Chapter 15
It’s barely light outside but I’m already up with Lily, bargaining with her to finish breakfast. I’m still half-asleep myself. Her strong, little hands grip the bottle tightly, her tiny mouth working furiously. Lily is in the middle of a growth spurt and has been eating like crazy and growing bigger and stronger as a result. Even if I wasn’t a zombie, my mornings would likely still blur together. It’s an endless stream of bottles, diapers, and trying to find a moment for myself to breathe. It is exhausting, but the pediatrician is happy. She is ready for me to start introducing baby food to Lily in a few weeks, so I can’t imagine the mornings will get any easier after that happens. Just a wider variety of chaos.
An abrupt knock at my door has me freezing immediately. “Who the hell is that?” I mutter under my breath, instinctively on edge. It’s way too early for Heidi to get here and my only other visitor is Ziggy. I gently put Lily in her jumper, brushing back her curls before heading to the door. I sneak a peek out of the peep hole and the sight on the other side of the door frame makes my breath catch in my throat. Oren’s on the other side, looking like absolute hell. His eye is black, blue and swollen all over, with a busted, taped up eyebrow. I quickly pull open the door. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days, which triggers shock and concern within me as soon as my brain registers what’s happening.
“Oren?” I blink, trying to remember if I missed some really important information. I don’t think so…“What the hell are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in Arizona.”
He looks at me with a stoic mask, but underneath it is frustration and anger. As it starts to crumble, his true vulnerability starts to show. “Coach suspended me for four games,” he says quietly, full of defeat. There’s a rawness I’ve certainly never heard from Oren before which hits me in the chest.
I hesitate, unsure what to say. But the exhaustion in his eyes, the worry etched into his face calls to me. “Come inside,” I say, as I open the door wider, letting him through.
He walks past me, and I follow him as he wanders through my apartment. Maybe he is too distracted to notice how dirty it is, or that the place is basic, at best. He takes a seat at the kitchen table, his shoulders sagging. I study him for a moment as he stares blankly down at his hands.
“Why?” I ask him, keeping my voice steady.
“Too many fights, making bad decisions. Being a walking penalty. I could keep going,” he mutters, pulling the beanie from his hair and tossing it on the table. “I have to get my act together or there’s no point in coming back at all.”
I can practically feel his deep-seated struggle. Hidden perfectly, for whatever reason, I don’t know, but it's getting close to boiling to the surface. “So, you came here?” I ask softly.
“I’ve got eight days,” Oren nods, his voice strained. “Eight days to figure out my life before I have to meet back up with the team. And I’m not leaving Atlanta until we figure out how I’ll be in Lily’s life. It’s the most important thing to me right now.”
“Oren, we can’t just—” I swallow, his words causing an uncomfortable feeling to start to grow in my gut.
“It’s just a plan, Rachel,” He cuts me off, jumping from the chair, sulking closer to me. “I need a plan. With a plan, I can get back to doing my job, playing hockey. I need to know how and when I’m going to see my daughter again. I can’t keep playing like this, living like this, being so angry about missing everything with her. Having a next step is the only way I can do that.”
His eyes are intense, desperate, “I know, Oren,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “We have to do this carefully. The right way for everyone.”
“I don’t want any of this to become a fight with you, Rachel,” he says, his voice soft, pleading. Oren’s finger gently grazes up my arm before his hand lands on my shoulder. “I just…I want to be a good father. I want to be there for both of you.”
My heart softens to his plea. I breathe out, nodding slowly, “Okay.”
He lets out a small breath of relief. I glance at the clock, realizing that just because he showed up here doesn’t mean that I don’t have places to be. “I have to get ready for work,” I say. “Do you want to entertain Lily while I do that?”
Oren’s face lights up, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “That’d be great,” he says, and I see a glimpse of the man I’ve met before. The one who laughs freely. A good reminder of who Oren can be beyond this stress. I head to my room to get dressed, and as I do, I hear Oren’s soft voice from the living room, his words gentle and soothing while he talks to Lily. Her beautiful giggles fill the air. It's a rare feeling, this quiet free time, and I decide to indulge a little.
I glance in the mirror and catch my reflection. My dark brown eyes are still tired but there is a small sparkle of relief in them that wasn’t there last night. My thick, wavy dark hair falls around my shoulders wildly. Given the time, I decide to tame it. Usually, I’d throw it up in a messy bun and let someone at work fix it if need be, but today feels different. Maybe it’s because I know Oren can watch Lily long enough to get ready like I used to, or maybe it’s just the thought that this morning, I’m not doing everything alone.
I reach for a camel-colored sweater that drapes against my skin, pairing it with a brown pencil skirt that hugs my curves just right. Not only do I look a little more put together, but I also feel prettier than my new normal. Closer to the person I once was. I take one last look in the mirror and see the woman I’ve been trying to find—someone who is capable of being a career woman and a mom. The type of woman who can handle everything life throws my way.
Once satisfied with the outcome of my time spent getting ready, I pop my head out of my room. “So,” I say, feeling uncharacteristically giddy, “where are you staying?”
Oren shrugs. “I haven’t made any plans yet. Figured I’d find a hotel or something.”
I hum quietly to myself, thinking over his lack of a plan. Then the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. “Do you… do you want to stay here? Near Lily? It’d be on the couch, which isn’t the most comfortable, but…it would keep you close by.”
“Absolutely!” His face brightens, and he nods eagerly. “I’d love that.”
Another knock on the door signals the arrival of Heidi, and I quickly brief her on the situation. “Oren will be here today,” I explain, glancing at him. “But he’s not ready to go out with Lily by himself yet. We’re…not there yet.”
