Dirty Little Mistake (Hard to Love #2)

Epilogue

Camryn

3 years later…

The first morning home after a tour always felt like coming up for air. Six months of borrowed beds and strange cities, and now here was Trystan, solid and warm beside me in the bed.

We'd been on the road for six months, and even though I'd woken up next to Trystan every morning, it just wasn't the same as waking up to him in our home in our bed.

I curled into his side, his warmth surrounding me as his arms tightened around me.

His lips brushed against my forehead. " Good morning, beautiful."

"Can we just stay in bed all day?"

His chest rumbled with laughter beneath my cheek. " Unfortunately, no."

I groaned as my fingers traced the curves of her chest.

"I have a surprise for you."

I perked up. " For me?" A slow smile spread across my face.

He nodded.

The last year had been a struggle for Trystan and me. Not because we weren't infatuated with each other but because life was hard, and it was even harder when you were considered the Rock God of Love.

In the last year, life had changed drastically. Trystan's band had gone multi-platinum, and we were struggling with the new-found fame. We couldn't go out in public without security anymore, and it wasn't just him. I couldn't either. Women hated me for the sole reason that I was married to Rock God Trystan West. The media and people on social media were cruel. I didn't know who I couldn't and couldn't trust anymore.

Loneliness had become a different creature since Trystan's fame exploded. Before, it was simple emptiness - missing him on late studio nights, learning to sleep alone. Now, it was drowning in a sea of faces, each one looking through me to see the reflection of him.

The walls of our marriage, once just us two, now echoed with thousands of voices. Every argument risked becoming tomorrow's headline. Every tender moment felt stolen.

Marriage was harder than anyone had warned us. Not just the normal struggles of learning to share a life, but learning to share it with the whole world watching, waiting for us to crack.

On top of all that, we'd been struggling with infertility, and no one knew. It was a secret we couldn't share with anyone because we worried it would end up in the media.

I shifted in the bed, swinging one leg over his waist to straddle him. "What is it?" My fingers traced lazy patterns on his chest. "Is it a trip to Mexico? Because I could really use a vacation."

The corner of his mouth lifted in that secretive smile I knew so well. "No, it's better."

"Better?" I sat back on my heels, studying his face for clues. "The only thing better than a vacation would be…" I paused, thinking about what I wanted most in the world. "Jax and Kaia."

"They are downstairs."

"Oh my god!" The words burst out of me as I scrambled off his lap, nearly tangling myself in the sheets. A year. It had been a whole year since I'd seen Kaia. Video calls and text messages had filled the space between us, but they were poor substitutes for the real thing.

Trystan's low chuckle stopped me at the doorway. "Babe?"

"Hmm?" My hand was already on the doorknob, mind racing ahead to the reunion downstairs.

"You're naked."

The cool air against my skin suddenly registered. I looked down at my very naked self, heat flooding my cheeks. "Right." I pivoted on my heel, making a beeline for the walk-in closet. Hangers clicked against each other as I pushed past designer outfits I'd never worn—remnants of a life I was still learning to inhabit.

"When did they get here?" I shouted from inside the closet.

"They arrived early this morning." I looked up when his voice sounded closer than it should have, and my lips parted as my gaze scanned over my husband in his birthday suit.

Three years of marriage hadn't dulled the effect he had on me. My breath caught as my gaze traced the familiar lines of his lean, chiseled chest and tattoos, following them down to his long thick cock standing at attention. My eyes widened as they lifted to meet his. The hungry look in his eyes made heat pool low in my belly.

"What?" He shrugged. " You didn't think you were going to run around naked and not get his attention, did you?"

I bit my lip, trying to steady my breathing as desire coursed through me. His presence filled the closet, surrounding me with his heat. My skin tingled everywhere his gaze touched, and I shifted, pressing my thighs together as the ache between them intensified.

For the last year, intimacy had become a carefully choreographed dance of ovulation tests, treatments, medication, and perfect timing. Each touch weighted with expectation, each kiss carrying the silent prayer of 'maybe this time.' When we stopped trying six months ago, after our fourth IVF failure, something shifted. The pressure lifted, but left a hollow space neither of us knew how to fill. Now, our touches were lighter and freer, but even without the pressure, I still couldn't stop thinking about it. About what would happen if we couldn't have the big family I'd always wanted.

