Echoes of Us

Chapter 1

CHAPTER

ONE

BEFORE

I hated coming to these things. High school parties had always been terrible, but college parties? They were a whole new level of misery. The air was thick with mingling scents of sweat, cheap cologne, and spilled alcohol. It was impossible to get to the bathroom, and if you did manage it, the experience was beyond gross—sticky floors, overflowing trash cans, and questionable substances on every surface. Avoiding these events was my MO, but we’d won a game today, and Colin and Ezra just refused to let me stay back. It wasn’t like I was any fun at these anyway. I didn’t drink, smoke, or have any intention of hooking up with anyone. Still, here I stood, holding a red cup filled with what was probably stale beer. I sniffed it; yeah, that was beer.

“Could you at least try to look like you’re not in hell right now, Att? Can you do that? For me?” Colin asked.

I scowled in response. “You said I could leave after one drink. ”

“You haven’t touched it! It’s been an hour, and I haven’t seen you take one sip. Just take one sip,” he said.

I gave him an affected sigh before bringing the cup to my lips. God, that was foul. I grimaced, and he laughed.

“Did he finally try it?” Ezra asked.

Colin shrugged.

“I did try it. You said one sip. I can leave now,” I told Colin.

“We’re supposed to be celebrating. This is supposed to be a celebration. We won the tournament; you won your first college tournament! Don’t you think we earned this?” Colin said, clearly exasperated with me.

I rolled my eyes. Why would he even want me here? “I’m happy, but this is just not my idea of a celebration,” I pointed out. I surveyed the room again—bad music and people gyrating against each other, covered in sweat…ugh. The dim lighting and flashing neon created an almost surreal, disorienting atmosphere, amplifying my discomfort.

“Come on, a big gulp,” Ezra said, pushing the cup up towards my lips and making me tilt my head back and take another drink.

I scowled, tasting the bitterness on my tongue. “I liked you better when you were scared of me.”

“I was never scared of you. I just didn’t know you were a softie under all the glaring,” Ezra said, his cheeks red. He had probably gone through several cups of warm beer by then.

“We’re supposed to go to the gym tomorrow,” I reminded him, and he shook his head, looking away from me.

Colin and Ezra were both sophomores, a year older than me. Ezra had graduated from my high school, which made him feel responsible for me. They had adopted me since we started school three months ago. We had no classes together, but we had the volleyball team, which was my life. I was on an athletic scholarship, after all. They really tried to be friends with me, and I knew I wasn’t always the easiest person to get along with.

I sighed and took another drink without being prompted. Surprised, they both turned to me, the glee evident on their faces. I drank and tried to smother my smile.

“I’m so proud of you,” Colin said while Ezra clutched his hand to his chest in a mock impression of a proud parent.

“Don’t get too excited about it,” I told him.

Someone bumped into me—a drunk girl on the way to the bathroom. She turned to say sorry and smiled at me. When I didn’t smile back, she kept walking, giving me a weird look.

“He’s not mean; that’s just his face,” Ezra called out.

I stared at him, horrified. “Could you not do that, maybe?”

“Could you not look like you’re going to murder everyone here?” he asked me, taking a big gulp of his beer and finishing it.

I gave him a halfhearted fake smile.

“Oh, so cute,” he said, reaching out to pinch my cheek.

I swatted his hand away.

Colin called out someone’s name and walked away from us. I turned, watching him talk to a guy who had strode past us. I couldn’t see his face.

“Finish your cup. I’m getting you another one,” Ezra said.

“You said one drink,” I whined.

“God, you’re such a big baby. Just drink the beer,” he complained.

I took another sip. I glanced back towards Colin, hoping he would keep his one-drink promise, and choked on it.

Wow .

“Are you okay?” Ezra asked me.

I turned towards him and gestured vaguely. I managed to work my throat around the drink and coughed a couple of times while he patted my back.

“I’m fine,” I said, not feeling fine at all .

Colin was still talking to the guy he had called out to, and he was just…wow. I had never felt so viscerally attracted to a person I had just seen, not like this. From the way he stood with his hands half-tucked into the pockets of his jeans to the smile he gave Colin, he just looked perfect. He was shorter than me. His dark brown hair stood messily over his head, giving him that just-out-of-bed tousled look. He licked his lips before he broke into a wide grin at Colin’s words. God, he had a great smile too. His dark brows were thick over his eyes in the most attractive way possible, curving at just the right angle. The stubble over his jaw was light but enough to make it look sharp. I couldn’t distinguish the color of his eyes from this distance, but I could see a beauty mark over his cheekbone.

“Hey, are you there?” Ezra asked with a laugh, making me turn back to him.

