Entangle (Shadow Thorne #3)

1. Luke

1

Luke

I t is almost four thirty. I lead Spirit back to the barn so I will be home when Rachel and Olivia arrive. Things haven’t been the same since Olivia started preschool. I never could have imagined that I would miss her so much. Every day for the past few months, I look forward to it being four-thirty, when my girls arrive home.

Olivia has grown so fast, and preschool is only speeding up the process. Every day she seems to have learned something new, and while it’s wonderful, it also breaks my heart. I miss my Little O snuggling up in my arms, falling asleep. Hard to believe she is four years old now. Time is going too fast.

Just as soon as I get Spirit tethered in the shade of the barn, I hear Rachel’s car coming down the drive. I pull off my work gloves, tuck them under my arm, and wash off my hands under the spigot. When I look up, Olivia is waving from the back seat. Letting my gloves drop to the ground, I shake the water from my hands as I walk to meet them.

I open the back door to Olivia’s chattering. “ Hey , Little O ! How’s my girl?”

“ Out ! Out !” she exclaims as she wiggles her hands reaching for me.

“ Just hold your horses. Let me get you unstrapped.”

With that she leans back, stiff as a board, waiting. “ Hi , my Luke ,” she says softly.

I lean into the car, knocking my cowboy hat off in the process, and kiss her rosy cheek. She throws her arms around my neck, and as soon as the last buckle is unfastened, I pull her into my arms.

“ She has been chattering nonstop since I picked her up,” Rachel says before she gets out of the car.

“ I learned a new letter!” Olivia exclaims.

“ Another one?” I ask in mock surprise.

“ Yes !” she says with one exaggerated nod of her head.

When I turn around, Rachel is holding out my hat. I take it and walk with them to the house.

“ Which one is it this time?”

“ L !”

“ Ooo , L is a good letter.”

“ And you know what?!”

“ What ?” I ask.

“ Mommy said it was the first letter of your name.”

“ Well , mommy is right.”

“ Tomorrow I’m going to tell Miss Sarah that L stands for Luke , not love!”

I sit down on the porch swing with her in my lap. “ Well , it stands for both. L is the first letter for a lot of cool words.”

“ It is?”

“ Yep ! Let’s see: luck, lake, land, leaves, and my favorite—laugh,” I tell her as I tickle her neck right under her ear. She shrugs, trapping my finger, and giggles her sweet musical laugh.

“ Stop , my Luke !”

My heart fills every time she calls me her Luke . Mostly because I love her with all my heart, but also because she makes me feel wanted and needed. It reminds me I belong to someone, at least until she is all grown up.

I gather her close and begin rocking the swing. She curls up on my chest and sucks her thumb as we swing. When I kiss her dark curls, her sugary scent fills my lungs. I swear she always smells like candy.

“ I missed you today,” I tell her. She doesn’t respond, which is fine. For as much energy as she has, when she comes home, it runs out pretty quick. Preschool exhausts her, and her teacher says she refuses to sleep during quiet time. Correction , she refuses to be quiet during quiet time.

I smile to myself. I love her little rebellious streak. She gets it from Rachel . The most rebellious thing my dad ever did was marry her.

After about ten minutes, the screen door creaks open.

“ You want a snack, little one?” Rachel asks.

Olivia shakes her head and buries her face in my shirt.

“ Was she just sucking her thumb?” Rachel has been trying to break her of the habit, but my little rebel still does it around me.

I shrug, playing innocent.

Rachel crosses her arms. “ You have to help me break her bad habit, Luke .”

I kiss the top of Olivia’s head and give her a squeeze. “ She’s only four.”

“ Yes , and four is too old to still be sucking her thumb.”

I stand and brush by her, taking Olivia into the kitchen. Rachel has her juice, some cheese crackers, and a few slices of apple sitting on the table already. “ She’s fine. Give her some time.”

Rachel just rolls her eyes. We have this disagreement often. I keep telling her that Olivia is still a little girl, and eventually, she will give it up on her own, and that she shouldn’t be so hard on her. She’s afraid the other kids will call her a baby or give her a hard time about it. In all honesty, Olivia doesn’t do it often. From what I can tell, it’s only when I’m holding her and Rachel isn’t in sight, or in her sleep. Maybe I’m just not keen on making her give up something that obviously gives her comfort.

I sit her in the booster seat, and she immediately snatches a cracker and pops it in her mouth. Goldfish are her favorite. I tousle her softly curled hair and kiss the top of her head one last time.

“ Eat up and be a good girl for mommy.”

