Echoes of Us

Chapter 3

CHAPTER

THREE

BEFORE

N oah started showing up for training. Although he didn’t join the team, he still trained and played with us. He even refused the uniform, preferring to wear his gym clothes. I was getting used to his presence. I’d watch him from afar, pretending not to, and he’d fit right in with everybody. Noah was always talking, always smiling. He joked around and snickered if he messed up. He spoke Spanish fluently with an accent I didn’t recognize but found incredibly appealing. More than once, I noticed him singing under his breath or nodding his head to the rhythm of an imaginary song. When he did, it was impossible to look away. I’d never met anyone who shone like him. His smile was infectious, and his laughter seemed to light up the whole gym. He still had difficulty keeping up with physical training, and you could tell how tired he was at the end of practice. But I was sure he’d catch up. It was just a matter of time.

We finally had a practice game, and Noah insisted on being on my team. Playing with him was even better than I had imagined. Despite seeming reckless, he was attentive to everything on the court and what I was doing. I barely had to think about what I wanted; he was there to catch it. His movements were graceful and precise, a stark contrast to his usual carefree demeanor. The more the game went on, the more I realized how into him I was. I hoped my face didn’t give it away.

Yet, when he talked to me, I struggled to keep the conversation going, bringing it to a halt every time and getting more worked up because of it. I wanted it to be effortless, but I became so nervous around him that I couldn’t act normal. The bigger my crush got, the worse the talking went. He would smile or laugh it off and go on his way every time, but the gap between us grew wider each day.

When we went to our next tournament, Noah started showing up less often. We left for games, and I missed having him around. I started seeing him more around campus, and he’d wave in my direction, but that was underwhelming. When we placed first in the tournament, Ezra and Colin roped me into another party. I hardly complained, figuring maybe he’d be there. From what I could tell, he was more into parties than anything else.

I fussed with my clothes, trying to put more effort into my appearance. I didn’t know what good it would do, considering Noah was probably straight, but it couldn’t hurt. As soon as we got there, Ezra started pushing beers on me. Even though I resisted, I had been drinking, and it was beginning to catch up with me. The party was the same as always: a room that was too hot, filled with sweaty people. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, I saw both of them distracted, talking to a group of girls. I rolled my eyes and made my way outside. Coming to this party was a disappointment. Noah was nowhere to be seen, and now I was drunk and sweating outside a frat house .

I walked towards what I assumed was the garden, found a ledge I could lean against, and sat enjoying the silence.

“It figures you’d be hiding out here,” I heard, and opened my eyes to see Noah walking towards me. He looked effortlessly cool, with his tousled hair and a relaxed smile that made my heart skip a beat. Fuck.

“Hi,” I said. He leaned on the ledge, too, not very close. “It’s too hot in there—it’s always too hot,” I told him.

He chuckled. “Have you been drinking, Atticus?” he asked me with a frown, pretending to look disappointed but still smiling.

“Yeah, I guess,” I replied, trying to sound casual.

“Well, good. You should be. Congratulations on the win.” He reached for his back pocket and pulled out a flask. He drank and I watched him as he sipped. He saw me and offered it.

“No, thanks.”

“Suit yourself.” He shrugged.

“What is that?” I asked, trying not to bring the conversation to a halt again and scare him away.

“Whiskey,” he said.

My eyebrows drew together. That seemed a little intense, though I guess that’s what people usually do at parties.

“You’re not much of a drinker, are you?” he asked, his eyes narrowing playfully.

“No, not really. I don’t like the taste or the effects,” I admitted, feeling self-conscious under his gaze.

“Do you smoke?” He made a gesture mimicking smoking weed.

“No,” I said, feeling a little bad about it. I could almost hear Ezra complaining about me being boring.

“That sounds about right. Would you ever try it?” he asked. His smile was different than usual, and my heart raced.

“I don’t think so,” I told him honestly .

His smile grew, and he moved to sit a little closer to me. “How about if it was with me? Would you try it then?” he asked, lowering his voice. His green eyes were fixed on mine, intense and mesmerizing.

My heart was pounding against my chest. I narrowed my eyes, trying to understand.

“Why would it make a difference if it was with you?” I asked.

