20. Elliot
CHAPTER 20
ELLIOT
N ine days later.
With Bradyn and Kennedy’s wedding mere days away, I’ve thankfully escaped the constant hovering of everyone in my family checking to make sure I’m okay. The hospital discharged me after two days, letting me come home to recover, though Lani made me promise I’d let her check in on the injury to make sure everything was healing right.
A small price to pay to be back in my own bed. My own space.
It’s been a week since I was discharged. Seven long days of having to listen to Nova tell me about a relationship she doesn’t remember and I frankly don’t care to know about. Not when it should be me with her. Not some arrogant detective out of Dallas.
Still, as she said—we’re friends. And having her here is worth the pain of listening to her work through her lack of feelings for Brett Grammer.
I place a red push pin on the cork board, right over the spot on the map where I was shot. There’s another where we believe Nova was shot, a third where the body of that woman was discovered, and a fourth where that dealer’s remains were discovered.
There’s a yellow one in the place where Rosalie used to work as well as the location where that surveillance video was recorded.
It’s complete chaos. Aside from the park, there’s no pattern.
Something doesn’t feel right.
I just can’t place my finger on it, and I’ve been staring at it for over a week now, trying to get the pieces to make sense.
Now that we know Nova is a cop, there’s a lot more information at our fingertips. Tucker was able to get into the Dallas PD files to confirm there is a Nova O’Conner. In fact, the only thing they didn’t erase was her hitting a home run and bringing the department’s softball team to victory. Something that was likely missed only because there’s no accompanying photograph.
Once more, though, I’m left with more questions than answers.
Who erased her, and why? Was the mission she was working on so sensitive that the department erased her?
“Morning.” I turn to see Nova standing in the doorway of my office, two cups of coffee in her hands. She sets one on the table and smiles at me. The sight of her standing there ignites the desire that’s been growing out of control. Gone are the borrowed clothes, replaced with short boots, dark jeans, a white T-shirt, and a red leather jacket. Her red hair is braided over her shoulder, her eyes bright and wide.
She’s stunning.
Perfect.
Everything.
But she’s also taken. Engaged. Yet, I can’t get her out of my head.
Echo raises his head as she steps farther into the room. His tail thumps heavily against the floor.
“You look different,” is all I can manage to say. “Nice.”
“Brett drove back to Dallas yesterday and grabbed clothes. He left them with your mother, and she dropped them off early this morning.”
“She did? When?”
“You were in the shower,” she replies.
“Oh, gotcha. And where is Brett now? Are you going into town to meet him?”
She shakes her head. “He’s taking work calls now. He said he’ll be by later.”
Brett. They’ve spent a lot of time together over the past nine days. Every one of them like a dagger twisting in my gut. And why wouldn’t they spend time together ? They’re engaged, after all. It still hurts, though. Still burns. Like acid on the skin. “Good.”
She smiles. “Oh! Hang on.” Nova leaves her coffee on the desk beside mine then steps back out of the room, only to return with a file box. “He also picked this up for me, too. It’s from the precinct I work at. They said that it’s every case I’ve been working over the last few years. Apparently, the one that nearly ended with me dead is confidential, and they need additional approval to get me the information on that. They did confirm that their technical team was responsible for wiping me from the face of the earth though.” She chuckles. “Something about deep cover and all that.”
I cross the room and lift the lid. “Have you looked through them?”
“Not yet. I thought we could do it together.” Her green gaze shifts to my arm. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine.”
Nodding, she moves farther into my office and studies the board as well as the stacks of notes and Post-its everywhere. “Are you sleeping?”
“What?”
She turns toward me. “You look tired.”
“Gee, thanks?”
Her smirk is a knife in my heart. “You know what I mean.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“You need rest, too. You made me go to sleep last night, but there’s so much added to this that I can’t imagine you got much yourself.”
“I need to figure out who’s after you so we can stop them.” It’s the truth, though my motivation has a lot more to do with the fact that I need her gone so I can stop hoping she’ll choose me instead.
Because every day that passes with her engaged to Brett is pure torture for me.
“Hopefully these will help with that.” She studies the box again. “I don’t remember if it is, but that seems like a lot of files.”
“You must be a busy detective.”
She leans back against my desk and folds her arms. “I talked to my captain on the phone. He said I’m one of his best.”
Pride swells in my chest. “I’d bet on that.” But there’s something else behind those emerald eyes. Something that looks like a whole lot of pain. “What is it?”
She shakes her head. “It all just feels so alien to me. I’m being told who I am, but I can’t remember any of it. Brett said he’s trying to get through the red tape and get his hands on those confidential files, and my hope is that they’ll jog something in me. Almost like I’m trying to fit into a precut shape of my life that I no longer fit into. If that makes sense?”
Because you’re not supposed to be with him. “It’s just going to take time,” I assure her. “You’ve already had some memories resurface.”
“But not enough. It’s one thing to be told something about yourself; it’s another to know it.” The brokenness she tries hard to hide surfaces. “I feel lost, Elliot. I’m being told that I was all these things. That I loved Brett. But?—”
“But?” I ask, hating myself for needing her to continue. It’s wrong. I know it’s wrong.
“I don’t feel anything for him.” She reaches into her pocket and withdraws a diamond ring.
It might as well have been a venomous snake for how much dread seeing it brings me.
“When I look at this, I see nothing but a ring.”
“It is a ring.”