Heidi nods, giving Oren a cordial, equally firm look. “Understood,” she says. “We’ll stay inside.”
Oren holds his hands up in surrender. “Got it. I’ll behave.”
I chuckle a little, happy that he is taking my rules in stride. I grab my bag and head out the door, feeling strangely at ease. It’s a short day at work—mostly pre-taped interviews and planning for the next game coverage. I push through, my thoughts drifting back to Oren and Lily more times than I’d like to admit.
As soon as I finish up, I high-tail it out of the studio, excitement bubbling in my chest. I’m eager to see how things went today with Oren and Lily, hoping against everything that maybe, we’re on the right path. My steps are quick and purposeful as I weave through the hallways, sidestepping colleagues and camera crews, trying to make my escape before anyone can stop me.
Once I finally get home, I grab my bag and rush inside, preparing myself for whatever I might find. The apartment is quiet, except for the soft hum of Heidi tidying up around the house. I glance around, but I don’t see Oren or Lily anywhere. A knot of panic forms in my stomach. Where the hell are they?
“Heidi?” I call out, my voice one tiny step away from full blown panic mode.
She looks up from where she’s folding a blanket on the couch, offering me a calming smile. “They’re in the other room, reading,” she says gently.
“Ohhhh…okay. Thank you.” I try to sound casual, but I know my relief is obvious. I let out my breath in a whoosh, my heart starting to slow back down.
Once she’s gone, I move quietly toward the doorway of the other room, peeking in to find Oren sitting on the floor with Lily nestled against his chest, in his lap, a book in his other hand. His voice is soft, calm, a stark contrast to the fire and fury I've seen on the ice. I revel in the feeling of warmth that spreads through my chest. Lily is mesmerized, her big, green eyes fixed on him as he reads. He looks so different like this—gentle, almost shy, like he’s trying hard to be something he’s meant to be but not entirely sure how yet.
He notices me standing in the doorway and looks up, his face flushing slightly, embarrassed of being so vulnerable. “Hey,” he says, his voice a little awkward. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
I smile, stepping into the room. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. You two look busy.”
“Just trying to keep her entertained,” Oren laughs softly, his eyes still on Lily. He closes the book carefully. “Figured I’d work on our reading skills.”
“You’re doing great,” I nod, laughing a little to cover how much his words affect me.
He stands up, holding Lily close, and then turns to me. “So, what do you want to eat for dinner?” he asks, a bit hesitant. “I thought I’d cook something to thank you for letting me stay. I’ll make you anything you want.”
I raise an eyebrow, amused by his earnestness. “Anything?” I tease.
“Anything,” he repeats, his face sincere.
I decide to play hard ball, a mischievous grin spreading across my face. “Alright then, how about Lobster Thermidor?” I laugh, expecting him to roll his eyes.
But instead, Oren’s eyes light up. “Why the fuck not?” he says, surprising me. “Oops, sorry Lily. Don’t say bad words.”
He looks up at me with a sheepish look as he hands Lily to me. Before I can say anything, he grabs his keys and is out the door. I blink, stunned, half-wondering if he’s serious. I shake my head, laughing softly to myself as I go to change into some comfortable clothes.
After a mother/daughter yoga class and a quick shower, I head out into the living room that now smells like a Michelin star restaurant. I find a glass of white wine waiting for me on the table. Oren is at the stove, finishing up, a look of concentration on his face. I’m impressed, amazed even, but I try to keep my expression neutral.
“You really went for it, huh?” I say, a hint of disbelief in my voice.
He glances over his shoulder, a smirk playing at his lips. “I told you I’d make anything,” he replies. “And I don’t back down from a challenge.”
I smile despite myself and prepare Lily’s bottle. As I feed her, Oren continues to clink pots and pans, the smell of butter and garlic making me hungry. After Lily finishes her bottle, I set her up in her play area for while we eat. Not long after, he calls for me.
“Dinner’s ready,” he announces.
When I sit down, I laugh out loud, the unattractive kind of cackle that makes you want to clap a hand over your mouth and pretend it never happened. There, on my small dining table, is a perfect plate of Lobster Thermidor. “I seriously can’t believe it! You actually made it,” I say, genuinely impressed.
He shrugs, but there’s a proud smile on his face. “I keep my promises,” he says with a wink.
We sit down to eat, and the conversation starts off light, easy, but we hit the hard stuff quickly. We discuss our schedules, what his off-season looks like normally, what will have to change going forward, and how we can make this work. The logistics of him staying for these eight days, of letting him build a relationship with Lily.
Oren helps me with Lily’s bath and bedtime routine. It’s strange having him there; he’s careful, attentive, and I can see he’s genuinely trying to learn. He follows my lead, asking questions, and his reaction to what he learns has me relaxing a little bit more.
Once Lily is finally asleep, he cleans up my kitchen, keeping his distance, giving me space. I appreciate it. After everything that’s happened, I need time to process, to think.
When he finishes, I set up the couch for him, laying out a blanket and pillow. “It’s not much,” I say softly, “but it’s a place to sleep.”
He nods, his eyes meeting mine. “It’s perfect,” he replies.
I linger for a moment, everything unsure. I’m not ready for any more meaningful conversations tonight. I can feel the weight of everything unsaid between us, but it will still be there tomorrow. “Goodnight, Oren,” I whisper, turning to head to my bedroom.
“Goodnight, Rachel,” he replies softly, and I hear the sincerity in his voice.
I close my door behind me, my heart racing. I feel more at ease than I expected, but that doesn’t make me feel more settled. Having Oren here provides me with comfort when it comes to Lily, but with that feeling comes an edge. I'm more aware of his presence than ever before now that I’m alone in my room. I don’t know how I will make it through these next eight days.