Chapter Seventeen
At ten thirty the next morning, Tash pushed open the doors to the Center and was greeted by an almost full house. A local librarian had come over to read to the young children in the back, and he could see them all sitting on the floor in a semicircle around her, enthralled as she read from the first Harry Potter book.
The computer section was almost at capacity; Tash recognized several high school and middle school students, their books piled high next to them on the desk. Midterms and tests would be coming soon. Over in the arts-and-crafts area, he had to smile at the profusion of glitter and pipe cleaners that littered the tables as the volunteers helped the little ones make pictures they’d take home later for their parents.
“Dr. Tash.”
He turned at the sound of his name and saw Johnny standing at the entrance. An uncertain smile came and went from his face.
“Johnny, great. I’m glad you’re here.”
The young man looked around. “This place looks pretty awesome.” With longing, he gazed at the computers. “Those machines are pretty sweet.”
“Do you like computers?”
Johnny’s gaze dropped to the floor. “Yeah, I’d love to learn about them, but I dunno…” His voice trailed off as he kicked the floor with his sneaker.
He wouldn’t let this kid miss out on his dreams. “I can find you someone who can help you learn the system.” After scanning the room, he found who he was looking for.
“Troy.” He waved at the big man standing in the doorway of the office. “Can you come here a sec?”
Johnny glanced at Tash as Troy made his way to the front. Tash supposed Johnny might be as intimidated by Troy as Tash was during their first meeting. Troy was a six-four wall of muscle who’d seen and lived the ugly side of the streets of New York. Tash was only thankful Troy hadn’t been killed before deciding to turn his life around. The man possessed a quick mind, and Jordan had sung his praises over his handling of the gun buy-back program.
“Dr. Tash.” They exchanged a handshake. “What’s up?” The man assessed Johnny with his piercing brown eyes. “Who’s the kid?”
“Johnny’s here as part of his community service by order of the court,” explained Tash. “He’s been working at the Clinic and taking online high school classes to try and graduate on time.” The defeated slump of Johnny’s shoulders puzzled him. “What’s wrong, Johnny?”
Johnny hesitated, chewing on his lip. “I don’t wanna always be known as the kid who sold drugs to Dr. Jordan. I want…shit, I don’t know what I want.” He tucked his hair behind his ears.
“I know.” Troy draped a heavy arm over Johnny. “You wanna matter and show them you’re better than some street kid. But you gotta prove it. Show ’em they was wrong about you. And you do that by what you’re doing right here, helping with the kids and goin’ to school.”
A myriad of emotions passed over Johnny’s face: fear, determination, and cautious optimism. “I like my classes.” He directed his conversation to the floor, perhaps out of embarrassment. Tash caught Troy’s quick nod of approval. “I kinda want to learn about computers and stuff, but I don’t know.” He shrugged.
“Why don’t you come help me with something?” Troy led Johnny toward the back. “I need someone to enter information about the guns we collected from Wednesday night’s Grins Not Guns drive. I can teach you about using an Excel spreadsheet.”
Watching the young man’s face light up, Tash prayed Johnny would never be brought back into the horrors of living on the street and dealing drugs, that this program would be the refuge he needed to turn his life around. He made a mental note to tell Jordan and thank him once again for pushing everyone involved to get Johnny the help he needed. As Troy and Johnny continued walking, their conversation grew more animated. A warm feeling of achievement enveloped Tash.
“Hi.”
Tash spun around to face Brandon. At the sight of his lover, a different kind of warmth stole through him. His libido, once stalled, now leaped into overdrive every time he set eyes on Brandon. Tash wondered if he’d ever get tired of seeing Brandon’s long, rangy body in that battered leather jacket, the hank of soft honey-colored hair perpetually hanging in his eyes. He doubted it.
“Hi.”
Brandon leaned forward and brushed their lips together. It surprised Tash how uninhibited Brandon was about his sexuality, but he put it down to their age difference. Most men his age had grown up with little or no tolerance for public displays of affection between gay couples. Brandon’s generation was more liberal and accepting.
“I missed being with you last night.” Brandon pushed the hair out of his eyes. “I wish you would’ve stayed.”
“No way am I staying over with you in Esther’s house. I don’t care if you have a whole separate apartment; it would be too weird. Besides”—he winked—“you’re lucky you have a boyfriend who owns his own home so you can sleep over anytime you want. Now that Esther has Louisa, you don’t need to be as concerned if you come home late.”
