Endgame (The Atlanta Boys)

30. Dakota

30

DAKOTA

Navy : Proof of life, my dirty dick sucker.

Dakota : I’m burning into flames. Send hot firefighters.

Navy : Well, in that case, I’m on fire too.

Dakota : You’re so stupid. Hahaha.

Navy : How’d it go this morning? Also, don’t think I didn’t see you sneak out of the bathroom with my brother last night. What’s up with that?

Shit. She saw us. I’ll play it off for now. I need to figure out how to handle this because no doubt she will bring it up again.

Dakota : It went better than expected, let’s say that. And I would never do that :)

Navy : Yeah, yeah . Wanna meet up for some retail therapy? I need new everything.

Dakota : Yes, let's. I need to find a bikini that will make me feel confident enough to stand in front of a bunch of hot athletes for tomorrow's shoot. Not that I’ll be standing there in a bikini, but if it gets hot.”

Navy : ….and you need to get naked?

Dakota : Only if your brother will join me? ; )

Navy : Okay. That’s enough. Pick you up in twenty.

A little retail therapy sounds like what I need.

My mind is reeling: the house, the upcoming photoshoot, Callaway.

I’m the most useless person when I’m overstimulated, so shopping will do my mind some good and give me a much-needed break.

A mental leave of absence if you will.

After leaving the meeting with the realtor this morning, Callaway dropped me off before heading to an afternoon practice. While alone in my apartment, I was expecting to feel myself start spiraling, letting the hurt and loss take over again. But the opposite happened; there was a liberty from letting go earlier in the day. I’d like to say I got there on my own, but that’s not the case.

Callaway is the master behind my new emotional freedom.

There was obviously work put in on my part; however, I think the idea of knowing, whether I cried or cheered, he would support me.

In that quaint moment, he felt like a lifeline.

The house resembled everything I remembered as a child and since their passing. After reviewing the selling terms with the realtor, we agreed on the listing price, and since I’m not living there, showings can be scheduled as needed.

Thankfully, I picked up the more important things that were left at Trevor’s, and the majority of the furniture and clothing was donated to a storm relief fund.

I keep replaying our moment together at Joe’s. I thought letting him get me off would be what I needed to move on from this intense pull I feel towards him, but I’m slowly realizing it’s the emotional connection with him that feels the most necessary.

Yes, he had me wrestling with my control in a way that drove me mad, but his words of affirmation affected me like I’ve never experienced before. It felt like everything he’s ever believed and seen in me, big or small, came true before my eyes because he was the one who spoke it into existence. The weight of his presence in my life is becoming something I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to give up.

You captivate me.

It’s one thing to say something but to act out what you claim to believe with someone is entirely different. Something as simple as how I occasionally catch him admiring me with the softest of smiles after our conversations end. It’s like he can’t look away.

I’ve never felt so adored and admired in my life.

I can see the amount of reserve he was using to make sure we never once crossed the line. Though tempting and often disappointing, it makes me respect the hell out of him.

He embodies everything in a man that makes up a great husband.

Being thirty years old and knowing what you want is commendable. Baseball may take up most of his days, but it’s clear Cal has so much love to give.

I want to be on the receiving end of that love.

I already am.

It’s time to forget about everything for today and make the most of it, time off being a rarity. Tomorrow's photoshoot is happening whether I’m ready for it or not, and I need a new bikini. Maybe I should stick with my favorite color and throw his patience out the window.

Red. I’m in search of red.

Twenty bags later, two for me and the rest for Navy, we’re loaded up in the Mercedes in search of some good grub. I’m surprised when Navy claims she’s onboard to hit up my favorite brewhouse for dinner and beer, and cookie bakes sound like heaven. Navy is the pickiest eater, but I will eat anything; throw in a cookie, and I’ll be happy for life. Navy knows this, and I think she senses my stress.

We’re seated at a corner booth in the brewhouse. The restaurant is built with walls of brown brick from top to bottom, string lights scattering the ceiling, giving the place an eclectic feel. Once the waiter takes our order, a heavy weight settles over us. Whether it’s from Navy or me is still yet to be determined. I know she has questions. We avoided anything significant while shopping, giving us both the mental vacation we needed, but I could sense she was struggling.

“I think I’m gonna end things with Luke.”

