46. Callaway
46
CALLAWAY
I’m such an idiot.
My ass is lucky Dakota didn’t all but dismantle me right then and there.
I deserved it.
I can’t even justify the feeling that came over me at the news of her phone call. It’s like a darkness clouded my vision, and all I could see was her leaving me alone.
This push and pull that has been happening between us the last few months is clearly fucking with my head. Somewhere along the way, she became everything to me. Thoughts of a life with her, taking up space even before baseball, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’d never survive the loss of her, and I hope to God I won’t have to now.
I’m so fucking stupid. The way I overheard the smallest detail and assumed the worst without even giving her a chance to speak, I don’t know what the hell came over me.
I was raised better than that. I am better than that.
The second she brought up her biggest insecurity and the way I triggered that deep pain from within…I could have disintegrated right there .
Why would I leave? I mean, I know why. I needed space. The walls of the house felt like they were closing in, and I was suffocating. There’s always this pressure for me to perform and be on top of my game.
I snapped.
She’s my weakness, and I’m pretty sure she always has been and will be.
Dakota has been through so much—but she’s grown so much more. I’m proud of her, and it’s clear I was too wrapped up in my own assumptions that I made her feel like her progress meant nothing.
It was wrong of me to silence her. Thinking back, she looked like she would welcome me into the conversation, not insist I leave because she didn’t want me to hear. She was probably singing my fucking praises, and I silenced her voice.
Shame on me.
Seeing her in such agony over my evident pain, although no longer warranted, destroyed me. I was so lost in the idea of her leaving I didn’t think about the possibility of her turning the job down.
Two points for jumping to conclusions, Callaway.
I owe her so much more than an apology. It’s time we stopped dancing around each other's feelings. I need to share how I feel with her; I couldn’t tell her in the moment how I truly felt, but I refuse to wait another second.
Because I do.
I love that grouchy, beautiful, and incredibly passionate woman with every ounce of love my heart has to give.
Which is what leads me to her doorstep tonight.
I’m not naive enough to think I don't deserve her restraint. I do.
But I’ve never been one to sit around and wait for something I need to come to me. And I need Dakota. She needs me too, whether she feels it at the moment or not.
My nerves are in the gutter, causing my insides to churn in response; the realization hits me that this is a first. I’ve never cared enough to fight for a woman, not for lack of respect, but I was able to move on without them. She’s the constant in all of my latest firsts, and I can’t move on from her. What an evolution we’ve made from day one.
Now it’s time to get my girl back.
I’m standing outside her apartment door. It’s now eleven at night, and I can see her light on from under the threshold, which tells me she’s awake.
Now the question is, will she answer?
Before I turn around and flee like a goddamn sissy, I knock loudly, surely loud enough to wake her neighbors. But I can’t find it in me to care. Why do something if you’re only going to do it halfway, right?
Seconds pass before the swinging of her door opening draws me in. Dakota is disheveled in every sense of the word. Her long brown hair is thrown into a messy bun, her face is void of any makeup, translucent blue light glasses on her face, and she’s in nothing but an oversized band tee with what looks to be no shorts.
She’s a fucking queen, looking like a vision, pussy easily accessible a whopping two feet away from me, making me forget why the hell I’m even here. It’s a good thing for me; I stand no chance of getting even close to that part of her.
“What is it? Is everything okay?
Shit. Focus.
Running my hand through my hair, I shake my head solemnly and start my unavoidable plea. “I agreed to give you space, but I can’t do that.”
I’m being unreasonable about the one thing she asked of me, but she will have to punish me for it later, and I’ll gladly oblige. I’m not leaving here until I’ve groveled to her liking, the hardness between us is severed, and her pussy is full of my cock.
In that order.
Dakota lets go of the door to run a hand down her face, causing me to reach out to stop it from closing. She looks exhausted. I want to hold her and never let her go. If I wasn’t such an idiot, I could be doing that right now.
Time to eat my words and try and ease her mind a little.
“Dakota, I’m so sorry. I know my apology excuses nothing, but I wasn’t thinking. All I pictured was you leaving me, and it felt too familiar for me to think of anything but the worst. You didn’t deserve that.”
I can tell she understands. She’s always been in my corner, maybe not fully comprehending what I went through as a child, but her heart has always accepted my pain. I guess it helps we both have some trauma we’ve survived.
