Dirty Little Mistake (Hard to Love #2)

Chapter 23

Camryn

I t was three in the morning, and I should have been sleeping, but I wasn't; instead, I was sitting on the patio deck of my aunt and uncle's house, flirting with a bottle of Jack. Or anything strong enough to drown the pain or numb the hurt. Like always, I was home alone while my aunt and uncle were gone to some exotic location, living their best life. Kaia, Jax, Syn, and Harlow were with Trystan at his concert, which I wasn't invited to.

Owen invited me to hang out, but I knew I would be the worst kind of company. So, instead, I sat silently playing over and over in my head what went wrong between Trystan and me. I understood why he was upset at me for taking Kaia to the Cages, but did it really warrant all of this? Apparently, he believed so.

My phone vibrated against the round glass table beside me, but I didn't bother to pick it up to see who it was.

I wanted to be alone.

Tomorrow, I would be better and ready to move on, but tonight, I needed the quiet, the solitude. I needed to sulk. I needed to be mad and sad.

The whiskey bottle clinked against the wrought iron table, the sound sharp in the dead-quiet neighborhood. My body melted into the cushioned patio chair, muscles loose from the alcohol, and I propped my feet on the empty seat across from me as I let my head fall back on the back of the chair. It was a clear night with a three-quarters moon and a sky full of twinkling little stars.

Sucking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes as I exhaled, slowly relaxing into the seat. The sun would be up in a few hours, and this horrible night would be over.

The sound of a motorcycle engine rumbled in the distance, cutting through the silent night, but when it got louder, sounding like it was in front of my house, my eyes flashed open, and I shot out of my chair. It sounded like Jax's bike, and if Jax was here, something was wrong, or Kaia was so overly worried she had shown up because I hadn't answered her call earlier. If that happened, I would feel terrible about ruining their weekend.

I strolled around to the front of the house from the back, but when I rounded the corner, I realized it wasn't Jax or Kaia.

It was Trystan.

I froze.

My gaze followed him as he set his helmet on the seat of Jax's bike, pulled off his gloves, and twisted, looking over the dark house. I stood silently in the shadows until the initial shock wore off. I stepped into the bright street light, but he didn't see me until I spoke.

My voice sliced through the darkness between us. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Trystan's fingers tightened around his gloves, his bright blue eyes finding mine in the darkness. "You weren't answering your phone?"

I crossed my arms over my chest, the whiskey making my movements sharp and jerky. "So you drove all the way here?" If that was supposed to impress me, it didn't.

"I needed to talk to you." He slowly walked toward me.

"Well, if you didn't get the hint, I obviously don't want to talk. So you can go now." I twisted to walk away, to go back to my backyard, sulking.

"Cam, please," he pleaded. His boots hitting the pavement grew louder as he closed the space between us.

"Please, what, Trystan?" I spun around so quickly that he nearly slammed into me, the world tilting slightly with the sudden movement. I took a step back, giving myself some space, and stumbled but quickly corrected myself. "Please don't come to my show? Please stay away from me? Please ignore me like nothing ever happened between us?" I raised my voice with each question until I was nearly shouting.

Trystan took a half-step back. "You're drunk."

My laugh came out harsh and brittle. "Good call, Captain Obvious. And even still, I don't want to talk to you."

"I get it, but if you'll..."

"Maybe my last text was a little too subtle for you." I smirked sarcastically. "Maybe this will clear it up." I flipped him off. "Go fuck yourself." Spinning on my heels, I strutted to the back of the house.

His boots scuffed against the concrete as he followed me. "I deserve that."

I spun to face him, my balance wavering. "No." The patio chair caught me as I stumbled backward. "You deserve to be kicked in the nuts."

"I know I don't deserve it, but can you?—"

I lifted my head, the motion making the world tilt. The streetlight caught his face, highlighting the shadows under his eyes. "Why are you still here?"

