Endo (Full Send #2)

Chapter 19

19

REIGN

Eyes On You - SWIM

Watching Lena ride is like watching someone try to outrun their own shadow—impressive, a little crazy, and way too damn fast.

I’m leaning against the wall in the pits, watching her push herself harder than I’ve ever seen anyone try, and honestly, it’s fucking impressive. The way she handles that bike, it’s like she was born for this shit. But there’s a part of me that’s unsettled.

It’s one of those hot, sticky Florida days, the kind that makes the tarmac on the track shimmer from the heat. The sun’s beating down, and the air’s thick with humidity. I’m sweating my ass off just standing here, but I can’t look away from her. She’s focused, intent on making every turn sharper, every motion smoother. It’s like she’s trying to outrun something, though I can’t tell what.

I’ve been watching her ride more and more these days—pushing herself to get better, to fight through whatever’s haunting her. And I know what it is. It’s that aching loss, the shit she’s been burying since the crash. That kind of grief doesn’t just go away. She’s been running from it, using that bike like a lifeline, like if she can just keep moving fast enough, she won’t have to feel the weight of everything that’s been tearing her apart inside.

It’s in her eyes, the way her hands grip the handlebars like they’re the only thing keeping her together, the way she doesn’t even acknowledge how much she’s hurting. She’s pushing herself beyond what’s necessary, but I’ve come to learn that’s her thing. Never asking for help. Never letting anyone see how much she’s falling apart.

I can see it clearly, even in the blazing sun, how much she’s holding back. She’s good—hell, she’s fucking great. But I know there’s more going on with her than just the bike. Every time she hits a new speed, there’s this flicker of something darker in her eyes. That grief, that pain, that loss. It’s like she’s trying to outrun it all, but it’s always there, right under the surface. Maybe that’s why she rides so hard. So she doesn’t have to face what’s eating at her when the helmet comes off.

I can feel my chest tightening as I watch her, but I push it down. I know she’s got this. I know she’s strong enough to fight through whatever’s pulling at her. Still, I can’t help the worry gnawing at the edges of my thoughts.

Maybe it’s because I know what that’s like. I’ve been there. I’ve been on the other side of trying to outrun pain and pretending it doesn’t exist. Watching her, though, it’s like I’m seeing a version of myself, but in a different shape. She’s pushing so fucking hard, and I can’t help but feel it. It’s like everything she’s been through is slamming into her, all at once, and she’s fighting it with everything she’s got. But even with all that grit, there’s still something fragile about her. Like at any moment, the weight of it all might come crashing down. And I can’t stand the idea of being the reason it happens.

I’d never let her fall like that.

Since that night, there’s been this fucking pull toward her—something I can’t shake no matter how hard I try. The way she holds me, the way she’s there when everything else is falling apart, makes me want to break down all the walls I’ve built around myself. She’s become this force that calms the chaos inside me, like her presence is enough to silence the storm in my head. And I know, deep down, that she feels it too.

There’s this thing between us, this unspoken understanding, like we both get each other’s scars—our pain, our shit. She’s been through hell, just like me, and for a brief moment, when we’re together, it feels like everything else falls away. Like we can both breathe again.

The guilt is suffocating though. I can’t ignore it, no matter how much I want to. Every time I feel that pull toward her, to touch her. Every time I let myself think about her in a way that isn’t just about the training or whatever the hell else we’ve been doing, it hits me like a goddamn freight train. She was Cruz’s girl. His . And here I am, having feelings for her like I’m not some piece of shit who should have kept his distance. I was supposed to be there for her, look out for her, because that’s what he would’ve wanted.

Instead, I’ve found myself drawn to her in ways that feel like a betrayal toward his memory.

But at the same time, those feelings? They’re the only thing keeping us both afloat. When we’re together, when I’m near her, there’s a kind of calm that settles over everything. It’s like I can breathe for the first time in ages, even if it’s just for a few moments. I can’t explain it, and I hate how much it messes with my head, but it’s the truth. She gets it, in a way no one else can. She gets the pain, the loss, the weight of what we’ve both lost.

It’s like I’m stuck between two things—the pull toward her, the need to let myself feel something for the first time in god knows how long, and the weight of knowing that I’m just a fucking mess who doesn’t deserve to make her more of one. She deserves someone who’s whole, someone who’s not drowning in their own bullshit.

Not someone like me.

But it’s hard as hell not to reach for her. Every time she smiles, every time she looks at me with that softness in her eyes, it’s like I can feel everything I’ve been trying to bury coming to the surface. And god, it kills me that I can’t let myself have that. I can’t . I won’t let myself hurt her the way I’ve hurt everyone else.