He stepped into the closet, his gaze fixed on me, and I dropped the clothes I had in my hands.

"Kaia and Jax can wait a few more minutes."

The corner of his lips lifted into a grin.

"I mean, what kind of wife would I be, leaving my husband in this," my gaze dropped to his massive cock before slowly lifting to meet his eyes, "condition?"

He moved closer, deliberately slow, and my heart stumbled in my chest just like it had that first night. His calloused fingers brushed my cheek as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and I leaned into his touch, craving more.

"You are so fucking beautiful." His hot breath fanned across my lips as his hands cupped my face, and my eyes fluttered and closed as he pressed his lips to mine. Our naked bodies fused together as his arms surrounded me.

His kiss grew hungrier, and I pressed closer, desperate to eliminate any space between us. When my fingers trailed down his abs, his muscles tensed under my touch until my fingers wrapped around his cock, feeling it pulse in my palm as I started to stroke him. He caught my wrist with a groan that vibrated through his chest and into mine. The restraint in his grip only made me want him more.

My brows furrowed. "What's wrong?"

"As badly as I want to fuck you right now," he smiled, "I want to take my time." He held my hands in his. "No more quickies."

My lips curved up into a grin. "Okay." That was a deal I was happy to make.

"But," he paused as he brought my hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to each of my knuckles, "I was thinking you should go ahead and take a pregnancy test this morning."

My brows slammed together, and I tugged my hand from his. "What?" I shook my head as I took a step back. "Trystan, we agreed we weren't trying anymore."

He raised his shoulders, and his gaze followed me as I moved to grab my clothes off the floor. "I know, but you’re late and…"

"And, nothing." I stepped into my panties and pulled them on. "I've been late a lot since we started trying and that test is always negative."

He sucked in a heavy breath holding it for a moment before slowly exhaling as I slid on a blue tank top and a pair of cutoff jean shorts. "I know, but what if this time it's positive."

My gaze dropped to the ground. Trystan knew how important it was to me to have a big family but getting my hopes up and holding my breath as I watched another negative result wasn't something I could handle today.

"Trystan." My voice caught on his name. "I love you, but I can't..." I pressed my palm against the cool closet wall, steadying myself. "Every time I take one of those tests, I spend the three minutes building nurseries in my head. Picking names. Imagining your smile when you feel that first kick." I swallowed hard. "And then it's negative, and I have to dismantle all those dreams piece by piece. I'm just not sure I can handle that kind of disappointment and then go out with a smile on my face."

I stepped forward, placing my palms flat on his chest. "Can we just go down and enjoy our time with family? We can talk about this again when they leave." There was still a small part of me that was hopeful that this time, this late period, would be the time the test was positive and right now, I could pretend that there was a chance I was pregnant, but the minute I took the test it was gone, and I wasn't ready for that again.

"Yeah." His forced smile didn't reach his eyes, and his fingers drummed against his thigh. "If that's what you want."

"'I'll take the test after they leave.” I pressed a kiss to his chest, right over his heartbeat. The test would be negative—it always was—but for now, in this moment, we could both pretend there was still a chance. Sometimes, pretending was all we had left. His arms tightened around me, and we both stood silently for a long moment.

Seeing Kaia and Jax felt like old times, well, with a little twist. It had always been a rare occasion that Trystan hung out with us.

The day had faded into night, and I wasn't ready for it to end yet.

It was the first time since we'd moved into our house that we used the luxurious back patio.

"So, where are the kids?" I asked Kaia while Trystan and Jax stood at the patio edge that overlooked the city miles away.

"They are back home with Syn and Ryat."

I laughed. "Who would have thought Syn would be the best babysitter ever."

"A few years ago, I wouldn't have left my pet hamster with her," she laughed. " But she's so good with the girls, and they love her."

"I'm surprised she didn't want to come see Trystan."

"And you?" She smiled. "She did, but she had a big tattoo job tomorrow morning, and Ryat had a hockey thing."

"So, is it serious between them?"