“ Stay !” Olivia says, holding out a goldfish missing its head as an offering. I gobble the cracker up straight from her tiny fingers, and she giggles as I make loud chomping noises. She is quick to grab another and hold it up to me, but I take it and feed it to her instead. It instantly disappears into her mouth.

“ I need to go put Spirit and Bailey away, but I’ll be back in time for dinner.”

Rachel follows me out onto the porch. “ Had a good day?” she asks.

“ Yeah . How was yours?” To avoid looking directly at her, I watch my thumbs rub along the edge of my hat.

“ What do I always tell you?”

“ That you don’t want to talk about it.” I glance up and find what I am constantly trying to avoid. The look in her eyes that is just for me, as if she’s looking into my soul. It shatters me a little every time we lock gazes. When she rolls her bottom lip in between her teeth, I clear my throat.

“ I’m just happy to be home,” she says.

“ I’m always happy when you’re home.” I try to keep my mouth shut, but sometimes, like right now, shit like what I just said falls out.

My eyes scan up her body, noting her curves, remembering things I shouldn’t. She shifts uncomfortably.

“ I’m making fried chicken, so don’t be late.”

I turn my head away and clear my throat again as I put my hat back on my head, pulling the brim down to hide my eyes.

“ I won’t. Promise .” I have to force a smile. That deep attraction between us is pulling at me, wanting me to edge closer into her space.

It has been over three years since we decided we couldn’t continue a romantic relationship. Evan left us both heartbroken and yet, his absence is always between us. Sadly , it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be to end our affair. Olivia required a lot of our time, especially in the beginning. We both threw ourselves into taking care of her until, somewhere along the way, three years have passed. Doesn’t mean I don’t want Rachel with every fiber of my being. It certainly doesn’t stop that connection we have that urges us to draw closer. It sparks between us at the most random of times, like now. Truthfully , I am not sure how Rachel feels about our past anymore. I know she had issues with our age difference, at least that is what she gave me as one reason we needed not to be together romantically. Evan’s absence was the biggest reason, but Rachel always came up with a few more, until I stopped even hoping.

Evan certainly isn’t going to return. Hell , I haven’t even seen him more than in passing, from a distance. I know he visits his family, but he never reaches out to either of us. Perhaps I should have, but the hurt he left in the wake of his departure has run deep and raw.

What the three of us shared is over. It isn’t dead. I don’t believe that is possible, but it is over.

“ I missed you both,” I tell her.

She looks away from me, unable to look me in the eye, as if doing so would make us both cave to the pull.

“ I always miss you too.” She gives me a guarded smile. “ And you know Olivia misses you. You are all she talks about on the way home most days.”

I blush and smile. “ That’s because she’s my girl.”

“ And you’re her Luke .”

My smile grows. “ Always .” I turn and leave, not missing the fact that the screen door doesn’t close until I’m almost at the barn.

EVAN

When I wake up my head is spinning. I drank a little too much, but I feel worse than that, strange. Whatever I’m lying on is not my bed. Slowly , I realize the aching in my body. My eyes flutter, attempting to focus on my surroundings. I don’t know where I am. The walls are brick. There is a huge fireplace, swords and shields hanging on the walls, and a crimson rug in the center of the room.

Think Logan ! Think !

Finally , I remember Melinda from the bar with her friend… Kate , Katie , or something. I don’t recall.

I roll to my back and stare up at the punched tin ceiling high above my head. Rubbing my eyes with my fingers only makes everything blurry. The pain in my body is slowly settling into two places, my head and…

I sit up with a start and look around.

Zephyr Dragov . That is what he said his name was. Too strange to forget.

The harder I try to remember what happened, and why I am in pain, the more my head hurts. It is akin to knives slicing my brain. Clutching my temples, I decide I can’t sit and endure this pain any longer. Frightening thoughts assail me because there can be only one reason, I feel this particular pain.

Logic suddenly hits me, and I scramble to get up. I trip over my boots, catching myself on the arm of the sofa. My clothes are in disarray, unbuttoned and wrinkled. I pull on each boot and check to make sure my phone, wallet, and keys are in my pocket before I make my way to the door as quietly as possible.

Fucking hell! It is an industrial lift, of all things. I absolutely remember it making a shit ton of noise, but it doesn’t matter. I have to get out of here!

I throw open the gate and slam it back once I’m inside. My hand slaps the button causing the lift to give a jerk before lowering. As the floor of the apartment rises to meet me, I see him emerge and stroll toward the lift, dark hair, even darker eyes, tall, and naked as the day he was born.

“ Where are you going, Evan ? Didn’t you have fun?” he asks mockingly.

When he strokes his cock my entire body tenses. I ease back, out of sight against the wall of the lift.

Oh my God , what have I done?

No !