He scrunched his nose, looking away. He let out a laugh. Noah pushed up from the ledge, and I felt like kicking myself. That was the wrong thing to say. I’d made him leave.

He reached into his pocket, taking out a joint and a lighter. He lit it, looking at me and walking closer. “Do you still think I’m intimidating?”

Wasn’t he leaving? He took a long drag and blew the smoke away from me.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

He smiled and walked closer, the dim light casting shadows across his sharp cheekbones.

“You’re fucking intimidating, Atticus. Has anybody ever told you that?”

“Not really. Scary, yes. But intimidating, no,” I said.

A soft chuckle escaped him. “Well, you are,” he said, taking another drag and stepping towards me.

“Why?” I asked, riveted by him placing the joint between his lips and then holding it loosely between his fingers, the way his lips curved around it so effortlessly.

“First off, you’re fucking huge,” he began.

I let out a laugh. “I’m not huge,” I argued, but his gaze was steady and appraising.

“You are. And you’re blunt. It’s like you don’t know how to soften your words,” he said.

Yeah, that one I had heard before. “Sorry.”

He took another step and stood right in front of me, close enough for me to notice the faint scent of his cologne mixed with smoke—definitely sandalwood.

“And you stare a lot without saying anything. It’s a little unnerving. It’s like I’m not even sure if you find me really fucking annoying,” he paused.

I denied it with a shake. “I don’t.”

He smiled a little more, the corner of his mouth lifting in a way that made my heart race. He took one more step and stood in the open V of my legs. My chest tightened and a jolt passed through me at his proximity, the warmth of his body seeping into mine.

“Or if you like me.”

Fuck.

“I don’t mind you.” My voice sounded weird. I cleared my throat, trying to regain my composure.

“Good,” he said with a nod. “I don’t mind you either.” He was standing very close, too close for this to be considered one hundred percent straight-guy behavior. He looked really great at this distance, his features sharp and mesmerizing.

He took another drag and narrowed his eyes. It made him look terribly attractive. “You’re doing it again.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I said.

His laugher bubbled, the sound vibrating between us. “It’s fine, Atticus.” His eyes drifted upwards, biting the side of his thumb, thinking. “Atticus, Atticus,” he repeated.

“What?” I asked, baffled.

“What do your friends call you? Att, right? That’s what Col calls you,” he said.

“Yeah, that or by my last name, I guess,” I told him, trying to focus on anything other than how close he was.

“What’s your last name?”

“You’ve heard the team call me by my last name,” I pointed out.

“No, I haven’t. I’ve heard the guys on the team call you Att and King, but that’s like a volleyball thing,” he said, dismissively waving his hand.

“No, that’s it,” I told him.

He gaped at me. “Your last name is King. Your fucking name is Atticus King?” he asked and howled with laughter.

The corners of my lips pull upwards. “Yeah, that’s my name,” I told him, and he kept laughing. I couldn’t help myself. I joined in.

“You’re unreal,” he said as he calmed. “I’m not going to call you King, that’s for fucking sure.” He ran his eyes over my face, licked his lips, and tilted his head. “Atty,” he let out softly.

Shit. That hit a nerve somewhere, and my whole body flushed at the familiarity of it.

“That suits you,” he said with a slow smile.

“How?”

“I don’t know, Atty. It’s pretty adorable. You’re adorable,” he said, shrugging.

“I’m adorable?” I asked with a laugh.

“You are,” he told me, his tone sincere.

“I don’t think anybody’s ever called me that before.”

Noah stood there, just looking at me with a slight smile, his eyes soft. “I can tell you’re sweet.”

I knew my eyes were wide. Nobody had ever made that assumption about me, especially having talked to me only a handful of times.

He ran his tongue over his lips and tilted his head. “How about Atty? Nobody’s ever called you that?”

I looked away. “I don’t want to say.”

His hand tugged at my shirt collar, and I faced him again. He had the joint pressed between his lips, unlit. The tip of his thumb touched the skin of my collarbone, and it felt electric. It was such a small thing.

“Tell me,” he insisted.

I shook my head. “My mom calls me that,” I said quietly, but he heard it, because he erupted in laughter again. “Fuck’s sake,” I said, closing my eyes and rubbing one of my hands over my face.

He let me go and laughed. “See? I’m right, you’re adorable.”