And yet, I can’t stay away. No matter how much I try.

I still can’t figure that part out. It was fast. It wasn’t some romantic, sweet moment. It was raw. Desperate. All the words we hadn’t been able to say, everything we hadn’t been able to feel, poured out in that one kiss. It’s as if the world dissolved around us. For a second, everything was simple. There was no grief, no past, no shit between us. There was just her. Just me. And for that moment, I didn’t feel so fucked up.

But the problem is, I can’t get rid of that feeling. That kiss was a moment of clarity for me, and I hate it. Because I know what it means. It means there’s something there, between me and Lena, something I can’t fucking deny. And I don’t want to deal with it. I don’t want to feel this thing crawling up my throat every time I see her. But the more I try to push it away, the stronger it gets.

Tonight, we’re all heading to this place called The Rusty Chain. It’s a bar we usually go to after rides or a race. Tonight’s different, though. Lena’s joining the crew for the first time since Cruz left us, and Revel’s tagging along since he’s officially one of us now. Talon says the guy’s earned his patch, even if he’s still a bit of a wildcard. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but I know it’s important to Lena, so I’ll keep my cool. I’m not about to let her see me act like a fucking jealous prick over something that’s out of my control.

Lena pulls her bike into the pits, the engine cutting off with a smooth hum. I’ve been watching her from the corner of my eye, trying—key word trying —not to let my mind wander. But, you know, clearly failing. She flips up her visor, and I walk over, giving her a little nod.

“You looked good out there today,” I say, giving her a look as she climbs off her bike. She’s got that look of quiet pride, the kind I haven’t seen in a while. It’s rare, but I know it when I see it.

“Thanks,” she replies, taking off her gloves and tucking them into her pocket.

I raise an eyebrow. “You know, you could use a bit more speed on that last corner. You’re letting off too soon. You gotta trust your throttle.”

She gives me a sharp look but doesn’t argue. “Got it,” she says with a nod.

I check my watch, a reminder of the clock ticking down. “Alright, we gotta head out if we’re gonna get there on time.”

Lena pulls off her helmet, and before I can even register it, she presses a quick peck to my lips. It’s barely a kiss, but damn, it hits me harder than it should. The salt from the ocean lingers on her skin, and for a moment, the whole world seems to slow down.

She pulls back, her grin wide, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Oh look, there’s that smile of yours,” she teases, a little too pleased with herself.

I can’t help but smirk. “You like what you see, huh?”

“Don’t get too cocky,” she shoots back, but her tone is playful, not serious.

I let out a small laugh, enjoying this a lot more than I expected. “I’ll drop you off at your place, let you get ready.”

She shakes her head, still grinning. “The girls are picking me up. I’ll be fine.”

I raise an eyebrow, leaning back slightly. “If they show up late, I don’t wanna hear about it. Everyone knows Cece takes forever getting ready.”

Lena laughs at that, shaking her head. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, well, you’re brave,” I say with a mock serious tone. “But just don’t blame me if you end up showing up late, too. I’ve warned you.”

“Uh-huh. I’ll handle it,” she says with a wink, brushing past me. “But thanks for the offer, Romeo.”

I want to argue, offer to drive her there myself, but she’s already got it handled. I just give a short nod, trying to hide the way my chest tightens.

“Alright, I’ll see you there,” I say, keeping my voice as casual as possible.

She takes a moment, standing there with her bike, looking at me like she wants to say something more. But then she just gives me one last look, a little softer this time, before turning and walking over to where the others are waiting.

I climb into my Mustang, the engine rumbling to life beneath me, but the weight of the night hits me as soon as I settle into the driver’s seat. I pull out of the lot, the road stretching ahead, but something’s off. The air feels thick, charged—like it’s holding its breath. My hands tighten on the wheel, and I can feel the tension creeping in around my chest.

The night’s still young, but I can’t shake the feeling that something’s about to shift. Something’s about to change.

The night kicks off the way most nights do when the Speed Demons try to unwind—loud, chaotic, and full of banter so thick you could cut it with a knife. The usual suspects are all here; Lena, Wolfe, Talon, Revel, Cece, Draygon, Bexley, Sayshen, and Thorne, each one adding their own flavor to the mix.

Bexley’s sprawled across Sayshen’s lap, laughing like a maniac as he cracks one of his usual dry jokes. Talon’s got his arm around her waist, looking half-amused, half-annoyed at something Thorne’s muttering about the world’s lack of decent whiskey.