Brandon took off his jacket and draped it over a chair. “Yeah. She’s great; they both are. When I came upstairs this morning, there were all these bagels and eggs and stuff.” He unzipped his backpack. “Here, Esther made me bring you something.” He handed over a paper bag.
Tash’s mouth watered as he opened the bag. “Oh damn.” Inside were two bagels with cream cheese and lox, a chocolate-chip muffin, and two pieces of apple strudel. “This is amazing.”
“One of those pieces of strudel is for me.”
“The hell it is.” Tash’s voice came out garbled, his mouth full of bagel. “You’ll have to pry it out of my hands.”
To his surprise, Brandon grabbed him around the waist. “I like a challenge.”
He stuffed another bite of bagel in his mouth. “Bite me. You aren’t getting any of my food, no matter how adorable you are.” He pretended outrage at Brandon’s attempt to steal his food, using it as an excuse to grab Brandon around his neck and yank him closer.
“Tash?”
He peered over Brandon’s shoulder to see Valerie standing inside the doorway, a confused look on her face. “Val.” He grinned at her and murmured to Brandon as he let him go. “It’s my sister; come meet her.”
Brandon’s hand dropped from Tash’s waist. “Oh.” The amusement fled from his eyes. “Um, sure.” He swallowed hard, uncertainty apparent in the nervousness of his twisting fingers.
He took Brandon’s hand and approached Valerie. By her raised eyebrows, he knew she didn’t miss his and Brandon’s entwined hands. After kissing her cheek, he drew Brandon, who remained half-hidden behind him, to his side. “I’m so glad you came this morning. There’s someone I want you to meet.”
Val remained silent, but Tash didn’t miss her cool assessment of Brandon. “This is Brandon Gilbert. The Brandon who is Luke and Ash’s brother.”
That got him the reaction he expected. Her big brown eyes widened with shock. “Are you serious? Really?” The beautiful smile he loved bloomed across her face. “Oh my God, when did this happen?”
“It’s only been a month since he burst into our lives like a whirlwind, yet now it’s as though he’s been here forever.” He caught Brandon’s eye and gave him an affectionate glance. “He’s living at Esther’s.”
Val folded her arms and shot him a pointed look. “Anything else you’d like to tell me?”
Here goes nothing.
“Brandon and I are dating.” He reached behind him, and Brandon grabbed hold of his hand, giving it a squeeze.
Surprise flared in her eyes, but she said nothing, her gaze shifting back to Brandon, now raking him with a critical eye. Of one thing Tash was certain: Val would speak her mind and tell him exactly what she thought of him dating Brandon.
“Well, this is quite the shock. I mean, it’s been five years since you’ve dated anyone, and now in a month, you’re with Brandon. I assume it’s exclusive?”
“Of course it is; what kind of question is that?” he snapped at her.
“A valid one,” she shot back. “I mean, I’m sure you’ve noticed how much younger he is than you, Tash. Most guys his age aren’t into dating thirty-nine-year-old men.”
Before he swallowed his anger and answered her back, Brandon jumped in. “Valerie, I’m really looking forward to getting to know you better. You’re all Tash talks about. And once we do, I guarantee you’ll understand when I say I’m not your average twenty-five-year-old guy looking for the next party. I’m in this for the long haul.”
“You’re only twenty-five?” A shaky laugh escaped her. “Jesus, he’s even younger than me.” She unzipped her jacket and hung it on the coatrack. “Um, okay. This will take some getting used to on my part.” She stood before the two of them fiddling with the strap of her handbag. “You know I only want happiness for you. And if he makes you happy…”
Tash held her gaze, appealing to her loving nature with his eyes. He desperately wanted her approval. Valerie was the one who’d sat up nights with him after Danny’s death…when Tash’s world rose up so bleak and dark he never dreamed he’d be able to climb out of that void of despair. She’d stayed with him, held him as he cried, and helped him find, then mend the pieces of his shattered life.
“He makes me happy, and somehow, I make him happy too, though I pushed him away at first.”
“Your brother is persistent, but I refused to listen. ‘No’ isn’t a word I respond well to.” Still holding Tash’s hand, Brandon gave it a firm squeeze.
From the skeptical look in Valerie’s eyes, Tash could see she remained unconvinced. “You say you’re in it for the long haul. I wonder if you understand exactly what that means. I see you care for my brother. That’s all I can hope for.” Her smile was sweetly deceptive. “Of course, if you break his heart, I’ll come after you with all the wrath of the harpies.”
