Do You Understand? (Understood #2)

1. Taelyn “Lyn” Astoria Smith

Where We Are Now…

SOME TIME LATER…

“Hey, Lyn, do you want to go to lunch?” my twin, Neziah, asked after he stepped into my office.

He was in town for a few weeks because of a client. Neziah ran the New York office of the Washington-Smith Brokerage Firm. Much like our father, he was a math protégé. He had worked for the firm since he was sixteen years old on the financial side, and I worked on the technology side.

“Yeah, we can. It’s not like I have anything more pressing to do.”

My frustration was at an all time high. Not because I didn’t like what I did, but this was only a portion of what I wanted to do. I felt complete when I worked for both the brokerage firm and the enterprise. I had been on a damn mental health leave for a little over a year. It was paid, but damn! Kevin fucked everything up, and I was glad that my father put him out of his bitch-assery. Now, I was left to deal with my overbearing and protective daddy.

“Come on, sickening ass girl!” Neziah pulled me out of my seat.

He moved to New York four years ago. I didn’t think he would like it up North, but he proved me wrong. He was able to find land in the outskirts of New York city and build his own little countryside. He called it Smith Circle.

We headed toward the elevator but were stopped by the voice of our father as we passed his office. Today was his half day in the office. He only came into the office once a week to check on things—the life of a supposed retired man.

“Where y’all going?”

I stuck my head into his office. “We’re going to get lunch. You want us to grab you something?”

“Nah, baby girl. I’m about to get out of here. I promised Tae we’d watch movies all night.”

I loved the way my daddy loved our mama. As her illness progressed, it was like he loved her more fiercely. On her worse days, she always remembered Daddy. There had been times that she either didn’t remember me or my brothers and sisters at all or she remembered us at a younger age. There were days when she recognized Khiajah as Khiajah, but now, she only recognized her as Phy. Phy was Khiajah’s mother, who passed away years ago.

“What y’all watching tonight, Pops? Neziah asked.

Our dad shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know and don’t give a damn. As long as she has her ice cream and I have my Doritos with my glass of Yak, we’re in bliss. Y’all know good and well that your mama is going to eat her bowl of ice cream, a few of my chips, and then hug up on me to go to sleep.”

That was the truth. That had been their nightly ritual for years now. Originally, we were invited to watch with them, but eventually, we got uninvited. I never asked why because one thing that Tae Zoie Smith had not forgotten in any mindset was that she liked to have sex with our father. The thought alone made me want to gag.

“What y’all getting into tonight, lil ones?”

It wasn’t uncommon for my dad to ask what our weekend plans were. Most of the time, he already knew, especially if it was a Friday. All the cousins and close friends had a recurring kickback night. The location changed but never the night. Sometimes, it was all of us and other times just a few depending on our schedules, but most of us carved out Friday night for this.

“We gonna chill at the club tonight, Pops. You know KT has a qualifier round for the spelling bee here in Charleston. Liam, Justin, and KJ are in town,” Neziah answered.

Since there were so many juniors and thirds in our family, KJ resorted to eventually calling their son KT, which was Kalypso the third. When KT turned six, he developed this fascination with words. He wanted to know how to spell them, what they meant, and how to use them in a sentence. KT, like his father, was on the spectrum, and his parents put a lot into making sure he had the best of everything. KT needed a little more structure and repetition in his daily activities. There were things that KT would just not want to be involved with or do. I loved that little boy, because when he was around, he always wanted me to show him things to do on the computer.

His heightened intelligence at his young age was impressive and so was his eidetic memory. Tomorrow, we all would be in the crowd as he competed in a qualifier round for the Scripps National Spelling Bee. When the family knew he would be around, we all knew to store some difficult words in our phone with the meanings and how to use them in a sentence. The first demand after his greeting was always give me a word, any word.

“That smart-ass boy. The last time we talked, I’ll never forget that he congratulated me on being able to aggrandize our family’s wealth through strategic and smart investments. I’m over here typing the damn word in Google like what the fuck that mean. I’m not a dumb nigga, but damn. When I found out what it meant, for the next few days, I wanted to use that damn word in any sentence. KT made me realize I was a nigga that increased wealth. Hell yeah, I’m an aggrandized type of nigga!”