I didn’t!

No way in hell am I letting myself admit what must have happened last night.

I only feel a small bit of relief when his feet finally disappear above me. I think he says something else to me through the cage, but I cover my ears to block it out. The lift is taking forever, so I pace and work on buttoning my shirt before I go out in public. I wonder if I look as horrible as I feel.

When the outside air hits my face, I pull my coat around me. It isn’t that cold outside. I just feel overexposed. The corners of my mouth are dry and crusty, and that makes me feel queasy. I only make it a few steps before turning the corner and steadying myself on the brick wall. My skin crawls, and the thought, that I might have sucked that guy’s dick, rolls in my stomach. I know that his cum invaded my body because my ass is killing me with an intense raw pain I’ve never experienced before. It feels like his cum is everywhere, my throat, my skin, and my…

My stomach lurches. I brace myself against the brick wall as I vomit in the cold shadows of the alley. I know without a doubt what he did, and it only makes me sicker. Instead of trying to come to terms with the truth, I try to expel everything out of my body. It feels never ending until only bile burns my throat and coats my tongue in a bitter taste, almost as bitter as what happened. I spit on the ground, angry at him, but furious with myself.

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. Somehow , I feel more nauseated than before. I don’t know anything about that guy. He’s a stranger. A stranger that could have given me a disease. I’m assured he gave me some type of drug as my head pounds, trying to extract any piece of a memory from last night.

I lean back against the wall and look up at the clear morning sky. I finally did it. I fucked one too many people and got myself into a situation that I not only regret but from the way my body feels, it will haunt me forever.

Get home, just get the fuck home! Everything will be fine once I get home, at least that is the lie I’m telling myself. I steady myself to stand, and then attempt to comb through my hair with my fingers, as I emerge from the alleyway.

There aren’t many people on the street. I take my phone out of my pocket to check the time. It isn’t even six in the morning. No missed calls or messages, just Luke and Rachel’s faces staring back at me.

I shut my phone off and shove it back in my pocket. I can’t bear to look at them. Not now. Not when I’m like this. Not after what happened. My instinct tells me to get home as quickly as possible, not my apartment, home—home, in his arms—the only place I ever feel safe.

How can I possibly reach out to Luke after all these years of radio silence…after the way I just up and left? Fuck , I screwed up everything then, and it would seem I’m no better now. What would I even say? I can’t call him up out of the blue and tell him what happened to me last night. He would probably say I deserved it after the life I’ve been living.

I take in deep breaths to squelch the sick and the stench. My heart feels heavy with my admission that Luke would never say that to me. He loves me. I don’t even know how to fix all the ways I messed up with Luke and Rachel . I just know calling them right now is not going to set things right.

It takes me a minute to find my bearings and take in my surroundings. I don’t even know which part of the city I’m walking through. I know I’m in Olde Town , but nothing looks familiar. I decide to walk, rather than look at those faces on my phone again, in order to call for a ride. My eyes sting. I’m sure it is just the pain. I wipe at my nose and look up and down the street thinking I’ll cross it.

My eyes spy a taxi in the distance. I walk to the edge of the sidewalk and raise my hand to flag it down. Thank goodness it pulls over. Now I don’t have to wander the streets trying to find my way home. I give the driver my address, close my eyes, and lay my head back as we pull into the street. Unfortunately , I feel so anxious that I can’t relax.

EVAN: Can you fly to Chicago and erase the last twenty-four hours from my mind?

EVANDER: Fuck no.

This is not the time for Evander to be difficult, but then what did I expect? I knew the answer would be no.

EVAN: I don’t know what to do.

EVANDER: Why? What did you do?

My thumbs hover over the keyboard on my phone, hesitant to make what happened a reality by putting it into words.

EVAN: Nothing. Never mind. Sorry I bothered you.

There is no response back, not even the three dancing dots. I shove my phone back into my pocket and stare at the back of the seat in front of me.

I’m in the elevator of my building when my phone buzzes.

“ You didn’t have to call me.”

“ Then don’t text me to wipe your memory like some sort of fucking wizard,” Evander grumbles.

“ Like I said, never mind.”

“ I had to find somewhere private where I could talk,” Evander explains. “ So tell me, what’s up.”

“ It appears I’ve let some guy fuck me. A stranger. At least I think I let him. I don’t remember it. He may have drugged me.”

“ You’re sure?”

I roll my eyes. “ With the way my ass hurts—yeah!”

“ So did you want him to fuck you, or did he coerce you? Got you drunk? Drug you?” Evander never minces words.

I don’t answer him until I’m unlocking my door. “ I don’t know.”

“ Yes , you do.”

