Michael
I couldn’t believe Hana was making us share. Forcing us to share. As hot as it was fucking her with Jack, I wasn’t sure if I could just go about my day pretending everything was normal. I fucking hated Jack with every fiber of my being. The way he looked at her with the same lust in his eyes made my skin scrawl. How were we going to live our lives this way? I knew Hana was serious about killing herself—I had never seen her look so desperate and afraid. But there had to be another way.
Learning about her decision to get an abortion devastated me. While I wanted her to have bodily autonomy, that was still potentially my child. And when she woke up the next morning declaring she wanted to go get it done right away, that very next hour, it broke my heart even more. Had she given thought to this, or was this just another rash decision of hers?
We had some clothes delivered to the house for her to wear when we went out. I preferred her to be naked inside. Jack and I drove her, but she was adamant about going into the clinic by herself and doing this on her own, so we sat and waited in the parking lot.
“How did you find Hana? Did she go with you willingly?” Jack started to interrogate me right away as he sat in the driver’s seat; he had apparently gotten his driver’s license weeks ago, but I never had any use for one.
I shook my head as I stared ahead, watching traffic go by. “This isn’t the time for us to reveal all of our secrets. And honestly, I don’t want to chat with you at all.” I looked over at him with contempt.
Jack scoffed and shook his head back at me. “You don’t get to decide if we chat or not. Hana has made it clear that we need to start getting along,” he said with equal contempt.
I looked ahead again, the traffic getting lighter now. “Since when did she get all the power?” I asked, more to myself.
“Oh, she’s always had the power, my friend. She just hadn’t used it,” he responded.
I scoffed a little as I continued to stare at the cars passing by. He was right. Hana was so empathetic, so willing to give to others. She never knew what kind of power she could have over each of us…not until now. She always had some power in our relationship before; she willingly gave herself to me, gave me the opportunity to make her decisions, to decide her punishments. Then she went and left me and hung me up to dry.
“Did you take Hana?” I blurted out, needing to know the truth. I wasn’t sure if I would hate Jack more knowing he took her from me, or if it would make it easier somehow.
Jack was quiet. I turned to look at him, and he was staring at the street as I was, seemingly lost in his thoughts.
“I like to think I just gave her a little push to be with me,” he said quietly.
“What does that mean?” I shook my head at him, annoyed at his vagueness.
He looked over at me, his eyes full of tears. “I did. I took her. I was desperate. And then she fucking fell in love with me,” he admitted, his eyes wide and almost confused.
I didn’t know why I wasn’t more angry with him. Perhaps because I knew his despair and desperation. Perhaps I had let all of my anger out in the days and nights of drinking excessively to the point I’d black out and wake up next to a stranger. Or worse.
“She was always in love with you, mate. Don’t flatter yourself.” I broke our eye contact to look back at the road.
“And with you. That’s how we’re here now,” Jack sighed.
I sighed heavily. “What about in New Jersey? Did you force her then as well?”
I couldn’t believe I was getting all the answers I thought I’d never get.
“I didn’t force her. She just didn’t want you to die.”
“That’s still coercion,” I explained, turning to him.
He quickly responded. “And you haven’t forced yourself onto Hana ever?”
His eyebrows were raised at me knowingly. I easily led her into that cab—it seemed like she wanted to go with me. And she was such a fucking brat when we finally got to the house. She was trying to be loyal to her “husband,” but I knew she wanted me; she was fucking drenched for me. And when I tied her up, I was punishing her. She knew why I was doing it. But did she not want it? I didn’t think of that possibility. She knew her safe word. But…she was also unable to speak with her mouth duct taped. Fuck. I put my hand up to my beard and scratched it, growing nervous. What she must think of me.
“Let’s talk about something else.”
“No need.” Jack looked beside us at the clinic. “She’s coming back.”