Neziah and I gawked at my father for a beat before we bent over with laughter. My father was funny even when he had no intention of being that way. I shook my head.

“That’s what’s up, Daddy.”

“Y’all be careful out there. Neziah, stay close to your sister.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at my daddy because ever since “the incident,” as everyone referred to it, he thought I was incapable of caring for myself. Yeah, I had a slip up, but damn. That was well over a year ago, and the nigga died a horrible death at the hands of my daddy. The incident had a domino effect. I sold my condo and moved back to Washington Circle. That wasn’t good enough for Trell Lamont Smith, Sr. I had to move into his house with him, my mama, and their nurse.

Neziah’s soft glance pissed me off. I was tired of people looking at me like I was this helpless little girl. I was in the hospital for a couple weeks before they sent me home. I had to do physical therapy for my shoulder. Mont immediately put me on paid mental health, long-term disability. I told him I would only need six months, and this nigga told me that I would come back on when him and Jacob decided—if I came back on at all. Needless to say, my brother and I weren’t on talking terms.

“Alright, Daddy, we’re gone. Be back soon.” I was over it.

Neziah and I ended up at Queen’s Plate, my auntie Lela’s restaurant. Every time my twin came home, he just had to eat here. My auntie Lela cooked her ass off, and the chefs in her restaurant did the same.

“Sis, how you really doing? Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear either.”

I loved my twin because if I couldn’t talk to anyone, I could talk to him. When he was in New York, we would spend hours on video calls.

If I wasn’t talking to him, I would talk to Mauri. Yes, there was an age gap, and she was a married woman with two kids, but she was like my favorite big cousin. I didn’t have any friends like that because I was a true introvert. I would rather play video games with my online friends than make real friends.

“I’m good, twin. I promise I am. I’m just ready to get back to damn work. Everyone acts like the whole Kevin thing wasn’t just a one off, like I’m always in imminent danger, and that was not what it was.”

I could barely go to the damn store alone now. My daddy would tell me anything that I needed from the store could be delivered. I was over it.

Neziah nodded before he put a fork full of lima beans in his mouth. Once he finished the bite, he spoke.

“Sis, you said yourself and have made it known that you been thought he was shady, but you still allowed him to be in your space for months. Fuck the training you had from the organization; you should have known better than that as a person. That alone spoke to your bad decision making. It could have cost you your life.”

“Neziah, yes, he was acting funny. I didn’t think he was capable of the things he did, though. Shit! I thought he was just bitching.”

Neziah looked at me blankly.

“Well, Sis, you thought wrong. Now, it’s taking longer than you would like it to take to gain the trust back from the people whose lives depend on you making smart decisions. I’m not blaming you overall for what happened to you. However, you have to take accountability for your decision making. On top of that, you’re having nightmares which lets me know that you are suffering from PTSD.”

Tears filled my eyes. This was not something that I hadn’t heard before, but it hit differently coming from my brother, who was like my best friend. Sometimes, I wanted to pack up and move

to New York with him. I could work out of the office there.

“I’m not having nightmares.”

That was all I could think of saying. He stared at me like I was lying. You couldn’t have nightmares if you didn’t sleep.

Neziah lifted his shoulders toward his ears.

“Alright, if you say so. Nightmares, not sleeping, or whatever you want to call it—until you can be real about the aftermath of that shit, you will never get to the next shit that you want. Talk to Mauri again. Maybe she can give you some insight. Better yet, talk to Khiajah. She’s been through something similar.”

That was true. Years ago, Khiajah was shot during a mission and lost her child.

“Maybe I will talk to her. That’s a good idea.”

We spent the rest of lunch talking about different topics. I loved that Neziah never harped on a subject for too long before he moved on to the next topic with me. I always enjoyed my time with my brother. After lunch, we headed back to the office to finish the workday. Our father was already gone when we got there.

I wasn’t sure what I would have to do to gain the trust back of the people that mattered. What I was sure of was that I would do just about whatever it took. It was crazy how ignoring one red flag that you thought was less than what it was could upend your entire life.