I was not expecting that. I need to check my face and make sure I don’t reveal to Navy how thrilled that makes me. He’s never been good enough for her.

Seems we are both terrible at picking men.

I decide to be there for her however she needs; maybe she wants me to listen. “Did something happen?”

Navy exhales a long breath that seems like relief over me allowing her to vent. “Not really. Yes. I don't know. I think the spark is gone. That may sound superficial and shallow, but I want to feel something with the person I choose to be with. Ya know? It doesn’t help that he tries to control everything I do. ”

I couldn’t understand more if I tried. Trevor is the epitome of controlling and a perpetual woman-shamer…

“Of course I understand, Navs. That’s exactly how Trevor was. I’ve noticed little things with Luke, but it’s never been my place to say. We would probably be having an entirely different conversation if he made you happy. But you deserve more than some pathetic man trying to dim your light. You’re better than that.”

She looks at me quizzically, running her hands through her curly locks. I know how hard this is for her. Navy and Luke have been together since they were in high school; that’s over ten years of her life wasted on someone she feels nothing for now. I know she cares about him, making her the farthest thing from shallow, but is that enough to sacrifice the deepest of love and happiness?

I think not.

That’s one of the reasons I’ve always been so hesitant; if I’m not confident the relationship will last, then it’s not worth the investment.

“You have to say that Kodi. You’re my best friend.”

I can see the tears she’s fighting to hold in. Navy has always been steadfast to those she loves. People often expect someone with a perfect life to have it all together, like they’re not warranted the ability to fall apart. If anything, they’re the ones who get a free pass.

I know she takes everything personally, no matter the face she’s wearing. It breaks my heart. I want nothing more than for Navy to find someone who truly sees her. Sees her for more than a perfect face and a hard work ethic.

“I say it because it’s true. If ending things with Luke brings you that peace and fresh start you need, then I say do it.”

Her hand cups over her mouth as fresh tears fill her beautiful green eyes. “I don’t want to hurt him. He’s been my constant for so long.”

Ten years is a long time to spend with someone. Trevor and I were together for a little less than that, and the pain of our breakup was excruciating—until Callaway. His kindness and protectiveness have shown me what I deserve, even when I wasn’t searching for it.

How twisted is it that the one man I feel myself falling for is the one that’s off-limits? Do I need to ask Navy for permission now that I’m sure he’s what I want? I don’t think so, but it feels wrong without her blessing.

Take out everything else. I want Callaway. I think that would be enough for her.

“Maybe it’s time to be there for yourself, Navs. You’ve got me. And you know I’m as damaged as it gets, but the focus I have put towards myself has brought me so much healing. You’ve got to love yourself again to be able to love someone else genuinely. You’ll get there. I’m still not even there yet.”

She nods, letting me know the understanding is there.

Giving me no time to prepare, her brows shoot up like she remembered something important and can’t wait another second to share.

Turns out, it involves me.

“While we’re on the topic of love and feelings, don’t think I didn’t notice how you failed actually to respond to my remark about you and Cal.”

There was no way to avoid this it seems. I need to handle it like a mature, adult woman who cares about a man. Easy enough.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Done.

Her gasp makes me fight off a chuckle. “You’ve always been a shitty liar. What’s going on with you two, Kodi? ”

She’s my best friend and the most important person in my life, but I’m struggling to tell if she’s serious or not. Maybe it’s because my hands are equally tied to the man in question.

“We had a bathroom chat. Nothing more, nothing less. I already told you we wouldn’t go there—and we’ve kept to that.”

That may be a bit of a stretch, but we haven’t. We’ve been fighting like hell not to give in to each other for the sake of Navy, our jobs, and the additional hurdle of my own problems. I think Callaway and I would both agree it’s been tormenting. I may not strictly come out and say it, but I know he feels my struggle against what’s right.

Why can’t right be the person we feel a magnetism towards?

The odds have never been in our favor.

“Kodi, Cal all but told me he was going to wife you up. Maybe not those exact words, but still. I know my brother and he doesn’t give up that easily.”

I still get butterflies at the thought of him being so sure of me so soon. Never forcing me to give him more than I was ready for.