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a lighter. He pressed the joint against his lips again and lit it. He seemed so relaxed. He took another drag and breathed away from me. He held the joint between his thumb and forefinger.

“Can I try it?” I asked him.

His smile was catlike. I felt like I was falling into a trap, but I didn’t care. He held it out to me, and I reached for it, my fingers brushing his as I did.

I looked at it and then at him, expectant.

“I can already tell I’m going to be a terrible influence on you.”

I smiled.

“Come on,” he said, approaching me.

I mimicked his movements, pressing it between my lips and looking at him.

“That’s it. Now breathe it in, like inhaling when something surprises you.” He faked surprise, widening his eyes, and chuckled when I raised my eyebrow. He reached for my shoulder and pressed his palm to my chest. “Don’t hold it in your mouth. You have to pull it down here.” He patted my chest.

I took a drag, and he smiled.

“That’s it. Now hold it in,” he said, mimicking taking a deep breath and holding it with me.

I couldn’t look away from his eyes. I swear he was moving closer.

He breathed out. “And let it out.”

I did as he said, breathing the smoke out almost in his face. He didn’t seem bothered.

“That’s it. ”

I tried to hold his gaze, but my eyes watered at the effort. I pushed him back as gently as I could and doubled over, coughing. He laughed lightly and patted my back.

“Sorry.” I coughed some more.

“It takes some getting used to.” He began rubbing slowly over my back.

I straightened, and his hand slid to my shoulder.

I handed him the joint, shaking my head. “That was worse than beer,” I said, coughing again while he smirked.

He pulled the flask out of his pocket, opened it, and offered it to me.

“No, thanks,” I said again, and he drank.

“You’re right. Maybe smoking is enough for tonight,” he said, walking back and away from me. Just as I was about to start missing his warmth, he leaned on the ledge next to me, his thigh pressing against mine. The contact sent a thrill through me. I eyed him, admiring the way the dim light highlighted his jawline and the tousled locks of his hair. He stared back at the house, his eyes unfocused, lost in thought.

“Are you okay?” I asked, unable to hide my concern.

“I’m super, Atty. How about you?” he replied, his lips curving into a lazy smile that made my heart skip a beat. His face remained calm, but his slow blinks gave away his relaxed state.

“I’m good. I’m not sure that did anything, but I’m good,” I said, captivated by the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

I sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t know what it’s supposed to do,” I told him.

“Well, you’re not usually this chatty, so that might be something,” he said.

I couldn’t suppress the laugh. He looked at me and smiled. I couldn’t keep a straight face.

“Shit,” I let out. “That’s it, right? ”

“Yeah, that’s it.” He directed his gaze towards the house, and I kept staring at him until I realized what I was doing and stopped.

“Do you know what you’re majoring in?” I asked him.

“No fucking clue,” he said with a sigh, his shoulders sagging slightly. “I don’t even know what I’m doing back here,” he added, running a hand through his hair.

“What else would you do?” I asked, genuinely puzzled.

“Exactly, Atty, exactly.” He smiled, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “There’s not much else to do.”

“Are you going to join the team?”

“No team should have me, trust me on that. I’m too flaky,” Noah said, his voice tinged with self-deprecation.

“Why?”

“I don’t show up, lose motivation, get too drunk or high. Choose one,” he droned, his tone flat.

Hearing him talk like that made my heart feel heavy. “You’ve been showing up,” I insisted, but he just made a noncommittal noise.

“I’ll stop. That’s what I do,” he said, giving me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

I felt uncomfortable. I had no idea what to say to that.

“What about you?”

“Engineering.”

A look of astonishment spread over his features. “Get out of town,” he said.

I snorted. “Why is that surprising?”

“I don’t know. I guess I figured you were just muscle. I didn’t know you were smart too,” Noah said, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

I laughed again, feeling a slight sting of offense. “Well, fuck you,” I said, grinning.

He dissolved into giggles. “I’m sorry, I don’t think that came out right. ”

“You mean you weren’t trying to tell me you thought I was thick?” I asked.

“No, I’m sorry. I meant I thought you were putting your money on the athletic scholarship,” he explained.

I guess that was a little better.

“I’m still slightly offended,” I told him.

He snickered. “You’ll get used to that too.”

“What?”

