Edge of Desire

Chapter 27

Avery

Every now and again, a girl just needs to take control, and that’s what I did. I knew Preston had to have his drawers jerked in a knot, but since he wasn’t wearing any at the time, I did the next best thing. Yeah, he was shocked, but I didn’t care. I was over him talking about how messed up he was. Well, weren’t we all? Okay, maybe not to the degree he was. But we all had issues and needed to stop dragging the baggage around. That included me with my body image issues.

After our sweet lovemaking session, which was extra special because of my stipulations (or I thought so anyway), we had our talk.

“Okay, Preston. Let’s have the talk. Here are my demands. They’re relatively few, but they’re deal breakers. So, if you’re unable to agree to them, now’s the time to speak up. Ready?” I asked.

“I am.”

“No lies ever. I don’t care what it is or what it has to do with. Never ever lie to me or I’ll walk.”

“Agreed. No lies. Ever. What’s next?”

“No matter what, I can’t accept your profession. I’m sorry. I would never normally ask this of someone, but your job is entirely too risky and stressful. I can’t handle not knowing if you’re alive or dead every single day.”

“Agreed. No more DEA.”

I wasn’t expecting that answer. “So, what will you do?”

“I’ll figure it out. What’s next on your list?”

“No more excuses for you being fucked up.”

He rubbed his scruff-covered face. “That’s a tough one.”

He looked so vulnerable, I wanted to cave. It was killing me not to take him into my arms and tell him everything would be fine, but I knew that would be the wrong thing to do. Preston had buried his issues and not faced them head-on and look what happened. They almost ruined his life. The time had come for him to boldly face what he’d endured and to conquer his fears of it. If we were ever going to have a healthy relationship, that’s what he’d have to do.

“I know it’s tough, but it’s nonnegotiable. You know I love you. Now it’s time for you to love yourself enough to do this. I’ll help in any way, but you need therapy. If you don’t get it, we won’t be together.” I took his hand and continued, “You have to face this head-on because you can’t let them win. Be strong and face them. Give them all a big fuck you.”

“I’m not sure ...”

“I’m not asking you to do it alone. I’ll be by your side, always, and there is help out there. But you have to be willing to take that step or you’ll never change.”

His eyes drooped and lost their sparkle. “I don’t know if I can talk about it to others.”

“You’re going to have to. Nonnegotiable, remember? You have to decide how important I am.”

“Avery, I want us more than anything.” He grabbed my hands and squeezed.

“Then you have your answer.”

He inhaled deeply. “I’ll need you for this.”

“I’m here and will always be here for you.”

He nodded, and his eyes, God his eyes, were filled with all sorts of things. Pain, love, insecurity, hope, everything he couldn’t put into words. Reaching out, I placed my palm against his cheek and said, “We’ll do this together and we’ll be better for it.”

“I hope I’m doing the right thing for you.”

“Well, that train’s left the station.” I kissed him. “I really love your pierced nipples,” I said as I played with them.

“Okay, let’s not get off topic here. Next,” he said, squeezing my hands again.

“Right. Vail. I want to live here and start a business.”

“Done. Next.”

“Wait. What do you mean done? What about the cabin in Montana?”

“I’m selling it.”

“You will not. I love that place. It’s where we fell in love.”

“We’ll get a place here.”

“It won’t be the same.” I sighed.

Preston looked at me, his gaze dark with something I couldn’t define. “Look, I loved you before we even got to the cabin, but I almost destroyed that love there. I don’t ever want to go back.”

“But you’re going to. And do you know why?”

He shook his head.

“Because that’s where the journey will end. You’ve been running from your demons too long. It’s time you face them, and when you have, you and I are going back to Montana. Together.”

He agreed to everything. Everything single thing on my list. We ordered in a huge breakfast and were finishing up, when he said, “So now it’s my turn.”

“What do you mean?” I asked in confusion.

“You didn’t think this was going to be one-sided, did you?”

Well, duh, I kinda had. He laughed. Preston was a great mind reader.

“Okay, go on.”

“Tell me why you’re so self-conscious.”

I looked up at the ceiling. Like his issues, this was something I hated talking about. “Jeez, Preston, how many times do we have to go through this?”

“As many as it takes.”

“I just am.”

“Huh-uh. You know that’s not it.”

I groaned again. “I was always held to a higher standard. It’s a family thing. My brothers are smart and attractive. They’re the total package, you might say. I was supposed to be like that too.”

“And?”