She’s looking at me hesitantly. I’m sure she’s contemplating what to say. I need to get this out. “I never should have silenced you. You’ll never know how sorry I am for that. I’m sorry for eavesdropping. I assumed the worst before hearing you out, and that wasn’t fair to you. Thinking back, the look on my mom’s face should have told me how wrong I was. I should have given you the chance to continue.”
Her warm eyes find mine. “Cal…it’s...thank you. I’ll always forgive you. I understand. You just really hurt me. There was never a question in my mind. I declined the offer right then and there. No job is worth losing you.”
Fuck. She’s perfect.
This could have gone differently, but my girl cared enough to forgive me.
I’ve still got one more thing to address .
“I shouldn’t have left. That was fucked up on my end, and I can’t imagine how that made you feel. It’s no secret I have abandonment issues. My mom chose drugs over me, so the idea of someone I care about leaving me often causes quick reactions. You have my word that it will never happen again. I was spiraling, and I know that’s no excuse, but it’s all I’ve got to explain my cowardice. Just know I will always pick you first. That has never been a question.”
“I can handle a lot, Callaway. We’ve both been through a lot, but that's a hard no for me. You can yell, get frustrated, or cry, but not that. I can’t handle you running and leaving me again.”
I’m nodding as quickly as I can because I understand. She doesn’t even need to explain further. It will never happen again.
I’m really fucking grateful she’s showing me grace.
The weight of her forgiveness feels transformative.
“I knew I made the right choice.”
She looks at me in question. I left my statement open-ended on purpose. I’m ready to tell her.
“Right choice on what?”
“The woman I want to spend forever with.”
A gasp of air leaves her lips. “Callaway.” Her hand covers her mouth as she chokes back a rush of tears. Over my dead body am I going to stand here and let her cry without my arms around her. Someone will have to rip her from my hold to keep me away.
My body all but flees to her, wrapping her in my warmth and hoping she feels the intensity of my devotion.
I whisper gently in her ear while brushing the soft strands of her hair, “Have you caught up yet, angel? Are you ready to let me love you?”
My shirt is soaked in her beautiful tears, and it’s the best feeling in the world. Seeing her feelings and allowing herself to expose her heart to me in the rawest way is the most attractive thing about her.
I’m captivated by Dakota, and I don’t see that ever-changing.
Letting go of my shirt, she wipes her tears under her glasses and looks up at me with a fresh wave of adoration. “God, yes. I think I always have been.”
Strike me down. I’m the luckiest man on the planet.
I reach both hands to hold her face, lifting her to look at me so she can feel every word I’m about to say.
I want her to rest in my love for her.
“I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but if I had to guess, it was the moment you told me you felt your life was at risk for driving with me. That’s when I knew. I knew you were it for me, Dakota. I don’t let people in. My mother left me, and it was a fight to find a family that would choose to love me even a fraction of what they loved their biological children. People always leave, and I believed that for myself. My life is already exposed in a way that leaves me no privacy, a choice I made for myself, but still one that makes having a personal life difficult. Yet, with you, I didn’t have to think twice. I knew there was no other option than to know you and to hope you wanted to know even a sliver about me. It helped that Navy was your best friend, giving me a guaranteed in , but I would have found a way to you regardless. Since you bulldozed your way into my life full of sass and beauty, nothing else has existed outside of you. I’m smitten by you, angel, to the point where I’ve convinced myself I’m certifiably insane when we're apart. The need for you to love me has been consuming. I know it’s taken you longer than you may have wanted to feel ready for the possibility of a life with me, but if you let me love you the way I’ve dreamed of, I promise you I’ll make you so damn happy because that’s what you make me. I could have never avoided falling in love with you—it was inevitable. The job stuff will work itself out, I’m sure of it. My love for you has proven my endgame can be a person. Please tell me I’m yours.”
I’ve laid it all out there for her.
Even if she’s not quite where I am, that’ll be okay. I’ll love her still until she is.
Waiting for her response feels like hours, so much I didn’t realize my eyes are closed. My anxiety over her reaction is flooding my thoughts.
“Callaway?”
Her words echo through the hallway. Fuck, we’re still standing halfway out of her apartment. I wasn’t thinking clearly.
“Yes?”
My eyes are still closed as I scoot further into her space. I can’t bring myself to open them. I realize I look like a fool, but I’m not prepared to hear the worst.
Soft giggles only confirm my ridiculousness right now.
“Why do you still have your eyes closed?”
I open them slowly to peer at her and find her smiling from ear to ear, not a tear in sight.
