Drown My Sorrow (When it Raines Omegaverse #5)

1. Aspyn

Chapter one

Aspyn

A spyn Aged 14

I thought flood waters would be quiet, but they really aren’t. The water roars around us like the roar of a monster just out of sight. There are bangs and crashes in the dark, and each one makes me recoil like I’ve been hit with a bullet. It’s so loud I can’t hear anything else but the deafening thunder of water. The movement in the dark of hundreds of thousands of litres makes the world feel like it’s alive with an army of creatures writhing in the place my whole world had just once existed.

I can’t stop the small cry that slips past my lips as the shock retreats. The ache in my knees is a fierce burn, my finger hurts, and I’m cold down to the bones. I’ve never been so bombarded by so many terrifying sounds.

Where’s my dad?

I’m blind in the dark, the lights are gone, and, with each second, my panic runs away from me. I swipe back my wet hair, peering over the edge of the bank towards where my house was. A few hours ago, that bank was just a hill with a road on top. Now it’s the edge to a mass of churning, thunderous water that is destroying everything.

My house is gone. Not underwater, gone. It floated away, and then, I remember seeing the roof swallowed up by the water like it was just eaten. The place with my dolls and plastic horses is gone. The house with my mummy and daddy and my older sister Cassie that was home is no longer.

The whole house. It was there a few minutes ago before my dad threw me out.

I scan the water, blinking rapidly, hoping it will just magically come back. Water laps at my knees where I’m kneeling, but I can’t stand up. Where is my house?

It’s just gone, and it stays gone.

“Cassie?” I call, but it’s not loud enough to even come close to being heard over the torrent.

A sob rips free of me as I search the black, roaring liquid. I’m so cold, I can’t stop shivering, and the world feels weird, sort of far away but close.

“Dad?”

My mother screams behind me, a wordless shriek into the void. I recognise her voice. The sound raises the hairs on my arms and gives me such a visceral reaction that I twist around, drawn to seeking her out. She rushes towards the flood waters but is caught by our neighbours’ thick arms and swung back.

He shouts something, but I can’t hear him. Still, the tone sends alarm into my numb mind. Too slow, I can’t think fast enough to understand what is upsetting them.

I stand up, my legs are wobbly. The shivers start and are so violent my teeth chatter. I can’t stop thinking about how cold I am.

My mum screams again, and somehow I know it’s bad. It’s terrible. A high-pitched sound is driven out of my chest by the tight panic that has me in a vise.

“Mum?” I stutter her name, my scream somehow drawing everyone’s eyes.

She looks at me, and her eyes widen with fear. “Aspyn!” Her shriek is louder than the roar of the water behind me. So loud every instinct in my fourteen-year-old body obeys instantly, turning towards her, forcing my exhausted and shock-numbed body to take a stumbling step towards her.

The world slows down. I see the wide eyes of our neighbour in his pale face. He’s got a gash on his forehead that’s stopped bleeding but has left a red streak down his face. My mother’s legs give way, and she sags in his hold. I’ve never seen her look like that before. Her hair, normally immaculate and coloured like straw, is a tangled mess, and her dress is ripped, revealing one of her chunky arms and shoulders. The rain continues to fall, turning the world hazy. I see her as if she’s a dream.

“RUN!”

I don’t know who screams the word.

Alarm skitters up my spine. I turn my head, and, boom, I’m catapulted through the air.

I have a thought that this is bad, really bad, but it’s too late. I wonder if I will find Dad and Cassie.

I’m scared.

I feel like I fly forever, and then I open my eyes and look into the water, into the black, into the roaring open maw of the monster. I feel the rush of cold as my monster swallows me, and then, darkness.

P resent Day

I send up silent thanks that my heat is finally over. And then feel so guilty over the thought that I can’t bear to lie there a second longer. I sit up and gently shove the arm laying across my waist off me. The urge to snuggle in the hold for longer than is necessary tempts me, but I refuse to be the pitiful hanger-on that won’t get a clue.

They deserve better.

The dark cool of the cave is comforting because it reminds me where I am. And who I am. I glance back over my shoulder at the incredibly gorgeous alpha laying in my nest behind me. I don’t let my eyes linger, I never do.

My memories of my heats are sketchy at best. I know they make me feel so much better than I deserve, and that’s enough for me. I need them, and so I use them. The familiar shame curls its way up around me, pulling me into my black thoughts.

