Emily
I was still processing everything that was happening with Hana. She told me they were back in the city at Michael’s apartment, right across the street from where her and Jack had been living. I was starting to have more and more doubts about Michael, especially after learning he knew way more about Hana than he let on. He had stalked her the whole time they were apart. I guess he checked off all the things on Hana’s list, just as Jack did. Stalk her? Check. Kidnap her? Check. Tie her up and make her stay with him whether she wanted it or not? Check. Fucking swoon.
I didn’t even know what to tell Adam about their whole situation. He seemed to be happily unaware of what was going on in his best friend’s personal life. I loved that Adam was so chill, so easygoing and sweet—but now was not the time for being those things. Maybe actually telling him would stir something up. Maybe he would be able to learn more from Jack.
I walked into our apartment after a horrible night at the bar, finding Adam strumming on his guitar. “Hey, babe.”
“Hey, Em.” He smiled, setting down his guitar next to the couch to stand and give me a kiss.
I loved his big brown eyes and his messy brown hair, his facial hair growing wildly around his jaw. I shouldn’t tell him. No, I should.
I chewed on the side of my cheek, unsure of how to start the conversation.
“What’s wrong?” Adam tilted his head at me, his face suddenly distressed.
I wrung my hands together and shook my head as I slumped onto the couch. Adam sat next to me, his eyes widened and looking at me like I was about to deliver the worst news of his life. I took a big, shaky breath before speaking
“It’s not about us, babe.” I smiled, taking his hand with mine. “It’s uh…about Jack and Hana. Did he…tell you what’s going on?”
They had been in meetings with each other and got together to work on some music. I had no idea what the hell they ever talked about; they probably only focused on their music.
I took another deep breath when Adam shook his head and looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about.
“They’re like…they…I guess Michael is like, in their relationship now? They’re like, poly or something,” I tried to explain.
Adam looked over at the window as he pulled his eyebrows together. “Okay.” He nodded as he looked back to me.
I widened my eyes. “Okay? That’s your response?”
Adam laughed. “What the hell is my response supposed to be? I don’t care what the fuck Jack does in his sex life.” He shrugged.
Ugh, if only I could explain how complicated this all was.I knew I would sound crazy if I even attempted to explain their whole deal from the beginning.
“I guess you don’t need to care. It’s just…”
Just tell him.I began telling him their whole story, pacing around the living room as I did so. I knew it sounded crazy but I didn’t care—I had to get it all off my chest.
“Em.” Adam put his hands to his hair then back down to his lap. “Have you been taking your meds?”
I almost started crying when I realized he was serious. It probably sounded like my manic ramble before my suicide attempt.
“Yes, Adam, I’ve been taking my meds,” I answered with irritation.
Adam just sighed and shook his head. He shrugged and almost seemed speechless. “I just…I can’t believe it, Em. Does she actually love them? Or is she like…what’s it called—”
“Delusional?” I offered.
Adam eyed me with a frown. It was rare that my sometimes ill-timed humor didn’t make him laugh.
“Stockholm Syndrome? But like…way worse?” he suggested.
I threw my hands up as I shrugged. “Do you get why this is fucking crazy now?”
Adam nodded, his expression unreadable. “Yes. This is…fucked up.” He stood and walked to the window, observing the spring rain trickling down from the sky. “I feel like I don’t even know who my best friend is.”
I almost regretted telling him. I walked over to him and put my arm around his waist.
“It’s been a fucking rollercoaster the last few months,” I admitted quietly.
“You didn’t have to go through that alone, Emily,” he responded, holding me closer to him.
I scoffed. “Then you guys wouldn’t have made a hit record,” I joked.
Adam eyed me, apparently still not in a joking mood. “I’m serious, Em. I love you. You matter more than any of that.” He held onto me tighter.
I finally let myself cry. The last few months were the most devastating I’d ever had to go through, mostly because I was going through them alone. Even when my mom died, Hana was right by my side. Now I didn’t know whether or not Hana would be on my team anymore. Things were so chaotic with her, so touch and go, that I wondered if the suffering was worth it. And then I remembered she was my blood; she had always been there for me in the hardest of times for my entire life. I knew I had to stick around, whether I agreed with her decisions or not. The tough part would be whether or not she’d let me in…or shut me out all over again.