Exhilaration hits me, presumably so, but I can’t help it.
I open my eyes quickly. “Shit, sorry. I’ll let you go if you need some time. I know I kind of dropped a bomb on you, and I didn’t plan on doing that. Actually, I did. I'll head out. I’ve got practice in the morning, which I know you know, obviously because you work there, but still, if you try to reach me, you’ll know where I am. Okay. Bye.”
I’ve officially hit rock bottom—an all-time low for a guy like me.
Embarrassment is a light term for how I feel at this moment. I babbled like an idiot after professing my undying love for the woman of my goddamn fantasies, and now I’m leaving.
How did I make it this far in life?
I’m a liability to myself.
She’s better off with Kingston at this point. I’d never tell him that because he would consider it an invitation. No. Nope.
If I can’t have her, he sure can’t.
Untangling myself from her embrace, I turn to leave, hopefully intending to scrub myself clean from humiliation, before Dakota’s tranquil voice catches my attention.
“You didn’t let me respond.”
Where is my head today?
I turn back around and walk closer to her, deciding to let the door close behind me. We’re standing less than a foot away, my hands making room in the front pockets of my jeans with anticipation. Lifting my head, I give her a silent nod, hoping she takes that as her cue to continue.
Thankfully she does.
“For me, it was the moment you kicked all the dirt around in Trevor’s apartment. The way you defended me without even knowing me showed me the type of man you are. I was powerless to think I could fight my attraction to you. Yes, you’re sexy as hell, but your heart is what I fell for first. I don’t have the best experience with men, as you know, but you have rewritten the book for them all. Call yourself the author of my heart for all I care; I’m glad it’s you, Callaway. I’m so in love with you it scares me. You have the potential to shatter me, and that’s a tough reality to face. But I guess nothing great is worth fighting for, and you are worth every battle in this life. I’m not sure what the future looks like for my career as of now. For once, that thought doesn’t seem so terrifying. You’re my endgame. The rest will work itself out.”
Dakota loves me. Dakota loves me. Dakota loves me!
I realize I should probably give her some poetic response, but that’s not us.
“It’s about damn time. It’s also time to give me some drawers in your dresser because you’re stuck with me now, baby.”
Her giggling sets my obsession with her to new heights.
“So, does that make me your girlfriend?”
She’s wiggling her cute little eyebrows at me like she’s letting me in on a secret.
She’s crazy if she thinks otherwise.
I’m letting the fucking world know who she belongs to.
“You always have been. I think you’re the only one who now realized it, sweetheart.”
My compulsive heart is in overdrive.
“I like the sound of that.”
I’m now over the small talk. I’ve groveled, and we professed our love—I need my hands on her.
At what point after that kind of proclamation is it appropriate to fuck? Asking for myself. My cock is rock hard, and there’s not a chance in hell of it going away anytime soon.
I’ve never felt bliss the way I do now. I must touch her or be as close to her as humanly possible.
My hands reach out, pulling her soft body against mine, wasting no time in lifting her to wrap her solid, thick legs around my waist.
She feels like mine.
“Fuck talking. We’ve been waiting long enough.” We’ve been patient for too long now. I’m done holding back.
My suspicion is confirmed by the feel of her hot core against my stomach. I bet she’s already wet for me .
Can’t wait to find out.
The odds of that happening are looking pretty good right now.
“Mhmm.”
Her moans may lead to my unforeseen death. I’m so starved for this woman that I feel uncaged and borderline animalistic.
Carrying her to the small kitchen island, I sit her bottom on the countertop, giving her a second to catch her breath before I take over.
It’s been too long for me, and I know I won’t last long if I don’t do this my way .
Her body is tilted slightly back, arms wrapped around my neck, waiting for my next move.
“Goddamn, Dakota.” My hands are roaming her savagely, touching every part of her I can reach. “I haven’t been with anyone in over two years; it’s been a choice, and I don’t regret it. So, you can imagine how hard keeping myself from you has been. I’m now past the point of patience, and I’m ready to have my fill. I promised you the first time we fucked you’d be on a bed stuffed full of my cock, and I intend to keep that promise. That sound good to you, angel?”
She’s nodding faster than I’ve witnessed her do anything, and her eagerness only heats my body more. “I’m clean and on birth control. I want to feel every inch of you.”
She’s eager to please and desperate for me bare.
I can work with that.
“Thank fuck. Now, lose the shirt and let me see those tits.”