“Honestly, mate, you call that whiskey?” Thorne scoffs, swirling his glass around. “This is bloody piss water. What happened to the good stuff?”

Wolfe, always the troublemaker when the liquor hits his system, snickers. “At least it’ll get you drunk. Who cares about taste when you’re trying to forget you’re aging like a damn raisin?”

“Old?!” Thorne spits out his drink in mock outrage. “I’ll have you know I’m in my prime, you cheeky bastard.”

“Sure you are, grandpa.” Wolfe grins, leaning in with a teasing glint in his eye. “Keep drinking that piss, though, you might actually catch up to your age. Could use a nap, maybe?”

Talon, despite always acting like the father figure to the team can’t hide the smile tugging at his lips. “Honestly Thorne, might be a good idea to take a nap before you pull something pretending to be young again.”

Bexley laughs, shaking her head. “Oh Thorne, don’t tell me you’re still pretending to be the youngest in the group. You’re just one bad hangover away from calling it quits.”

Thorne smirks, leaning back in his chair. “You’d know if I was slowing down, darling. After all, your man isn’t that far off either.” He glances over at Talon with a playful grin. “Some of us still know how to keep the pace, even if the old timers try to hide it.”

Talon rolls his eyes, giving Thorne a shove. “Keep dreaming, Thorne. We’ll see who’s still standing when the night’s over.”

Revel leans in, his usual confident grin spreading across his face as he fixes his gaze on Cece. “So, how about it, Cece? Dinner sometime? I know a place that does the best tacos in town. You like tacos, right?”

Cece gives him a look, her eyebrow cocked, clearly not impressed. “Tacos, huh? What, is that your big move? Cause if you’re trying to impress me, you might wanna step it up a notch.”

Revel laughs, not missing a beat. “Oh, come on. Tacos and me, we’re a killer combo. You know you’re curious.”

She crosses her arms and leans back, shaking her head. “Please. I’ve seen better pitches from a five-year-old trying to sell lemonade. You gotta do better than tacos if you want a date with me.”

Revel grins wider, clearly not ready to give up. “Well, I could always throw in a margarita. Maybe that’ll sweeten the deal.”

Cece shrugs, clearly enjoying herself. “Margaritas, tacos… You know what? Keep it. I’ve got better plans. Like not going out with you.”

The group bursts into laughter as Revel throws his hands up in mock defeat. Everyone knows he’s not backing down, though. Since he met her, Revel’s been after Cece like a dog with a bone. Lena’s told me all about it—the girly gossip. She says Cece’s shut him down every time, but Revel’s still not ready to take no for an answer. I’ve got to give the guy credit. He’s persistent as hell, and honestly? He needs to be. Cece isn’t some soft chick. That girl’s got a mouth and a temper that would test even the strongest of men.

Lena, though, she’s off tonight. She used to be one of the first to jump into the banter, slinging insults like it’s her job, especially when she’s picking on me. But tonight? She’s distant, colder than usual, at least when it comes to me. She’s still talking, still laughing with the group, but there’s this wall between us.

I catch her glancing my way a few times, but every time our eyes meet, she quickly looks away. No teasing, no flirty spark like usual. Just... coldness. It stings, but I try to brush it off.

It’s whatever, right?

I sip my drink, trying to ignore the way the tension is creeping in.

Wolfe, nursing his third drink, looks over at me with a soft expression. His tone’s not teasing like usual, just calm and considerate. “How’re you holding up, Reign?”

I glance up from my drink, a little caught off guard by the question. Wolfe’s never one to push, but when he asks, you know he means it. I shrug it off, trying to keep it light. “I’m good, man. Just enjoying the night.”

He doesn’t buy it, of course. He leans back in his chair, eyes steady on me. “You sure? You’ve been quieter than usual. Normally, I’m the one staying off the radar, but you’ve been a little... distant tonight.”

I feel a pang in my chest at that. Wolfe’s not wrong. I’ve been trying to avoid getting too wrapped up in my head, but it’s not working. I take a long sip of my drink, giving myself a second to gather my thoughts before I answer.

“I’m fine, just... you know. It’s been a weird couple of weeks,” I say, offering him a half-assed grin.

Wolfe nods, never one to pry, but always there to listen if I want to talk. “I get it. You know we’re all here if you need something, right?”

I glance over at him, feeling a wave of gratitude for the way he’s looking out for me. “Yeah, I know, man. Appreciate it.”