Noah was ridiculously attractive, with his chiseled features and effortlessly messy hair. But it wasn’t just his looks. The easy way he talked and smiled made you feel like you were the only person in the room. His charm was intoxicating, and I found myself completely drawn to him. We had next to nothing in common other than volleyball, and even that was a stretch because he wanted to quit, and I couldn’t ever imagine wanting to. But despite that, all I could think of was how the hell do I get close to him? How do I get him to keep looking at me like this?

“I say a lot of things I don’t mean,” he said, looking back at the house.

He was a gigantic red flag, and my gut was screaming at me to stay away. But at the same time, I had never wanted to be closer to another person in my life.

We sat on that ledge, chatting, for a long time. Ezra came looking for me, and before I left, Noah asked for my phone number. He went back into the party, and I watched the way his back moved as he walked in.

I found his socials and followed him. He reciprocated about an hour later. I looked through his pictures and felt even more entranced by him. Each image showed a different facet of Noah: laughing with friends, intense during a workout, and relaxed in candid moments. His bright green eyes and easy smile were captivating. I thought about texting him but couldn’t think of what to say, so I finally gave up. I hoped to see him at practice that week, but he didn’t show up.

I was walking with Ezra to class on Friday when I heard Noah call me.

“Atty!”

I turned towards his voice. He was sitting with his friends, his posture relaxed yet commanding. When our eyes met, he pushed off and walked towards us, a grin spreading across his face.

“Atty?” Ezra asked with a raised eyebrow.

I shrugged, biting back a smile when Noah reached us.

“Hey, what are you guys up to?” Noah asked.

“We just left training,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Oh, right.”

“Are you coming back?” Ezra asked.

Noah cocked his head. “Maybe next week,” he said noncommittally. He watched me, his tongue sliding to the corner of his mouth in a teasing gesture. “I’m having some people over today. Do you want to come?” he asked me, then glanced at Ezra. “I mean, both of you,” he added.

I was about to agree when Ezra placed his hand on my shoulder.

“We have a thing later, you know, but maybe,” he said.

I pursed my lips, disappointed.

“Oh, that’s alright. If you can. It’s fine if you can’t,” Noah said, looking back at me. “I’ll text you the address if you change your mind. See you.” He turned and walked back to his friends.

I glanced at Ezra, frustration bubbling up inside me. “What the hell?”

“You don’t want to look too eager,” he said.

I shook my head. But I was. I was eager.

“He said he’d text you,” Ezra added with a shrug and started walking. Glancing at Noah, Ezra tugged my arm to get me moving.

“But—”

“Look, Att, I’m not saying I’m not completely for your sexual awakening,” he started, and I scowled at him, “but you know, maybe start a little slower.”

“I don’t get it. Does it seem like I’m moving fast right now?”

He sighed and clicked his tongue. “No, I mean, maybe pick an easier target.”

I stopped walking again. He turned to look at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Noah’s a little too hardcore for you, Att,” he tried to explain.

“Hardcore? He’s not even gay. It’s not like I’m getting him anyway,” I told him.

“I know, but—” he glanced back to where we came from, “—Att, I went to the last thing at his house, and it was a little intense. Noah parties pretty hard, and you don’t even like to drink beer.”

“So if we don’t like the same things, we can’t be friends?” I started walking again, and he fell into step beside me.

“Yeah, you can, but you don’t want to be friends with Noah. I just don’t want to see you doing things that aren’t you so you can fit in with him.”

I thought about the last party.

“I like Noah too. He seems like a fun guy, but maybe hanging out with him in the party scene isn’t the best idea,” he insisted.

“Maybe,” I amended.

Ezra looked relieved, and we walked back to my dorm, talking about something else. Noah texted me his house address, and I scanned the message, not opening it so I wouldn’t have to respond to it just yet. Ezra’s words kept swimming in my head. I knew how different Noah was from me. I knew it, but I still wanted to be around him. And Noah was hardcore? What did that even mean? I thought about the vacant way he looked up at the house, the way it had unsettled me.

When I finally opened the message, I told him I didn’t think I would make it, and he just typed, Okay , in response.

As luck would have it, Colin showed up looking for me at my dorm. I was sitting in my sweats playing a video game when he walked in and looked at me expectantly.

“Why aren’t you ready?” he asked.