She pursed her lips as she slowly nodded. "They've had their ups and downs. Syn is a West," she paused as her gaze shifted to the two West brothers, "and they all have commitment issues."

My gaze flashed to Trystan as he and Jax slowly strolled back to us, remembering everything we'd gone through to get where we are today. We'd both fought so hard for this, for us, only for it to end up feeling like I was a failure because I wasn't adapting to this lifestyle fast enough and because I couldn't get pregnant.

"Trystan and I are going to run to the store to grab more beer."

I laughed but immediately stopped when they gave me a funny look. "Trystan can't even leave the house without cameras in his face. There's no way he's going to the store with you."

Jax smiled. "The windows to my truck are super dark, plus it’s dark outside, and he can wait in the truck."

"I'll be fine, babe," Trystan reassured me as he leaned down, pressing a quick kiss on my lips. "It will give you and Kaia a chance to gossip about us while we are gone."

"Be careful," I said. "Both of you."

Jaxtyn was exactly low profile, either. His hockey career had led to tons of other contracts such as movies, modeling, commercial. If anyone really understood what we were dealing with, it was Kaia and Jax.

"I'm really glad you're here," I said. Even though Kaia and I talked on the phone almost every day, it just wasn't the same as sitting face-to-face with my best friend.

"So, how are things?"

Sucking in a deep breath, I sighed heavily. " I need a drink. You want a glass of wine or…"

"Uh," she paused, a small smile pulling at the corner of her lips. " No, I'm not really drinking right now."

My chest tightened. "Kai?" I tilted my head.

"We weren't going to say anything yet, but we're pregnant again."

My mouth opened but nothing came out as my heart pounded wildly. I was so excited for my best friend and her growing family, but all the sad feelings I'd had to suppress over the last year came to a boiling point, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. Maybe it was the wrong time or selfish, but in that moment, I couldn't help it.

"Congra—" The word shattered in my throat, splintering into a sob that I'd been holding back for months. My hands trembled as I pressed them against my mouth, trying to contain the sound.

Kaia's smile melted away. She was at my side in an instant, her perfume—the same vanilla scent she'd worn since high school—wrapping around me like a familiar embrace. " Oh my god, Cam." Her hand found mine, squeezing with the perfect pressure that only a best friend knows how to give. "What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry," I managed between shaky breaths, hating how my joy for her was tangled up with my own grief. "I'm happy for you. I really am." The words felt both completely true and impossibly difficult, like trying to smile while drowning.

"Camryn," she snapped. "Talk to me, please. What's going on?"

The words I'd held back for so long seemed to crystallize in the night air. "Trystan and I have been trying to get pregnant." I traced the rim of my wine glass. "Since our wedding night."

Kaia's sharp intake of breath cut through the cricket song. Her face, always so expressive, cycled through shock, understanding, and something that looked like guilt. "Oh, Cam."

My gaze drifted to our house—seven bedrooms, each one carefully planned, each one empty. My chest constricted with the familiar ache as tears threatened. "We kept it quiet." My fingers twisted in my lap. "The media vultures—" I forced a smile that felt brittle. "Well, you know how they are."

"But why didn't you tell me?" Her voice cracked on the last word.

A tear escaped, tracking down my cheek. I brushed it away with trembling fingers. "You had the new baby. And then—" The words caught. I gestured vaguely at her still-flat stomach. "I didn't want to taint your happiness with my..." I searched for the right word. Failed. Released a laugh that sounded more like breaking glass. "But I guess I managed to do that anyway."

"You didn't ruin anything," Kaia said softly, her smile gentle but careful. " Have you guys tried IVF?"

I nodded, each failed attempt flashing through my mind like a slideshow of disappointments. "Four rounds." The words came out hollow, each one representing months of hormone shots, endless doctor visits, hope that rose and crashed like waves. "All failed." I traced the rim of my empty wine glass, remembering how I'd given up wine completely during each attempt, as if denying myself small pleasures could somehow tip the cosmic scales in my favor.

"I'm so sorry, Cam. I know you've always wanted a big family. Have you considered other options?"

"We've talked about it, but we haven't made any decisions yet. We've been taking a break from trying. I'm honestly exhausted."

