20. Rebecca
REBECCA
R ebecca sat alone in her office, the light from her desk lamp casting a faint glow over the room.
Papers were scattered in front of her—medical journals she had tried to focus on for the past hour—but her eyes couldn’t stay fixed on the words.
They blurred together, useless. She leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling, her thoughts drifting back, again, to Lillian.
It had been weeks since their breakup, and despite her best efforts, Rebecca hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her.
No matter how many surgeries she performed, no matter how many hours she buried herself in work, the empty space Lillian had once filled gnawed at her.
It was a hollow ache she hadn’t anticipated, but one that seemed to grow stronger with each passing day.
She had thought she could handle it and thought that throwing herself into work, into the familiar precision and control of surgery, would help her move on.
But it hadn’t. If anything, it had only made the absence of Lillian in her life more glaring, more painful.
The warmth that had once softened her edges was gone, leaving behind a coldness that even Rebecca couldn’t ignore.
This is my fault.
The thought struck her with brutal clarity, as it had so many times before.
She had pushed Lillian away. She had failed to give Lillian what she needed, failed to be the partner she deserved.
Her inability to be vulnerable, to let Lillian see beyond the walls she had spent years constructing, had driven the woman she loved out of her life.
And it wasn’t just in the OR during that fateful surgery where she had been cold. It was everywhere. Every interaction, every moment where Lillian had reached out to her, and she had pulled back. Rebecca could see it now, how her own fear of vulnerability had sabotaged something beautiful and real.
She had pushed away Lillian because she was scared of losing control, of needing her.
Her heart ached at the realization, the weight of her regrets settling heavily in her chest. She had been so afraid of opening up, of letting Lillian in, that she had failed to see how much she was pushing her out. And now, Lillian was gone. And Rebecca was alone.
But the distance hadn’t made things easier. In fact, it had done the opposite. It had made Rebecca realize something crucial, something she hadn’t fully understood until now.
I love her. I need her. I can’t keep living like this.
The truth of it hit her with a sudden force, so powerful that it nearly knocked the breath from her lungs.
Rebecca had spent so much time running from her feelings, hiding behind her professionalism, that she had ignored what had been in front of her all along: Lillian had become essential to her life.
Her presence had brought light into Rebecca’s world in a way no one else ever had.
And now she was gone because Rebecca had been too afraid to show her how much she meant.
I can’t let this be the end.
The thought echoed through her, stirring something deep inside.
She knew she had made mistakes and had hurt Lillian, but she wasn’t willing to lose her forever.
The regret of not fighting for Lillian, of not opening up when it mattered most, was something Rebecca knew she wouldn’t be able to live with.
She knew she had to make it right.
Rebecca straightened in her chair, her resolve hardening.
She wasn’t going to let her fear control her anymore.
She had been distant and cold, but if there was one thing she knew now, it was that she couldn’t keep living this way without Lillian.
If she didn’t fight for her, if she didn’t at least try to make things right, she would regret it for the rest of her life.
It was time to stop running.
She needed to make amends. She needed to open up, to finally let Lillian see the parts of herself she had kept hidden. If there was any chance of getting her back, Rebecca knew she had to be the partner Lillian deserved. She had to be vulnerable, even if it terrified her.
With a deep breath, Rebecca stood up from her desk, her heart racing but her mind clear. She wasn’t going to let fear hold her back any longer.
She needed to find Lillian. And this time, she was going to fight for her.
Rebecca stood outside the diner, staring at the glowing neon sign that flickered in the evening light.
Her hands were shoved deep into the pockets of her coat, but the cold bite of the air barely registered.
She had been standing there for a few minutes now, nerves coiling tighter and tighter in her stomach as she debated whether or not to go inside.
She knew this was where Lillian liked to come when she needed space.
It was her sanctuary, a small, quiet diner tucked away from the noise of the city.
Rebecca had never really understood why Lillian found comfort here, but that didn’t matter.
What mattered was that this was where Lillian went when she needed to think.
And Rebecca was fairly certain she’d find her here tonight.
The nervousness that had been gnawing at her since she decided to seek Lillian out was now almost overwhelming.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this way—so vulnerable, so unsure of herself.
It wasn’t a feeling Rebecca Lang was accustomed to, and she hated it.
But this was too important. Lillian was too important.
She took a deep breath, steadying herself.
She had rehearsed what she wanted to say over and over in her head, but now that she was standing here, her mind was a jumbled mess.
