Chapter 20
The last few games have been a rush. I’ve been on fire since my suspension ended. Somewhere along the way, I figured out how to channel all my pent-up frustration over not seeing Lily every day into something useful. Which has been a good lesson learned because I can now add unreleased sexual tension to the list of things dragging me down each day. So now, instead of spiraling, I can use that energy to good use on the ice.
Despite a few well-fought losses, we’ve racked up some solid wins, and it feels damn good to finally be back in the groove. It’s been almost three months since I found out about Lily, who is almost seven months old now. I can’t believe how fast time is flying by. Sometimes it feels like I’ve missed so much of her life already, but I know there’s so much more to come, and I can’t wait to experience it all.
The suspension was a wake-up call for me, but it also gave Coach Nolan a glimpse into how my life has changed. These new developments have allowed me to be a little more distant than he would have allowed otherwise. We've got a couple of days off before the team flies to New Orleans for our next game. I got approval from Coach to spend my off time in Atlanta with Lily and meet the team in Louisiana instead of flying with the team. What makes this off time even better is that after New Orleans, the team is headed to Atlanta for a game against the Vipers, so I’ve planned to spend all the time I can in Atlanta. It’s all set up with Rachel. I'll have a hotel room for my time in Atlanta with the team, but the rest of it will be spent on Rachel's couch. That lumpy piece of concrete sucks, but I’m under the same roof as my daughter, so it’s a solid plan.
Feeling good about my time in Atlanta, I call Elliot to let him know I'll be in town for a few days. I keep the details brief, not wanting to get into all the specifics because I can’t tell him the truth. It’s a fine line that I have to follow because the rest of the team doesn’t know why I’m not traveling with them, either. Coach is good with keeping my secret from the rest of the guys, knowing how close the web of connection is between me, the team, and Rachel. The minute one of my teammates figures it out, Elliot will hear about it. Despite how much I hate it, I promised Rachel.
Luckily, Elliot is so excited that he doesn’t even question it. Instead, he asks if I’d be down to be on a special podcast episode they’re planning. The main guest is Ziggy, but he thinks I will make a great addition. His words, not mine. I haven’t done much with the podcast since our Stanley Cup episode, but I had a fantastic time then, so I’m down for it.
“Yeah, sure,” I tell him. “I’m in. It’ll be fun.”
I head straight from the airport to drop my stuff at Rachel’s place and spend some time with Lily. She’s getting bigger every day, and every time I see her, she seems to have grown a few inches. I’m 6’5’, and Rachel is far from short, so our girl is going to be tall and strong, I can tell. She recently started crawling, and this is the first time that I’ve seen it in person. I could sit and watch her forever, but if I do that, then I’ll be late.
I head over to Elliot’s, where we are recording today’s episode of Hit Behind the Net in person. Being around Elliot and talking with his co-hosts brings back good memories, and I’m glad I get to be a part of it. I catch up with Ziggy while we wait to get started. After she finishes one of her crazy stories, Bryce Cole gives me a sense of what the episode is going to be about. When Bryce isn’t playing professional football, he is living and breathing hockey. I don’t know how he finds the time in a day for all of that. Finally, Elliot signals that it’s time to start, and we settle in. He leans into his mic with a smile clear in his voice.
“Welcome back to Hit Behind the Net, everyone! Today is extra special—not just because of the content, but because of our guest. Joining us today is someone deeply versed in the world of sports and very dear to my heart. Please welcome my beautiful fiancée, Ziggy Blackwater, my Anatife.”
After rapid-fire questions to Ziggy about life with Elliot and covering the race to the Cup last year, the conversation starts to shift. I can tell it’s coming in the way Elliot and Bryce exchange a quick look like they’re about to pounce.
“So, Oren,” Elliot starts, leaning back in his chair with that familiar devious grin, “we’ve got to ask…what's up with the recent, uh, ‘extra physicality’ on the ice? A few too many trips to the penalty box this season, huh?”