He gives me a small, reassuring smile, then takes another sip of his drink, falling into a comfortable silence. It’s the kind of conversation that doesn’t need to be pushed—just a quiet check-in from someone who knows exactly when to give space.

Bexley must’ve said something outrageous because I hear it clear as day—Lena’s laugh, bright and easy. That laugh. The one that used to fill rooms, used to make everything feel lighter. It pulls me in and knocks the breath out of me for a second. It’s the sound of her before all the shit happened. Before the crash, before the grief. That laugh was her.

For a split second, I forget about everything else, like I’m right back where I want to be. For a moment, the knot in my chest loosens, and I feel something close to relief.

The night’s winding down, and the bar’s clearing out. People are drifting toward the parking lot, the sound of laughter and chatter fading into the background. The air’s cool, but there’s a thick tension in my chest that the night can’t shake. I’ve only had one beer, and it was hours ago, I’m more than good to drive.

I walk toward my Mustang, the gravel crunching beneath my boots. I’m eager to get home, especially since I have an appointment with Jen early tomorrow and she won’t take kindly to me cancelling, again. But as I get closer to my car, I hear footsteps behind me.

“Yo, Reign!”

I don’t have to turn around to know it’s Revel. His voice is low, taut with that protective edge he gets when he’s pissed. I can feel the storm brewing, and I’m not in the fucking mood for it.

I keep walking, ignoring him for a moment, just resting my hand on the car door. “What do you want, Revel?” I ask, keeping my voice steady, but I can’t hide the frustration starting to bleed through.

He steps closer, boots dragging on the pavement as he gets in my space. “I know what’s going on between you and Lena, and I don’t fucking like it,” he says, his tone dark, almost accusing.

I stiffen, something inside me snapping. “What the hell are you talking about?” I snap, my jaw tightening.

Revel doesn’t hesitate. His voice lowers, sharp with concern. “I see the way you look at her, man. Shit, anyone with fucking eyes can see it. Do you seriously think she’s ready for whatever the hell you’re trying to pull? She’s been through enough already. She needs time to heal and figure stuff out. She doesn’t need all of your shit on top of it.”

That sinks in harder than I expected. I feel my fists clench, my teeth grinding together. The frustration’s burning hotter now, but I try to keep it under control. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” I growl, turning to face him. “Whatever is going on between me and Lena is none of your business.”

He steps in closer, not backing down, his face hardening like he’s preparing for a fight. “Yeah, well, that’s where you’re wrong. It’s every bit my business. Lena is like a little sister to me, and I know you’ve got feelings for her, but you’re not the guy she needs right now. She’s barely holding it together as it is. You think you’re gonna fix her, huh? You’re just gonna make it worse.”

The words land like a punch to the gut, twisting something inside of me. I know he’s right in a way—Lena’s been through hell, and I’m a mess of my own. But that doesn’t make hearing it any easier.

I step forward, my chest tight, and snap, “You don’t know shit about me or what I can offer her.” My hands are trembling, but I keep my voice steady. “You think you can tell me what’s best for her? You don’t even fucking know me.”

Revel’s grin flickers, but it doesn’t fade. He pushes harder, his face a mask of dark determination. “I know enough to know you’re the last fucking thing she needs. You don’t have to like it, I really don’t give a shit. You’re not my problem. I’m trying to protect her . She’s been through enough, and I’m not letting you drag her into your shit.”

Before I can say anything more, Revel shoves me hard in the chest, his hands firm on my shirt. The force of it makes me stumble back a few steps, but I don’t fight it. I just stand there, holding his stare.

Just then, I catch Lena’s eyes across the parking lot. She’s just walked out of the bar, her gaze locking on mine for a brief second. There’s confusion in her eyes, maybe even a little concern, but I don’t say anything. I don’t even move. I just hold her stare, letting the moment linger.

And then, without a word, I turn my back on both of them. Revel’s still standing there, watching me, but I don’t give him the satisfaction of a response. I walk back to my car. My chest feels tight, and I don’t know if it’s from the argument or the weight of everything building up.

I climb into my Mustang and slam the door shut, the engine roaring to life under my fingers. I can’t shake the feeling that Revel’s words are sticking with me, gnawing at something I don’t want to admit. As I pull out of the parking lot, I can’t stop thinking about Lena, about how I might not be the guy she deserves.

I’m a shell of what I used to be, and maybe that’s not what she needs right now. Maybe I’m just too fucked up for her. But even knowing all of that, deep down, I can’t shake the feeling that we might be the one thing that can make each other whole again.