"I'm so sorry, Cam. I wish there was something I could do to help. I'm always just a phone call away if you need someone to talk to. I'm actually a pretty good listener." I laughed because it was true. "It's not good to keep all this bottled up inside."

Swallowing hard, I wiped away my tears. "I honestly think it's made it worse. It's like suffering in silence." But the truth was infertility wasn't something talked about. While I knew millions of women had or were going through the same thing, it wasn't something that was widely discussed. Which meant millions of people were suffering in silence.

Kaia slid her arm around my shoulder, and I leaned my head into her. "You are never alone. If I have to get on a plane and come to you, I will. No matter where in the world you are. If you need me, I will be there."

"I've really missed you," I whispered.

By the time Trystan and Jax made it back, Kaia and I were talking and laughing about everything in life.

We sat on the back patio as night slowly surrendered to morning, watching the stars fade one by one. Kaia's laugh echoed across the empty patio furniture.

I tried to memorize everything: the way Jax's hand never left Kaia's knee, how Trystan's shoulder pressed warm against mine, the comfortable silences between stories that only old friends can share.

The first rays of sunlight painted everything in soft gold, and exhaustion tugged at us. But still, I resisted, knowing that sleep meant goodbye, leaving our too-big house too quiet again. When Kaia's third yawn triggered a chain reaction among us, we finally admitted defeat, though our feet dragged with every step toward bed.

"Thank you," I said as I closed the bedroom door, my fingers lingering on the handle. The laughter from downstairs still echoed in my ears, making the silence up here feel heavier somehow. "I really needed this."

Trystan was already at the dresser, his movements slow with exhaustion as he pulled off his shirt. "I wish we all lived closer." He paused, shirt dangling from his fingers. His gaze met mine through the mirrors. "I know how much you want a big family."

The words hit differently tonight, landing somewhere between my ribs. I crossed the room to him, each step measured, buying time to steady my voice. "Do you want a big family?"

He turned, confusion flickering across his face. The shirt slipped from his fingers, forgotten.

"I mean—" My heart hammered so loud I was sure he could hear it. I forced myself to meet his eyes, searching for any hint of regret or resignation. "What if we can't get pregnant? Will I be enough for you?"

"Are you kidding me?" The words came out rough, almost angry, but his touch was gentle as his hands found my hips, drawing me closer. His thumbs traced absent circles against my hipbones. "You will always be enough for me." He swallowed hard, and when he spoke again, his voice had a slight tremor. "But I'm terrified that if we don't get pregnant, I won't be enough for you."

"You are my person," I whispered, reaching up to trace the worry lines that had become permanent fixtures around his eyes. A small smile tugged at my lips as his forehead smoothed under my touch. "You will always be enough for me." The truth of it settled in my chest like warm honey. " Maybe a big family isn't in the cards for us. Maybe," my voice caught slightly, "maybe the universe just wants it to be you and me."

"You know there are other options." His voice was careful.

I pressed my palm flat against his chest, feeling his heartbeat steady beneath my hand. " I know." The words came out soft, weighted with years of maybes and what-ifs. " And maybe those options will work out." I swallowed hard, tasting the bitterness of too many shattered hopes. "But maybe they won't, and I need... I need to be okay with that."

"Don't give up yet, Camryn. We agreed to start trying again next month."

I shook my head. "It's been years, and I think I'm done trying. Maybe it's time to look at the other options."

"Why don't we sleep on it." He leaned down, pressing his lips to my forehead. " We can talk about it after Jax and Kaia leave." I nodded. "Let's go to bed."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I'm going to shower, and then I'll meet you there."

Standing in the bathroom doorway, I caught my reflection in the mirror—really saw it for the first time in months. Gone was the woman who scheduled her entire life around ovulation charts and temperature readings, who turned lovemaking into a clinical exercise in timing and positioning. In her place stood someone older, perhaps, but with eyes that held a glimmer of something that looked almost like freedom.

I wanted to take my life back. My marriage back. For more than a year, every moment had been filtered through the lens of possibility—could this be it? Is this the month? Every period felt like a personal betrayal, every pregnancy announcement like a dagger wrapped in congratulations. Our dining room table had become a graveyard of fertility pamphlets and tracking apps, our conversations revolving around cycles and chances rather than dreams and desires.

