17. Gwen
Ever since Cade and I spent the night together, I’ve been in the best mood—of course, it helps that I had the day off. Today is no different, even if it is also stressful, with Kennedy’s surgery happening. I figured we would watch a movie, hang out a bit, and then he would go home. I didn’t expect him to spend the next four hours worshiping my body in every position he could think of.
Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, pretzel dip, lotus… the list goes on, each one more impressive than the last. When we finally went to bed at nearly five in the morning, I fell asleep expecting him to be gone again when I woke up. Imagine my surprise when I roused to find his naked body still wrapped around my own, spooning me.
I had to practically peel his arms off me to get up to use the bathroom, and somehow, he slept through the entire thing. Once he was finally awake, which took a little coaxing from me, we spent the day eating, watching movies, and becoming more familiar with each other”s bodies.
It was the first time we’ve hung out, just the two of us, that hasn’t felt forced. We talked about life some, although not too deeply. And we spent most of the time watching Harry Potter— while still naked—so it’s not surprising we have absolutely nothing figured out. I have no idea where we stand, and it’s a little unnerving. Where I’m used to living in a world of black and white, we are surrounded by a sea of gray.
When he was leaving this morning, having spent two nights at my place, he acknowledged that we were in the unknown. He voiced the one thing I needed to hear, though, when he told me that he cared about me enough not to run and wanted to give us time to figure out what this was between us. When he admitted it might not be easy for him and asked for some patience, I knew I would wait it out with him.
I mean, only time will tell how this all plays out. Are we friends who are having fun, messing around until we get this out of our systems? Or have we always been something more and just avoided acknowledging it until it became too much?
So far, this is enough for me. I don’t need him to be my boyfriend this second. Hell, I’m not even sure I want a boyfriend. How can I work, spend time with friends, and have a boyfriend? I barely have enough time outside of work as it is. I just need him to be my Cade—the added orgasms are just a bonus.
I’m walkingover to check in with Kennedy one last time before her surgery. They have already started to prep the donor, getting them ready to go, and I can’t wipe the smile off my face at the realization that this is all finally happening.
Denise and Josh went up with Kennedy to start helping her get prepped, but not one of them looked nervous. That’s not usually the reality with one of these surgeries, but I think they’ve all struggled with this illness for long enough that even a major surgery feels like a relief because it’s a step in the right direction—hopefully, a fresh start.
When I head down the hall toward her room, Dr. Dickhead is walking toward me with a nurse, probably on their way to get ready.
“What are you doing?” he asks, his snippy tone mixed with confusion.
“Oh, I was just checking in with Kennedy one last time,” I reply with a smile, not letting his attitude bother me today.
“No.”
I turn to look at him, confusion evident on my face, but it’s Karla, the nurse standing next to him who speaks up first.
“We’ve been trying to reach you for a while. A man named Cade has been trying to get a hold of you for the last hour.”
“Oh, he can wait until after this. I’ll give him a call once her surgery has started,” I tell them, turning to look back toward Kennedy’s room. I’m sure Cade is just calling to wish me luck. He knows today is a big day.
“No, sweetie, he actually can’t,” she says, her smile soft. “Why don’t you just go talk to him? He’s in room 442.”
Room 442?
Why would Cade be in room 442?
That’s the room the donor is in.
“You must be mistaken,” I tell them. “That’s the room the donor is in.”
Dr. D turns to look at me, an incredulous look on his face. “Cade Williams is the donor,” he says in a snarky tone before turning on his heel and walking down the hall toward the operating room.
My heart stops.
This can’t be true.
Cade can’t be the donor… could he?
Without another thought, I turn and sprint down the hall. I ignore every single rule about running in the hallways. I don’t wait for the elevator. I go straight for the stairs, not stopping until I make it to the room. I open the door, expecting to see some random person lying in the bed getting prepped. I’m shocked when I see a pair of warm brown eyes staring back at me, filled to the rim with fear.
“You came,” he says quietly, his voice hoarse, breaking my heart.
