising moon hits a piece of malachite, making the green sparkle like the surface of shallow water at dusk. It draws my eye again and again as I rearrange the crystals in the circle. I refuse to look directly at it, but it mocks me from its place on the shelf. It’s the stone for insight, allowing what was previously suppressed to awaken. It’s also the first step in the Moon Circle used to invoke a true mating Thunder.
I blow out a steamy breath. I’m getting nowhere.
“Water,” Vandera croaks.
I turn, watching her round the last stair leading into the library of my outer nest chamber. She holds her hip, panting heavily.
“Must have water,” she croaks, pretending to faint dramatically against the stone wall.
“I regret ever telling you about the human entrance,” I grumble.
She is winded from her climb, her tank top damp with sweat and her patchwork skirt clinging to her. My dragon’s nest is not easily accessible. It’s a hefty hike followed by a steep climb to the hidden cave on the back side of Moon Lake. Dragons are territorial of their space, and I only allow Vandera access to the nest because of her need for the Shadow Books and crystals kept in the library. Vandera’s workshop on the estate only houses her Shadow Book, but I have amassed as many of the dragons’ grimoires as I could.
“But you did, and there are no takebacks.” She grins smugly, resting her hands under her chin to mimic an angelic pose. “And I swear one day I’ll find a flying spell or figure out how to enchant a broom.”
I laugh at her regular complaint. Try as she might, she hasn’t unlocked a magic that can mimic a dragon’s flight yet. “Did Fennik send you?”
Vandera digs around in her backpack for her water bottle, holding it triumphantly before guzzling half the jug. She wipes her mouth, then points an accusing finger at me. “No. I came because you’re officially hiding. It’s been more than a week, and you’re supposed to be leaving for the North in two days, but no one has seen you.”
I turn back to my gathered pile of stones, wishing I had a moment of divine inspiration. “I’m not hiding. I’ve gone to the trainings, but I’ve also been busy trying to find a solution to the wolf problems.”
Instead of a solution, I’m on the verge of a breakdown.It probably doesn’t help that I haven’t been able to sleep in days. Or eat really. Ever since the other night with Fennik, I’ve been unable to keep myself together. I’ve resorted to shifting so I don’t give in to him. He’s suddenly decided to be bold, and all the reasons I need to remember to keep him away seem to disappear when he’s around.
And then there is the sexy, funny, eager pup, Gunnar. He showed up and caught me completely off guard. My dragon is enamored with him, though she won’t claim him either, and I can’t seem to stop wanting to bring both of the wolves into my bed.
Why did I ever agree to take on a new guard member? Without that promise, maybe I could have withstood Gunnar’s temptation. But the two of them in my lair? I’m not that strong.
Vandera comes closer to the circle and winces. “Babes, I know you’re the expert on crystals, but whatever that is, it doesn’t look like it will work. What’re you trying to do? Solve the wolf problems all in one go?”
“That’d be nice,” I say with a slightly unhinged laugh.
Objectively speaking, the library is a disaster. Around the room, grimoires are open on the tables and scattered across the floor. The center of the room has become the kind of hoard human legends accuse dragons of having, glittering stones and jewels piled in haphazard shapes.
The tales say we amass piles of gems for wealth, and I do have that, but we actually collect them for crystal work. Odin made us from the first Valkyrie, his essence, and a powerful witch after he made the wolves to be the peoples’ protectors. Our purpose is to heal as much as we protect. But the crystals don’t seem to offer any solutions right now.
“Let’s see if we can narrow our focus and attack one problem at a time.” Vandera softly hums.
A sarcastic huff slips out. “Should we start with the omegas dying out? Or the fact that the Council seems to be turning on us even though we’re trying to help them?”
Vandera raises her hand eagerly. “Or, I know, we could start with the part where you’re ignoring the fact that your second mate arrived?” She blinks at me innocently.
“When you put it like that… it’s still all of them.” I sigh, feeling defeated.
She folds herself onto the floor beside me and squeezes my hand. “At least we’re acknowledging that they’re your mates.”
I rest my head on her shoulder, taking comfort in her herbal scent, even if she is trying to make me talk about my feelings when it’s so much easier to shift and fly. “They’re not my mates yet. That’s the problem.”
Her arm goes around my waist. “I can’t imagine what it’s like to fight yourself like you are. When I felt Alden and Brooks for the first time, I knew. No one and nothing could have gotten between us after that. But if one of their wolves had fought it… I don’t know what I would have done. This all sucks. I know I can’t solve this for you, but I wish I had answers.”