I laugh, happy that I can look back on that time and find the humor in it, not the feeling of drowning in the unknown. I weigh my options on which direction to take my answer and decide to keep it light. “Just trying to keep things interesting,” I reply, shrugging. “Maybe the refs are picking on me.”
“The refs picking on you, my ass,” Bryce laughs, not letting that comment go. “Come on, man. We've seen you drop the gloves a few times in the past, but this season’s been…different. You were off the ice for a bit there. Is there some behind-the-scenes drama we should know about?”
I can feel their eyes on me, waiting for a juicy soundbite. I smirk, keeping my tone casual. “Nah, no drama. A little frustration, maybe,” I say, trying to brush it off. “Needed a full reset. Get my head back in the game, you know?”
Elliot leans in, a quizzical look on his face, like for the first time, he isn’t sure what the answer to his question is. “Frustration, eh? Personal or professional?”
I roll my eyes, chuckling a little. “You know me, I don't get personal. I’m good now—had some time to clear my head, and I'm ready to play.”
Bryce nods, but he’s not done probing. “So, does that mean we can expect a different version of you for the rest of the season? The clean-cut Oren Samuels, less brawler?”
I grin, but there’s a seriousness to my tone now. “I wouldn’t go that far,” I say. “I’m still going to play hard, but yeah…maybe a little less time in the sin bin, more time on the ice.”
Elliot claps his hands together, satisfied. “That’s what we like to hear! So, no more suspensions in your future?”
I grin, shaking my head. “I’ll do my best to keep it clean…but no promises.”
The podcast wraps up, and I feel a strange mix of adrenaline and calm. It’s like stepping off the ice after an intense game. One where you’re still buzzing from the rush, but there’s also a weird kind of peace that settles over you. Bryce sidles up to me after the recording light turns off, a grin on his face.
“Man, you’ve got a real knack for this,” he says, clapping me on the shoulder. “You’re welcome back anytime.”
“Thanks,” I reply with a smile. “I had a good time. You guys make it easy.”
Bryce laughs. “We try,” he says. “And hey, it doesn’t hurt to have Ziggy keeping things lively, right?”
I chuckle. “Definitely. She’s something else.”
Elliot comes over, grinning like a kid who just pulled off a prank. “Hey, we’re all heading out to grab some dinner,” he says. “You in?”
“Sure, why not?” I reply. I figure it’ll be good to spend a little more time with everyone, even though I’m already itching to get back to Rachel’s.
We head out to a nearby joint for burgers and beer. The place is packed, and the noise level is high, but it’s got a good vibe. The beers arrive almost immediately. Elliot, Ziggy, Bryce, and Gordie are in rare form, their energy infectious. Bryce works hard but from what I know about him, he plays even harder. Gordie on the other hand, is the sanest of the bunch. I’m pretty sure after he retired, he was just bored, with too much time and money on his hands and decided on a whim to create the podcast. Whatever the reason, it’s working for everyone and I’m loving being a part of it, and I find myself really enjoying myself. We all order our food and just settle in and enjoy ourselves.
I pull my phone out, a picture of Rachel and Lily at the park is saved as her contact photo. Just seeing them makes me miss her even more.
Oren: The podcast was
a good time. Now out with
the guys, plus Ziggy for
dinner. Should be back
at your place soon.
Rachel: Sounds fun!
Take your time.
See you soon.
Dinner continues, and things start to get a little rowdier. Elliot orders another round of beers, and Bryce and Gordie start goading each other into some ridiculous contest, and soon it’s total chaos. Elliot and Ziggy are up to something. I can see it in their eyes, the way he keeps whispering into her ear, how Ziggy keeps giggling and gasping. I can’t say for certain, but I’m pretty sure if anyone else catches on to what they are doing, we are going to get kicked out of here.
