Devoted to the Dragon (The Last Shifters #1)

12. Randi

Chapter 12

Randi

I spit my toothpaste into the sink and force myself to face facts. I’m stalling. After the passion of the moment, Fennik insisted on carrying me to my lair. I wanted to keep the dream going, so I let him. Gunnar sleepily followed us and crawled right into my bed after a hasty clean-up, the soft sounds of his snoring coming only seconds later.

Every part of me wants to crawl into bed with them, but I’m not sure I can sleep with the two of them in my lair—not before I know if I’m going to lose them. I’ve managed a stellar facial, braided my hair, and over-moisturized my hands. I turn off the water and hang my head, torn. My dragon offers no guidance, snoring just like my young wolf.

Ugh. What the fuck am I doing?

Fennik’s spicy amber fills the bathroom, then his strong chest curls around my back and his thick arms lock around my waist. He holds my gaze in the mirror, his deep voice sure. “No matter what you have to say, you won’t lose me.”

He is handsome and rugged, but it’s his patience and relentless loyalty that make my chest tight. I lean back, tilting my neck so I can eye him. “How do you know?”

“I don’t know how all this will work out, but I know you. And that means I know you’re worried.”

My cheeks heat at his spot-on description, and I turn, burrowing into his chest. The rough hairs tickle my cheeks, and I suck in his scent.

“We’re your mates. Even if no others ever come,” he promises.

My eyes squeeze shut, my heart soaring with hope. I wish I had easy answers for this faithful man, but the best I’ve got are hunches, instincts, and what-ifs.

“What he said!” A yawning Gunnar, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, pokes his head into the bathroom. “But can we talk more tomorrow when my brain isn’t sex-scrambled? I’m rocking the I-have-mates-and-they-like-me vibe, and I think cuddles should happen before we kill the buzz.”

I swallow a smile that Gunnar catches anyway.

He winks at me and opens his arm, the blanket creating a cocoon around him. “Let’s go back to bed, gorgeous.”

Fennik lets go and gives me a nudge with his palm on my back. I scurry to Gunnar, feeling shy and still worried but less on the edge of panic. He wraps me in a warm side hug, tucking the blanket around us.

We crawl into my bed, and I dig under the mound of my nest, burrowing until I’m snug. Gunnar and Fennik slip under the covers, snuggling closer on each side. Fennik’s hand settles on my boob as he pulls me closer to his chest. Gunnar scoots down the bed, nuzzling into my stomach and wrapping his legs around me like an octopus.

“Seriously, your blankets are made of magic. Why are they so soft?” Gunnar asks lazily.

I hum in answer while he plants soft kisses that feather along my hip.

“Sleep now, little dove. You’re safe with your mates.” Fennik’s wolf purrs, creating a rumbling vibration that slows my breath.

His words sink into my thoughts, unwinding the knots. Their scents blend, and something inside me seems to settle, but I can’t quite puzzle it out before sleep takes me.

I circle over the lake again, forcing my fire to make the pattern to signal danger. My dragon vision is sharp, and I spot Gunnar through the trees, weaving toward our marked spot for the signal.

He’s quickly picked up the subtle changes in my fire and proved light on his feet during training earlier today. We’ve been practicing flying signals all evening after spending the day making concrete plans for our trip. Some of our most trusted on the guard worked with us to find escape routes out of the North Pass should things go to shit.

My wings carry me toward the ground, my dragon receding before I take my first step on the soft pine needles of the forest floor. The shift is as seamless as breathing, and my dragon uses this to her advantage, refusing to meet the pup head-on.

Gunnar is still shifted, looking more like the human legend of werewolves than a traditional wolf. Somehow, the bipedal form fits him. He is fierce, frightening in the way his wolf looks feral. But beneath his beastly form, he is all playful pup.

I scratch along his furry face, letting his wet nose nudge me for more pets. His tail flicks my ass and dips between my naked legs.

“Cut it out.” I push against the curious fluff and force my legs shut. I go to my tiptoes and give his ears a good scratch. “Yes, you were a very good boy, and no, we can’t play like that right now.” Gunnar licks a long stripe up my neck, and I can’t help the giggle that bubbles out. “Stop slobbering in my hair.”

Fennik wraps a robe around my shoulders, calling to Gunnar, “Shift back for me, pup. That’s enough for tonight.”

Gunnar-wolf whines, but his fur recedes.