At some point—maybe it was tonight, watching Kaia and Jax simply exist together—you had to accept the hard truth. Had to stop treating your body like an uncooperative machine and your marriage like a means to an end. Some doors weren't meant to open, no matter how long you stood knocking, and I was finally okay with that as long as I had Trystan.

Stepping into the bathroom, I closed the door behind me. My gaze landed on my last pregnancy test sitting on the counter. The one I promised I'd take after Kaia and Jax left.

Smiling, I grabbed the test. "Fuck it." I was going to take this last test, and then I was done. If it happened in the future, it happened, but if it didn't, that was okay, too.

I took the test with the practiced movements of someone who'd done this too many times to count. Setting it face-up on the counter felt like an old ritual now—one part self-preservation, one part superstition. I stripped off my clothes and stepped into the shower, letting the steam envelop me.

As the hot water cascaded over my skin, an unexpected sense of peace settled over me. Maybe it was acceptance. Maybe it was exhaustion. For the first time in years, I felt like I could breathe without the weight of expectation pressing against my ribs. Expectations I'd put on myself.

The door handle wiggled—that familiar sound that meant Trystan was trying to be both cautious and casual at the same time. When he poked his head in, his eyes found mine. I smiled, grateful for how he still made my heart skip even in our most ordinary moments.

"You want some company."

"Yes."

He stepped inside and quickly stripping out of his clothes. He froze mid-removal of his box briefs. "Did you take the test?"

"Yeah." I ran my hand down my face, removing the water. "It's my last one, and I'm not buying anymore."

He stared down at the test before slowly looking up at me, confusion twisting on his gorgeous face. "What does two lines mean?"

My face dropped. "What?"

"There's two pink lines."

I shook my head as I opened the glass shower door, not bothering to dry it off, and moved from the shower to the counter.

My gaze locked onto the test. The bathroom seemed to tilt sideways, everything narrowing to those two pink lines.

One line: not pregnant.

Two lines: pregnant.

Two. Lines.

"Two lines means..." The words felt foreign on my tongue, like a language I'd forgotten how to speak.

"You're pregnant." Trystan's voice cracked on the second word.

My head snapped up to meet his eyes in the mirror. The hope there was almost too much to bear. "I'm ..." The word stuck in my throat. Years of negative tests had taught me not to trust moments like these. "I need another test." My voice trembled as I stared back at those pink lines, afraid that even blinking might make them disappear.

His hands shook as he yanked open drawer after drawer, toiletries clattering against wood. "There has to be another test here." The muscle in his jaw twitched.

My fingers clutched the counter's edge until my knuckles went white. "That was the last one." The words caught in my throat like shards of glass.

His head snapped up, eyes meeting mine in the mirror. "The travel bags." Something flickered across his face—that stubborn hope I'd fallen in love with. "I always pack extras, remember? For those just-in-case moments."

A breathless laugh escaped me. Of course, he did. My practical, prepared rock of a husband, who'd held me through every negative test, who'd never once made me feel like I wasn't enough.

He slipped on the puddle of water I'd tracked across the tile, catching himself on the doorframe. Any other time, I would have laughed at his graceless sprint from the bathroom. Instead, I found myself holding my breath, counting seconds, remembering every other time we'd done this dance of hope and despair.

When he returned, we took both tests together. The digital one felt too modern, too clinical, with its clear "PREGNANT" staring back at us. But the second one—those two pink lines appearing like a dawn we'd waited years to see—that one made it real.

I threw myself into his arms, my wet skin sliding against his, and felt his heart hammering against my cheek. "We're pregnant." The words tasted different this time, sweet instead of desperate.

Trystan's arms tightened around me as he buried his face in my wet hair. I felt the shudder that ran through him, felt the years of careful strength finally crack open into raw joy.

I pressed my hand to my still-flat stomach, marveling at how something so small could fill up all the empty spaces in our seven-bedroom house. Maybe we wouldn't end up with the big family we'd originally planned. Maybe this miracle was all we'd get. But as Trystan covered my hand with his own, I knew with absolute certainty that whatever our future held, it would be enough.

More than enough.