Despite forcing us to watch them get handsy, they’re good people, and being around them is a lot of fun. But as the evening goes on, I find myself checking my phone more and more. Being out like this with friends, watching them together, makes me wish for Rachel to be here with me. I let my mind linger on her, wondering what she’s doing, if she’s thinking about me, too.
Oren: These guys are
crazy. Might take me a
bit longer than I thought.
Hope Lily’s doing okay.
Rachel: Lily’s great!
No rush, Oren.
Enjoy yourself.
I can’t help but smile. I tuck my phone back into my pocket, trying to focus on the conversation around me. Elliot suddenly appears in my space, leaning over, slinging an arm around my shoulder.
“You good, man?” he asks, a grin plastered on his face. “You seem a little…distracted.”
I chuckle, shrugging him off. “How could you even tell, you were plenty distracted yourself,” I reply, nodding to Ziggy. “And maybe I’ve had enough of you idiots for one night.”
He laughs. “Fair enough,” he says, raising his glass. “But hey, thanks for joining us tonight. It’s been fun having you around.”
“Yeah, it’s been great,” I agree, lifting my own glass. “But I think I’m going to head out soon. Got to be up early tomorrow.”
Bryce boos, but Gordie waves me off. “Hey, man, you do you,” he says. “We’ll catch you next time.”
I nod, standing up and grabbing my jacket. “Definitely,” I say. “Thanks for the good time.”
I say my goodbyes, make my way out of the restaurant, and practically jog down the street. The truth is, no matter how much fun I had at dinner, I wanted to be with Rachel and Lily. That’s where I feel the most at ease these days.
Oren: On my way back.
See you soon.
Rachel: Be Careful.
When I get to Rachel's door, I pause for a second to catch my breath before knocking. She opens it almost immediately, her face brightening when she sees me.
“Hey,” she says softly. “You’re just in time. Lily’s about ready for her bedtime story.”
“Perfect,” I reply, stepping inside. I make a beeline straight for Lily’s room, eager to soak up every second with my little girl. I find her sitting in her crib, her big eyes watching me intently as if she’s been waiting for me. I pick up a book from the stack next to the rocking chair, pull her into my lap, and settle in to read, and I feel exactly at home.
I glance over at Rachel, who’s leaning against the doorway, a small smile playing on her lips. I can’t quite read her expression, but having her watch me feels good. I turn back to Lily, my voice soothing as I read to her. After two stories, her eyelids are closed, her breathing regulated, and I tuck her in, brushing a gentle kiss against her forehead. “Goodnight, Lily Goose,” I whisper.
When I turn around, Rachel is gone. I walk out into the living room, where I find her on the couch. “Wine?” she offers, holding up a glass.
I nod, sitting down beside her. I take a sip of the wine she poured me, letting the flavor hit my tongue, warming me from the inside. “How was work?” I ask, glancing over at her.
Rachel shrugs, her dark eyes catching the light in a way that makes them seem even deeper, more mysterious. “Nothing too exciting. Which right now is good.” She tilts her head slightly, a hint of curiosity in her expression. “How was the podcast?”
I grin, leaning back into the cushions, letting myself relax. “It was good. Always a good time with the gang. But dinner was something else. I’m pretty sure Elliot was fingering Ziggy under the table, like full-on getting her off while everyone was drinking their beers. It was absolutely wild…but I was too afraid to ask.”
Rachel bursts out laughing, and it’s a sound I feel through my whole body. It’s sexy and musical. It makes me smile wider, feeling a rush of blood flow straight to the dick. Settle down now, big guy.
“Are you serious?” she asks, wiping the tears streaming from her eyes, still giggling.
“Dead serious,” I say, chuckling along with her. “The way they were acting…I mean, I’m no stranger to the activity, I'm pretty sure. You know Elliot—he’s not exactly subtle.”
She shakes her head, her smile still bright, and there’s a playful glint in her eyes. “I could never! I will have to ask Ziggy about that tomorrow!” she says, but then pauses, realizing something. “Wait, I can’t do that without telling her you told me.”