“Ready for what?” I replied, confused.

“To go to Noah’s,” he said, as if it were obvious. “I’m heading over there now, and he told me he asked you too.”

“Did he say I agreed?”

“Well, no, but I assumed you did. Are you not coming?” He sat on my bed, leaning back.

“What about Ezra?”

“He’s got a date,” Colin said, wagging his eyebrows with a smile. “Come on, get ready.”

“I wasn’t planning to go, actually,” I admitted, though I wasn’t sure.

“So you’re just going to stay here playing video games alone on a Friday night? Att, you’re in college. Please just do college,” he urged.

I sighed. “Ezra was the one who told me not to go. You two need to align your parenting; otherwise, you’ll just end up confusing the kids,” I said, pointing at myself.

He snorted with laughter. “Why did he tell you not to go?”

“He said Noah’s parties were too hardcore for me,” I explained.

Colin made a face.

“What?”

“All parties are hardcore for you,” he teased.

“Fuck you,” I said .

He laughed again. “I mean, he’s not lying. Noah doesn’t live in the dorms; he has his own apartment. Things get a little heavy there, and you know, right?”

“Know what?”

“That Noah’s into drugs.”

“I know he smokes,” I said.

Colin sighed. “Smoking weed to Noah is like you playing video games on a Tuesday. That’s his tame behavior,” he explained.

I felt uncomfortable again. How bad could it be? It was still Noah.

“Is that why he’s so out of shape?” I asked.

Colin assented with a smile. “It’s cute that that’s how you notice it. Everything revolves around the game for you. But, yeah, living that way would do that to you. As long as you’re aware of what we’ll be walking into, I think it’s okay.”

“I’m aware,” I said, though I wasn’t entirely sure. “What do I have to change into?” I asked, looking down at myself.

“Anything’s fine, Att.” He sighed, grabbing the console from my hand, and playing while I changed.

Noah lived in an upscale building. It wasn’t one of those huge complexes with a thousand tiny apartments. He had a doorman, and the lobby was like the entrance to a high-end hotel. The marble floors gleamed under the soft lighting, and the air smelled faintly of fresh flowers. I glanced at Colin, and he made a dismissive motion with his shoulder as we walked inside. Noah lived on the top floor, and the elevator opened directly into his apartment. That’s where the fanciness stopped. It was like walking into a cloud of weed. The place was packed with people, so there was little furniture. There was a massive window towards the back that opened to a terrace. The view of the city skyline was impressive, lights twinkling against the night sky.

“Are you okay?” Colin asked.

I bowed slightly. The music was deafening too. How he got away with this with his neighbors was a mystery to me. They probably hated him if this was a regular occurrence.

“I’m fine,” I told him, though I didn’t feel that way.

So, this was Noah’s scene: drunk people talking and dancing while they smoked and drank. They were right. It felt heavier than regular college parties. Even the music made me uncomfortable. The parties we usually attended always had that Y100 vibe of the same top hits playing repeatedly. Here, it was just heavy electronic music. I didn’t even know what it was called.

“Do you want to go out on the terrace? It’s probably cooler there,” he asked, and I gave a nod. “I’ll fetch us a couple of beers.”

I started making my way over. It was tough to walk around in here, the crowd pressing in from all sides.

“Atty!” I heard a loud call and turned to see Noah waving at me.

He was sitting on the couch, his arm casually draped around a girl’s shoulder. My stomach twisted at the sight. He waved me over.

I pushed my way through the crowd, thankful for my height, which gave me a clear view over most people’s heads. The girl stood up as soon as I got there, and Noah grabbed my hand to get me to sit.

“Hey,” I said, trying to land gracefully.

“What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t going to make it.”

“Colin brought me,” I told him.

I ogled Noah. He had on a sleeveless shirt and sweats. Not typically what you would find attractive, but the shirt was wider under his arms, opening almost below his ribs, revealing smooth skin. His arms were tanned and toned, muscles defined, even though he seemed slightly underweight. I could see the tiniest glimpse of a gold chain peeking through the collar of his shirt. He looked effortlessly perfect.

“I’m glad you made it,” he said with a smile that lit up his face. “This is Holly. She’s my best mate,” he said, introducing me to the girl beside him.

