Dr. Attending (Midtown Memorial #4)

29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Caroline

I n the years since she has come into my brother’s life, Cassidy and I have gotten to know each other fairly well. And while I might not be as close to her as my older sister is, I respect her a lot. She’s patient, thoughtful, and incredibly empathetic—the kind of person we needed in our family. And that’s why I’m trying my hardest to give her the benefit of the doubt right now, despite what just happened.

“Do you want anything to eat?” I ask as I open the refrigerator to grab a container of grapes like I live here.

To be fair, I have lived here for the past week, but what I’m doing right now is petty—it’s an obvious power move that I should be above.

But I’m not.

I’m jealous, uneasy, and desperately wishing that I didn’t ask Weston to give us some space to talk.

“No, I’m good,” Cassidy replies, eyeing me suspiciously as she takes a seat at the kitchen island. “I ate this morning at the club.”

A prickle of irritation shoots up my spine, even though she just explained the story to both Weston and me.

Unbeknownst to me—or Weston, apparently—Cassidy still has monthly catch ups with his mom and they met this morning for brunch. According to Cassidy, his mom got pulled into some emergency fundraising meeting, tossed her the spare house key, and asked if she could drop Carter off on her way home.

“Well, it sounds like you guys had a good time,” I say casually, forcing my face into neutrality as I walk over to join her on a bar stool.

Do I think it’s a little annoying that she still has a relationship with her ex-boyfriend’s mom? Yeah, obviously.I never claimed to be a saint.

But I also recognize that Cassidy and Weston grew up together, so there will always be a unique kind of love between them.

Cassidy studies me, her hazel eyes more green beneath the fluorescent kitchen lights. “Caroline.”

Her tone isn’t admonishing like I would expect after she found Weston and me in bed together—it’s soft and warm.

My tone, on the other hand, is guarded and bitter.

“Cassidy.”

There feels like there’s some sort of power imbalance between us right now, and the fact that she looks like she belongs at a polo match while I quite literally just climbed out of bed doesn’t make things any more comfortable.

“I’m going to tell you something,” she says, glancing around the kitchen to ensure we’re alone. “And I need you not to freak out.”

“I won’t freak out,” I promise, even though I don’t know that for a fact.Whenever someone tells you not to do something, it’s usually because they expect you to do that thing.

I cross my legs, pulling Weston’s button down lower like that will somehow protect me from whatever she’s about to say.

Cassidy purses her lips and sucks in a long breath before speaking. “Wes loves you.”

I nearly drop my coffee in my lap because out of all the scenarios that just flashed through my mind, the idea that Weston loves me wasn’t even on the list. I actually thought she would confess that she still loves him. Or that we shouldn’t be hooking up because he’s too old for me. Or literally anything other than what she just said.

I nearly start laughing because it sounds absurd.“Yeah . . . okay. Sure, Cass.”

There isn't any doubt in my mind that Weston likes me. He wants me. But love? That’s kind of a big jump.

“Do you know that I’ve known Wes since I was a baby?” Cassidy asks, her eyes softening in a big-sisterly way that makes my chest uncomfortably tight.

“We grew up together, which means we both watched each other learn a lot of hard lessons over the years . . . and the hardest lesson of all is that we weren’t right for each other.” She chuckles and shakes her head. “Probably harder for me than it was for him, but that’s beside the point.”

I wait for her to continue because I’m honestly unsure what to say. I knew that their families had an extensive history, but I didn’t realize that it spanned her entire lifetime. Or that their relationship history was so complex . . . and so one-sided.

“The point,” she continues, her voice quiet and sincere, “is that we know each other well. And I never thought that Weston would find someone he loved more than himself. Until I saw the way he looked at both you and his son this morning.”

I can’t seem to form a word other than “Carter . . .”

As soon as Cassidy walked in holding the little man this morning, my heart sank. I’ve enjoyed my time with Weston this week, but it felt almost wrong to be here without Carter. I didn’t realize how much I had missed the little man.

A gentle grin sweeps across my sister-in-law’s face. “Carter loves you too, Caroline.”

I let out a bitter laugh because I know for a fact that isn’t true—I might be slightly more comfortable with him, but I still have no idea what I’m doing.

“Let me guess . . . you can tell by the way he looks at me?”

