CHAPTER FIVE
LEVI
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I shovel the last mouthful of salad into my mouth and slide my plate away. I didn’t know it was possible to be hungry and not at the same time.
But it is.
I’m only eating because I spent over eight hours training, and I need to fuel my body now. I’m a professional athlete. Although swallowing the chicken breasts was like a lead weight.
I rub a sore muscle in my shoulder and lean back in the chair.
“So, good first day?” Kyler asks as he sits beside me at the kitchen counter.
“Yeah. Felt good to be there.” I smile, even though I am trying to bend time and go back so I can have a do-over with Kaylee.
Not our relationship, that’s irreparable.
I mean our conversation. I was rude. Really fucking rude. My mother would be ashamed of me and...well, I’m ashamed of myself.
I meant what I said though—most of it, anyway.
Months of hurt, anger, and frustration boiled up and exploded when I got her alone in the hallway. When she shoved me and disappeared, I caught the glisten of tears in her eyes, and it did something to me.
All this time, I thought she’d dumped me for an NFL player and it just didn’t work out. No surprise—Colby’s relationship average is worse than mine.
But today, as she ran from me, I realized I might be wrong. I also realized a few other things.
I fucking miss her.
I miss her pretty whisky-colored eyes, her soft locks, her sexy smile.
I miss hearing her smoky voice and little giggles.
The way she skips around life, positive and excited.
I miss having her in my arms.
In my bed.
In my life.
How I used to surprise her after class. Take her for drives and impress her with my stupid car. Well, not that stupid—it’s a Maserati, the sexiest car on the planet.
According to me.
I miss working out while she reads one of her textbooks, studying toward her own degree. Not that we are in college anymore. We’ve both graduated and are living different lives now.
Unfortunately, not that fucking different. Kaylee is working for the Hawkes.
Jesus, fuck.
“But?” Drew climbs off his chair and heads over to my fridge for another beer. He holds it up in question.
Kyler and I shake our heads.
Atlas, with a mouth full of chicken, says, “I’ll have one.”
“Why are you not home with your nearly wife?” I ask my brother.
He swallows. “She’s insane.”
Drew laughs.
Molly is not insane. I know that for a fact. But she is pregnant with twins, and from what I’ve observed, Atlas has become a he-man. Way overprotective and driving her nuts.
“She kicked you out, didn’t she?”
Atlas takes the beer from Drew and shrugs.
“She kicked him out,” Kyler says, and bites down on a piece of grilled chicken.
“Fine. She said we need space tonight and that I should go and play elsewhere before, and I quote, she fucking kills me for knocking her up,” Atlas admits.
We all burst out laughing.
An image of Kaylee pregnant with my child appears completely uninvited inside my head.
Ugh.
Is this what my life will be like every goddamn day with her working for the Hawkes? There is no way I can ignore my feelings for her. Then and now. I may hate what she did, but my body still reacts.
Yes, my cock.
But also my chest. The tightening I felt seeing her wet eyes and the force under my feet pushing me to go after her distracted me all afternoon.
I climb down off my stool and gather the empty plates, dropping them in the sink, leaving them for my cleaners.
For me, adjusting to being a professional player is more about the day-to-day stuff than the financials.
Yes, earning multiple millions every season is a shit ton of money, but as a wealthy man already, there’s no giddy excitement about buying new cars, or having employees to help me in my home and life. That infrastructure is already set up.
Like everyone in my family, I have a large home, staff to take care of things, and my gorgeous Maserati. Oh, and a couple of shiny wristwatches.
Along with the surname and money comes media attention.
Becoming a quarterback for the Hawkes is a big deal, but when it’s the son of Ward Montgomery, the press thinks it’s an even more interesting story.
The real story is me performing once I get on the field.
The moves I make.
The mistakes.
The wins.
And everything in between.
Coach is yet to make a decision about whether I’ll be the starting quarterback or keep me on the bench for a few games.
I don’t know what the right decision is. Of course I want to get on the field and do my thing, but the pressure is enormous, and I have the entire team to think about.
It’s not just about my career.
I want to see us make it to the Super Bowl. Like every player. And to do that, I need to focus on my game...not Kaylee.
Kyler and Drew head off and just as I’m about to tell Atlas he needs to get the hell out of my house and go home to his pregnant fiancé, he reaches for his jacket and picks up his keys.
“About time,” I tease. As brothers, we couldn’t be any closer, but that doesn’t mean we don’t hassle the shit out of one another.
“What happened today?” he asks.
“What?”
“Something happened.”
Fuck.
Of course, he noticed my mood. I would’ve been able to hide it from Knox—maybe—but not Atlas or Bella. They’re way too observant and intuitive.
I sigh and lean my ass against the back of an armchair, then cross my arms. “Kaylee was there.”