“ How could I possibly know?” I throw my keys on the counter as the door slams behind me. I lock it like I’m a frightened rabbit.

“ Because you know deep down. If you’d been drugged, you would know that too. What do you remember before you blacked out? Were you sluggish? Experience any hallucinations? Slurred speech or loss of muscle control?”

I collapse on my bed and throw my arm over my eyes. “ No . I remember everything up to a point, and then nothing until I woke up this morning.”

“ How do you feel this morning?” he asks.

“ Other than the obvious? Horrified , ashamed…although, I did throw up in the alley.”

Evander sighs heavily. “ Sounds like you drank too much.”

“ But I didn’t. I mean nothing more than usual.”

“ Maybe you had more than you realize.”

I waiver over saying what is on the tip of my tongue. “ I think I might have allowed him to.” I have a problem when it comes to Evander ; I tell him too much.

“ I see.”

“ But I didn’t want it! I don’t want to do that with anyone!”

“ Don’t lie to me. I don’t have to be with you to know the difference. So there must be more to this.”

“ I didn’t even know the guy before last night!” I insist.

“ But there are things, you and I both know you crave.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and huff out a breath.

“ Being controlled,” he says. “ If he took advantage of you then…”

“ Don’t say it. Don’t you dare fucking say that I wanted this!” I yell.

“ Okay . I won’t, but I am also not going to come to your rescue and help you forget things you need to start coming to terms with.”

“ No ! Just no way in hell could I have wanted this !”

“ Maybe you should talk to Luke . He seems better equipped to help you with your feelings,” he suggests.

“ I haven’t spoken to him in years. I can’t just call him up and be like ‘hey, I think some guy I met at a bar fucked me up the ass, and I’m not coping with it very well.’ ”

“ Luke loves you. He would want you to come to him when you need someone. Remember , you have love, Evan , but you have to open yourself up to receive it.”

“ I hate you!” I spit out.

Evander laughs. “ Yeah , I hate you too. Call him.”

The call ends. My head is swimming. I hate him for not helping me. He could literally make me forget any of this happened.

Call Luke ? Is he out of his mind?

It doesn’t stop me from swiping over the screen of my phone to look at Luke’s picture. I miss him so much right now. No one else would understand. I wouldn’t tell anyone but Luke , and he would keep this secret. I decide to take a shower before I commit to actually calling my best friend.

“ Hello ?”

I shouldn’t have called him out of the blue, but it’s been plaguing my mind ever since I saw his image on my phone. He is who I need right now. I’m having a crisis and so all the shit in the past seems miniscule.

I take a deep breath and blow it out, unsure how to even begin to explain—to ask Luke …

“ Evan ? You there?” he asks. The sound of my name is the first pleasant sensation I’ve had since I woke up in this hell.

“ Yeah , I’m here.” I scrub my palm over the stubble on my jaw. I should have shaved.

“ What’s wrong?” His voice is deep and rough with sleep. I know I’ve woken him.

Of course, he knows something has to be wrong. Why else would I call? Not like I have called him in years. Shame washes over me because this isn’t the way I want things to go between us. I miss him. He and Rachel are the only people in Wyoming that I miss more than my sister.

“ I fucked up.” My voice cracks, sore from retching. My emotions are all over the place. Things got worse and very real after I got home. My shower helped wash away everything except the pain and the regret, but not the disgust. Even the water hurt.

“ How ?” Luke sounds concerned when he should be angry. I know I would be angry if I were him.

“ It’s bad.”

I can hear Luke sigh and roll over in bed. It is well before daylight there. “ Tell me,” he whispers. The timbre of his voice is so familiar and comforting that my heart aches. I’ve never missed him more.

I clench my eyes shut. “ I …went out last night.”

“ I imagine that’s nothing new.” How would he know? “ Don’t make me drag this out of you. It’s me, Evan .” He sounds frustrated.

“ I know. It’s just…” I take a deep breath. “ It has been so long.”

A heavy sigh crosses through the call. “ Which tells me whatever is going on is serious.”

“ I shouldn’t have called,” I panic.

“ Of course, you should. I’m the one you go to when you need someone. Right ?” I don’t miss the bite in his tone.

“ I’m sorry,” I mutter.

“ Let’s not dig up those bones right now. Tell me what’s happened. Are you alright?” I’m not sure. “ You’re worrying me.”

“ I …fuck!” I rub my forehead roughly. “ I woke up this morning, on this guy’s sofa. We met at a bar and ended up taking a couple of girls to his place last night. I don’t even know the guy, or the girls for that matter, but…”

“ You fuck them?” he asks matter-of-factly.

“ One of the girls, yeah.” I swear, I can feel him flinch from here.