I waved towards her. Her smile leaned more towards a smirk, her eyes flicking between Noah and me with curiosity.

“Hi, Atticus,” she said.

I blinked. Noah snorted, and I turned back to him, unable to hide my confusion.

“She didn’t believe me when I told her you were my friend,” he explained.

“Why?”

“You look like the next Captain America, but a mean version,” she said as an explanation.

I probably seemed even more confused, because they both erupted into laughter.

“Isn’t he the fucking cutest?” Noah asked her, and my heart skipped a beat at his words.

He jumped up on the couch, crouching, and swung his arm over my shoulders. She shrugged in response. I gazed sideways at his hand. He had beautiful hands; they were thin, long, and elegant. He wore a pinky ring that gleamed softly under the lights.

“Do you want something to drink? Smoke?” she asked.

“Atty’s not really into that,” Noah said before I could reply, and I looked up at him. He leaned his elbow on my shoulder as he lit up a joint, the smell of marijuana mingling with his scent.

“What are you into?” she asked.

“Volleyball,” I told her.

She tilted her head in understanding. “That’s how you know each other. He didn’t want to say,” she told me .

“Because we’re very different volleyball players. I’m a washed-out junkie jock, and Atty’s a fucking genius child player, who will probably play at the Olympics,” he explained.

I didn’t like how he spoke about himself. “You’re an excellent player,” I told him.

He waved me off. “I was an excellent player,” he corrected. “Oh look, there’s Col,” he said, calling to him.

Colin saw us and made his way over. Noah was still half-leaning on me with his arm holding himself up. Colin looked at us with a slight frown. He said his hellos, handed me my surprisingly cold canned beer, and sat on the armrest beside me. Colin knew Holly from high school, too, and they all started talking about things I had no idea about. Noah would sometimes stop and explain something to me, to which I just nodded and sipped my beer.

Noah seemed a little restless. He’d sink back on the couch, cross and uncross his legs, push off, and crouch over it. It was like he couldn’t sit still, like a coiled energy ball. He was touchy, too, but I wouldn’t complain about that. Noah’s thigh and shoulder were pressed against me if he was sitting, and if he was crouching, his arm would be over my shoulders. Every time he got up, he’d lean closer and press his hand on my leg to push himself off. Colin glanced at us several times, but he said nothing.

The girl from before asked him to come dance, but he refused, and I tried to bite down a smile. Holly was nicer than I had thought. She didn’t comment on my appearance again, and whenever Colin and Noah started talking about people from school, she’d ask me about myself. The room kept getting hotter and hotter, and having Noah over me didn’t help. I pulled at my shirt collar for the tenth time in an hour when Colin asked if I wanted to go to the terrace. I agreed, starting to push off when Noah’s hand found my wrist.

“Where are you going? ”

“Outside. It’s hot in here,” I replied.

He let go of me. His eyes were wider, adding to his usual magnetic charm.

“Oh, okay. Just don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?” he said.

I followed Colin and sighed as soon as we got outside.

“Thank you for that,” I told him, and he gave me a wan smile. The view was spectacular from here. The entire city sprawled out below us, lights twinkling like stars.

“Hey, Att,” Colin said.

I turned to face him. “Yeah?”

A frown crossed his face as he bit his lip, clearly thinking through what he wanted to say. Oh no. Had he figured it out too? I hadn’t been staring at him that much today. I had tried to control it this time.

“I don’t want you to get mad at me for asking you this,” he said with a chuckle. Damn, he did figure it out.

I sighed, resigning myself to another talk. “I won’t.”

His eyes searched mine. “Do you like him?”

I knew it. Was I being that obvious?

“Yeah,” I answered simply.

He nodded, then made a face. “I was kinda hoping you would say no.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Not at all, Att, not because he’s a boy. I don’t have a problem with that,” he said quickly.

I relaxed. “Then…?”

He looked back at the view. “Noah’s a sucker for attention, but he’s not very good at the follow-through. I was wondering why he kept hanging around you or asking me about you. You’re just really different. I didn’t understand why he wanted to be your friend so badly. I don’t want that to sound like an insult. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just really different from his usual crowd,” he explained .

I kind of got that too. I had no idea why he was so nice to me either.

“So? Did you figure it out?”

“I just told you,” he said with a nod.

“You did?”