“And I’m not.”

“Bullshit. You’re absolutely the total package. Beautiful with brains to go along with it.”

“To you, yes. To my mom, not so much. I mean she acted like it, but there was always that little critical thing going on. You know, ‘Avery, don’t do this.’ Or, ‘Avery, not like that.’ My hair was always too long, too short, too thin, too thick. My brothers never saw it because they got all the mama love. You know, it’s just different between guys and their mothers. My grandmother saw through it, and she would always whisper something really loving to me. That’s another reason why I wanted to use her name. The last time I saw her she told me I was awesome. She also said my mom was always commenting on how fat I was, but she thought I was perfect. That’s my grandmother for you. So, there you have it. Why I’m fucked up, I guess.”

He stared at me for the longest time without saying a word. When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I blurted out, “You know, that’s what she would always do. Just stand there and look at me, not saying a word. That’s why I get so damn squirmy when you do the same thing.”

His arms pulled me against him before I could even finish. “Don’t ever mistake my looks for hers,” he whispered against my hair. “I’m just amazed at how perfectly adorable you are and that she would dare find fault with you.”

“You and Grams must be related. Like her, you always say the right things to me.”

“Avery, I’m not saying that to make you feel better. I’m giving you honesty from my heart.”

“I know and thank you.” I kissed him.

“So tell me about your old boyfriends,” he asked with a chuckle.

“Jeez, aren’t you nosy?” I laughed for a second, but then it died a fast death. “There isn’t much to tell. I hardly dated until after I left Harvard. Sure, I went out here and there, but I was always too busy with school. After I moved back to Charleston, things seemed okay, but then I realized guys wanted to date me because of who I was. That was always a huge disappointment. Going out with someone that you ended up liking and then hearing through your friends he was only after your money and family connections. Then my friends even drifted away after a while. Everyone always thinks being wealthy is great, but it’s not exactly been a fun ride for me.”

He looked at me with a heated expression. “People can suck sometimes. I hate you were treated like that.” He leaned close to snag a kiss. “I can assure you I don’t give a fuck about your family connections or your money. I have enough money of my own that I don’t need yours.”

That put a smile on my face. Suddenly I remembered the bracelet.

”Preston, do me a favor and bring me my jacket, please.”

He looked at me strangely but did as I asked.

Digging in the pocket, I pulled out the box from Tiffany”s. Grinning, I opened it and took out the bracelet. ”Will you put this on me, please?”

His eyes locked with mine and the sentiment radiating from them, reached into my heart and soul. “I would love to put it on,” he said, his voice laced with emotion. He fastened the bracelet and took my hand, placing it over his heart.

“Did you really mean what you wrote on this card?” I’d put the card in the box and pulled it out.

“Of course, I did.”

“Well then, could you please tell me because those were such beautiful words, I”d love to hear you say them.”

He laced his fingers with mine. “This bracelet represents my love for you, Avery, always encircling you and never ending. I love you, sweetheart.”

“Preston, this is the most beautiful thing I”ve ever seen. Thank you. I”ll cherish this always.” I leaned over and gently kissed him.

“I”m glad you like it. I wasn”t certain you would. I wanted to get you something with true meaning behind it, so I thought this, along with the flowers would be ...”

“The flowers and vase were perfection. Thank you.” I kissed him again.

He ran his thumb across my lower lip. That tiny gesture always seemed to have a direct link to my lady bits. “So, you’ve never been in love before me?” he asked.

I crossed my legs and squeezed, trying to push back the surge of need that flared within me. “Nope. You’re my first. Is that bad?”

“No, it’s not bad. Why would you ask that?”

I uncrossed and recrossed my legs. “I don’t know. Just wondering.”

“Avery?” His voice seemed to caress my every nerve ending.

“Yes,” I answered, hoarsely I might add.

“Why are you fidgeting?”

“Because of you. It’s your fault.”

“Hmm, well then, let me see what I can do about that.”

Like I said before, Preston was fast. One minute I was squirming and the next he was spooning behind me. His hand splayed across my hips, his fingers circling my clit while he slowly and sensuously moved in and out. At first, I purred, then I meowed, then I’m positive I screeched, and quite loudly too, as I yelled at him to rock me harder.

It took a while, but eventually when I could finally speak again, I told Preston he was my catnip.

“That’s about the sexiest thing you could’ve said to me,” he laughed.

“But it’s true,” I insisted. “I don’t know what you do to me, but you bring out the, well, I’m not really sure what it is.”

