Dirty Play (Empire State Hockey Series)

1. Cade

“Would you get your ass out of my face? I’m busy,” Miles grumbles to Harris, who decided to do squats as close to Miles”s face as possible, the little shit starter.

You can tell Harris is a younger brother. He loves to push people”s buttons and is overjoyed when he gets the reaction he’s hoping for.

Reminds me of the way my younger brother and I used to be when we were growing up. It drove me crazy—his incessant poking and prodding, all to get a reaction out of me. But as we grew older and got closer, I started to enjoy that side of Vince.

It took a long time after I left to stop missing it so much.

“You could at least say thank you. I mean, I have an incredible ass. But if being this close to my perfect behind makes you uncomfortable, I guess I can move,” Harris says with a smirk, walking over to where the squat rack is actually set up. Turning back, he looks over at Miles who’s currently flexing in the mirror instead of starting another round of bench press. “Besides, Miles, I wouldn’t exactly classify you sending sweaty thirst traps to your flavor of the week as being ‘busy’.”

“Fuck off or I’ll send one to your mom.”

“Tell her I say hi.” Harris winks before starting another set of squats. He may be a shit starter, but Harris works his ass off—it just takes him a while to get started.

There’s a reason he’s one of the best defensemen in the NHL. Not only does he help make my job a hell of a lot easier, he’s also the leading scorer amongst the league’s defensemen. He’s always been that way, even back when we were kids playing on the only team our parents could find close to our small town, which was still an hour away. That meant we had lots of time to crack jokes and make each other laugh in the back of one of our parents’ vehicles, whoever got stuck driving us that day.

“Can you two shut your faces and finish your workouts? I’d have been done half an hour ago had I come on my own,” I grumble before picking up my weights again. Being a goalie, my workout program is quite a bit different than these guys. I spend a lot of time focusing on my flexibility and keeping my mobility up, whereas these guys spend most of their time with strength training and cardio. That being said, as annoying as they are, it’s nice to burn off some frustration with them when our schedules align.

We pause our workouts when Trevor comes over with post-run sweat dripping down his face. I have no idea how he runs inside on a treadmill. I love to run, probably more than I even realize, but I need my feet hitting that pavement to make it enjoyable.

“You guys remember Ellie’s surprise party is tomorrow, right?” Trevor asks as he towels off his face.

“Of course, I’ve been counting down the days until we have an evening off,” Harris says with a smile. “I’ve been needing a night out.”

“We’ve gone out, you’ve just been too busy for us these last few months,” I grunt, finishing my last rep before reracking my weights. I’m exaggerating a bit. He’s bailed on us just a couple of times, but has never told us why—so obviously, I’m giving him shit. I’m a nosy bastard. “But I agree, it’s time to let loose. It’s been a while since I’ve had a wild night out.”

“You mean, besides when you had your little sleepover with Gwen? Did you get to let loose then?” Miles asks, wagging his eyebrows like a fool. I immediately feel everyone”s eyes on me, while he just stands there looking damn proud of himself.

I tell myself it’s just their attention that causes my cheeks to heat, not the mention of Gwen or that night. Harris and Miles have been giving me so much shit lately, trying to get me to come out with them after a game, but the idea of going to a bar just to spend time with puck bunnies never sounds fun so I’ve turned them down each time—if I want a quick fuck, I can easily find one in my phone. But for now, my hand and I are doing just fine on those nights I need a release.

“Fuck off,” I grumble, glaring at them before turning away and busying myself with stretches.

They’ve always bugged me about Gwen, pretty much since the first time I met her, and they had to remind me to pick my jaw up off the ground… multiple times. They just don’t realize after that day I’ve shoved down any attraction or feelings, deep down. Just because I think she’s hot doesn’t mean I want anything to happen between her and me. Well, it doesn’t mean I’d ever let anything happen between us.

Well… mostly.

But they’ve never given up. It definitely didn’t help that one night she had two tickets to a concert out in Philly and ended up having one of her friends bail on her at the last minute.