“I’ve gathered that about him. But he knows where I stand. I won’t do that to you if I can help it. I won’t lie though…I do feel something for him. Something that wasn’t there when we first talked. There’s been a shift and I’m not sure when it happened, but even if I took you being his sister out of the equation, I still work with him. It could never work.”

I’m not sure if I expected her to argue or shut down. Instead, she looks a little dumbfounded. I guess that’s understandable.

I breathe a sigh of relief when she finally decides to speak up. “I wasn’t expecting that. ”

That could mean many things. “Expecting what?”

She takes a sip of her drink before directing her attention to me again.

“For you to feel something for him. Well, to admit to it at least.”

I get that. But I’ve come a long way from just a couple months ago and Callaway has a lot to do with that.

“I mean it can’t be that unexpected. You know how incredible Callaway is. I’m not superhuman, Navs. There has been a spark between us since we met; it didn’t take long for him and I to both see that. Despite how often he’s asked me to date him, I still say no. It’s becoming more difficult to be around him without falling for him more. But I’m trying. For you and for my job.”

I haven’t let myself accept that part yet, until now. I don’t think I want to. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’d give anything at this point for him to be a big part of it.

The reality that he might not be is beginning to be the new root of my pain.

Her hands find mine as she gazes off into the distance, looking to be lost in her own thoughts. “You deserve happiness, Kodi. I’ve always believed that. I’m starting to regret I asked you not to pursue things with Cal.”

“Don’t. It’s fine, really. I understand it, and I respect it. I’d never want to be the reason for tension within your family. You both are so important to me. Although I doubt Callaway would ever be okay with just being my friend if we couldn’t be together, I would at least hope that could be a possibility one day. To still have you both. As friends.”

There’s an eerie silence lingering between us. I can’t remember the last time that’s happened. Most of our time together is usually spent in fits of laughter—this is strange for us .

“I’m so stupid.” What?

“What? Don’t say that, Navs. It will all work out. It always does.”

She’s shaking her head over and over again, seeming to be frustrated with herself. “No. No. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m so stupid for asking you to stay away.”

Uh. Where did that come from?

“You had good reason.”

Navy’s hand cups over her mouth as she shakes her head again, whispering under her breath something I’m unable to hear.

“How could I do that? How could I not see past it? Kodi, Callaway is the best guy I know, and I’m not saying that because he’s my brother. He’s incredible. That’s why my family has been so upset over him not meeting anyone who he cares enough about until you. I’m so stupid. Why would I not want the best guy I know to be with the best woman I know? It just so happens to be my brother and best friend. Cal never pursues anyone the way you say he’s been pursuing you. I’ve been so selfish. You lost your parents, Kodi, and I wanted to keep someone who would be so good for you away. He chose you months ago, and I’ve been too worried about my own fucking feelings to see it. I'm so sorry.”

I’m crying. I’ve never heard her open herself up like that. She thinks I’m the best woman she knows? The weight of her words cause my tears to rush forward, making a mess on my face. I could never think bad about her in that way. As much as she has been there for me, especially this past year, I’d sacrifice it all for her.

One glance at Navy tells me she’s crying too.

She’s been my best friend through several difficult seasons in my life. Ups and downs. And to think this is where we ended up—with me telling her I’m feeling something for her older brother.

We’ve come a long way, and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

“Navs. I love you so much. You know that, right? You have nothing to be sorry for.”

She wipes at her tears before reaching into her purse to pull out her compact, checking for any signs of imperfection on her face.

She won’t find any.

“I need you to hear me when I say this, Kodi. If you feel something for Callaway, don’t let him go. Let yourself love him. I can promise you; he will love you well and choose you every day. Just like I know you’ll do the same for him.”

Mother trucker. I did not plan on crying like this today.

I want to make sure she knows my motive. “You saying that means...so much.” I’m fighting back the continued tears. “You are my family, Navy. What’s left of it at least. I won’t take that for granted. I still have my job to consider, but if you’re okay with it, I’d like to take a chance with him.”

Saying that out loud feels surreal.

She nods her head kindly before wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling me into a warm embrace. Her whispers are filled with love and acceptance. “Go for it. He’s all yours.”

I’m falling for Callaway Hayes, and it feels good to finally admit it.

It feels good to finally accept it.

To finally embrace it.

Now what am I going to do about it?