I raise an eyebrow, a grin spreading across my face. “Correct. Or you could just tell her the truth,” I suggest, leaning in slightly, curious to see how she’ll react.
Rachel’s smile falters a little, and she looks down at her wine glass, swirling what’s left around thoughtfully. “The truth, huh?” she murmurs, her voice quieter now, more serious. “That’s…not so easy sometimes.”
I watch her closely, sensing a shift in her mood. “Why not?” I ask gently. “What’s so hard about telling the truth?”
She looks up at me, her beautiful eyes searching mine, and for a moment, I see something raw and vulnerable there. “Because the truth is messy,” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper. “And it changes things. It comes along with feelings that I’m not ready for.”
“Yeah,” I say softly. I nod slowly, understanding what she means, “But it can also make things clearer. Make things…real.”
She takes a deep breath as if weighing my words, and I can see the conflict playing out on her face. “Maybe,” she concedes, her voice still hesitant.
I feel a pang of frustration at the lack of her conviction, but I push it down. I choose my words carefully. “Rachel, you know we can’t keep doing this halfway.”
She nods, biting her lip. “I know,” she whispers. “I know we need to figure this out. For Lily’s sake and yours, if nothing else.”
I reach out, taking her hand in mine, feeling her skin brush against mine. “And for you,” I add softly. “We need to figure this out for both of us, Rachel.”
Her lips curve into a small, tentative smile, and she nods. “Okay,” she whispers. “What about starting with small truths, then.”
I grin, feeling a sense of relief, of possibility. “It’s a start,” I say.
She nods again, her smile growing a little. “Alright,” she agrees. “Deal.”
I’m torn between wanting to double down on my feelings over being Rachel’s dirty little secret and wanting to get back to a space where Rachel and I were before we became co-parents. She opens another bottle of wine, pouring us both another glass. I watch as she takes a sip, the movement of her throat as she swallows. Every move of hers makes the pent-up sexual frustration grow, quickly turning electric.
The wine’s working its magic, loosening our tongues and lowering our walls. I lean in closer, shrinking the space between us with every word. I can feel her body heat radiating in my direction, see the way her cheeks flush pinker as we talk. My hand brushes over her knee, and she doesn’t freeze or pull away, instead her gaze meets mine, and there’s something in her eyes, a hint of mischief that pulls me in further.
“So, what is your thing?” I ask again, my voice low and thick. There’s a truth to my question beyond the sexual energy that exists when we are alone. I want to know. Hell, I want to understand what makes Rachel tick, what makes her shiver, what she wishes for when no one’s watching.
She looks down at her hands before lifting her gaze back to mine, a sly grin playing at the corners of her lips. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” she teases, her eyes daring me to push further.
“I really would,” I say softly, leaning in even closer, my voice dropping to a wolfish whisper. “I think I’d like to know everything about you.”
Rachel’s cheeks turn a deeper shade of scarlet, and for a moment, she seems almost bashful. I’ve seen Rachel in a lot of different ways, but that isn’t one of them. There’s a vulnerability there, one that makes me want to reach out and touch her, to close the space between us entirely.
“So,” I continue, “what’s something you’ve always wanted to try?”
“I’ve always been pretty open to anything,” she admits, a playful smile tugging at her lips. She takes a slow sip of her wine, her eyes never leaving mine. “But there are definitely things I haven’t done…before.”
I raise an eyebrow, feeling my heart rate pick up a little. “Like what?” I press, moving my hand slightly up her thigh, the fabric of her ‘fuck me’ pajama shorts soft under my fingers. “You can’t just leave me hanging like that.”
She laughs softly, and the sound only makes my erection press painfully against the zipper of my pants. I adjust myself bluntly, trying to keep from busting the zipper wide ass open, and she doesn’t look away.