That would have been fine if it hadn’t been the Morgan Wallen concert that I’d listened to her drone on about for months. It was insane how much planning she did, figuring out how to get tickets before they sold out, where to stay and how they’d get there, only to have her friend cancel the day of.

When she called me, obviously upset, and asked if I wanted to go with her, I knew I had to go. It didn’t matter that I had a million alarms blaring in my mind, all encompassed by red flags and flashing lights, telling me I should keep the distance between us. I couldn’t. Not when we were home on a break between games and didn’t have practice for two days—I had no excuse. I knew she would be devastated if she didn’t get to go, plus the excitement in her voice when I said I could go, hell, that was fucking worth it in itself.

But, I mean, every guy wants to see their friends happy… right?

At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

“Is that really all we’re going to get? Aren’t you ready to finally share the juicy details of your little getaway?” Harris jokes while Trevor quietly watches everything unfold, a playful look in his eyes.

“I’ll share when you do,” I deadpan, watching his eyes widen in shock.

“Next subject please,” Harris says as he pulls his sweatshirt back on, and I just smirk.

He’s been acting weird lately, bailing on us more than usual or sneaking off early into the night claiming a headache or whatever. Plus, he’s just been a little different lately, hot and cold. I don’t think the other guys have noticed it yet, but I’ve known him for almost our entire lives—I’ve noticed it.

“There has to be something going on between you two. I’ve seen the way you look at each other, I mean, just the way you bicker… I don’t know. It’s tense as fuck. But like, in a good way… like, I feel like I need a cigarette if I’m in the room with the two of you for too long.” Miles grins.

“You complain about me going to book club with my mom, and you’re here talking about sexual tension and the “looks” they were giving each other?” Harris jokes, already back to his usual self.

I’ll figure it out one day, but I’ll wait till he’s ready.

Harris has two older sisters, both of whom have declared themselves the leaders of the book club in our hometown, trying to spice up everyone”s life by getting our grandmas reading smut. His mom attends and it’s fun watching him squirm whenever she calls to tell him about their recent book choice. At least that’s what Harris is always telling us. It’s been quite some time since I’ve been back home to listen to my mom or sister tell me about it.

It’s been even longer since I’ve considered that town my home.

“The book club your mom and sisters are in is a little more… adventurous, than just talking about sexual tension,” Miles says with a little smirk that tells me he’s up to no good. “Since you mentioned book club… what did you say the name of it was? It’s after a bird, right?”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Harris blush before so I almost can’t believe my eyes when he avoids eye contact and looks down at his phone, leaving me curious. Thankfully, Miles isn’t done.

“Was it the Robins? The Crows? Maybe the Eagles?”

“The Swallows,” Harris replies with no amusement. “That would be thanks to my sisters, Lyla and Emmie, but my mom definitely thought it was hilarious.”

I can’t help but laugh at his expense. Really, The Swallows?

“Based on the name, they definitely aren’t reading Nicholas Sparks level of spice,” I chime in, unable to help myself.

“Now, Cade, you’re not getting off the hook that easy. Is that really all we’re getting? You can’t even give us something little?” Harris pokes.

“Yes, that’s all you’re getting. We went to the concert. It was nice.” I roll my eyes, hoping he’ll let it go, but of course he doesn’t. “We had fun, listened to music, then came home. We’re friends, that’s all. Now, can we finish this workout? I’m getting fucking hungry and you’re somehow even more annoying when I’m hangry.”

“Whatever. One day you’ll spill the tea,” Miles grumbles, shoulders slumped as he turns to finish his workout.

I feel bad they keep asking and I won’t give them anything. I’m just not in the mood to have a conversation about Gwen, I never am. They think they know everything about us and give me a ton of shit already. If they knew about all the other times we hung out—the times we hung out away from the group—they’d be insufferable.

That’s why I don’t mention the times we’ve bumped into each other and decided to grab drinks, staying out far too late just talking about music. Or the time she needed help setting stuff up in her apartment and didn’t know who to call, so I went and hung her TV and built her furniture.