He blew out an exasperated sigh. "I thought you were dating Owen." I tilted my head to the side, glaring at him. "That's why I didn't invite you. I was hurt… or angry." He shook his head. "I don't know." He shoved his hand through his hair, brushing it back off his face.

It took a full minute for his words to sink in, but as they did, anger slowly built up and boiled over. "What the fuck?"

"I know it's?—"

My palm slammed against the patio table, making the whiskey bottle rattle. "Shut up." The alcohol burned in my veins, fueling each word. "First, you didn't call and ask if it was true, and second, even if it was true, you have no right to be upset because you left and never looked back."

His shoulders curved inward, making him look smaller than I'd ever seen him. "Cam, I'm so sorry." His voice had that soft edge to it, the one that used to make my heart skip.

My arm felt heavy as I pointed toward the front of the house. "Just leave, Trystan." The words came out on an exhale, as empty as the bottle beside me.

He took a half-step forward, then caught himself. "You're right." His hand raked through his hair. "I fucked up, and I know it, and if you want me to leave, I'll leave, but please just give me five minutes."

I shook my head, but I also couldn't help my curiosity. He'd driven all the way here because I wouldn't answer my phone, and though I didn't think he deserved my time at this particular moment, my curiosity got the best of me. "I don't owe you anything."

"I know, but I owe you an explanation."

Sucking in a deep breath, I nodded for him to continue. I sank back in my chair and wrapped my hand around the long-neck bottle. "Drink?"

He shook his head. "I may be leaving soon." There was no maybe about it. He was leaving.

I shrugged and tipped the bottle back, taking a deep swig before dropping it back to the table. My gaze lifted, meeting his. "You got one chance. Say it quick, and then go."

His tongue swept out, wetting his lips and momentarily distracting me. "You were right. I was a coward. I was scared." He shoved his hand through his hair. "You honestly scare the shit out of me. I was afraid of how I felt about you. I was so scared that I wanted to throw away the only thing I've ever dreamed about to be with you. I was scared that if I talked to you, I would. I would leave the tour and rush back to you."

I raised my brows like I was calling him on his bullshit.

"I'm serious, Cam." He dropped to his knees in front of me. "

"I like you, and that scares the shit out of me." His voice cracked on the last word. My eyes rolled toward the star-filled sky, but the motion made my head spin. He edged closer, gravel crunching under his boots. "The truth is I was looking for an out. Jax told me what happened at the Cages, and I twisted something he said into something else because it gave me an easy out." His fingers flexed at his sides. "Except you were still all I could think about." The words tumbled out faster now, desperate. "I'm sorry, Cam. I'm sorry that I was looking for an out. I'm sorry I didn't invite you?—"

"Do you have any idea what you did?" He opened his mouth but snapped it shut when I cut him off. "You isolated me from the only family I know. I've always gone to Jax's games with Kaia and your concerts just like I was part of the family, but you made sure to remind me I don't have a family, and I don't have a place in yours either."

"Cam." My name left his lips wrapped in pity, his fingers reaching for my hand.

I yanked back, tucking my hands against my stomach. The moonlight caught the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. "You have no idea just how deep that cut."

His mouth opened, shadows pooling in the corners. "I really didn't?—"

The cold metal of the chair bit into my palms as I gripped the armrests. "Are you done?"

The metal chair creaked as I straightened, meeting his gaze with eyes that felt like ice. His throat worked as he swallowed, the silence stretching between us like a physical thing. I twisted in my chair, turning my shoulder to him like a wall. "You know the way out."

He pushed himself to his feet, his jacket creaking with the movement. "I'm going to go." The pool lights carved harsh lines across his face as he backed away. "But this isn't over. I'm going to make this up to you, I promise."

A single tear streamed down my cheek as I listened to the sound of his boots hitting the pavement fade away. I wouldn't be mad at him forever. I would eventually forgive him, but it wasn't going to be tonight, and I wasn't sure we'd ever get back what we had.