Chapter 34 #2
“A similarly improved condition has been observed in some patients with this disease as they near their end. However, I still believe the act of… consummation could kill her. I just need to convince her of that.”
“You are married to her, albeit under an erroneous assumption. Whatever you decide, I will understand. Your heart is with me, and that is enough.”
By conjuring an image of Elizabeth’s father in his head, Mr. Darcy was able to will himself not to take her into his arms and kiss her senseless.
He had never thought the thing he would find most seductive and alluring would take the form of selfless compassion: genuine, unknowingly wielded, and completely virtuous.
Mr. Darcy left with a firm resolve to do his duty so long as Anne’s life would not be endangered.
Once his marriage was over, he would propose to and wed his true love as soon as common decency allowed.
He would not risk tarnishing Elizabeth’s reputation.
If the unthinkable happened, and Anne’s health was restored, he would release Elizabeth by begging her for his heart back.
She was a treasure. She should be with someone who would love and cherish her as much as he did.
As for him, he would let Georgiana’s future son inherit Pemberley.
When he arrived at Rosings, his mind was still fully engaged with the sweet devotion of his love. He intended to meet with Richard first to assess Anne’s claim of being healthy again. It was not to be, as Anne appeared in her phaeton as if by magic before he could even walk into the hall.
“Husband! Finally! I have been driving my phaeton every day hoping to meet your carriage. I almost lost heart. What took you so long? Now that you are here, welcome home!”
As soon as a footman handed her down from the phaeton, she walked up to her husband without help and stretched out her hand for a kiss from him.
Mr. Darcy was speechless.
Why have I never noticed that she sounds so much like her mother?
Mr. Darcy started at this thought. What would his life become?
“Darcy!” Anne said rather forcefully. She was not as frail as before, but such a strong utterance still startled Mr. Darcy.
Darcy took her hand and placed an air kiss on the gloved hand.
“Forgive me, Anne, for being at a loss for words. I am heartened to see you looking so well.”
“As you should. I cannot wait to do all the things that I have been wanting to do but could not!” She threw a sidelong look at Darcy, making him shudder.
“I do not take your meaning, Anne. We must not be hasty. Let me consult the doctors and proceed cautiously. When I was here a few weeks ago, you were still very weak.”
“The doctors were useless. They never made me feel any better. I have dismissed the lot. Fresh air and exercise are all I need. See the wonders they have wrought!”
“Let us not argue in front of the staff. I need to see Richard to catch up on Rosings’s affairs. Then, I must make arrangements for the holiday in Brighton. Would you excuse me?”
Before Anne could object, Mr. Darcy had turned and fled. If he stayed even a moment longer, he would lose his mind.
Anne did not like her husband running away, but his strides were twice as long as hers. She stamped her foot instead.
The Colonel was in the study working through a pile of ledgers while pulling at his hair.
“Darcy, just in time! These numbers make no sense! What have I got myself into?”
“Richard, what is the matter with Anne? Why did you allow her to dismiss the doctors?”
“When Anne is no longer feeling weak, she is fierce like her mother. She is also the legitimate mistress of Rosings. I tried to reason with her, but to no avail. She simply ignores me, the way Aunt Catherine does. So here I am, wrestling with these books instead of dealing with a harridan in the making… excuse my frankness.”
“I see.”
Mr. Darcy paced the floor with a deep frown. The master of Pemberley was usually inscrutable. It was rare indeed for him to display his emotions so openly, even in front of his best friend and cousin.
“For the first time in my life, I am at my wits' end. What does it all mean? Anne has taken on the form of her mother in the blink of an eye. If forced to live with her as man and wife, I would rather be locked up in Bedlam.”
“She was talking incessantly about going to Brighton. The sea air, she firmly believes, is the elixir that will heal her body completely. I do not think you can evade going there with her.”
“Richard, Colonel of His Majesty’s Heavy Cavalry, Slayer of Bonaparte’s generals, are you cowering before a woman dying of consumption? And you suggest I give in to her every whim?”
“From my observations, Anne does not seem dying of any illness, at least not soon. She is out riding in the phaeton every day with a coachman. Perhaps with the novel sights and sounds of a place she has fantasized about for so long, she will leave you alone. Otherwise, be prepared for the luxurious accommodations Bedlam offers.”
Mr. Darcy looked to heaven as if in supplication.
After a moment, he calmed down. “You are right, Richard. I shall take her to Brighton. If the sea air is as wondrous as she thinks, I shall rejoice with her, but I am at present incapable of accepting her as my wife in truth. We shall live apart, I at Pemberley and she at Rosings. I am afraid you will have to keep her company here and prevent her from traveling to Pemberley on her own. Since she ignores you, perhaps the two of you can live in peace. I know full well I am forsaking my marriage vows, but I did not take them seriously even when I said them. That proves I am a despicable sinner and a coward.”
“Since you took this bullet for me, it is only right I do what I can to throw you a lifeline to pull you from hell. You may yet come out of this intact and sane. Take it from me. When the enemy’s saber is heading straight for your heart, and you see nothing but the terror on your face reflected in their eyes, but somehow your foe crumbles in front of you with just inches to spare from impaling you, and you never find out what or who has saved you.
I have experienced miraculous survival a few times. Be hopeful!”
“In the chaos of battle, I can see how life can be spared unexpectedly. But this…? Let us not dwell on the topic. I already feel like the scum of the earth. The only way I can be happy is if Anne dies. How can I wish for her death as she seems to regain her life? No, I must always celebrate life, however much it costs me.”
And her.