Fennik turns me in his arms and helps me into the robe, tying it at the front and planting a forehead kiss that weakens my knees. “We leave tomorrow, and we need to get some rest, which means you need to do some talking.”

I nod, though I’m no more ready than yesterday, the day before, or even the decade before . For a moment, I debate bringing them to my dragon’s nest, but she snaps that idea down so quickly that I know I better not risk it.

“Do you still have the blankets in the truck?”

Fennik nods.

“Let’s go.” I sigh.

Gunnar scoops me up, his long legs making quick time. He answers my unasked question. “You didn’t have shoes.”

I don’t know what it is about him, but this pup turns me into mushy, melted snow.

Today, they have been relentless in their affection. They refuse to let me pull too far away. I’m greedy for more of it. I want to be theirs. But I’m still afraid. Nothing has changed. The fear churns in my gut, steals the beauty of the moment, and makes me want to leap from Gunnar’s arms into flight.

The wall of muscle tightens around me, his scent swelling with calming sage, almost as though he can feel my desire to flee. I suck in the scent, breathing into the hollow of his neck and trying to let his warm presence settle my nerves.

When we return to the truck, Fennik and Gunnar make a pallet in the back. I let Fennik pull me up. Gunnar unloads snacks from his bag, and I eye the spread.

“What? I told you Henry likes me, and I like snacks.” He takes a bite of a sandwich and follows it with a loud crunch of chips.

Fennik pops the back of Gunnar’s head playfully, trying to hide a grin. “Listen.”

“I can still hear. It’s either chips or my stomach.”

I laugh at Gunnar’s put-out expression. “It’s fine. I just don’t know what to say.”

Fennik leans back against the truck cab and pulls me between his legs, wrapping his arms around me. “Dragons have hordes. You’re worried you have mates who won’t come. Explain to me why it matters if they don’t.”

After a deep breath, I lay it out for them. “I’ve told you about the Thunder and what it meant to wolves. When I said it awakened an omega and that I’m not awakened, I was talking about what it means for a dragon.”

“What does it mean?” Gunnar asks around another bite.

“All dragons are female. They awaken into their omegas when all their horde mates are together. Horde contenders would?—”

“Wait!” Gunnar cuts in with a wave of a chip.“What’s a horde contender?”

“If a shifter thinks his mate is a dragon, he approaches her and asks her to play. Other wolves do the same. When the dragon senses that all her mates have gathered for courting, she chooses them by giving them a mark. That signals a horde contender, but only the contenders she accepts a bite from become her horde mates.”

“A mark like our tattoos?” Fennik guesses.

Begrudgingly, I shake my head. “No. A mate must wear the claw. Once mates have been marked as contenders through a claw mark, my dragon offers them a challenge. If they succeed, I will awaken into my omega and go into heat. I have to accept all contenders’ mate claims before the end of the full moon for the bonds to take. Without the awakening of my omega, a bond won’t hold.”

“So, until your other mate or mates arrive, we won’t be able to bond. That’s why you’ve kept me out?” Fennik’s scent turns sour, and my stomach drops. “You thought I might be one of your mates this whole time, yet you kept your distance? Why?”

I twist in his arms, straddling his lap. “It’s dangerous. Until my dragon is ready to bond, it’s a huge risk. A failed mate bond can kill a wolf.”

Fennik studies me before his expression turns stern. “No. That isn’t the only reason. I want the truth, Randi. I deserve it after all this time.” His voice quakes like thunder, demanding an answer. Before I can give one, he keeps going. “Did it ever occur to you that I would wait? That I’m capable of controlling my wolf?” His voice is flinty, his anger vibrating between us. “Or that I have been waiting? And that together we could face it?”

My eyes sting as he holds my gaze. The urge to hide from him is strong, and even though a layer of ice cracks at the devastation on his face, I can’t help the rise of panic in my gut. He will leave. He will die. I’ll give him and Gunnar everything, and they will ?—

“You should have told me, let me make a choice. You pulled away after we lost the guard. Why? When we were both so miserable?” his demanding voice drops even lower, sending a shiver down my spine.

I fidget in his lap, turning away from the censure in his eyes so I can get the words out. “The idea of living like we were mates, of giving you everything even though we couldn’t bond…” My voice cracks with my shame at my cowardice, barely a whisper between us. “I don’t know how to lose you, Fennik, and keep going. Every time I survive, but the thought of losing you, of you growing old without me while I watch. I can’t?—”

“You already have!” he says, voice so quiet and calm that I wish he had screamed.