THE NEXT DAY…

KT won the qualifier round! In the true nature of who my family was, we had a cookout in Washington Circle. It was thick too. All the Christiansons, Washingtons, Smiths, LaCriox, and Jenkins were in the same damn place. The amount of fish and crabs being cooked would have you thinking that we had a direct feed from the ocean to us.

It was a nice day for a cookout/crab crack. My mama sat under a cabana with my daddy, Khiaere, Yaffa, and Khiajah. In my mama’s mind, Khiaere and Phy had an amicable divorce. Yaffa was his new wife that Phy was cool with. When she was in an alternate state of mind, that was the only thing that kept her from attempting to beat Yaffa’s ass. Believe it or not, that was better than when she remembered that Phy died. It was like she relived her death all over again even after all these years.

“You gonna sit over here and just read all day?”

My head tilted up to the voice of my older brother. I sat away from everyone under an umbrella by myself. My Kindle was in its holder, and a remote was in my hand. Now, I wasn’t bothering anyone, but Mont came to get on my nerves. I didn’t respond until after I gave my attention back to my Kindle.

“If that’s alright with you. I know I can’t really move without you, Daddy, or Jacob’s approval these days.”

Although his presence was still near me, he stood silent. I wasn’t sure what he expected. We had barely talked to each other in over four months after he told me it wasn’t time for me to come back. That was bullshit, and I didn’t appreciate it.

“You really mad because I made a decision that was for your wellbeing, Taelyn? Your boyfriend kidnapped and shot you. What the fuck you thought? Your ass been sitting on your shoulders for months now.” Mont’s tone was laced with an emotion that I couldn’t quite pinpoint.

My eyes left my Kindle, and my body turned in his direction. He wanted my undivided attention. Well, now he had it.

“How long do I have to pay for someone kidnapping and shooting me, huh? I was the fucking victim, and I still feel like I’m being victimized by everyone in this fucking family. I didn’t realize being a victim meant losing respect. So, save me the bullshit about my ass being on my shoulders.” I stood on my feet. “You know what? It doesn’t fucking matter anymore. I’m not going to be here much longer to care.”

I reached over, snatched my Kindle off the holder, then moved around Mont to walk off. I was stopped by his hand gripping my arm.

“What the fuck does that mean, Lyn? You’re not going to be here much longer?”

With my focus square on my brother, I responded. “I’m not an active part of the organization any longer. My moves are none of your concern. Get the hell off of me.”

My arm pulled out of his grip, allowing me to walk off. His words to my back stopped my feet.

“You know, you sound a lot like your bitch ass nigga Kevin. Wasn’t he bitching about shit he didn’t deserve?”

His words hurt, and he knew they would. Yes, Mont was the president of Christianson Enterprises, but he was still my taunting big brother. Age would never change that, and regardless of what some said, neither would maturity. I casually looked over my shoulder.

“Tell Khialee that I’ll be ready for the bullet to my head.”

When I turned to face forward, I jumped at the sight of Jacob in front of me. He sported a scowl.

“What the fuck you on, Lyn?”

“Leave me alone.”

All I wanted was for everyone to leave me the fuck alone. If I couldn’t do something that I loved, then I would search for what made me happy. I felt the eyes on me. I heard my father call out to me, but like I said, I wanted to be left alone.

Once I got into my room in my father’s house, I pulled out my luggage. I was going back to my house, which was behind Tana and Brandon’s house. Everyone acted as if my house was across town or something.

“What you doing, Sis?”

I knew that it wouldn’t be too long before Neziah came along. He came in, then sat on the bed as I packed my things.

“I’m going back to my house. That’s where I belong.”

“You need help?” I knew that he wouldn’t lecture me. He’d already told me how he felt the day before. He was not a fan of repeating himself, especially with different words.

We worked in silence as we packed my things. After everything was packed, Neziah helped me carry my bags out of the house where my father sat on the porch. Before he could say anything, Neziah held his hand up.

“Pops, please let her go back to her house. She needs this.”