“Don’t worry. I love bringing whatever it is out of you.”

“It’s a good thing because I have a good bit of it to bring out.”

“I want you to make me a promise.”

I squinted at him. I had a feeling he was going to wheedle something out of me that I might regret later. “Can it be conditional?”

“Nope.” He picked up a piece of my hair and wound it around his finger.

“Okay. I promise. Now, what did I just promise?”

“That you’ll listen to me and stop beating yourself up. I know what I see, and I see beauty before me. That’s it.”

“Okay.”

He laughed and I knew why. It wasn’t going to be that easy, but I would try. The trouble was it would be hard to automatically get rid of years of being told you were something you weren’t.

He nibbled my neck and then leaned back. “Don’t doubt what I tell you about yourself. Ever.”

I covered his hand with mine and laced our fingers together. “I’m pretty sure I’ll need therapy to get rid of that and I’m okay with going. We need to find someone good to help us.” Then a thought struck me. “I may know someone. Justin and Pearce grew up with a guy named Phil Sorenson who’s now a psychiatrist. I know Justin went to him after he and Terri got in that car accident. And my sister-in-law Lexi saw him too. I could get his phone number from Justin. Maybe he’d do online visits with us.”

“I’d be willing to do that. It would be nice and convenient.”

I promised to call Justin. “He and Caroline will want to know what’s going on with us anyway.”

“True and better sooner than later. They’ll both strangle us if we don’t call soon.”

“Maybe later today, then. So, did you want to ski today?” I asked.

“I would love it. I want you to take me to the back of the mountain and teach me some of your special tricks.”

Covering his body with mine, I framed his face and touched my thumbs to his cheeks. “I have no special tricks, but I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

He kissed me, like he hadn’t kissed me in months. And then he answered, “I watched you ski for the last few days. You’re phenomenal and superfast. I couldn’t keep up with you. Where did you learn to ski like that? I want you to teach me how.”

I chuckled at that request. “Preston, I’ve been skiing since I was four. My family would come here every winter, mostly during the holidays, and my dad would bring me back during my spring breaks. I picked it up right away and loved it. You might say I have a knack for it. It was always something I did better than my brothers.” Then something hit me. I squinted my eyes at him for the second time that morning. “Have you been spying on me?”

“Kind of,” he admitted. I sighed. “Why?” he asked.

“It was you! I’ve had this feeling someone’s been watching me. And now I know why.” I pinched his abs. Then my palm drifted up and brushed his nipple. “I think I want to get my nipples pierced,” I said.

He stiffened and growled, “Absolutely not.”

“Why not? Yours are pierced.” I looked at him and watched his entire demeanor harden as something darkened his visage.

“It was done to me, Avery. It wasn’t a choice.”

“Oh.” I sucked in my breath. That was one more tick off the list he hadn’t yet shared. I smothered him in my arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know or I would never have suggested it.”

“It’s all right.”

I cupped his face and said to him, “Preston, that’s part of your past. It’s just a painful memory, honey. Look at me. I’m here and we’re in this together. But I’m not gonna lie. I adore your pierced nipples. They’re a huge turn-on for me.”

He looked at me and his gaze darkened with a different kind of heat. “I know.” Then his lips were on mine again as his tongue found its way into my mouth, instantly setting me on fire for him again.

Preston always surprised me, and this time was no exception. I found myself on my hands and knees, sitting over Preston’s face. His tongue was doing all sorts of naughty things to me as his fingers joined in the game too. They moved in a rhythm that sent me tumbling over the edge. Before I had time to think, Preston moved behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist.

“You might want to hold on to the headboard for this.”

“Oh yeah?” I moaned.

“Oh yeah,” he said with smugness.

He spread my legs further with his, he knelt between them and placed a hand on my throat, tilting my head back. He took his time entering me, kneeling over me. Once he was fully seated, his thrusts turned hard and fast. He was right. I needed that damn headboard because I would’ve jettisoned right off the bed if I hadn’t been holding on. I came with a vengeance, crying out and contracting around him incessantly, until I collapsed on the pillows, with him still inside of me. He rolled me on my side and spooned behind me, kissing my neck and cheek, chuckling at me.

“I tried to warn you,” he said, and I elbowed him.

I crawled on top of him and kissed him. Dragging my thumb across his bottom lip, our eyes met and held each other’s. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“Yeah, I do. And I hope you feel that love returned.”

