Chapter Twenty
Camden showed me a side of him I definitely wasn’t expecting to see. The way he gently took my hand and held eye contact as he licked and sucked my fingers… I loved seeing this side of him, but the way he locked it away again would not do at all. Hopefully, my little additions to his water will be something that would help him release his inhibitions; this time, I knew not to give him a full dose. We can’t have him passing out at a crime scene.
Seeing Camden enjoy my “special” sushi also was intoxicating. I have to admit Grace’s kidney made for excellent sushi. Maybe it was time to have him over for dinner. I’d hate for Connor’s leg to spoil, and it would give me the chance to try a new recipe.
“Doctor, you’ll want to see this,” Camden said flatly from the doorway of Grace’s house, pulling me out of my thoughts.
Making sure my gloves were in place, I made my way up the steps toward Grace’s front door. Camden was standing in the doorway, looking inside with his phone to his ear.
“Jacobs, yes, it’s Sullivan. Doctor Lawson, Nichols and I are at Grace Kim’s house. I know Nichols called, but I was able to confirm she’s here; the Butcher got her; we need the team.”
Hanging up his phone and tucking it in the pocket of his slacks, he motioned up the staircase.
“She's upstairs in the master bedroom. It's a bit messy,” Camden warned, pulling on the pair of gloves I held out to him. “I want to try to see if I can see what happened before the team gets here.”
“Of course, Agent. Lead the way,” I replied professionally, trying to keep him in the correct head space.
Following Camden up the familiar stairs, careful not to step in any blood, I stood next to him after entering through the doorway. Grace was left face up and naked on her bed as if she was just tossed up there. I mean, she was, but Camden didn't know that—not yet.
“This is interesting, Doctor,” Camden said, pointing a gloved finger toward her abdomen. “She has this Japanese-style tattoo here, with a cherry blossom tree.”
“Yes, I see that. What do you see there?” I asked, a dangerous excitement flooded my mind.
Does he see it? Does he see where I cut her kidney out?
“There’s an incision here where the branch of the tattoo comes across her abdomen. It was sutured up right along the outline of the tree. Very clever hiding place,” Camden said, pointing a gloved finger toward the incision I tried to hide in her tattoo.
“Interesting, indeed,” I said with a grin, looking over his shoulder at Grace’s body.
“If you don’t mind, Doctor, I’d like to try to see what happened before everyone gets here. I’m just.” Camden paused, clenching his hands at his sides, then flexing his fingers.
“Just?” I asked, confused.
“Nothing, my apologies. I must be a little tired.” He sucked in a sharp inhale and exhaled exasperatedly. “I’m ready.”
“Of course, I’m here for whatever you need, Camden.” I placed a gentle hand on his forearm and I could feel his body trembling.
Am I taking this too far?
“Oh, here we go again with the emotions,” my darkness said while rolling her eyes at me yet again, while leaning against the wall of Grace’s bedroom. “In case you don’t remember, you got us into this mess.” She stood from the wall and circled her finger in the air in Camden’s direction with her other hand on her hip. “For some reason no one will ever fucking comprehend, you think you can mold him into your perfect little puppet to help you do your bidding.”
“That was my intention, but now…”
“You fucking have feelings for him. I warned you, I WARNED YOU not to make this personal. We were fine on our own, and now this man will be our downfall. I hope you know what the fuck you’re doing, because he will get us caught and arrested. Locked up in that fucking hospital for the criminally insane to be studied, poked, prodded, taunted until we die.”
My attention was back on Camden as he took his deep, grounding breath. But something was off; something wasn’t right this time.
Maybe my serum is preventing him from controlling his empathy? Interesting…
Camden’s eyes were pinched shut and the trembling in his body continued as he desperately tried to make his switch. With his eyes still closed, his head moved back and forth as if he was looking around. I would see the mounds of his eyes behind his eyelids moving back and forth as he scanned the room in his mind.
He physically flinched and startled, bringing his hands up to protect his face. The tremors in his body were getting more severe, and he fell to his knees.
“Camden, come back,” I cooed, kneeling with him and rubbing in slow circles on his back. “Come back to me.”
His tremors got worse, as my hands caressed the raised scars on his back, and I could hear the rest of the BAU entering the house. Cupping his cheeks with my hands, I forced his face forward so his eyes were level to mine.
“Camden, you need to come back now!” I whisper yelled, but he didn’t react.
Fuck! Think… Think…
Before I could finish my thought, Camden’s eyes flew open, and he shot to his feet, backing away haphazardly.
“Camden, the blood!” I jumped to my feet, pulling him back toward me by his suit jacket before his foot stepped right on a pool of blood on the wood floor.
“Wh-What?” Camden was still visibly shaking, and my chest was tight with guilt and concern.
“Camden.” I reached for his hand and he flinched, pulling it away as if my touch burned him.
He didn’t… He didn’t see me, right?
