Chapter 20 #2
I just loosened the reins with my siblings, and this feels like an instantaneous sign that I’ve screwed up colossally by doing so.
I walk quickly toward Matteo. “We won’t allow bags to fly without the passenger on board, sir, but I cannot get them for you right now. They’re en route to the plane and will have to be stopped there,” the woman behind the counter says to him.
“I will go down there myself to get them,” Matteo grinds out, and her eyes practically pop out of her head like a cartoon.
“Uh…let me see what I can do.” Her heels clack as she disappears through a door, and a few seconds later, the conveyor belt stops moving.
“Matteo, it’s okay,” I say breathlessly. “They’ll keep them here, and I’ll get them when I eventually fly out.”
“We just dropped our stuff.” He turns to me, and I take in the crease in his brow. Matteo runs a hand over my hair, dropping his forehead to mine. “They’ll be able to get our bags.”
I step back. “Our?” Shaking my head, I take another step back. “No, no, no. Matteo, no! You’ve helped me so much already; you don’t need to come with me.”
“I am not letting you go home alone right now.”
“You don’t even know what happened!”
“I don’t need to. I know it’s serious.”
I swallow over the tennis ball in my throat, blinking a few times to clear my eyes again. “Matteo, you need to get to Melbourne to train. You have to be ready for Aussie.” The men have no big tournaments before the Australian Open, but many are going early to get used to the summer heat.
“I’ll be fine. It’s over two weeks away. We could stay through the new year and still have plenty of time.” Well, I can’t. There’s no way I’ll play Brisbane at this rate.
My shoulders slump, knowing he’s far more stubborn than I am. “I don’t want people to have to help me deal with my family constantly. I can handle it.” But my words are so quiet, so defeated, they don’t carry much weight.
Matteo pulls me into his body, his chin resting on my head. “I know you can, tesorino. But you don’t have to.”
When we get to the run-down diner, I jump out and race to the door.
Too-fried eggs, burnt coffee, and vinyl welcome me as I step inside, quiet conversation steady despite the panic and rage I’m positive I’m not hiding well.
After a moment, I see him in a cracked red booth by a window, head resting on a table beside a steaming mug.
“Chase,” I snap. Despite my anger, I give him a once over to double check that he was telling the truth. He lifts his head, and it feels like the bar all over again, except this time, he appears entirely sober. Standing before I reach him, he waves at a waitress and walks up to me.
I don’t want to do this here, so I turn on my heel and walk out. I spent the whole drive to Tampa trying to figure out what I wanted to say, and yet now that I’m here, the script has disappeared.
Matteo, who was leaning against his car, stands quickly when we exit, menacing glare fixed on Chase. “I’ll drive the SUV. You take him in my car.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, glancing at where the damaged car sits on the shoulder of a minor side street.
“Absolutely.” We play a game of musical keys, Matteo’s glare growing more thunderous when he gets close to my brother.
“Chase, get in.” My voice brooks no alternative, no room for argument, and he listens, head bowed.
I grab Matteo’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
“Thank you,” I breathe. I don’t know which of the many things I’m thanking him for—driving me here, making sure I take the safer car home, or any combination of the hundreds of little things he’s done for me since we started playing together—and he doesn’t seem to need any clarification.
He kisses my temple, grumbling, “Drive safe. I’ll be right behind you.”
Once he gets to the beat-up Saturn, I slump into his car, adjusting the settings until I’m comfortable. For a few moments, the drive is silent.
“We can’t keep doing this, Chase,” I declare finally when we get on the highway.
When he doesn’t answer, it drenches my growing ire in gasoline, and his prolonged sigh, like I’m in the wrong, lights the match.
“Do you not understand what just happened? Not only did you do one of the dumbest things possible, you brought Finn into it. That is unacceptable.”
“I didn’t…” He sighs again, this time less angrily.
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.
I felt fine. Sober. Dad said I—” A slammed fist into his thigh jolts me.
“What does it matter? You don’t care about us.
You spend most of your life flitting away to other countries, leaving me behind to pick up the pieces and take care of the twins.
” The resentment is so bitter in his tone, I have to dig my nails into my palms, my hold tight on the wheel.
But he’s not done. “You’re so fucking lucky.
You got out. Life has been so good for you compared to us.
You left us when the Wards started giving you attention, and now we’re completely abandoned. ”
“My life has been easy? Mine? The person who took care of you when Mom worked double shifts? Who taught you how to read and tie your shoes? Who went to school hungry to make sure you guys had food in your bellies? Or how about the person who took the very little luck this family was offered to make money? I work my ass off to make sure everything you need is taken care of, but my life is the easy one?”
“Nobody asked you to do that!”
“Are you kidding me right now?”
I’m so angry, I’m shaking, which is only making matters worse. I’m in a car I’ve never driven that’s worth way more than I care to know. People are flying by like they’re on the German Autobahn, and I need to stay in control of this situation.
Seeing Matteo, the steadiest presence in my life right now, behind me is like a security blanket thrown over me, dousing the flames of my rage. At least for now. Quieter, I say, “Let’s calm down for a second. I need to get us home in one piece, and then I need to think.”
We don’t so much as breathe in each other’s direction the rest of the way home.