I walk over to Cade with tears in my eyes, falling to my knees as I grab his hand in mine. I have questions. So many questions. Like, why the fuck is he here? What is he doing donating a kidney? But most importantly, I want to know why the fuck he didn’t tell me, especially when we just spent the night together?
“Wh-what are you doing here?”
“By the looks of it, I’m about to have surgery,” he says softly, squeezing my hand in his.
“But why?” I ask, ignoring the nurses around us as they get ready to move him to the OR.
“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I guess I met a sweet little girl and her mom one night, and she let it slip that she needed a new kidney. I mean, why should I have two perfectly good kidneys while she needs one just to survive? When I found out I was a perfect match, it was a no-brainer.”
I just gape at him. He sounds confident, like this is an everyday occurrence, getting ready to be put under for surgery. But he’s definitely not confident, I can see it clear as day. I can see it all, the fear in his eyes, the slight tremble in his touch. I can feel it all. Dammit, all I want is for him to know he’s going to be fine—but that it’s okay to be scared.
I may be annoyed that he didn’t tell me before today—pissed off, even—and I definitely need to know why. But he called for me. He wanted me here with him before he went in, and this vulnerability from him means more than anything else—he’s letting me see that he”s scared.
I’m scared, too.
“Mr. Williams, we’re just about ready to take you back,” one of the nurses says with a smile.
I shake my head. “Just give us one moment,” I tell her, looking back up at Cade.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Who brought you?” I ask, my words hoarse as I watch him squirm, not wanting to make him feel bad but needing to know why he hid this from me. How he could spend basically the last two days with me and not tell me that the surgery I’ve been so excited about is one that involves him, too.
“You were already so stressed out about Kennedy. I didn’t want to give you someone else to worry about. I know how much Kennedy and her family need you, I don’t want to add anything else to your plate,” he says softly, his eyes drifting away like he can’t quite look at me. “I wanted to be strong for you. Besides, Rex already sort of knew. I convinced him to bring me in.”
“I worry about a lot of people, Cade. I worry about my patients, my friends, all of them. What makes you think I wouldn’t worry about you, too?”
“I know you would—I just don’t think I deserve it.”
My heart breaks even further, knowing that this big, sweet teddy bear of a man doesn’t think he’s deserving of someone to care about him. What has he gone through that makes him think he’s not worthy of love? Not worthy of people”s time and energy?
I want to be mad at him. I want to yell and let him know how I feel, but when I look at him all I can see is a man baring his heart to me, even if it is a bit of an unconventional situation. What kind of friend would I be if I got mad or, even worse, walked away?
No, now I need to show him that I’m here and that nothing he does or has done will make him unworthy of me being right here with him.
“What changed?” I ask, urging him on, knowing we are seconds away from them kicking me out and bringing him up to surgery.
“I just wanted to fix something I broke, and helping Kennedy seems like a good place to start. But when I got here, and they started telling me what they were going to do… I freaked out. All I could think about was that I wanted to talk to you one more time, that I needed to see your face just once more… that it might help me believe it would be okay,” he tells me, the nervousness apparent in his voice.
“It will be, Cade, and lucky for you, now I’ll be waiting. I’ll go let Rex know I’m here and give him updates if he’d like,” I tell him. Standing up, I lean forward, surprising us both when I lay a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. “I’ll see you when you wake up, Grumps.”
With that, I watch as they wheel him out, leaving me with the next four hours to stress eat and try to stay focused on work.
Keepingmy mouth shut about Cade being in the hospital was more difficult than I expected, especially with our group of friends. It’s nice to have Rex, but it’s not the same as if I had Sawyer or Cassie. The day of his surgery was easy enough because I was at work and ran around until it was done, then spent the rest of the day making sure both he and Kennedy were okay.
After that, it became more challenging because I had so many questions about his plan once he was released. I couldn’t just invite myself over to his house and force him to let me take care of him. I’ve heard the guys talk about Cade, how even they’ve barely been to his house, and that he’s for sure never brought a woman there.