Our father gazed between both of us with soft eyes. “Let me know if you need anything, baby girl. I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

I put my things in my SUV with Neziah’s help. He jumped into the passenger seat. When you were on the short road to my house, you could see the vehicle driving past from the backyard. I glanced over toward where everyone enjoyed their afternoon celebrating KT. I felt a jab of selfishness for not being out there, but I had already had my time with him today. Sometimes, you just needed time to yourself.

A FEW DAYS LATER IN THE WEE HOURS…

“Do you see how I still control your destiny? From hell, I still control it. I told you that I always would. I know your family and how they move. They’re going to blame you for what the fuck I’m doing. Just like they never let me work a mission, you never will again either.”

Kevin’s words haunted me in my sleep. The entire time he drove us to the meet spot, he taunted me. He told me the only reason I was let into the organization was because of my connections. I would never be as good as Mauri when it came to technology and hacking. He fed into my insecurities and conversations that we’d had in the past.

I told him a few months after we started our relationship that I felt inferior to Mauri. I’d been on computers and hacking since I was twelve years old. Mauri was the reason that I became interested in computers, hacking, and all things technology. I would sit with her and her mother for hours, learning code and different things. When I was in high school, I got in trouble for changing grades in the system for a little fee. Well, I did not really get in trouble because Mauri was the only one that caught me. She made me change the grades back.

I felt my body toss and turn in my bed. The nightmares were so bad that I would rather stay awake. I didn’t want to admit that to them because if I did, then I could kiss any chance of becoming active again in the organization goodbye. My biggest fear was they seemed to be transitioning into night terrors.

“You think you’re the bee’s knees, bitch? You ain’t shit, bitch. They just make you think you’re the shit to feed that fat ass, low self-esteem.”

I was terrified the entire time I was with Kevin, but I knew better than to show him. I knew that would piss him off. Did I think it would piss him off to the point that he would shoot me? No!

Pow! Pow!

My back shot up from the bed.

“Ah! Ah!”

I felt myself screaming, but I didn’t hear it. I jumped out of my bed. The covers wrapped around my ankle caused me to fall on the floor with a loud thump.

“Lyn! Lyn!”

I felt arms wrapped around me. I fought against the hold.

“Get off me! Get off me, Kevin!”

“It’s me, Lyn! Calm down! It’s Neziah!” He continued to hold me tight. “ZaMar, announce! Something is wrong with Lyn.”

All of our homes’ Wi-Fi were on the same system. Mauri and her mother Zaakiyah wanted to create a system that could call out to all of our homes when needed. Alexa could do that if all of the devices were on the same system; however, the security was questionable. Like the fucking tech goddesses that they were, Zaakiyah and Mauri made their own system for us and named it ZaMar.

“Shh! Shh! Lyn, I need you to breathe, Sis! Calm your breathing down.”

I tried but I couldn’t. It was like I heard his voice but couldn’t identify that it was him. My mind told me that Kevin had come back for me. It felt like I would pass out.

“Lay her flat! Xena, take her blood pressure.”

A female’s voice. Her hands were on me, but I wanted to be let go. I didn’t want her hands on me.

“It’s too high! 182 over 124! Call the ambulance.”

I wasn’t sure who was speaking right now.

“Why is she still screaming? What the fuck is wrong with my baby girl!”

That was the last thing that I heard.

My daddy! That’s my daddy!

My arms stretched over my head. God, I’m exhausted! It felt like I hadn’t slept at all. Sleeping but not getting rest was the worst. When my eyes finally opened, I paused. Where the fuck am I? I looked around in a slight panic.

“Hey, hey, baby girl. You’re in the hospital.”

My head snapped toward the left side of the room where I heard my daddy’s voice. He moved toward the bed, then kissed my forehead.

“How you feeling, Lyn?”

My face scrunched with tight brows. “Why am I here? Did something happen to me?”

“You don’t remember what happened last night?”

My head tilted. “Daddy, if I remembered what happened, then I wouldn’t have asked. Are you going to tell me?”

The pregnant pause was so unnecessary and annoying.

“You had a nightmare or something last night. You woke up screaming and hollering about Kevin. Neziah, Tana, and Xena tried to help, but your blood pressure got too high, and you passed out.”