I swing my legs off the bed and let out an involuntary gasp. My leg spasms, and I end up doubled over, my fingers curled in the cheap mattress I bought. My pained hiss is almost silent. I wait it out, ignoring the throb, the lightning fire that dances along my nerves and obliterates all rational thought. All I can do is rock with the pain. I’ve overused the muscles again. I can feel the burn and the stretch, the stiffness that promises the next few days will be excruciating.

Nothing for it. I just need to suck it up and keep going. I have bills that need to be paid.

I push myself into a stand, sweat sliding between my breasts, and pause, balancing on one leg.

“Damn it!”

I’m not entirely certain my stupid leg is going to support my weight at the moment, and I have nothing to grab onto. I count to ten and do it again because I’m a coward, and I fear the pain.

I take a step, and the leg collapses, but before I can fall and hit the ground, I’m caught by powerful arms.

The scent of green apples wraps around me, and, not for the first time, I think that his scent is a damn trap. He smells like apples, innocent and simple, but Shale is anything but innocent. He’s got blue hair, hazel eyes that are always watching me, and this nasty habit of getting into all sorts of trouble with his two pack mates.

He also is adamant that I am their scent match, and, for the last couple of years, they have been relentless in trying to change my mind and resist my attempts to redirect their attention to more worthy matches.

Shale, not that I would ever admit it out loud, is perfection and one of my very good and only friends here on this island I call home.

I struggle in his arms, but he locks them, and I’m caught helpless. I turn my head, burying my face in his shoulder, giving in to the desire to take comfort in him. He carries me easily out of the cave and up the hill of grass to the white house framed with native bushes.

Leaving the cave always feels worse. It leaves me facing my shame and the guilt of what I’ve done to the pack that would be mine if I let them.

The door opens before we get there, and Keagan comes out and leans against the frame. He’s got no top on, and his bleached hair hangs to his shoulders and blows in the breeze. He watches me with disapproval out of the lightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.

“Hey, baby!”

I snarl at Beau, who squeezes past Keagan and dances over to me. He lifts my hand and kisses it before I can snatch it away. Beau has an accent that has a lilting quality that makes me want to listen to him talk for hours. He’s got shaggy dark hair, and he is covered in tattoos. His green eyes are compelling against his tanned skin, but it’s his smile that undoes me.

While Shale is in charge and takes care of all of us, and Keagan is the rottweiler of the pack, Beau is the one who is lighter, more fun. That’s not to say these three aren’t dangerous because they are extremely dangerous. People fear this pack more than anyone else on the island.

“We talked about this,” I growl mutinously. “You help me with my heat, and you leave. That was the deal.”

“Yeah, we considered it and rejected it unanimously,” Shale says in a low rumble.

He carries me into the house. It’s a dump, most of everything is broken. I have one kitchen chair and a broken armchair. My bed is horrible and held up by cinder blocks. But it’s mine.

“Yep. You get food, baths, and pampering for three hours.”

I glare at them. This is outrageous! But the thought of them seeing me so weak has me sweating ice bullets. “No.”

“No? What do you mean, no, baby girl? You agreed in that pit of a cave that you call a nest? And don’t for one second think I’m giving you a pass on the fact that you crawled back in there. I’m not fucking okay with it, but we can talk about it later. Are you reneging on your deal?” Keagan growls, advancing on me with slow menace.

I can’t go anywhere. I’m stuck in Shale’s arms, trembling, weak. And these guys are the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen. They take my breath away.

“I wouldn’t-” I cut off because it’s very possible I would promise them anything in my heat. These three guys are incredible lovers, and they like to hear me beg. And they wouldn’t shy away from manipulation either.

“Just accept the pampering, and then we’ll be out of your hair,” Keagan says and dips his head down to kiss me.

I stiffen and turn away slightly. He pauses, and I can feel the way he’s staring at me, but I ignore it as he gently kisses my cheek. The burn of his disapproving, blood orange scent rebuffs me as easily as his silence does.

I wish it was just sex between us. It would make it easier to keep hurting them. To keep telling them no.

“All right, we have breakfast and a bath. Which would you like first?”

I wrinkle my nose. “A bath?” My voice is tiny, but that’s because reality is returning. I am a broken omega. Physically, I have my injured leg and the scars on my face I hide as best I can. Mentally, I am a basket case. I don’t need a shrink to tell me that. On top of everything, my heats are irregular and random. I can’t even work a normal job or provide for myself well enough that I don’t go hungry a few times a week. There is nothing I have to offer anyone.

Not anyone, least of all these three amazing alphas.

I have no right to have these guys doing this for me.

But the last thing I want to do is wash Beau’s ginger scent off me.