Ever.
I wanted to call them, text Harris, and let him know what was going on, but Cade made me promise not to. He didn’t care that I was just trying to help, that his friends cared about him and deserved to know, especially when he needed some support. He still said no, that they had their own stuff going on, and it was bad enough he had to bug Rex with it.
At least I know he wasn’t originally planning on going into that surgery with no one knowing what was happening.
I spent more time with Cade after surgery, checking in with him on my breaks, sneaking in afterward to snuggle him, making sure he knew he wasn’t alone. I also made sure to pass along updates about Kennedy. Denise wanted to make sure he knew how she was doing—that she was still recovering but that her body seemed to be accepting the transplant so far.
But now it’s the day he’s getting discharged, and I need to know what his plan is. Walking into his room—on my day off, mind you—I smile when I see him sitting up. These last couple of days were a bit rough with the pain management—in other words, he thought he was too badass to need pain medication and would be able to tough it out.
Spoiler alert: he was not that badass and proceeded to press the nurse call button at least forty-seven times between two and three in the morning, getting both of us in trouble because I was still visiting him.
We ended up having to play catch up with his meds to try and get ahead of the pain, and it made for a rough go there for a while.
“Hey, you. Are you ready to bust out of here?” I ask, sitting on the side of his bed as he gives me a smile.
“Been ready,” he grumbles, his hand grabbing for my leg to give it a quick squeeze.
Things have seemed normal between us these last few days, and it’s been nice. Although I think part of it is that he’s been in a hospital bed recovering so there’s really been no time for anything past a few stolen kisses and lots of snuggles.
That’s not to say that he hasn’t been flirty and suggestive every once in a while, making me blush more than once, which Mariah has gotten a kick out of. Plus, he’s been a lot touchier these past few days, grabbing my hand or kissing my cheek, pretty much anything he could do to have a physical connection with me. I would even catch him tracing circles on my bare skin—the feeling of his fingertips running against the inside of my wrist had me shivering, his touch hot against my skin, yet I felt goosebumps everywhere.
But that’s how it’s been this last week since surgery. Now, we’re about to leave, and I have no idea what’s about to happen. Is he going to run for the hills, regretting everything between us? Or will he stand beside me like he said, promising to wade through this mess to see what we could be?
I haven”t missed the way he’s been looking at me; the tiny glances he sneaks my way while I’m talking to his doctors. Or the way his eyes light up when I laugh at something he’s said. He’s confusing as hell, but I’m starting to wonder if maybe Sawyer was onto something. Although maybe it’s not Cade who’s like an ogre… perhaps it’s our relationship that has layers. We have this vision of what everything is between us, but it’s possible we can’t see the whole picture.
Maybe we just need to peel it back until we can see what’s been hiding inside.
“Well, I heard they were getting everything signed off for you to leave, so hopefully, it’ll be in the next hour,” I tell him, playing with the blanket on his bed. “Have you figured out what your plan is? I have the next three days off, but after that, what are you going to do?”
“I actually wanted to talk to you about that. It’s kind of a crazy idea, so I know there’s a chance it won’t work, but… uh… is there any chance you might be able to take a little time off?”
“What do you mean, take a little time off?” I ask, expectantly, not sure where this conversation is going and what this has to do with his recovery. “I already have the next three days off to make sure you’re settled.”
“How about two weeks?” he asks, his eyes scrunched like he can avoid my reaction.
My jaw drops. “Two weeks? What for?”
Before he can answer, the discharge nurse walks in with his paperwork, and I swear I hear Cade sigh in relief.
“You’re finally free,” she says with a smile before turning to me. “Will you be driving him, Gwen?”
“Yes, Clara, I will. I can’t let this fool try to drive himself because, believe me, he’d try,” I say with a smile, but I hope he can hear the truth in my words. I know damn well he’s stupid enough to do it himself.
Probably some bullshit excuse of not wanting to inconvenience anyone.
Which is why I’m not telling him that I’m taking him to my place, not his.
This way, he can’t argue.