My ears heard the words, but my mind had a hard time comprehending them.

“I passed out?”

I remembered the nightmare. I wasn’t going to mention that. Everything else was like it never happened. My hands went to my head.

“What the hell is going on with me?”

The sound of the door opening caused me to pop my head up. In walked people that I didn’t want to see—Mont and Jacob. Great! Here we go with the bullshit! Seconds after they came in, two doctors followed.

“Hey, Taelyn. How are you feeling? I’m Dr. Jennifer Gilliard, the doctor on call here at the ER, and this is Dr. Reid Hankle, the hospital psychologist.”

“Psy-psychologist? Why do I need a psychologist?”

Dr. Hankle smiled. “Taelyn, based on the information that was received, you may be dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. I’m to understand that you were involved in a domestic attack that involved a kidnapping and shooting. That can be extremely traumatic.”

I shook my head. “That happened a long time ago. I don’t have anything. I had one nightmare, jeez. Can we not make this a whole thing?”

“Taelyn, it’s common for individuals who suffer from PTSD to be in denial initially. I’m not saying that you need to stay here in the hospital or anything. I do want you to see a psychologist once you leave here,” Dr. Hankle suggested.

The room was silent for a moment before Dr. Gillard began to talk. “As far as everything else, your fainting was caused by your elevated blood pressure. Since you’ve been here, we have monitored it, and it is back to where we like to see it. I don’t see any reason to keep you. However, I do highly encourage you to take Dr. Hankle’s advisement to consult with a psychologist. The more episodes you have like this that results in your blood pressure shooting up can be detrimental to your overall health in the long run. You risk seizure or a stroke.”

“Don’t worry. She’ll be seeing a psychologist. We don’t need a referral. Our company partners with reputable psychologists. We have a great relationship with Dr. Carlton McMasters.”

“Oh, well, she will be in excellent care. I recently heard him speak at a conference in New York. He is a leader in our field with his groundbreaking research.” Dr. Hankle’s face was red with admiration of this Dr. McMasters.

My eyes cut over to my brother with a twisted lip. How the hell is he going to tell my grown ass what I’m going to do? My father and Jacob were nodding like they just knew that was what it was going to be. The hell! I wasn’t going to say anything while these doctors were in here. This would be a family conversation.

After my daddy and brother consulted for a few more minutes with the doctor about my damn health, the doctors left. The room fell quiet. Yeah, they already knew I had something to say.

“I’m not going to a psychologist. It’s real cute that y’all think that’s what’s going to happen, though.”

Jacob took a step forward to stand at the end of my bed.

“Taelyn, if you choose not to make an appointment with Dr. McMasters in the next two weeks, you will receive your retirement papers from Christianson Enterprises. You will also be ineligible for rehire. This counseling is something that is needed if you ever want a chance to get back into the field. Do you understand?”

Tears cascaded from my eyes. “So, it’s do what y’all tell me to do or my career at Christianson Enterprises is over? Wow! What happened to me had nothing to do with the organization. My boyfriend was jealous, and he acted out. Yes, it was in the worst way, but it was a personal matter.”

My daddy sneered. “Baby girl, it became organization related when your fuck boy called the organization for the million-dollar ransom. Had it truly been personal as you said, he would have called me. I’m not connected, and he knew that shit. His ass knew what he was doing by calling Mont.”

I took in the words that I knew were true. The entire unfortunate event occurred because of his jealousy and envy of my place in my family’s organization. I hated Kevin for this. My head dropped because I knew Jacob meant what he said. This wasn’t a decision of his. It was a decision of the organization. If you thought the human resources department on the legal side of Christianson Enterprises was tight, then imagine it on the underground side.

“Sis, we’re not doing this because we on some fuck shit. We love you, and we want you back in the field. Next to Mauri, you’re the best we have. All of this just made us realize how vulnerable even our tech department can be, personal or not,” Mont said with softened eyes.

Everyone knew that I wanted nothing more than to be back in the field. The terms were set, and it was up to me whether I truly wanted it as bad as I claimed.

“Fine. I’ll make the appointment.”