Tash knew how violently overprotective she could be. Brandon swallowed hard. “I only want to make him happy.”
“Good. Then we both want the same thing.”
“The two of you are standing here discussing me as if I’m a marble statue. This relationship isn’t one-sided, you know. I have Luke and Ash watching me like hawks to make sure I don’t hurt Brandon as well.” He turned to Brandon. “Valerie works for Luke. She’s his personal assistant.”
“One big happy family,” Brandon quipped.
“We are. And I can’t imagine how happy Luke is to have you back.” Val’s caring nature kicked in then. “Where were you for all those years? I know they’ve been looking forever for you.” Her eyes grew misty. “I can’t even imagine how you all felt when you first saw each other. It’s like a movie. Come get a cup of coffee with me and tell me a little about yourself.” She hooked her arm in Brandon’s and pulled him away to the back.
Seeing his sister and Brandon chatting together completed a happiness circle that had once seemed impossible. It had nothing to do with the physical, although Brandon had ignited a sexual hunger Tash hadn’t known he possessed. It was the joy of togetherness—having someone to share the mundane with, and having it made special simply because it was the two of them. It flowed through him now, unchecked and uninhibited, like the shower of rain from a summer storm.
It didn’t hit him like a thunderclap or make him want to shout to the sky. Perhaps age brought wisdom, or maybe it was the cautious knowledge of how easily love and devotion could fade, leaving only the outline of a memory. He held his love for Brandon close, unwilling to share with anyone yet, even Brandon. This had never happened before to him, this instant attraction, this quick journey to love. It startled Tash, forcing him to question himself.
Yet hearing his sister and his lover share a laugh, he knew what was real and began to rebuild the trust in himself to believe what he knew in his heart. It was love he felt for Brandon, not lust. It didn’t matter what other people thought. He knew what was true. As if he sensed Tash’s scrutiny, Brandon caught his eye and winked, giving him a slow smile that set his blood on fire. Tash couldn’t wait for tonight when he would hold Brandon in his arms and make love to him.
The front door opened, and Luke and Jordan, along with Ash and Drew, walked in. They hung up their coats and grabbed coffee and headed to the back to greet Valerie and Brandon. With the addition of their presence, the Center hummed with activity. Not for the first time, Tash couldn’t help but wonder where he’d be without this group of people. They’d managed to invade his life, bringing with them a happiness he’d never anticipated. His attention gravitated to Brandon, now engaged in a lively discussion about the Yankees with Drew and Luke.
He joined the group, and they headed to the back where the conference room was located. After they were seated around the long table, to his surprise, Brandon was the first to speak.
“I have two students from my school coming today around noon. They’re the ones I mentioned before. I wanted them to have a safe environment where they can study and get all the help they need. My plan is to work with them today.”
“I have Johnny working with Troy on the gun buy-back program.” Tash addressed both Jordan and Drew. “He showed up early and indicated he wanted to learn about computers, and I know Troy is good with them.”
Jordan nodded his approval. “Troy is a great choice to work with Johnny. He’s been where that kid was and is proof how far someone can go with hard work and dedication.”
“These kids need people to have faith in them and show that there is hope.” Drew’s brows knit together. “I wonder if Troy might want to be the office manager at the Clinic now that Marly and Steve are going to be busy with college starting next September. I know they won’t be able to put in as many hours because of schoolwork.”
“That’s a great idea,” said Luke. “I know he’s close to finding housing, and this might tip it over the edge for him to get out of the shelter.”
Ash finished his coffee. “I have work for him at the office or for anyone else at the shelter who needs a job and can use a computer. I’m certain there are people who once had well-paying jobs who’ve fallen on hard times.”
“I know Wanda said there were several people who recently showed up at the shelter for a meal who used to work at smaller law firms and even Wall Street.” Tash made some notes on a pad. “Let’s ask her when she shows up, and you can get their info from her.”
Jordan’s phone rang. “It’s Jerry; I’ll only be a minute.” He stood and went outside.
“They’re still very close, aren’t they?” Tash addressed Luke.
“Yeah. Jerry and Marie always thought of Jordan and Keith as their sons, since they never had any kids. Now they’ve taken me in, and we have dinner there once a week. They’re great people and love Jordan.”
Jordan returned, a look of anticipation on his face. “Jerry’s coming right over. He said he had some news on that Donovan guy.” He rejoined Luke at the table. “Maybe this is the break they’ve been waiting for to get that bastard off the streets.”