I tilted my head absently. How long had I been staring at him?

“What were you looking at? Who were you looking at?” he asked, the humor evident in his voice.

I panicked. I hadn’t shared this tidbit of my personality with them. It hadn’t come up, and it wasn’t like I could just claim that I was gay in the middle of practice and carry on with business as usual. He sneaked a peek at Colin and then at me.

“No one,” I tried, but he frowned.

His eyes drifted back to Colin, and then his eyebrows shot up. I started shaking my head.

“Holy fuck, Att, I had no fucking clue,” he said with a grin.

“It’s not—” I started to argue, feeling my heart in my throat.

“It’s not? You’re literally drooling looking at that guy,” he said, moving a little closer and keeping his voice low.

I pressed my lips together. “I wasn’t—” I tried again .

“Att, it’s fine. I just figured you were like an asexual volleyball-obsessed guy, but this is fine too. You can be a guy’s guy. There’s nothing wrong with that,” he went on.

I closed my eyes, trying to push the embarrassment back. Why the hell did I have to stare? He was never going to let this go now.

“I won’t tell anybody if you don’t want me to, but it’s fine, really, it’s fine,” he insisted. He was too excited about this.

I sighed. “Don’t fucking tell,” I said.

He let out a little yelp of excitement. “I won’t. I swear I won’t. Oh, fuck, they’re coming over. You got this, okay? Don’t freak out, I’ll help,” he said quickly.

I started panicking again.

I turned and saw them both walking towards us. Shit. I grabbed my cup and took another big gulp, grimacing at the taste once more.

“These are a couple of guys from the team,” Colin said, and his friend looked at us. His eyes were green. “Ezra is in my year, and Atticus is a freshman.”

He shook Ezra’s hand. My chest tightened as he extended his hand towards me, his green eyes looking curiously up at me.

“This is Noah. He used to be on my team in high school.”

Noah .

I grabbed his hand and tried not to look completely overwhelmed. He had a firm grasp, and his hand was warm but not clammy.

“Nice to meet you.” His voice was smooth and rich, carrying an easy warmth that made my heart race. His lips curled into that perfect smile again, showing just the right amount of teeth. “That’s quite a name,” he said, his eyes locking on to mine. “Atticus,” he repeated, letting the name roll off his tongue in a way that made it sound special.

“My mom liked the book,” I said and blinked. That made no sense. There was absolutely no context to that explanation. And why did I have to mention my mother as the first fucking thing to come out of my mouth?

He assented in understanding. “Atticus Finch,” he said, snapping his fingers and pointing at me.

A surge of pleasant surprise ran through me. I nodded and his smile stretched. I should probably be smiling back, right? I was sure that was not what my face was doing now. How was I supposed to smile again?

“What position did you play?” Ezra asked.

I glanced at him, catching the subtle head shake and the look that told me I was probably messing this up.

“Middle blocker,” Noah replied.

“And you went here? Why didn’t you join?” Ezra continued.

Noah lifted his shoulder, his hands slipping into his pockets. “Not interested anymore.”

How could someone lose interest in their team sport like that?

Ezra looked back at me, disapproving. “That’s too bad. I’m going to get another round. Do you want one?” Ezra asked, reaching for the bottom of my cup and pushing it towards me, making me drink again.

“I’ll help,” Colin said.

Oh, fuck no. I drank, and Ezra gave me a look.

He then turned to Noah. “You know, that’s just his face. He’s not unfriendly. We’ll be right back.”

I widened my eyes at him in embarrassment, and he winked before walking away.

“I heard you had a good game today,” Noah said. He had a scent that was subtle but intoxicating—a mix of fresh soap and a hint of something woodsy, like cedar or sandalwood. It was clean and masculine, making me want to lean in closer just to breathe it in.

“We won,” I said, stupidly, as if that weren’t obvious from what he had just stated. I rolled my eyes at myself. Internally .

“Yeah, I heard,” he said with a chuckle. “So you’re a freshman and already a regular on the team? That’s impressive.”

“I’ve been playing my whole life,” I said, trying to dismiss the flattery. I wasn’t sure I managed it. I cleared my throat. “The regular setter graduated last year, and the guy replacing him wasn’t as good, so I took the spot.”

“Yeah, David’s better at blocking,” Noah said.

“That’s right. He’s pretty tall,” I said and paused. How did he know that? “You’ve been keeping up with the team?”

“I still like it. I just don’t want to be on it. Plus, David’s a friend of mine,” he explained. “You’re pretty tall too. You’ve got to be what? Six-three?” he asked, sizing me up.

“Six-two,” I corrected.

“And you’re nineteen?”