“Sullivan, Doctor,” Anton Stevens greeted from the doorway.
“Hello, Supervisory Special Agent Stevens,” I said with a smile, as if nothing was wrong.
“Hmm, I love hearing my full title in all its glory,” Anton chuckled, clapping a friendly hand on Camden’s back.
“Yeah, yeah, rub it in.” Erik Nichols rolled his eyes.
“Grace Kim, um, yeah. The um… The Butcher’s work.” Camden stuttered nervously, reverting back to avoiding eye contact.
“Were you able to get anything from the scene?” Anton asked Camden. He was still visibly shaken and trying to hide it, so I decided to speak for him to give him a moment to compose himself.
“It looks like she was possibly killed at the landing near the top of the stairs, but judging from the amount of blood, it is too much to belong to one person; especially a person as petite as Miss Kim,” I said, looking into Camden’s dull eyes as he crossed one arm over his chest, with the other hand covering his mouth. He tried to appear to be lost in thought, but I could see his struggle. I needed to get him out of the room.
“Also, she has a recent incision of some type on her abdomen. Agent Sullivan noticed it was cut along the outline of her Japanese tattoo.
“Huh, interesting,” Nichols added.
Hmm, I forgot to tell Grace her tattoo inspired my painting of the cherry blossoms on my screen in my sanctuary. I thought, hearing a loud sigh in my mind from my darkness.
“I didn’t get a chance to check for a fingerprint,” Camden said, clearing his throat. “But if that incision is because she has an organ missing, then it still fits our pattern.”
“I’m here!” Desiree Marx said in her trademark sing-song voice, holding up her bag of supplies. “Now, all of you, out! We need photos before one of you steps in blood and contaminates my crime scene,” she ordered, and I chuckled, giving her an approving nod.
“You heard the woman. Let’s clear out,” I said, ushering the men out of the room. “Let me know when Grace goes to the medical examiner? I’ll assist with her autopsy,” I asked Desiree, and she gave me a thumbs up as she took the lens cap off of her camera.
Following behind Stevens and Camden down the stairs, we exited the home, taking a moment to pause on the porch.
“What do you make of this one, Cam?” Anton asked. Camden crossed his arms again and tried to hide a decent sized yawn.
We both didn’t sleep very much last night.
“Doctor Lawson mentioned that it was too much blood to be from just Grace. I would bet money on that blood being the Butcher’s next victim, since we have a bit of a pattern,” Camden said, rubbing his eyes with one hand.
“Right, because when we found Connor, we found Grace’s blood, hence…” Anton trailed off.
“We need to sample that blood as soon as possible,” Nichols said, placing his hands in the pockets of his slacks.
“Alright. We have what looks to be a pattern here, but we need to see how the other victims tie in. Cam, why don’t you review the past case files and see what similarities you can find? We can’t do much here anyway until Des finishes gathering evidence with her team. I ain’t about to rush the woman.” Anton suppressed a chuckle, and Camden nodded. “Nichols, please get Diaz and Santos caught up when they get here.”
“You got it, boss,” Nichols said with an exaggerated salute.
“I had Elaine prepare all the files in my office for us,” I said to Camden, folding my hands in front of me.
“Yes, sounds good, Doctor,” Camden agreed.
“Jacobs is aware of all this mess going on, so we’re going to push our meeting out. It will be delayed until further notice—just keep your phone nearby,” Agent Stevens said with a nod while pulling his ringing phone out of his pocket.
“Shall we, Camden?” I asked, placing a gentle hand on the side of his upper arm. He didn’t flinch this time, but he still averted his eyes and gave me a small nod.
We walked in silence to Camden’s car, and he unlocked the doors, opening mine for me.
“Thank you,” I said as he gently closed the door. He circled around the front of the car and plopped into his seat.
“Are you comfortable telling me what happened?” I asked delicately, keeping my hands in my lap.
“I’m just… Something is off with me and I can’t figure out what,” he said, covering his face with his hands, and sliding them up to run his fingers through his soft, brown hair. “Something is just… off.”
“Well, why don’t we get back to my office. We can take a breather away from the public and be in a safe space.” I smiled, and he leaned his head back against the headrest, slowly turning to look at me. He gave me the smallest smile as he pushed the button to start Vera’s ignition.
Camden drove us out of Grace’s neighborhood, and as soon as we turned onto the main street, it was as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He visibly relaxed, his elbow now resting on the door with the window rolled down.
I welcomed the cool breeze from the crisp, late morning air blowing through my hair. Unable to resist, my eyes found Camden again. His right hand was gripping the steering wheel, and his left arm was propped up on the door. He looked relaxed, like his mind was finally quiet.
Driving helps relax him… Noted.
Pulling into my parking space at my office, we gathered our things and exited his car in silence.
“Oh, Camden, you forgot your breakfast,” I said, noticing his oats in his cup holder.
