Chapter 7
Nevermore
PAST
Halloween night
Sitting in the quiet waiting area, I glance down at my watch, checking the time.
How long have I been here? An hour? Five?
I have no clue. We both came through the Emergency room around the same time.
After the initial shock of all the blood covering my skin wore off, the medical staff started cleaning my wounds and assessing the damage to my body as they went.
“How did you say this happened again?” The doctor asked as he pushed the needle through my skin for the last time.
“An accident,” I repeat the same thing I have since I arrived here.
Everyone wants more details, but I can’t bring myself to explain what just happened.
It’s too fresh. I can’t stop myself from thinking of things I could have done differently.
Every time I close my eyes, all I see is her blood—all over her, on me, it surrounds us.
“No. I know that. I mean these cuts, son. You have scrapes and bruises all over your body, but your arms…they’re going to have nasty scars.
How is the rest of your body okay, but your arms are cut so badly?
I’ve never seen anything like this. Given the type of accident you were in, it doesn’t make sense.
” His eyes lift to my face as he stands, removing his gloves, and tosses them into the trash can beside the hospital bed.
I don’t respond.
“It’s ok. Chicks dig scars.” He winks, bumping my foot with his knee.
“I’ll get your discharge papers ready, and you should be out of here in no time.
Take it easy on those, you hear me? You don’t want to rip these open again.
” Since he makes the comment about chicks, I guess he takes my silence as a sign of embarrassment.
I don’t care if my skin has scars. The only thing I care about is her. No one will tell me anything.
I nod. “The girl who came in with me, my girlfriend. Any word on her?”
His shoulders rise and fall as he inhales deeply. “I’m not supposed to speak with anyone who isn’t family about her.”
“I’m all she has, doc. Her parents are dead. Please?” I beg him, clutching my chest. My heart is beating so hard that it's painful. Tears streak down my cheeks, and I swallow what I can manage back, “I’m begging you. I’m going insane here. I have to know. Is she?” I can’t bring myself to say it.
“Son, I’m going to give it to you straight. She’s alive, but barely. She’s in surgery, so she’s not out of the woods yet. The doctors are doing their best to save her, and she has the best surgeons in the Tri-state area.”
Fresh tears form and fall from my eyes, and relief floods my body.
She’s alive.
She’s ok.
She’s strong. I know she’s going to make it.
She has to.
I can’t live without her.
She’s my everything.
“That’s not all. If she does pull through, there might be irreversible damage. Her head got the worst of it. Honestly, I don’t know how it didn’t kill her,” he admits, mumbling the last part.
I know the reason. Me. I held her. I grabbed her as soon as I realized what was going to happen and tried to keep her safe. A huge smile spreads across my face, and I laugh, consumed with bittersweetness. I don’t know if I’m supposed to be celebrating or grieving. This is torture.
It wasn’t enough.
I wasn’t enough.
I might lose her.
And it’ll be my fault.