Chapter 47
forty-seven
. . .
REAGAN
I found myself caught between a rock and a hard place.
Emotions warred for purchase inside me.
Pure elation that Lainey was back. That she was whole, seemingly no worse for the wear, though I knew she’d have some shit to unpack in therapy.
She’d been examined by an ER doc, who ran a battery of tests and immediately hooked her up to an IV, the fluid loaded with electrolytes and medicine. Despite some obvious malnourishment, the doctor didn’t see anything outwardly concerning about Lainey’s appearance.
Then there was the heartbreak for the Lawless family, especially Finn.
Was this to be my life from now on? Every instance of triumph and joy balanced by one of utter devastation?
I did my best to stay out of Finn’s way, giving him room to feel what he needed to feel, to lean on his siblings and Birdie, while also reminding him I was there if he needed me.
Wanting to feel somewhat useful, I approached Owen and asked for his keys. “I’m going to go get coffee and food,” I told him when he handed them over.
To West, I added, “Keep an eye on them, okay?”
“You know I will.”
No one noticed as I made my escape.
At least, I thought no one noticed, but I’d barely settled behind the wheel of Finn’s big ass truck before my phone pinged with a text.
SOLDIER
Come back.
ME
What? Why? Is everything okay?
SOLDIER
No. I miss you.
ME
I’ve been gone for two minutes!
SOLDIER
And that’s two minutes too long. If I could, I’d handcuff us together so you could never get away from me.
I sucked in a gasp that released as a laugh as another message quickly followed his last.
SOLDIER
…too soon?
ME
I love you. I’ll be back soon.
My excursion for coffee and food took longer than I planned, but I had to admit, moving about freely without constantly looking over my shoulder, feeling like there were eyes on my back, watching me from the shadows, was a welcome change.
My stalker was dead, and Lainey was home.
I could breathe easy for the first time in months.
Well, if you didn’t count the fact that the love of my life’s brother was fighting for his life.
When I pulled back into the lot, I sat unmoving in the truck for a moment, listening to the tick of the cooling engine.
Truthfully, I was fucking sick of this place. Between Aria, me, and now Lane, I’d spent more time in hospitals the last few months than I had in the years since the accident that took my parents combined.
When this was all over, I was going to convince Finn and my sister to take a long tropical vacation.
As long as Lane pulled through and made a full recovery, the days when we were free of this trauma and pain were coming soon.
Finally, after a final deep breath to steel myself, I collected the bags of food and trays of coffee from the passenger seat and went inside.
Upon walking into the waiting room, I was surprised to find most of the deputies and Addie had cleared out, leaving only the Lawless family and Sutton.
Birdie and Aria clung to each other, crying quietly, and the brothers all wore varying expressions of…
shock? I hated that I couldn’t tell if the emotional uproar meant good or bad news.
“What happened?” I asked Finn, setting the food on a nearby table and approaching him.
He pulled me into his arms, squeezing me so tightly I could barely breathe.
“Lane made it through surgery,” he said quietly. “They managed to remove the bullet. It missed his heart thankfully but had lodged itself in his lung. They’re going to keep him in an induced coma and on a ventilator to give his body a break while the tissue heals.”
“But the prognosis is good?”
“The prognosis is great,” he breathed, tone full of awe and…hope.
I pulled back to look up at him. His eyes shone with tears, but this time, they were accompanied by a smile wide enough to light this entire city. The shadows in his stormy depths had receded, leaving that crystalline blue I loved so much.
Grinning in response, I said, “Happy looks good on you, soldier.”
“You look good on me, belle. I wouldn’t be able to get through this without you.”
Digging the fingers of my good hand into his shirt, I fisted it and pulled him impossibly closer, tilting my head back for a kiss, which he obliged.
“I wouldn’t have survived these last few months without you.”
He shifted from my mouth to my forehead, lips lingering. “We can unpack all of this later, all of what happened to you in that basement, but…god, belle. I’m so fucking happy to be holding you.”
“In your arms is right where I belong.”
After assurances from the hospital staff that Lane was in good hands, the Lawless family began filing out to head back to Dusk Valley.
Birdie planned on packing a bag and spending some time in a nearby hotel, wanting to be close in case something happened.
Owen, Delia, and Jace were heading back to Michigan, though Owen would be back in a few days.
Eventually, only Finn, Lainey, and I remained. Lainey’s test results had come back clear, but the doctor wanted her to stay overnight so he could keep her on a steady IV drip in an effort to return some of her strength.
The second visiting hours ended, we were promptly kicked out. Finn tried to convince me to go back to Dusk Valley and sleep in our bed, but I refused.
Now that I had my sister back, I wasn’t about to be separated from her again. Even walking out of the hospital and not having her directly in my sight took a Herculean effort.
In contrast to the one roach motel in Dusk Valley, Boise had a number of more upscale options to choose from, and Finn booked us a room at the one closest to the hospital.
When we entered, I flopped onto the bed, eyes drooping closed. Beyond the unconsciousness of being drugged, I hadn’t slept in over thirty-six hours. Now that the danger had passed, now that Lainey and Lane were going to be fine, all of my energy ebbed out of me until I was a puddle on the mattress.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Finn asked.