“Wouldn’t be the first time I missed breakfast,” he laughed bashfully, pressing the call button for the elevator.
“Well, I’ll at least get you a snack in my office. I like to keep finger foods on hand for these situations. I also forget meals quite often.”
The elevators opened to my office floor, and Camden fell in step beside me as we made our way down the hall toward Elaine’s desk.
“No Elaine today?” Camden asked, looking around.
“I gave her the day off after she prepared the files for you. It seemed like it would be a good day for quiet and privacy. Not that she’s interfering, but there’s just something a bit more freeing about being here alone.” Reaching into my coat pocket, I pulled out my keys and unlocked my office door.
Pushing the door open, I stepped inside and held the door open for him to pass through. I closed It behind him and locked it before turning toward my shoe mat.
Camden was stepping out of his shoes, stacking them neatly on the mat and my heart began to race. Joining him, I kicked off my pumps, placing them next to his shoes. As if he was in his own home, he opened my coat closet and draped his trench coat and suit jacket over hangers and placed them neatly inside the closet.
“May I take your coat, Doctor?” Camden asked. His eyes met mine and quickly looked away.
Turning my back to him, I shrugged my shoulders to help him remove it easily. He surprised me by grasping my upper arms near my shoulders, sliding his hands down my arms. My coat fell to the floor, and I didn't even care.
With my back still to him, he stepped forward, closing what little distance there was between us. Leaning his face toward my neck, I sighed and leaned my head toward the opposite side, giving him better access.
“Fuck, I needed this,” Camden whispered in my ear before sucking in a deep inhale near the base of my neck.
He released my arms as I turned to face him. Camden’s body was trembling, and he had tears pooling in his eyes.
“Please… Please tell me this is real.” He sniffled sadly and held his shaking hands up to either side of my face.
“Camden? What's wrong?” My eyes were glued to his and I could see the war raging in his mind behind his sad, darkened eyes.
He doesn’t know what is real, and what is not. Interesting…
Lowering his hands, he stalked forward, forcing me to retreat backwards until my back met the wall. Caging me in with his hands on either side of my head, he looked down at me with heavy, ragged breaths.
“Please,” Camden begged. “Please tell me this is real.”
He brought one of his hands to my cheek and I closed my eyes as his warm palm made contact with my cold cheek. Feeling his hands on me felt right, as if all my training, all my work, all my research led up to this very moment. I worked so hard to be the best in not one field, but two, and my life never felt complete. My dark, hollow, dead heart was never capable of love, never capable of feeling anything except what was necessary to survive. I’ve only ever known pain, emptiness, loneliness, and nothingness. But now, feeling Camden’s warmth, his love, his light, I could see that he was my balance, the other half I’ve been missing for so long.
His light surrounded us both as we remained connected this way, and my darkness joined us. Together, we were strong, perfect, and powerful.
“Camden,” I whispered, our lips so close to touching.
I was a kiss away from the life I’ve always wanted, and so was he—two lonely, half dead souls so close to finally being alive.
But it couldn’t happen yet. I needed him to see me, see my art, my cause. I needed him to show me he was ready to join me in every way.
My body screamed in protest, but I gently brought my hands to his chest, creating a little distance.
“How about you join me for dinner,” I said with shaky breaths. As I blinked slowly, my eyes left his and scanned his parted lips before gazing into his eyes again. “I see you, Camden, I truly do. But what you want… What you need from me cannot happen here.”
His eyebrows pinched together before shifting to confusion as he backed away from me slowly.
“Helena… What? What happened?”
“You were going to give me an answer to my dinner invitation,” I smirked playfully to lighten the mood before turning toward the files on my desk. He stayed rooted to the floor, his eyes following me as I moved.
“I accept.”
“Good,” I said, leaning over my desk to reach for my pen. “See you at six? We can discuss the files then. I already sent Jacobs and Stevens a text message that you needed rest, so you have the afternoon off.”
Camden’s eyes instantly shifted from dark to relieved.
“Doctor, I…”
“Come, rest,” I said, stepping back up to him, placing my address I had written on a business card in the pocket of his button-up shirt. I took his hand, guiding him toward the sofa in my waiting area.
“Move the table off to the side for me, would you?” I asked, and Camden obeyed, picking up my coffee table like it weighed nothing. He set it down next to my desk, returning to my side.
Lifting the cushions off of the sofa, I placed them off to the side on the floor, and pulled out the folding mattress. Turning back toward my coat closet, I opened the door and pulled out a pillow and soft fleece blanket that was tucked away above the coats.
“You’ve had a long night, and a long day so far. Please, rest. I will be here preparing my ingredient list and recipes for dinner.” I smiled at him and he returned a bashful but grateful smile, accepting the pillow and blanket I held out for him.
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“I’ll wake you when it’s time to leave, since you need to take me to my car at headquarters,” I said, patting his shoulder as I walked back toward my desk, fighting the urge to curl up next to him.