“Eighteen,” I said.

He stood there, just looking at me. I hoped I wasn’t pulling the face Ezra always accused me of making.

“You don’t seem so scary,” Noah said.

I stared at him, baffled. “What?”

He smiled.

Colin and Ezra pushed towards us, taking my cup and replacing it with a new one. For fuck’s sake.

“You should come to practice sometime. If you don’t want to join, that’s fine, but would you still like to play?” Colin asked.

I eyed Noah expectantly.

“Sure, I can play,” he said, and a smile tugged at my lips. He must look amazing playing too. He turned towards me again. “Would you toss for me?” he asked.

My heart clenched. I couldn’t get the words out, so I nodded.

His smile stretched. “Thanks for the beer,” he said, holding out his cup and looking at Colin. “I have to head out. It was nice seeing you, meeting you,” he said, looking back at us.

“Sure thing, see you around,” Ezra said and gave me a pointed look, clearly wanting me to say something. I had no idea what it was.

“Same thing, man. I’m taking you up on that game,” Colin said, and they gave each other a side hug.

Noah looked at me and I bit my lip.

“Nice meeting you too,” I managed to get out.

Ezra smiled. I sighed in relief.

Noah agreed and, with one last smile, walked away. I watched the back of his head as he pushed his way through the crowd. God, even the nape of his neck was attractive.

“He was a great player too,” Colin said.

I missed the first part of that conversation, still dazed from his presence.

“Why did he quit?” Ezra asked.

“His dad got sick before we graduated. He started here and was already really messed up. I tried to talk him into it, but he refused. His dad died last year,” Colin explained.

My brows arched. “That’s really sad,” I said.

“Yeah, it’s a shame, and he was a great player too. You would have liked him,” Colin told me.

Ezra snorted a laugh. I glared at him.

“What?” Colin asked.

I drank my beer.

“Oh, nothing. So what’s Noah’s sexual orientation?” Ezra asked.

I choked again. For fuck’s sake.

“What? Why? Do you want to date him?” Colin asked with a laugh.

“Just curious,” Ezra said dismissively.

Colin seemed unconvinced. “I’m not sure. Straight, I guess? He hasn’t been in touch. He deferred last semester,” he explained .

“He’s had girlfriends?” Ezra pressed.

Colin gestured vaguely. “Yeah, a couple.”

My chest deflated. I looked at Ezra, and he shrugged.

“That’s too bad. We’ll just put off college experimentation for another day,” Ezra said.

Colin burst into laughter. Ezra smiled at me, and I shook my head. That was fine. So, he was straight. It wasn’t like something would have happened between us if he weren’t. I took another drink of my beer and grimaced at the taste.

They finally let me leave an hour later. I pushed my way out of the too-hot house, walked down the steps, and looked around. I spotted Noah sitting with his friends a little further away. I stalled my steps, looking at him. He was laughing loudly. A girl was looking up at him, but he wasn’t paying attention to her. Someone handed him something, his fingers wrapping around it and then bringing it to his lips. He let out a puff of smoke that was probably weed. He let out a hearty laugh, lifting a cup and taking a drink. He was beautiful and one thousand percent out of my reach.

I kept walking, trying not to glance back.

I kept looking for him.

Whenever I went out for a run or was on my way to training or class, I kept an eye out to see if I spotted him. We didn’t run in the same circles, so it was weeks before I saw him again.

I was starting to let go of the idea of seeing him when I walked into the clubhouse and there he was. I stopped cold. He was talking to Colin and the rest of the upper-level students. He wasn’t in gear, so he probably wasn’t here to play. He wore jeans and a short-sleeved shirt, which was pretty basic, but he looked even better than I remembered. The daylight suited him .

Ezra spotted me first and smiled brightly, waving me over. I rolled my eyes and approached them.

“Att, go change. We’re going to try something different today,” Hank, our captain, told me, and I nodded.

I glanced at Noah, and he lifted his hand to greet me.

“Hi,” I said lamely.

I tried to steady myself as I changed into my uniform, and when I walked back towards them, Ezra was talking about me.

“Att’s a prodigy. It would be upsetting if it weren’t crazy to watch,” he told Noah, and embarrassment flooded me again.

“Yeah?” Noah asked.

“It’s pretty intense. Att likes setting, but he’s great in every position. His serve is insane,” Colin said. That was nice to hear.

“You’re setting me up to fail,” I said, and they turned towards me.

“Impossible,” Ezra said.

“What are we doing?” I asked.

“Practice game,” Hank said.

He arranged the teams, and I perked up when I heard Noah was joining the game. He changed into a pair of gym shorts, and I shook my head to avoid getting distracted by the sight. We formed on our side of the net, and I could feel his eyes on me.