What if Lillian didn’t want to see her? What if it was too late?
The breakup had been hard enough; if Lillian rejected her now, Rebecca wasn’t sure she could handle it.
But she had to try.
With one more deep breath, Rebecca pushed open the diner door.
A small bell chimed as she stepped inside.
The warmth of the diner hit her immediately, a stark contrast to the cool evening air.
Her eyes scanned the room, heart racing, and then she saw her—Lillian, sitting in a booth near the back, her blonde hair catching the soft light as she stared out the window.
Rebecca hesitated. For a split second, she thought about turning around and leaving, about sparing herself the possibility of more heartache. But that was the old Rebecca—the one who ran from her feelings, from vulnerability. The one who had let fear push Lillian away.
Not this time.
She swallowed her nerves and walked toward Lillian, her footsteps slow, her heart pounding louder with each step. As she neared the booth, Lillian glanced up, her blue eyes widening in surprise when she saw Rebecca standing there.
There was a moment of tense silence between them, the weight of everything left unsaid hanging in the air.
Lillian looked as beautiful as ever, even in her casual clothes, her face a mixture of surprise and something Rebecca couldn’t quite read.
There was tension in her shoulders, her body language guarded, and Rebecca knew this wasn’t going to be easy.
But she couldn’t back down now.
"Lillian," Rebecca said softly, her voice sounding far more uncertain than she had expected. "Can I…? Can I sit?"
Lillian blinked, her eyes flicking to the empty seat across from her, then back to Rebecca. She didn’t speak right away, and for a moment, Rebecca thought she was going to say no. But then, with a quiet sigh, Lillian nodded.
"Yeah...sure," she said, her voice tentative.
Rebecca slid into the booth across from Lillian, her heart still racing.
She had no idea where to begin, no idea what words could possibly fix what she had broken.
For a moment, they just sat there in awkward silence, the tension between them thick and uncomfortable.
Rebecca’s eyes moved to Lillian’s hands, which were clasped tightly around her coffee cup, as if holding on for dear life.
"I wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me," Rebecca finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I needed to come. I needed to talk to you."
Lillian’s eyes met hers, and Rebecca could see the pain and uncertainty there, but there was also a flicker of curiosity. "You hurt me, Rebecca," she said quietly, her words carrying the weight of the hurt that still lingered between them. "I don’t know if just talking is going to fix that."
Rebecca’s throat tightened, and she nodded.
"I know," she admitted, her voice cracking slightly. "I know I hurt you. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything—for the way I shut you out, for the way I treated you in the OR. I didn’t know how to handle any of it.
I was scared, and I let that fear ruin everything. "
Lillian didn’t respond right away. She took a slow sip of her coffee, her eyes never leaving Rebecca’s. The silence stretched on, and Rebecca felt the weight of every second pressing down on her. But she didn’t look away. She couldn’t.
"You’re always scared," Lillian finally said, her voice soft but filled with emotion. "That’s what I couldn’t handle anymore. You’re always afraid to let me in, and I kept trying to meet you halfway...but you wouldn’t meet me there."
"I know," Rebecca whispered, her heart aching. "I know, and I hate that I let my fear get in the way of us. But I don’t want to live like that anymore. I don’t want to lose you because I was too scared to open up."
Lillian’s eyes softened, but there was still a guardedness there. "What changed, Rebecca? Why now?"
Rebecca took a deep breath, her hands resting on the table, palms open as if to show she had nothing left to hide.
"Because I realized that losing you was worse than any fear I had. I love you, Lillian. And I should have told you that a long time ago. I should have fought for you, but I didn’t. And that’s on me."
Lillian’s breath caught, and Rebecca could see the flicker of emotion in her eyes, the cracks in the walls she had put up. There was a long pause, the tension between them thick as they both waited to see what the other would say.
Finally, Lillian looked down, her fingers tracing the rim of her cup. "I needed to hear that," she admitted softly. "But I don’t know if it’s enough, Rebecca."
Rebecca’s heart sank, but she nodded, understanding the weight of what Lillian was saying. "I know. And I don’t expect you to forgive me right away. But I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. I’ll fight for you this time, if you’ll let me."
Lillian looked up, her blue eyes locking with Rebecca’s. There was a moment of hesitation, but then she nodded, her lips curving into the faintest of smiles. "Okay," she said softly. "Let’s try."