“Well,” she begins, “I’ve never done anything in a public place.” She pauses, her gaze lighting up with excitement, maybe a bit of fear. “I don’t know…I think it's the thrill of getting caught that makes it so appealing.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck me, she is so hot, and despite her ‘fuck me’ pajamas and bedroom eyes, I know she wants nothing to do with me like that anymore. “Public places, huh?” I tease. “I might know a thing or two about that.”
Her eyes narrow, but still clearly intrigued. “Ugh, please don’t tell me.” Is that a little jealousy coming out of my Rachel now?
I chuckle, tossing back my wine, letting the tension between us build for a moment. “Are you jealous, Reese?”
“No!” She denies, while the mischief in her voice gives her away.
“It’s fucking hot,” I reply, my hand squeezing her knee gently. I’m not even sure if I am talking about having sex in public or this very moment.
Rachel bites her lower lip, my words having a clear effect on her, her nipples hardening through her thin night shirt fabric. I watch the interest flicker across her face.
“I don’t know if I could ever actually do that,” she murmurs. She’s talking about having sex in public, but there’s an invitation, maybe, that makes my heart rate pound.
I press closer to her, our faces only inches apart. “You’d be surprised what you might do,” I whisper, my breath warm against her cheek. “When the moment feels right.”
She swallows, her gaze lingering on my lips for a brief second before returning to my eyes. “Maybe,” she breathes, her voice barely audible.
The space between us feels like a slow-burning flame. I can’t stop myself as I run my hand even higher under her shorts. Resting it right where her hip meets her thigh, my thumb brushing against the top of her shorts.
“Tell me, Rachel,” I murmur, my lips so close to hers. Her breath catches, her pupils expand as our lips linger just within touching distance. “What else are you curious about?”
“I’ve always wondered what it would be like with someone who knows all of me…” she starts, her voice soft, “Who isn’t afraid of all the messy parts.”
Her honesty hits me like a punch to the gut. “I see you, Rachel,” I whisper, my voice thick with sincerity and heady with lust. “I see you, and I want all of it.”
And then, without thinking, I press my lips against hers, kissing her like a desperate man. Her lips are soft and warm as she responds to me. Her mouth opens against mine, and her hand slides up to the back of my neck, pulling me closer. She deepens our kiss quickly, the intensity fueled by the wine and the desire between us.
I kiss her harder, her heartbeat thudding in sync with mine, my tongue exploring hers. My other hand, not occupied by its position inside her shorts, pressing against her full hips, slides up her back, pulling her closer, feeling the curve of her waist, the soft dip at the small of her back. She’s all I can think about—all I want.
I pull her into my lap, straddling me as I explore her mouth. She shivers under my attention, under my touch. Every reaction that I get from her drives me wild. She starts to grind down on my painfully hard and eager cock. My hands guide her hips in a circular motion, rubbing her in every way she wants me to.
Just as quickly as it started, she jumps back, like I might literally set her on fire. The jarring disconnection breaks our kiss as she climbs off my lap. Leaving us both breathing raggedly.
“Oren,” her eyes are wide, her voice shaky but firm. “This…this can’t happen.”
I blink, still caught in the haze of the moment, trying to catch up. “Why?” I ask, my voice rough. “I thought…I thought you wanted this, too.”
She shakes her head, looking torn. “It’s not that I don’t want it,” she says softly, “but…we’re co-parents. Mixing sex with that, it just complicates things.”
I feel a stab of disappointment, but I know she’s right. I nod slowly, forcing myself to return to neutral to regain my composure.
“Right,” I say quietly, trying to steady my breathing. “I get it, I do. I just…I don't like it.”
Rachel’s expression softens, and she reaches for my hand, squeezing it gently. “Neither do I,” she whispers. “But it's for the best.”
“Okay,” I take a deep breath, trying to calm the rush of blood in my veins. I give her a small, understanding smile. “For Lily’s sake.”