Cassidy’s brows knit like she doesn’t understand my question. “Yes, actually,” she argues.

She pulls out her phone, tapping it a few times before she hands it to me.

I stare down at the picture on the screen—one of me and Carter that she must have snapped this morning while Weston was making coffee.

Carter had crawled across the playroom to get to me, sat at my feet, and reached up like he wanted me to hold him. I remember being surprised that he chose me instead of Cassidy, but I scooped him up anyway, expecting him to wail. Only he didn't. He sat and played with the collar of my shirt as I held him in my arms.

I hand Cassidy her phone silently, trying to understand the complex storm of emotions raging in my head.I felt calmer in that moment than I have in a long time—like he was part of me somehow. But he wasn’t part of me. He isn’t part of me.

“Caroline,” she says gently. “You don’t have to believe me—”

“No—” I interrupt, swallowing to loosen the tight ball in my throat before I continue. “But I can’t be what they need, Cass . . . I’m not a mom.”

I probably shouldn’t be so honest with her, but saying the words out loud makes me feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.I understand that moms don't have to be biological. But surely they feel ready to take on the role, right?

Cassidy laughs and shakes her head. “What makes you think that’s what they need?”

“Uh . . . you guys and your single dad romances,” I joke, even though it’s a ridiculous answer to a sincere question. “Your books always feature a nanny who is great with kids and dreams of being a mom. I’ve never heard of one about an insanely busy medical student with no maternal instinct. And if there is, nobody would read it.”

“I would read it,” she says, shooting me a sly wink. “Because it sounds realistic.”

“Yeah, realistically like a disaster waiting to happen,” I scoff as imaginary reviews flash through my mind.

Two stars—the main female character was cold and unrelatable. Three stars—Weston deserves better!

“No.” Cassidy rolls her hazel eyes like she has a direct line to my inner thoughts. “Realistic, like a story I’m sure a lot of people can relate to.”

I tug my lips between my teeth and look away because there’s no use arguing with her.

She seems to think that whatever happens between Weston and me will be rainbows and butterflies. And while I appreciate her fairytale mentality, I’m much more of a pragmatist—regardless of feelings, this is a disaster waiting to happen.

What happens when I do my away rotations during fourth year of school? Or if I match into a residency out of the state? There are so many aspects of my career that I have absolutely no control over, and it’s not fair to any of us to form serious attachments if I might have to leave.

“Listen.” Cassidy leans forward, her voice lowering to a soothing level. “One of the things I’ve always admired about Weston is how independent he is. . . kind of like someone else I know.”

She gives me a pointed look that makes me let out a single laugh.

“Weston’s love for you isn’t contingent on whether or not you can help him raise his son—he can do that on his own. Weston’s love for you is based on what the two of you have together.”

I feel my hands wrap around my coffee mug, trying to hide my tremble as she continues, “Do you want to know what Mrs. Southerland and I talked about at brunch this morning?”

I nod, unable to do anything else because the emotion in my throat feels like it’s threatening to cut off my air supply. Hopefully, they discussed holiday place settings, or something equally as frivolous, because I don’t think I can handle another major revelation like love and the future.

“Whenever Weston’s mom and I have met up over the years, we’ve reminisced on the old days. On the memories we made with my brother. On the moments we shared together with him.” Cassidy’s eyes find mine, her expression almost nostalgic. “But today was different . . . because today, for the first time ever, we didn’t look back. We looked ahead. And do you want to know what was at the center of the conversation?”

I shake my head a single time because it seems like the answer is, unfortunately, not going to be about calligraphy trends, and I can’t seem to come up with a witty reply that distracts from the depth of her words.

“Your family,” she says, answering her own question. “And how you’ve healed us.”

“Parker—” I choke out.

“No. You too, Caroline. You too.” She reaches out, wrapping her hands around mine affectionately. “I lost my brother, but I gained two sisters. I hope you know that I love you, and that I’m going to support every decision you make in life. And if one of those decisions includes Wes, it would make me so incredibly happy.”

I swallow harshly as a wave of guilt washes over me. I shouldn’t have doubted her intentions when she’s never given me a reason to.I should have remembered that she’s been through just as much as we have over the past few years.

“For what it’s worth, Cass . . . you’ve healed our family, too.”