She pulls me closer, and we end up cuddled on the floor. I speak into her side, my voice muffled. “It does. I feel this immense connection and attraction to both of them, but I’m afraid. Without the full horde, I can’t complete the bond.”
“So, explain it to Fennik and Gunnar. Lay it all out there. What you know, what you don’t. Let them help you. You’re miserable trying to push them away. Why not try talking to them about it?”
Her words open a pit in my stomach. How do I tell my mates they can’t have all of me? That they may never have all of me? That I can’t offer them the safety of a bond in a time when it’s more important than ever?
“I’ll think about it. But what if I’m wrong about them being my mates? What if they wait for me and I awaken for other wolves? Or never awaken?”
“Don’t you think they should be the ones to choose whether or not they wait, knowing the facts?” she asks softly.
“Maybe. My dragon is nervous. She keeps sending me a warning, telling me something is coming. Something dark that, once it awakens, can’t be undone.”
“That sounds creepy and ominous. Can’t she just spell it out?” Vandera asks.
“You wanna try asking her?” I huff.
“Your dragon doesn’t like me either. She barely lets me in here,” Vandera jokes.
She isn’t wrong. My dragon is still pissed at her for the first time she shaved my horns to use for a spell. My dragon hisses in indignation so loudly in my mind that a laugh tumbles out.
She doesn’t like that either, and I lose myself to laughter as I try to explain. “She says that’s what you get for calling her a good girl and petting her like a common dog.”
Vandera nudges me off her with a shove to my shoulder. “Ahh! Your steamy nostrils, woman! And I can’t help it that she’s so stinking adorable.”
I collapse beside her, giggle-drunk after being nearly delirious.
Vandera jumps up, her bangles jingling as she rights her flowing skirt. “You stay there, and I’ll be right back.”
I hear her moving toward the small kitchen and the kettle coming to a boil, but I don’t move. The malachite catches my eye again, and I turn my head to finally give in to the temptation to stare at it. The crystal is still encased in the rock my mother reaped it from, the little pointy specks glinting in the moonlight. I study how the ombré of deep green fades into a translucent sea foam, which reminds me so much of my mother's scales that it aches.
Vandera plops back down beside me, holding out a plate. “Sandwiches from Henry and a tea to help you get some sleep.”
I sit up and dig into the first sandwich without even tasting it. My stomach protests how fast I inhale it, but I can’t stop. I’m suddenly ravenous.
I take a sip of my tea, practically choking when Vandera says, “The circle you need to form is the Moon.”
“No,” I splutter.
“Yes,” she insists.
“It’s too dangerous. What if my dragon doesn’t awaken but the circle calls Fennik’s or Gunnar’s rut? Gunnar hasn’t trained long enough. He could turn. We don’t know how a half wolf will respond, and Fennik is getting older.”
Vandera counters, “What if your dragon needs the ceremony of the Moon Circle to awaken? You haven’t used the circle since before I came, and now two of your mates are here. The malachite is practically begging us to take it off the shelf. And if you prepare it now, it will be ready by the time you return from the Council.”
I open my mouth to protest.
“You know I’m right. I get you’re scared, but at least give your guys a chance.”
I throw my head back, torn.
“Finish the tea. Take a nap. I’ll clean up here, but I need to head back before the bar opens so I can tattoo your new wolf.”
“Already?” I ask incredulously. I’m shocked that Fennik believes Gunnar is ready for the mark that means he’s a full member of my personal guard. He hasn’t even finished the Frenzy training with me yet.
“Fennik says he needs time to adjust to it before you leave, and the added power will help with training.”
I let out a heavy sigh, looking around at the mess. I’m unconvinced that we’re ready for what’s coming. The tattoo. The trip to the Council. My dragon’s warning. The Moon Circle. But I can feel the malachite calling to me.
My dragon offers no guidance, retreating into the recesses of my mind like she has been for days any time I’m not flying. I guess I wore her out.
“I’ll talk to them.”
Vandera holds open her arms. “Come on. It can wait until after you’ve had a nap. Let’s snuggle until the tea kicks in.”
I let her pull me into my inner chamber. The room is wide and circular, with glittering exposed gemstone walls, low ceilings, and furs lining the floors in soft heaps. I crawl into the nest, my eyes heavy. Vandera snuggles against my back, her fingers brushing through my hair as she sings one of the old songs I taught her.
I pretend for a moment that she is here with my dragon sisters, and they help me prepare for my Thunder. I imagine that I create a Moon Circle that brings the last of my horde, and I dream of three claw bonds, one on the back of each mate. It’s a dream tinged with the sour bitterness of longing because only in sleep does my omega ever awaken.