Excited talk rose in the room, but Tash noticed Brandon said nothing and stared down at the table. He left his seat to sit in the empty chair next to his lover.
“You got so quiet all of a sudden.” When he received no answer, he put a hand on Brandon’s arm, and the man nearly jumped out of his seat. “Are you all right? What’s wrong?”
Brandon looked sick; his face was pale, and sweat dampened his skin. If Tash didn’t know any better, he’d say he was scared to death. “Ahh, I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” Without another word, he pushed away from the table and bolted from the room.
“What’s the matter with him?” asked Ash. “He ran out of here like the hounds of hell were at his heels.”
“Not a clue. Said he had to use the bathroom. Maybe too much of Esther’s good food.”
Ash threw his head back and laughed. “Don’t ever let her hear you say that.”
They joked about it until Brandon returned after several minutes, looking slightly better. At least his color had returned to normal. Tash couldn’t figure out why Brandon had gone from happy and relaxed to withdrawn and silent in a heartbeat. They left the conference room and split off; Jordan and Luke went to Troy and Johnny to see how the computer instruction was working out, while Ash and Drew picked out books and gathered some of the children around to read to them.
“Feeling better? Is there anything I can do to help?” Tash grasped Brandon’s elbow, holding him back.
With an abashed look, Brandon shook his head. “No, thanks. I didn’t feel well, and it came over me suddenly.” A crooked smile crossed his face. “There’s Dwayne and Wilson.” He left Tash to greet them.
Two boys stood at the door, wearing identical faces of avid curiosity. A tall woman stood behind them, her gaze scanning the room. Recognition dawned in her eyes as Brandon approached.
“Mr. Gilbert, I’m glad to see you. I didn’t want to simply drop the boys off and leave without seeing someone I knew first.”
Tash watched as Brandon switched into confident-teacher mode, making it hard to believe only moments before he’d been a nervous wreck.
“Mrs. Archer, I’m so glad you came so you can see the wonderful work the Center is accomplishing.” He walked her around the Center, pointing out the varied activities and, along the way, introducing her to many of the people working, including his brothers, Drew, and Jordan. By the time they got to him, Tash heard her complimenting their achievements.
“This is exactly what young people need these days to keep off the streets and in school. Dwayne’s father and I try so hard, and I know Wilson’s mother does as well, doubly hard since she’s now a widow.”
“We hope to help as many children and young adults as we possibly can.” Tash extended his hand. “I’m Dr. Weber. I run the mentoring program that we hope your son and his friend will be a part of.”
She took his hand in her firm grasp, her eyes assessing him with a thorough glance. “Nice to meet you. What will they be doing?”
The two boys had already found two empty computer stations and had logged on. They were both in the process of pulling notebooks and textbooks out of their backpacks.
“Right now, they’re doing their homework. We hope they’ll be able to study subjects they may not have the time or resources to at home. Plus, they can read to the younger children and maybe help them with their homework.” He gave her a friendly smile. “There’s no shortage of things to keep them busy.”
“Good.” She smiled with approval. “It sounds wonderful. I have to go to work, but I’ll be back around five to pick them up. Is that okay?”
“Perfect,” said Brandon. “Have a good day, and don’t worry about them at all.”
She left, and he and Brandon stood for a moment, watching the boys at the computers. A stocky older man entered the Center and looked around.
“Jerry.” Tash waved him over. “Come over; I’d like you to meet someone.”
The detective approached, and Tash watched Brandon withdraw into himself.
“Hello, Tash. Good to see you again. I presume Jordan and Luke are here.”
“Yes, they’re in the back looking over the gun buy-back statistics with Troy.”
“It’s working out much better than we could’ve hoped for. Last Wednesday was our best yet, with over one hundred seventy-five weapons turned in.” Jerry smiled with frank approval. He waited expectantly, Tash knew, to be introduced.
“That’s great. Jerry, this is Brandon, Luke and Ash’s brother. It turns out he’s been in the city all along and works as a teacher.”
The two men shook hands, and then Brandon quickly excused himself, joining Dwayne and Wilson at the computers.
Jerry stared at Brandon’s retreating back. “I’m going to talk to Jordan about what we learned in the Donovan case.”
“I’ll go get the others. I know they’ll be interested.” Tash entered the library and waited for Ash to finish reading to the children. He motioned to him and Drew.
“Jerry is here to talk about the Donovan case.”
As they walked to the back room, Tash couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right, and it all had to do with Brandon.