3. Chapter 3
Chapter 3
Present day
“I can’t believe you got me a puppy,” I repeated for the hundredth time, grinning down at the dog in my arms.
“Sigmund is my dog . If you just so happen to want to walk him and sleep with him and play with him when you’re not at work, I’ll allow it.” He smiled softly, watching me rub the puppy’s lopsided ears.
Malachi had been doing a promotional video for an animal shelter and apparently hadn’t been able to leave the puppy behind. As someone who’d always wanted a dog and could never have one, I was in heaven when he curled up in my lap, placing his chin on my chest.
Mal might say Siggy was his, but we both knew the truth. This wiggly little fur ball was mine, especially since both of them were planning to stick around.
“I can’t believe you’re moving to Chicago,” I murmured, careful not to disturb the puppy.
“I can’t believe she went to bed over an hour ago and you still haven’t spread those thighs for me.”
I glared at Malachi, eyes flicking to Sonnie’s door. It was the wee dark hours of the night. Not a creature was stirring, besides me, Siggy and Dr. Do-Right. Still, better safe than sorry. “Shh. It’s almost like you want her to hear.”
“Oh no. That would be horrible,” he intoned, sarcasm dripping from his words. If Mal’d had his way, Sonia would have known about our activities months ago. I sighed.
The movement made the puppy wiggle. Mal’s eyes darted to the dog, jealousy darkening his face. I added insult to injury, smooching Sigmund’s scruffy little nose and rubbing under his chin while his tail whipped back and forth. “We’re going to be neighbors, aren’t we little one? Are we going to be best friends? Are you my best friend?”
Mal had planned several surprises tonight, beginning with him flying in after his work meeting, and ending with him breaking the news that he was moving to Chicago. He’d even managed to snag the penthouse unit in our apartment building, so he’d be close while he opened up his new counseling center in the city. I was still reeling at the news, both terrified and thrilled with its implications.
As usual, Mal could read me like a book. “We should talk about what this means for us.”
“I’m hoping it means you’ll figure out some better storage solutions. My bedside drawers are both already full.”
I’d thought a few times about clearing them out. Maybe purging some toys he’d bought me over the last two years that didn’t quite get me there. But I ran into a few problems every time I considered it. First, what does one even do with used sex toys? Was there some sort of recycling program out there?
Second, as weird as it sounds, I was pretty sentimental about most of them. The little orange one, for instance, had been a gift for the first time I’d completed rounds on my own as an NP. It didn’t do the trick, but it made me smile to think about how he’d gone out of his way to same-day ship it so that it would be waiting for me when I got home that night. And how he’d set his alarm from…I think he’d been in India at the time?…to FaceTime me to ask about how my day went. And then watch.
So, that’s where I was. Just a girl, stuffing increasingly large volumes of sex toys in my drawers and praying my best friend never found out. There was a metaphor in there somewhere. Probably because one day, the drawer would get too full—the secret too big—and they’d all come springing out to slap her in the face with my betrayal.
“Kitten, you can have a whole dresser. At my place.”
I avoided his gaze, running my fingers across the dog’s fur. He was so snuggly, I wanted to die. “Careful, Doc.”
“I don’t want to be careful, Ri. You know why I’m doing this.”
“Because your Colorado location is going to bust at the seams soon. And you love this city. And your sister is here, who you adore.”
He sat forward, propping his elbows on his knees and fixing me with that perceptive stare I both loved and hated. He loomed in the chair on the other side of the coffee table. I’d sprawled on the couch, the table a strategic, unspoken barrier to keep ourselves from jumping each other.
I could see his beautiful brain working overtime, analyzing the situation, my reactions, the best way to meet me there. Usually, I loved watching him work, but sometimes when he turned those perceptive therapist eyes on me, I wanted to cringe away.
“My biz dev team could make the same cost/benefit analysis for a clinic in New York. But I do love Chicago. In part, because my sister is here.” In part because you are here. We both knew the words hung there, unspoken, between us.
Just like we both knew why I was cuddled up with a dog right now. Why he’d showed up to my birthday with a puppy, when the last time I’d seen him, we’d discussed how I’d always wanted a dog growing up. How that yearning had never changed and how much I regretted that my work schedule wouldn’t allow me to care for a pet.
Some people might think that a puppy was an over-the-top gift from a long-distance, no-touching fuck buddy, but it really wasn’t.
In the past six months, even though we now had a physical outlet for all the need we felt for each other, our explosive chemistry hadn’t fizzled. Instead, our attachment had grown. Those guilty little sessions behind closed doors with my vibrator had turned into long-distance video calls that went for hours into the night.
Within that time, there were more reasons than ever for Mal to be in Chicago. Long weekends after conferences or a client meeting he couldn’t take over video call. Flimsy excuses to stay at our apartment instead of a hotel. More dinners, lunches, drinks, walks around the lake, laughter, and good times with the Dobrevs than I could count.
Sonia loved that he was around more often. She’d gleefully renamed our group chat the Three Musketeers. At first, I could pretend we were just three really close friends, and I wasn’t in love with one of the other musketeers, and that he didn’t regularly feed my sex toy habit, or watch me climax.
But six months into keeping this secret with him and we were both wearing thin. The hot, illicit feeling of watching each other come had shifted from “I bet you feel so good” to “I want to touch you so badly” to “I would give anything to put my hands on you” and now we were floating somewhere in a bittersweet longing.