The longer the minutes stretch, the more I withdraw. We all get very silent and very lost in our own minds until, finally, those three hours are up.

I stand tense, watching them leave, biting my lip hard enough that I taste blood. Because I don’t want them to go. I want to ask them to stay. I’d beg if I let go of my pride.

Shale looks back at me, holding my gaze through the window.

They said they were mine. But I know better. I wait until they’re gone and turn, but I turn too fast, and my leg twinges, sending me stumbling into the wall.

I curse and cry as I sink to the ground, stretching out my wounded and scarred leg to the side.

I always get emotional after heats, but then, every time I have one, I remember everything. All my past comes back, including him. I can’t pinpoint a moment when it all went wrong. There were so many, but the first was the night my father and sister died.

A close second was the day I met my scent match.

And just after that is the day my mother left me.

The door opens, and I tense until I hear the softer footsteps. It takes her a minute to find me.

“Ah, damnit, Aspyn, what happened? Did they hurt you?”

I shake my head in denial. “They never hurt me!” I sob. “They were perfect! I don’t deserve how kind they are.”

“No one would ever call that pack kind,” Nat says dryly.

Natalie has curly red hair and brown eyes. She’s not pretty but is striking. Still, for this small community, she is too loud and opinionated to fit in here; just as I am an outsider, so is she, but then, so are my guys.

No, they aren’t mine.

The thing that unites us all is we don’t care about being outsiders. Not here. We’re sisters of the soul, forged in loneliness and isolation.

Natalie is my ride or die. When my mother brought us here and disappeared into the night, it was Natalie who showed me how to make money and who kept me fed and under a roof.

She holds out her hand, and I grip it, swinging me up on my good leg and helps me to the kitchen table, where I sink gratefully into a chair. She lets go of me and goes into my bedroom, returning with my cane. I shake my head, but she pushes it into my hands.

“Just use it. You’ll do more damage if you fall.”

I slide her a cup of coffee, refusing to acknowledge that Shale must have known Nat was coming over because he’s made her coffee exactly the way she likes it, and wrap my hands around my own. She sits across from me and levels me with a glare.

I fidget until I’ve got no choice but to meet it.

“What?”

“Your heats only come every six months or longer. Why them? Why not find someone else?”

I shrug and fidget. I don’t want to tell her that the moment I saw them, I knew they were my scent matches. Why didn’t I just tell her when I had the chance? Fear, that’s why. I wish I wasn’t afraid of everything. And maybe, also, I haven’t told her because I can’t even say the words out loud to myself.

“There are plenty of tourists-”

“I can’t guarantee any of them are safe, Nat. Besides, the pack isn’t so bad. They take really good care of me.”

“They are thugs and drunks and just plain trouble. It’s like you’re living in a rainbow world. Those idiots hate everyone on the planet except you.” Nat says it, but I think she’s trying to test me because I know she likes them and respects them.

I shrug self-consciously. It’s true the pack does have a terrible reputation. Their violence and aggression and drunken pranks have earned them a very feared respect here in White Shore.

I rub my thumb along my index finger. It’s an old habit of mine to combat anxiety.

Nat watches me do it and then leans back. “You have a real soft spot for the underdog, and it’s going to get you in trouble one of these days.”

I shake my head.

She puts a finger to her own chest. “Exhibit one. You should have run far, far away rather than be tarnished along with me.”

I lean across the table, putting my hand on hers. “Not ever! You’re my best friend. I’d rather be sitting here just the two of us losers than be with the whole town combined.”

“Aw, you say such sweet things,” Nat snickers. “All right, give me the good stuff. How was the D?”

I sit back, laughing. “A lady never tells.”

“You ain’t no lady, spill!”

“As usual, it was perfect.”

I heave a sigh, falling into the memories of my heat. I wish I could remember it all clearly, but it comes in flashes and broken memories.

“They always make it perfect for me.”

Nat sighs and stands up, knowing I won’t reveal more than that. “Get ready. Let’s go make some money before you start crying.”

I snort a laugh. Nat is blunt and often offends people, but I’m used to her abrasive nature. Still, she knows me too well, and my financial situation is dire. Not even the end of a heat will stop me from going to work.

I get up, and, with a groan of distaste, I pick up my cane and use it to get safely to the bedroom, where I change into my work clothes and grab my bag.

Nat waits for me on the porch where she, too, has changed. While Nat may not have the most stunning face, her figure is incredible, and she has learned to use it to her advantage.

I need something different.

We all have to do whatever we can to survive, right?