He startles. “Why?”
“She’s working for the Hawkes. One of the new physios.”
“Jesus. She didn’t think to tell you?” he grunts.
I shake my head. “She doesn’t owe me anything...and in her words, it’s been months.”
He lifts a shoulder and nods. “True. You okay?”
No.
“Yeah. I, ah, I said a few things I shouldn’t have,” I confess. “If I’d known she was going to be there, I could have processed it beforehand, you know.”
Atlas nods.
“But I was a dick.”
“So apologize. Move on,” my brother says.
“Yeah.” I unfold my arms and run a hand through my hair.
As if it’s that easy. I thought she was important. That we were each other’s future. Kaylee was not just some girl I dated for a few weeks.
Despite telling her that.
Despite telling Atlas that months ago.
He watches me.
“Dude.” I lift my eyes to his. “You still like her.”
“I never didn’t like her.” I growl, knowing I should shut up, but the words fall out and I can’t stop them.
This is what she does to me.
She tilts my world, and I feel unbalanced.
Atlas drops his jacket over the back of the sofa and plants his hands on his hips. “Do not forget what happened. The coach nearly dropped you at Penn State. You need to stay focused on the game. Not Kaylee Rose.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I snap.
Glancing down, he draws in a breath. “God, Levi, I want to throttle this girl. If she fucks this up for you...”
I push away from the chair and walk over to him, slapping him on the shoulder. “She can’t. Only I can do that. Listen, don’t worry, this is far too important to me. It was just a surprise today. That’s all. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
I meant what I said. I can blame Kaylee all I want, but I don’t want to hear anyone else doing that. After all, it’s my responsibility to stay focused. No one else’s.
I’m a professional athlete. If I gave that power away to anyone else, I’d fail in a week.
“Anyway, I don’t think she’ll talk to me again after what I said. So it’s likely we’ll just zig and zag, keeping out of each other’s way.” I smirk, a little ashamed.
My parents raised me to respect women, so it wasn’t a proud moment.
But she broke my heart
I’ve never admitted this. Not even to myself. Before Kaylee cheated on me, I was struggling with my feelings for her.
I’d fallen in love.
As brothers we’d claimed we’d never marry—now of course they’d all broken that vow—so being the youngest and still at college, it had taken me by surprise.
How could I be in love so young?
I hadn’t been drafted yet, and my mom had only died a few years ago.
Kaylee was my first serious girlfriend. One I couldn’t imagine spending my life without. But I was questioning it. Telling Kaylee that I loved her was a big deal. I needed to be sure.
Did I know what love was?
Was it just because she was the only woman I’d spent much time with? We’d been spending every free moment together, when I wasn’t training, at a game, or at class, so I made some shitty excuses and did some things on my own.
This period coincided with when we had a big family dinner. I wanted to invite her. I should have invited her. But it felt like a big deal to have her there. Not only would it have sent a message to Kaylee that we were serious, my family would have thought the same thing. So I decided this would be a good one to sit out and see how I felt not having her there.
I missed her.
The following weekend was Jackson Billows party. The rest is history.
So I concluded that, no, it wasn’t love.
We were together for eight weeks, Levi.
To Kaylee, it meant nothing. She more or less said that this morning with her statement.
It was time I moved on.
I refuse to mess up my professional football career, like I nearly did in college.
I will be her friend.
Nothing more.
––––––––
TWO HOURS LATER, I’m lying in bed, jerking off as I picture Kaylee on her knees, her bare ass under my hands as I thrust my cock inside her.
She moans my name as her small, pert breasts bounce under her. Then gasps as I pinch her nipples in my imagination.
“Come for me kitten,” I imagine telling her, as my thick muscular thighs drop, and my hand fists my cock.
“Harder,” she begs.
“My girl likes her pussy pounded, does she?”
My hips lift off the bed and I let out a moan. Come spills over my abs and the relief I feel is minimal.
I let out a frustrated groan.
As a newly minted player, there are plenty of choices out there. I’m done being the Player . I want what I had with Kaylee.
Correction: I want something better. Someone loyal and honest, who feels the way I do. Not someone who just wants a guy wearing a football jersey.
I liked being able to talk with Kaylee and share my dreams. I’d tell her about my plays as we jogged through the park, and I’d help her study.
In many ways both our interests were on the athletic body. Mine, my own. Hers, those of her future patients.
I just had no idea that I’d be one of them.
As her fucking ex-boyfriend.
I’ve fucked a few girls since we broke up, and I’m almost certain it makes me feel worse. I may not have known back then, but I do know now...I loved Kaylee Rose.
That’s what hurts the most.
I stare at the ceiling, then reach for my phone.
Friends.
It’s time to truly let her go.