“Are you okay?” Ezra asked me.

“It’s fine,” I told him.

I took a deep breath and got my head in the game. This was the easy part for me. Making small talk and drinking was way out of my comfort zone. I knew who I was in this gym. We started to play, and even though I let my eyes wander towards him, it was more a player’s curiosity.

Noah was good at spiking. His reflexes were quick, and his body obeyed them seamlessly. He moved with a natural grace, his muscles flexing under his skin with each jump and dive. His breath came in steady, controlled gasps, and I could see the determination etched on his face.

Every time I served, he zeroed in on me, his eyes never leaving the ball. He always smiled while playing, a genuine, carefree smile that made my heart race. His eyes were focused and intense. They followed the ball with laser precision, darting from player to player, never missing a beat. He’d lean on his knees and sway slightly from side to side, his anticipation evident. He wanted to catch it, to prove himself on the court. The sight of him in motion was captivating.

The sound of our sneakers squeaking on the polished gym floor, the rhythmic thud of the ball being spiked and served, and the occasional grunt of effort filled the air. Each time I made a play, I was aware of his eyes on me, assessing, admiring. It was both exhilarating and unnerving. His raw talent was obvious, but there was a hint of untapped potential in his movements. I wondered how much better he could be if he were training regularly. Colin had been right; I also liked him as a player.

When the game was over, we all huddled. Hank urged Noah to join and play again, while he smiled and gave a slight nod, avoiding a direct answer.

His eyes locked on mine. “If we do this again, I want to be on his side,” he said, nodding in my direction.

I smiled to myself. I walked towards my water bottle and heard footsteps beside me. He was standing next to me.

“Hey,” I said, feeling the awkwardness rise again.

“They weren’t kidding about you.”

“You’re really good too,” I told him.

His smile widened. “Thanks,” he said, still breathing heavily. He was clearly out of shape; he hadn’t managed to catch his breath. “I don’t think I can keep up with you,” he said with a self-deprecating laugh .

“You’re not training; it’s understandable. I bet you could if you were,” I told him.

His smile grew. “I like that you’re a little arrogant. I didn’t catch that before,” he said, laughing once more. He grabbed a water bottle and drank. I watched his throat work around it, mesmerized.

Wait.

“Arrogant,” I repeated.

“Yeah, you know you’re good, excellent even. I figured you were shy from the first time we met, but you’re not shy here, are you? You’re not shy when you play,” he pointed out.

I had no idea how to answer that.

He sniggered again. “I don’t bite, you know?” he said, his smile growing.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“You look at me like I’m going to attack you or something,” he said, widening his eyes.

If I could blush, I would probably be doing that right now.

“I don’t think you are. You’re just a little…” I struggled to find the right word.

“What? Annoying?” he asked, chuckling.

Not at all.

“No, intimidating, I guess,” I told him.

“I’m intimidating? I intimidate you ? Are you serious?” He laughed again, looking so good as he did. He was scrunching his nose.

“Yeah, well, a little,” I babbled, taken aback by his reaction.

“You’re a foot taller than me,” he noted.

“That’s not accurate. You’re like five-eight-ish,” I said.

He chuckled. “That’s not the point. I can’t possibly intimidate you. That makes no sense,” Noah said. He drank again and sat on the bench. His face was still red from exertion, and droplets of sweat glistened on his forehead, catching the light. The sight of him, flushed and slightly out of breath, stirred something in me.

The sweat made his hair stick a little across his forehead. It clung there, darkened by the moisture, and when he pushed it back, it stood up messily. Noah made it look like he did that purposefully, as if he knew how good he looked. He pulled on his shirt sleeve, revealing his muscled shoulder, and I swooned. His skin was smooth, slightly pink from the workout, and I could see the defined lines of his muscles. He probably had a great body, too, if I could see it. His clothes were kind of baggy on him.

I met his eyes and realized he had been watching me. Fuck. His lips, slightly parted as he caught his breath, stretched into a smile that was both teasing and genuine.

“What are you doing on Friday?” he asked.

My heart skipped. “Why?”

“I invited Colin to a party at my house. Come with him,” he said with an attractive tilt of his head.

This was probably the first time someone had asked me to a party, and I wanted to say yes.

“Thanks, but I can’t. I’m going back home for the weekend,” I told him.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Next time,” he told me and pushed up from the bench. “And next time, we’ll play for the same team. I’ll look forward to those tosses, Atticus.” He gave me one last smile and walked towards Colin.

Immediately, I wanted to call my mom and cancel. I knew I couldn’t, but I would give anything to be going to that party.