I made her promise to never buy IKEA furniture again unless they fix their fucking instructions.

If the guys knew about all of this, they’d say there was something between us, something more than just friends, and damn, I wish I could tell them they’re right. I’ve always had a crush on her. But I’ve only ever let myself acknowledge it in the dark.

Outside of that, I just deny it.

Deny, deny, deny.

After a quick showerand a plan to meet at the pub down the street for some food, I’m finally walking out to my car. I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket for the fifth time since we finished our workout. Chances are high it’s just my mother again, so I let it go to voicemail like usual; that way I can listen to it and respond by text message. It’s easier to decide a conversation is over when you can just choose to not respond to a message.

Over the phone, it’s always a lot of questions I don’t have answers to and awkward silences that fill the rest of the time, and I’m just not cut out for that.

Especially when anytime I’m talking to my mom or anyone in my family, I want to apologize for what I did, to beg for their forgiveness. But I don’t deserve it, so it’s just been easier to avoid them all together. This time, though, when I grab my phone to double-check, I see another name flash across the phone as it starts ringing in my hand—again.

Kylie.

My little sister.

Usually, when my parents are trying to get a hold of me, and I don’t respond, they get my sister involved. Kylie is my little sister, but she lectures me like she’s older and more mature. As much as I want to ignore it and send her straight to voicemail, I promised myself I would never send her calls to voicemail. I can ignore everyone else, especially Vince because he never calls, but Kylie knows I’ll answer her calls in case there’s an emergency.

“Hello,” I say into the phone, carrying the rest of my gear in my other hand.

“So, you are alive,” she snaps, her tone crisp, annoyance evident. “Do you realize every day you don’t answer her phone calls you’re breaking her heart a little more?”

Her words hit me hard, exactly like she intended. I hate the way she’s upset with me, even though I only have myself to blame. I’ve caused this entire mess; I can’t expect someone else to clean it up for me.

“Yes, Ky, I am. Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. Am I not allowed to call my big brother and just say hi?”

I sigh, knowing if I answer truthfully, she’ll call me a dick.

“I guess you can,” I grit out, getting into my 4Runner and starting her up, getting the heat going. If I have to have this conversation, at least I can be comfortable.

There’s a moment of silence, neither of us saying anything. I can hear her breathing on the other end of the line until finally, I hear her sigh.

“Why do you have to make everything so difficult, Cade?” she whines. “Look, Mom and Dad miss you. I miss you. Will you come home for their anniversary party? It’s a couple of months away and we both know it’s in your off-season, so you can’t use that as an excuse.

There’s not a chance I’m going back home. I haven’t been home in years. At least five years… possibly more. There’s nothing for me back there. Just memories and heartbreak. It’s better for everyone if I stay far away.

Especially for my family.

“I’m not making anything difficult, Ky. It’s just… I’m not coming home. I can’t come home.”

“That’s not true, Cade. It’s your home. We’re your family. Why can’t you just stop running from everything?” Kylie says, her voice softer, filled with sadness now. “Mom hasn’t been the same since you left.”

“No. Mom hasn’t been the same since our sister died. I just make it worse. I know it and I think deep down, you do too,” I growl, one hand running through my hair as I wait for her to talk. Instead, all I can hear through my car speakers is her breathing, all but confirming my statement.

When she finally speaks, her voice is so soft I nearly miss it.

“You’re wrong, Cade, so wrong. We miss you. Please… please, just think about coming home. That’s all I ask. Please, just think about it.”

My usual excuses are on the tip of my tongue, but something holds me back. I didn’t expect her to sound so… broken. I didn’t expect her to sound so upset just because she misses me. It’s enough that I can’t just tell her no.

“Fine, Ky. But don’t get your hopes up, chances are my answer will still be no.”

“I’ll take it.”

“Bye, Kylie.”

“Bye, Cade. I love you,” she says before hanging up.

I lean back, letting my head hit the seat in defeat.

I love you, too, little sis.