The more I saw of Mal, the more I wanted to see of him, and not just in a hot, naked way. The thrill of it all had worn off. Now, I didn’t just want him in bed, but everywhere. I wanted him to be mine, fully. The feeling had grown stronger in the last few months, but I didn’t know how to address it.
Sonia had been a pivotal force in my life since the day we met, anchoring me when I was unmoored. She never accused me of being too much , despite what my family had told me over and over again. She taught me not to take life too seriously. That I was worthy of love, even if I was loud, sometimes.
At the same time, Malachi’s steady, thoughtful presence and single-minded insistence that I deserved what I wanted (even if was getting myself off in front of my best friend’s brother) had made me bold in other areas of my life, too. He read my mind when I was overwhelmed or reeling from some family drama. He made me laugh and turned me on more than should be physically possible.
I wasn’t sure I could make it in this world without both of them. So, I’d just maintained this awful little secret, feelings of love and guilt growing in equal measure, trying to figure out when the other shoe would drop.
Apparently, the shoe was dropping right into the penthouse seven floors above me.
“Ri, it’s been months. Surely she’d understand.”
“She’d understand that we’ve been lying right to her face this whole time?”
Mal sighed, staring at where the puppy had fallen asleep in the crook of my arm. “I don’t want to hurt her. But I also don’t want to do this anymore.”
“What do you want, Malachi?” I whispered, even though I already knew the answer. Like me, he was tired of hiding, tired of the tortuous restrictions I’d placed on us. I was at my limit, and apparently, he was at his, too.
“I want to take you on a date, Rija. And actually kiss you. And keep fifty drawers for you at my place.” He looked pained, dropping his head into his hands. “I want to know what your nipples taste like.”
I knew he saved that final, whiny confession for last just to get a laugh out of me. He succeeded. “Poor thing.”
“You have no idea.”
I did. “Mal.” I only hesitated a second before reaching over to lace my fingers with his. We both sucked in breaths at the contact.
We’d decided early on that hands didn’t count. We couldn’t avoid fist-bumps and high-fives forever. Still, we reserved any hand action for serious or extra-special occasions. Discussing the future of our relationship seemed like both.
He cupped his other hand around mine, trapping my fingers between his palms. His skin was warm. “Please, Rija. I’m moving to Chicago for you. I won’t pretend differently. Meet me in the middle, here.”
No beating around the bush for Dr. Dobrev. His determined chocolate eyes and quiet plea pulled at something in my chest. Unraveled it. I braced myself for the fear. I should have been terrified, considering exposing our secret to my best friend. Instead, relief bloomed in my chest. He’d be here, finally, after so many years of only having part of his time. I wanted all of his time, all of him.
He was right. It had been long enough. I was tired of keeping secrets, and exhausted from loving him so fiercely and still not knowing what his lips felt like on mine.
“Okay.”
His forehead dropped to where our hands joined. A relieved sigh ghosted over my knuckles. I felt it echo in my bones. “You’re sure? I need you to be sure.”
“Mal, I’m miserable. The thought of telling Sonia about us makes me want to puke, but…” I trailed off when his eyes met mine. Yes, the thought of hurting Sonnie made me physically ill, but the thought of keeping Malachi at a distance was killing me. I owed it to him, to me, to explore what this could become. I owed it to Sonia to stop lying to her. “You’re right. We need to tell her.”
He heaved another sigh, light breaking across his face. “Yes. Let’s tell her.”
“Just…” My gaze flicked to her door.
He groaned, resting his cheek on our hands. “Rijaaaaa. Don’t make my year just to bring me back down again.”
“No more rules or secrets, I swear. Let’s just…hold off on anything until we tell her.”
“You’re saying I can’t fuck you tonight.” He looked at me like I’d just kicked the puppy in my arms.
“I haven’t broken my promise to her yet. I know it’s all semantics. I know, I know, I know. But not touching you is the only thing keeping me from being a truly horrible friend. At least let me hold on to that. If she doesn’t take it well…I don’t want to add insult to injury.”
He scowled. “You don’t want to have sex with me in case she makes you choose, her or me.” Well, that too. Something told me that as soon as I had his hands on me, that choice would become exponentially more difficult if Sonia forced it. “She won’t, Rija. We’re her favorite people in the world. She already calls you her sister. She’ll be happy for us.”
“I hope so.” My chest felt tight and loose at the same time, the prospect of revealing our secret simultaneously breathed and choked air in my throat.
He studied my face. “Alright,” he finally conceded. “We’ll wait. House rules. But we’re telling her tomorrow. Like, waking her ass up with coffee at six a.m. I want my hands on you by six fifteen.”
“That’s a good plan.”
“I know.”
We grinned at each other, hands still clasped over the coffee table. As much as it froze me in place, he was right. We’d kept this up for too long. I was ready to end it, ready to stop feeling like a horrible friend and start something better. Together. With Mal and with Sonia. The three of us, no more secrets.
Mal’s eyes roamed down my cheek, neck, body. He swept back up all over again to rake his eyes over the top of my bustier. “So, house rules, huh?”
“How about one last ride? For old times’ sake.”
His smile turned downright devilish. “I was hoping you’d say that. Yours or mine?”
Sonia and I had been doing well enough in the last few years that we’d moved into a bigger, nicer place. We’d loosely labeled our third bedroom as a guest room slash pilates studio. But I didn’t want him in the cold, sparsely furnished room. Not tonight.
“Mine.”