It would be better if he shoved me off his lap. Cursed. Raged. His anger would be justified.

He doesn’t. He gives me another haunted look, leaning in to murmur in my ear, “Years, Randi… we lost years!” He sets me aside gently and hops down from the truck, hands fisted at his sides.

I watch, my stomach twisted in knots of shame, as he takes off into the forest. A moment later, his howl pierces the air.

Gunnar’s voice calls, wobbly and closer than before, “I’m coming in,” before he curls around my back.

“I really, really fucked up,” I admit, the regret so thick it feels like chalk on my tongue.

“But he’s crazy about you and he’s gonna give you a chance to fix it,” Gunnar adds, his sage scent rising to soothe me.

“How?” I don’t know what I can do to change time. That’s always the problem.

“I don’t think there is a right answer.” Gunnar rests his chin on my shoulder, his hands tangling with mine as he holds me. It doesn’t feel fair that he’s keeping me together when Fennik is hurting because of me. “You need to show him you’re committed. Maybe start by talking. It seems like he knows about as much as I do about how to mate a dragon.”

We stay like that, him holding me while we watch the woods. The sun sets and the stars come out. The night passes as I sit with the discomfort. The churning regret in my stomach tears me up inside.

Was I only ever protecting myself? I had convinced myself ignoring the bond was for the best, that it would give Fennik a chance. I told myself that giving in was a sure way for him to die without the rest of my mates. That’s still true. But I think all I did was hurt us both by pushing him away. My remorse wars with my fear until I’m trembling.

I wait.

Dawn creeps closer, but the light only makes my sorrow seem like a stark contrast.

I keep waiting, knowing I don’t deserve for Fennik to forgive me but hoping he does all the same.

When morning comes and I’m feeling hopeless, a set of silver eyes emerges from the edge of the forest. In a less than graceful leap, I’m out of the truck and throwing myself into Fennik’s arms.

“I’m sorry, Alpha. So sorry. It’s never been a lack of want.” The tears prickle and sting my eyes, and I try to blink them back, but they fall anyway. He looks away, and I tug on his jaw. “Pushing you away didn’t stop an ounce of hurt. I see that now. I’ve been afraid but?—”

Fennik folds me into a hug, his arms tightening and his scent burning with so many emotions it stings my nose. “I understand fear, Randi. I was afraid of losing you altogether, but it can’t be like this. No more secrets.”

The warmth of his hug is so reassuring that it makes the tears come harder. Even in his anger, he rubs my back, his arms gentle.

“What now?” Gunnar asks, hopping down from the bed to lean against the tailgate.

I pull out of the hug, speaking to both of them. “If the two of you want, I can set a Moon Circle to invoke a true Thunder. It should be ready when we return from the Council meeting. It isn’t a guarantee. I’m hoping we can convince my dragon to mark you as my mates, even if you’re only a pair.”

Fennik stiffens. “How do we do that?”

I reach out for both of them, taking their hands and pulling the three of us together. “I don’t know. Not for sure. It’s different for every dragon, as is the challenge she presents her horde.”

Fennik’s wolf is in his eyes, the silver sharp. The corded muscles in his neck clench.

I backpedal. “I don’t have to use the Moon Circle. We can stay like we are. I don’t even know if it will work. I may never awaken or bond.”

Gunnar squeezes my hand. “What do you want?”

I give a jerky shake of my head, letting go of their hands and stepping back from the temptation of their scent. They deserve the truth and a moment to think it through. “This isn’t my decision. The Moon Circle could call your rut, and if my dragon rejects you, I couldn’t answer. It could turn you feral or kill you. Or if we don’t try but live as mates anyway, you could still go feral without the bond. And like all your kin, you’ll age slowly after fifty, but your lifespan will remain much shorter than mine. Dragons aren’t immortal, but I might as well be.”

Gunnar shrugs. “Sounds like either way, we turn feral or eventually die unless we impress your dragon.”

“There was only ever one way, little dove.” Fennik picks me up, his arms tightening around my back as he buries his face in my hair. “You’re my mate. I’ll do what you need, always.”

I don’t think it’s forgiveness, but at least it’s a start. The fear of losing them is still overwhelming, but I guess that’s something I’ll have to work through. I don’t deserve Fennik’s loyalty, maybe not Gunnar’s either, but I won’t deny either of them. Not ever again. All I can do is try to be worthy of their faith in us.