She smiles and shakes her head. “I mean, I don’t feel a promise. I don’t see a future. I don’t feel attached—at all.”
Even as I know it’s a mistake, I move closer. “Everything will come back to you. You just need time.”
“Time.” She takes a deep breath and smiles. “I suppose you’re right.” Pushing off of my desk, she shoves the ring back into her pocket and claps her hands. “Shall we get to it, then? There’s a lot of files in there, and any one of the people listed in them could want me dead.”
* * *
“All right. It’s time for more coffee.” Standing, I roll my neck and good shoulder. “You want some?”
Nova looks up from where she’s sitting at my dining room table that’s currently covered in open file folders and used-up notepads. “What time is it?”
“Seven-fifteen.”
“Really?” Quickly, she gets up. “Time got away from me. I, uh, I promised Brett I’d meet him at seven thirty for dinner.”
The words grate against me. “Gotcha. Well, you better get going then. I can keep up with this.” I head into the kitchen and add fresh grounds to the coffee bin before pressing start.
“Why don’t you wait for me? I’ll be back in a few hours. Then we can keep at it?—”
“Nah, I’ll be fine. It’ll give me a chance to get some more done before calling it a night.”
“Elliot.”
I turn, surprised to find her standing right behind me, close enough that I can see the flecks of copper in the emerald. She stares up at me through thick, dark lashes, and I have to grip the countertop to keep myself from reaching for her.
From feeling the silky strands of her hair against my fingertips.
Everything in me is screaming to close the distance. To take her into my arms and capture her lips with mine. Maybe then she wouldn’t leave to be with him. Maybe then she’d choose me.
Before I lose what little self-control I have around her, I take a step back and retrieve a clean mug from the cabinet. “You should get going.”
She’s silent for a moment. “Promise me you’ll at least eat dinner? I haven’t seen you eat anything but chips all day.”
“I will,” I assure her, though I’m not entirely sure that’s something I can carry through on.
“Thanks. I’ll see you later?”
“See you later.”
With a final smile, she grabs her purse, pets Echo on the head, and heads out of the house. When the door finally closes, I grab the coffee mug and throw it as hard as I can across the room. It hits the wall and shatters.
Echo jumps up from his bed and rushes in to investigate, all while I’m barely catching my breath.
Why me?
Why do this to me?
Steal one love, give me another, then keep her just out of reach?
I kneel down and start retrieving broken pieces as the guilt of what I did sets in. Trying to control things I can’t control will always get me into trouble. Something I know better than most.
The door opens, and Bradyn comes in. He eyes me curiously but doesn’t say anything as I retrieve the broken pieces and stick them into the trash. When I grab the broom, though, he crosses the room and grabs the dustpan, holding it while I sweep the pieces in.
“Feel better?” he asks.
“Not even close.”
“Then let’s talk. Sit, I’ll get us coffee.”
Because years of experience has taught me that arguing with my older brother is futile, I take a seat on a barstool at the counter while he fills mugs with coffee. “I’m losing it,” I tell him.
He hands me a mug. “So I can see.”
“It doesn’t make any sense. I haven’t even known her that long. She’s been with us—what—two weeks? But she’s under my skin. More so than even R—” Guilt burns my insides at the comparison.
“It’s okay, Elliot. I know you’re not comparing the two of them.”
“I thought I’d fallen for Renee,” I tell him. “It wasn’t at first sight, but every moment we were together, we grew closer.”
“I know.”
“I cared for her.” I meet his gaze, and the guilt on my shoulders presses down harder. I want to crumble beneath it. “But it’s nothing compared to what I feel for Nova. And I barely know her.”
Bradyn comes around the counter and sits beside me. “Do you remember when Kennedy was taken and you came in and prayed with me? For me? Even with the struggles you’ve had, with avoiding church, you stuck to your faith and made sure I carried it forward.”
“You needed it. We needed it.”
“Exactly. You told me that I was in love with her before I was even able to admit it to myself.”
“It was easy to see.”
“Just as it is now.”
“Things are different. Nova’s engaged. God brought her to me, gave me a second chance, then stuck it just out of reach.”
“God doesn’t work that way. You know that. Everything is in His timing.”
“She’s engaged, Bradyn.”
He takes a deep breath. “I know, brother. And maybe she’s meant to help you move past what happened with Renee. And if that’s the case, then your second chance is still to come. You can’t lose sight just because you can’t see His plan.”
I know he’s right, but that doesn’t make it sting any less. Because I want my second chance to be Nova. I want her to be my forever. My partner. More than I want to draw my next breath.
Bradyn turns and studies the table. “Looks like you’ve been losing sleep. Maybe Nova should stay at Mom and Dad’s until?—”
“No. She stays here until we solve this.”
“Are you sure that’s wise?” I know he’s just trying to help, but it angers me that he’s assuming I can’t handle it.
Then again, he did just walk in right after I shattered a coffee cup against the wall.
“Lani is still staying here, and for the most part, all Nova and I do is work on the case. There hasn’t been much personal conversation. I’ll be fine. I just need to get this figured out. Something’s not sitting right, but I can’t figure it out.”
“Then maybe an extra pair of eyes will help. Come on. I have a few hours before I need to get back.”
“Shouldn’t you be getting beauty sleep? You are marrying a woman way out of your league the day after tomorrow.”
He laughs. “She’ll be beautiful enough for the both of us. Come on, brother. I’ll call Riley, Tucker, and Dylan. Let’s get some work done.”