I cracked my eyes open. “I’m fine. Great, actually, aside from being fucking exhausted.”
He reached for my feet, peeling off the slippers the hospital had given me and tossing them directly in the trash.
“Hey!” I protested, eyes flying open. “Those are the only shoes I have.”
Hell, I was still wearing my dress from the wedding, though Delia gave me the extra hoodie she had in their SUV, which had her family’s winery logo on the front.
I’d cleaned up my face a bit at the hospital, swiping away the makeup that had streaked down my cheeks and crusted under my eyes, but the rest of me was rumpled and filthy.
“I’ll buy you new clothes,” he said, all of my protestations forgotten as he dug his thumbs into the arch of my foot. I groaned, eyes fluttering closed again.
“Don’t stop.”
“My two favorite words,” he murmured, and I could hear the smile in his voice.
I cracked an eye. “That is not happening tonight.”
Never did I think I’d see the day when I didn’t want to fuck Finn until neither of us could walk, but after everything that had happened, I felt dirty. Fatigue had settled so deep in my bones, I didn’t want to move from this bed for the foreseeable future.
“Didn’t say it was,” he agreed.
Dropping my one foot, I thought he’d move to the other and give it the same treatment. Instead, he came to my side and easily scooped me off the bed.
“Finn! What are you doing?”
“Thought you might want to take a bath.”
Now that the option had presented itself, I could think of nothing I wanted more.
The hotel was fancy enough to have a freestanding tub in the bathroom, pristinely white and large enough to fit me and Finn with room to spare.
Finn propped me up on the counter, and the cold marble set goosebumps skittering across my skin.
He crossed to the tub, twisting the handles and testing the flow until the temperature was how he knew I liked it—nearly hot enough to boil me alive—before he plugged it.
On the vanity at my side was a collection of soaps and lotions, and he lifted one, inspecting it.
“How do you feel about eucalyptus?” he asked.
“Sounds fucking heavenly.”
He dumped the entire bottle in the water.
Once the basin was appropriately filled, he turned off the faucet and returned to me.
Reaching behind me, he lowered the zipper on my dress. “Arms up.”
I obliged, and he gripped the hem of the dress, lifted it over my head, and discarded it on the floor at his feet.
Though I remained clad only in a pair of panties, there was nothing sexual about the moment. We were merely two people who loved each other deeply, gazing into each other’s eyes, happy to be alive and sharing this moment.
I watched as he shed his own clothes, marveling at the strength of this man of mine—both physical and emotional.
Being with him made me realize I’d only ever been with boys before.
Even Troy, who was older than Finn, bought into bullshit gender stereotypes about remaining stoic in the face of adversity.
To him, real men didn’t cry, and he would’ve been appalled by Finn’s earlier breakdown.
In my opinion, “men” who believed that weren’t men at all.
Once he was naked, Finn helped me down, then slipped his fingers into the waistband of my underwear and pulled them down my legs. I stepped out of them, but before I could get far, he lifted me into his arms and carried me to the tub, sinking in with me.
The steam and temperature were divine, and I moaned as I settled back against Finn’s chest, resting my cast on the edge so I didn’t get it wet.
For a long while, we sat there, luxuriating in the bath and each other’s company.
Then Finn asked, “Can I wash your hair?”
I nodded, shifting away from him so I could dunk my head underwater.
He reached for the bottle of shampoo resting on a nearby ledge and poured a healthy amount into his palm, rubbing it around and lathering it up.
I tilted my head back, and his fingers threaded into my wet hair, lightly massaging with the pads and scratching with his nails.
“Damn, that feels good,” I murmured.
“I’m just grateful I can touch you,” he replied. “That you’re here and safe.”
I looked at him over my shoulder. “I promised you I’m staying, and I meant it.”
He nodded but said, “There was a while there, for several hours last night, where I didn’t think it was a promise you’d be able to keep. That you’d be taken from me forever.”
He removed his touch from my head and stilled, though I noted his fingers shook. I twisted to face him, careful to hold my cast aloft.
“You came for me,” I reminded him. “You found me, saved me like you’ve been doing since the day we met.”
“I’ll always come for you,” he reminded me.
“I would tear this world apart to find you, shred myself in the process if necessary. There is nowhere you could go where I wouldn’t come for you, Reagan.
” He ran a palm over his face, water catching on his eyelashes, bubbles sticking to his stubble.
“It’s terrifying, you know? To love someone this much. ”
I’d had the same thought more than once recently, but especially last night. The thought of never seeing him again—of disappearing without him ever knowing what happened to me was an alternate reality I’d refused to accept.
Lainey—she was my wombmate, my twin flame. My equal, my exact match in every way.
But Finn was my soulmate. The other half of my very essence, an intrinsic component of my genetic makeup. I could live without him no more than I could live without air.
“I get it,” I promised him. “I feel it too. But there isn’t a version of this life that exists where you don’t love me, where we didn’t find ourselves right here. Together.”
“You think?”
Grinning, the soapy mess of my hair and cast be damned, I curled against his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck. The steady thump of his heart beat a rhythm against my cheek, marching along in time with my own.
“I know.”