“ You do that often?”

This is more painful than anything I physically feel right now. I want to fall to my knees and beg for Luke to forgive me. It’s absurd because, after all of these years, he hasn’t so much as reached out to me either.

“ Sometimes . Usually to their place…or mine.”

“ So how did you fuck up?” Luke asks. It’s only because he sounds genuinely concerned that I admit what happened.

“ After the girls left… I don’t remember anything.”

“ How much did you drink?”

“ Few beers. Luke , I …” I take a deep breath and search for something deep inside that can pass as courage. The sound of his breath in my ear is a comfort, a need I didn’t know I had. “ I think he roofied me and…”

I can’t say it. Luke doesn’t speak either. We just hang in the silence where it is safer because, once I say it, I am not sure I’ll ever recover.

“ What are you saying?”

“ I think…” The pain in my body reminds me that I know what happened, but I can’t say it with certainty. I don’t remember any of it.

“ You fucked the guy?” The amount of hurt in his voice only makes this ten times worse.

“ Other way around.” There is no response from him, not even a breath. “ I’m so sorry,” I apologize.

Luke was supposed to be the one, the only one, I would ever let inside of my body. I ran away, partially to keep that from happening, to keep myself innocent, at least in that respect. In the end, it didn’t matter. None of it mattered because it happened anyway. Now I have nothing to give to Luke , if…if…

I’ve lost everything he ever wanted from me.

Luke still doesn’t respond, and I feel like I’m going to be sick again.

Fuck ! Fuck ! I’m so damn fucked!

“ Luke ?” Internally , I’m begging for him to please talk to me, while waiting with bated breath for him to hang up on me.

“ You don’t remember?” I hear his disappointment. I deserve that.

“ No , but…”

“ Then how do you know?”

“ Damn it! I can’t say it.”

“ Tell me, baby. Just let it out,” he says softly, throwing me a lifeline.

He breaks me with that one word, causing tears to erupt.

“ There is pain. I hurt—there,” I admit cautiously.

I hear his intake of breath, and suddenly I feel overexposed. The feeling overwhelms me, and regret chokes me.

He sighs softly. “ Evan , it’s going to be ok.”

“ It’s not! How can it? I’m ruined! I ruined everything! I never would have…not with another guy…unless…” I stop talking because I’m making more of a mess of things, blubbering like an idiot. How do I tell him how sorry I am, so sorry it wasn’t him?

“ I know, but you gotta not be so hard on yourself. If you were drugged, you weren’t in your right state of mind. You may not have even been conscious. This wasn’t consensual. He took advantage of you, Evan .”

What he’s saying should make me feel better, shouldn’t it? It doesn’t. “ This isn’t what I wanted,” I say through my tears.

“ I know. Fuck , Evan , I know. Are you okay? I mean physically?”

I grab the remote and throw it at the wall. It pops apart, and the batteries fall with it to the floor. “ Yeah , but it motherfucking hurts.”

“ I can come to Chicago .”

I feel a moment of shocked relief. What I wouldn’t give if he were here right now. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad. “ You don’t have to.”

“ Do you want me to? I mean in spite of everything?”

I sit back against the sofa and stare up at the ceiling. “ I do, please. I have no right to ask. I’m so sorry for everything.”

“ Me too,” he whispers. “ I’ll get the first flight I can book. Will you be okay until then?”

As if I have a choice. My anger has superseded my tears, but the shame is growing exponentially. “ Yeah . I’m going to call in sick.”

“ I think that’s for the best. It’s Friday , so you’ll have a couple of days, and I’ll be there with you.”

“ Thank you.”

“ Yeah , of course. In the meantime…soak in a bath, try to relax, and take some ibuprofen. You’ll feel better by the time I get there.” I hear rustling over the line. “ Hold on. Don’t disconnect. Give me a few minutes to turn on my laptop.”

Luke , ever the caregiver. In some ways, he has been more understanding and taken better care of me, than my own mother. My dad would tell me to take the pain and endure the hurt like a man because real men don’t show their emotions. Luke always does, and he’s the best person, man, or woman, I know.

The fact that he is coming has yet to sink into my brain. How am I going to survive until he can hold me?

“ Got a flight that leaves at 8 am, so I’ll need to get off the phone and get my ass to Jackson .”

“ What time do you need me to pick you up?” I ask.

“ No . You stay there. I’ll come to your place. Flight lands around 1:30 pm. I’ll be there soon, little brother.”

I nod, because if I say anything, the tears are going to escape again.

“ It will be okay Evan . I promise.” Luke disconnects the call.

I slide down and pull the covers over my head. What the fuck have I done?