“Oh, I do. Um, Preston, there’s something I want us to do, or at least try again. And if you hate it, we can stop. But I want to please you and I also think you need to bury your past.”

“Is this going where I think it’s going?”

“Probably. We can try, and if you find it too uncomfortable, I’ll stop.”

“Avery ...”

“I would do it with love. And I’m not talking about right now. Later at some other point.”

“Okay. For you I’ll try anything. But I can’t promise much.”

“Just trying is a step in the right direction.” I nuzzled my face into his neck, knowing just how much he was giving me. We held each other silently for a few minutes and then I asked, “What about a tattoo?”

“Huh?”

“Since you won’t let me get my nipples pierced, what about a tattoo?”

He laughed. “You’re relentless. The nipples are out because I don’t want anyone seeing your nipples except me.”

“But what if I had a woman do it? And I could start with just one nipple.”

“Avery, it’s so painful. I don’t want you to go through that. And ...” He just stopped and stared at me with a strange look on his face.

“What?”

He shook his head and said, “Nothing.”

“Oh no you don’t. That’s one of those withholding-information-from-Avery things I don’t like.”

“No, it’s not that at all. Really.”

“Preston,” I warned.

“Shit. Okay, what if someday you want children and you have pierced nipples?”

That struck me as hilarious, and I broke out in fits of giggles.

“You think that’s funny?” he asked.

“Yes,” I squeaked out. “I mean, I would just take out the rings or bars or whatever. It’s not a big deal, Preston.” I kept on laughing. He finally started laughing too.

“Yeah, it is a big deal if you’d want to breastfeed. The extra holes would make it difficult.”

I lifted up and said, “Are you a breastfeeding expert?”

“No, but I’ve read about how women are affected by it.”

He was probably right. “Tell you what. If you decide it’s okay, I’ll ask my doctor first.”

“Okay, you scored on that one.”

“Oh my God. You’re like a Puritan or something.”

“I am not! I just don’t want you in pain. That’s all.”

My heart thumped a little and I kissed him. “You’re sweet.”

“Avery,” he said against my lips, “if you get a tattoo, those hurt like hell too.”

“I’m tough, Preston,” I told him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“If your piercings were done to you, why do you keep them?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. At first it was sort of my badge of courage. Then I did it as a protest against how I got them. And now, they’ve just sort of been there for so long, I’ve gotten used to them. But I confess, seeing how much they turn you on, there’s no way I’ll ever get rid of them now.”

Our kisses took over and it seemed like we couldn’t help ourselves. Things got way out of control and this time he took my hands and pulled me up until I was straddling his mouth again. “Honey, you might want to hold on again,” he said as he told me to ride him. Good heavens, the man was persistent. He had me making all sorts of noises and finally I shouted his name a few dozen times. About that time, I felt him slide me back a bit and then he was inside of me and there I was, making all those noises again. He sat up and held me tight against him as he caressed me deep inside and I felt myself fall off that edge of ecstasy as he quickly followed, calling my name.

And then the phone rang. Embarrassingly enough, it was the hotel management. Apparently, our neighbors had complained about all the racket coming from our room and we were asked to keep it down. My face flamed, but Preston only laughed.

“Come on, Avery, let’s take a shower,” he said, reaching for my hand.

“Oh dear. I know what this means.”

Showers with Preston were never about just getting clean. Our neighbors were not going to be happy at all.

“Perhaps we should go to your place after this.”

“My neighbor won’t like it either. He complained about Melissa and me being too loud. Of course, Melissa does have a loud voice.”

Preston gave me that look. “What was Melissa doing?”

“Talking. She’s kind of boisterous.”

“Right. I saw her skiing one day, and I had to stop and stare as she flew down the slope. She was shouting. I think everyone stopped and stared.”

“I know. She was a sight, wasn’t she?”

“She certainly was.”

We laughed.

I added, “One thing I love about her though is that she’s comfortable in her own skin. And Griffin and Marley, her ski instructors, were drooling over her.”

“Hmm. Well, she must have that certain charm.”

Preston had gotten the shower going and we got in, but ended up getting sidetracked, as I knew we would. By the time we got out, another hour had passed, and the message light was flashing on the phone. It was the management again asking us to change rooms.

We never made it to the slopes that day. Preston checked out of the Crystal Ski Lodge and into my super-sized studio apartment. We shopped for some food to cook for dinner and stayed in the rest of the night.I did my best to keep from shouting. It must’ve worked because the neighbor never knocked on the door.