“Noah’s a sucker for attention,” he repeated.

My stomach dropped. “You think he knows,” I said, and he assented. Fuck.

“I don’t know what about you makes me want to be overprotective. It’s like you have this innocence that I don’t want anybody to mess with. I think that’s what gets Ezra too.”

That explained why they treated me like a kid.

“You know you’re barely a year older than me, Colin. I know I kid around with it, but you aren’t my parents. I already have two of those.”

A quiet sound of amusement slipped from him. “I know, Att. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know he’s straight. I don’t have any expectations,” I replied.

He made another face.

“What?”

“I told you I wasn’t sure about that—Noah’s like a wild card. You never know what you’re getting with him. I never saw it. I only heard gossip about it. And he’s never said anything, but I think he’s hooked up with guys too,” he said, making my heart skip a beat.

“What?” My jaw went slack. I turned back to the house. That day out on the terrace, right now on the couch, he asked me to come to his house twice. Was there a chance he was flirting with me?

“I don’t want you to get your hopes up, Att. I didn’t tell you that so you’d get your hopes up,” he said quickly.

“What did you think would happen when you told me my crush might not be one-sided? That I’d go, ‘Oh! It’s time to give up now?’ ”

His mouth twitched with restrained laughter. “I didn’t say that. I never said it wasn’t one-sided.”

“Then?”

“I get what he sees in you now. You’re like a shiny Pokémon of a person,” he said.

I snorted a laugh. “What the fuck?”

“You stand out, not just because you’re tall. You’re attractive. You’re the most oblivious person on the planet, and you don’t realize how the girls swoon around you. Though I guess now I know that’s probably the gay thing.” He went on. “You’re smart, and you’re a genius player, but you’re like a vault too.”

“A vault,” I repeated.

“You’re unapproachable. I mean, you must be on the spectrum, because your socializing skills are shit. You look at everybody like they’ve personally offended you, and you’re a little rude when you finally do talk. Ezra and I have to stalk and force you to be friends with us.”

“Do you have a point?” I asked, slightly offended by this depiction of me.

“You’re not unapproachable with Noah. I’ve never seen you like that since I met you. You have your walls down, and he’s really smart. He picked that up very quickly, even though he didn’t know you. He knows he can get close to you and barely has to try. I bet he loves that,” he explained.

“I just…” I started and stopped. I just wanted him to like me too. It seemed like he did. I didn’t know what about me amused him, but I didn’t want him to grow bored.

“I know you just. Look, I know him, and there are two Noahs. The one you’ve met who’s incredibly charming and charismatic, and he is a blast to be around. But,” he said, emphasizing that last word, “there’s the shitty Noah too. Like I said, he’s terrible with the follow-through. He doesn’t look it, but he has a complicated temperament, and when he gets like that, he’s like a bomb that you’re not sure when it’s going to go off. You never know which one you’ll get.”

“I thought he was your friend.”

“He is, but I know how to manage my expectations of him.”

“And you don’t think I will.”

“I know you won’t. I’m hoping this will help. Ezra knows, right?” he asked.

“Yeah, he figured it out the day we met him.” I turned and looked back into the house. Noah was still sitting with Holly. The girl from earlier was back at his side, and her hand was on his lap.

“That’s why he didn’t want you to come?” Colin asked.

Noah stopped talking and whispered something in her ear that made her laugh and move closer to him. Her hand was slipping upwards.

“Yeah, he said I should pick an easier target.”

Noah pushed off the couch, pulling her behind him. He glanced our way, and our eyes met. He smiled and raised his hand, waving at me. I raised my hand, and he turned, walking away with her, out of view.

“Well, if your dad said so, I guess I agree,” Colin said.

I turned to look at him, smiling. “Does that make you my mom?” I asked.

He threw his head back laughing.

We left the party a little while after that. On our way out, I spotted Noah again. He was making out with the girl from earlier against a wall in a dark corner. He had his hand up her shirt, and her hands were on his waist, pulling him closer to her.

I tried to shrug it off, but the image kept haunting me. I didn’t know why it upset me so much, and I tossed and turned in my bed, trying to figure out the nagging feeling I had in my chest. Then, I finally put a name to it, but it didn’t make me feel any better. If anything, it made it worse.

It made him look cheap.