Estranged Heart

Seven

Silas

“Move on over, you’re hogging the bed again. If you stay where you are, I’ll have to lie on top of you.”

The words from my last dream remain in my head, following me to every room I go into. If I’m not dreaming of trying to escape with my life from some weird warehouse, I’m lying in bed next to a man I don’t know, swimming in a lake while he smiles down at me, or cooking in a strange kitchen. There’s no in between. It’s either him or the bad guys. He’s the better option so I don’t wish him away anymore. If he doesn’t come, they do .

“You don’t have to go back yet. You can always wait another month or two.” Stacey’s voice cuts through the mystery man’s.

Running a hand through my hair, I look at myself in the mirror one more time before exiting the bathroom. Stacey is standing outside the door with her hands shoved deep in her pockets and her shoulders raised. She worries too much, and I’m getting tired of her continuously treating me like glass.

“I need to get out of the house. I’m bored and antsy all day. Hopefully being back at the shop and doing what I love will help me to feel myself again.”

“It just seems too soon.” She nibbles on her bottom lip, rocking on the balls of her feet. Does she think trapping me in here all day will keep my heart working? If any issues arise, they could happen anywhere, and it would be better for me to be surrounded by others if they do. Besides, I don’t have a very stressful job and don’t even have to work with customers right away if I don’t want to. At some point, I need to return to the outside world, and in order for me to be happy at home again, I need to stop resenting it so damn much. Home is supposed to be a place you look forward to coming back to by the end of the day, not one you worry about never being able to leave.

“It’s been three months, Stacey. I can’t sit here all alone watching TV, or reading and vegging on the couch until you get home. I need a change of pace. To be around flowers again and other people.”

Nodding, she swipes a strand of brown hair from her eyes, her dark clothing adding to the sadness buried within. Her outer appearance matches the dark cloud she walks under every day. Has she been this unhappy for our whole marriage? Was I too sick to notice?

She’s so different from when we first met, and not because she’s older. The inner light she had inside her and her colorful outer aura are gone. The life and hope vibrating off her is what brought us together. She gave me what I needed to keep going, while I offered her someone to take care of and a reason to be stronger. What happens if we can’t get those things from each other anymore?

“Okay.” She sucks air between her teeth. “If this is what you need. Just promise me you won’t overdo it.”

Reaching out to her, I cup her cheek, missing the spark that once traveled between us. It’s only skin touching skin now—no warmth showing in her eyes and none filling my heart from her face pressing to my palm. What’s happened to us? What’s happened to me?

“I won’t,” I say almost too softly. “I promise.”

She places her hand over mine and briefly kisses my fingers, and I wait for tingles to cover my skin or my heart to be full. Something. Anything. A sign we’re still us.

“Okay. I’ll keep my phone on me in case you need anything, and I’m driving you there myself.”

I pull my hand from her face, dragging hers with it, and I squeeze her fingers. “It’ll make you feel better but I promise you don’t have to worry. Reese and Bethany will be there with me. It’s not like I’ll be alone like I am here.”

“I know. I just worry is all.”

“You do.” Lifting my other hand, I grab her chin and peck her lips. “And what have I told you about that?”

Her lips tilt in the corners. “I’m not saying it.”

Laughing, I drop my hand from her face and step away to grab my wallet from the dresser. “I won’t leave you alone about it until you do,” I say, looking back at her.

Rolling her eyes, she slips on her shoes. “I guess you’ll have to keep torturing me then.” She quickly leaves the room, a fit of laughter following behind her. Walking to the living room, I turn off all the lights and meet her at the door. She already has her name badge on and apron hanging over her arm. “Shall we?”

“Sure, but I’m driving.” I snatch the keys from her fingers too fast for her to see me coming and step past her onto the porch, heading for the car.

Huffing behind me, she locks the door and gets into the passenger side. “You haven’t driven in a long time. Are you sure you remember?”

“I guess we’ll find out soon, won’t we?”

She reaches for the ignition and I slap her hand away. “I’ll willingly switch places if you say it.”

“This is silly.”

“A little silliness is good every now and again.”

Pursing her lips together, her arms fall to her sides in defeat. “Fine. If I say it, you’re getting your cute little ass in the passenger side. You’re going to make me late for work.”

“Okay.” I place my open hand behind my ear. “I’m waiting.”

She kicks her feet like a petulant child. “Aren’t we getting too old for these games?”

Slumping in my seat, I drop my hand. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.” I get out of the car and slam the door shut hard behind me. She gets out and blocks my way. “So now you’re mad at me.” It’s not a question.

“No.” I’m disappointed. I’m trying to cling onto us anywhere I can, and she isn’t making it any less hard than it already is. I’m falling away from her, and I don’t think she realizes she’s slowly clipping at the strings keeping us together. First, when I pressed the stethoscope to her chest after breakfast and she asked what I was doing. Then, when I tickled her from behind as she was doing the laundry and she scolded me for throwing her off track. And now . . .

The passion and familiarity of touch was temporarily missing but I’d hoped the fun we had was still there.

“You and I always come first,” she used to say. “The rest can wait.”

The only one waiting is me.

“You’re right,” I finally speak again, breaking the stretching silence. “I’m going to make us both late. We should go.” I thought if we started from the beginning when we both fell, I’d feel it all over again. If she can’t remember why we both fell in love, how can I?

The new heart was supposed to change things for the better. Give me more freedom and make me feel whole again. It has yet to do any of those things.

“I’ll say it if it’ll make you feel better.”

I shake my head, squeezing between her and the door. “It’s okay, Stace. Really. Come on. Let’s get going before we’re both in trouble.” Her doing something for me because she feels she has to isn’t what I want. She shouldn’t fight against what once had us smiling and laughing together before giving in. It should happen naturally.

“Yeah, okay.” She closes the door and gets into the car. We drive away in silence. Stacey waits until we’re parked in front of the floral shop to turn on the radio, and “Island in the Sun” blares through the speakers. She grabs my hand. “For you, I’ll be a warrior and not a worrier,” she says in between chuckles, her cheeks blushing like they always did when she said the silly saying I came up with when we were teenagers.

Smiling, I bring her hand to my lips and kiss her fingers. “I love you.” I do. Maybe I don’t need butterflies or for my heart to jump in my chest every time she’s nearby, but my feelings for her do run deeper than most. It has to count for something. Us sharing a close friendship and lots of history together has to too.

“I love you too. Have fun on your first day back.”

“I will. Maybe I’ll bring you back some flowers too.”

She chuckles. “It’s good to see that you still like surprising me.”

Our joined laughter fills the car and I get out, saying bye to her one more time before walking inside the floral shop. “Hey, look who’s out and about,” Reese says, wearing a large smile and holding a bouquet in his hands.

“Yeah. Beats being trapped at home all day.” I’ve missed it.

“I bet. You up for working the front? I have a few orders to fill and it’s only us right now.”

“Yeah. Sure. I can handle it.”

“Cool. It’s really good to have you back, man.” Reese pats me on the shoulder before walking to the back.

Rows of flowers have me smiling instantly and the sweet scent wraps around me like a warm hug. For a moment, I feel more at peace than I have in months and breathing comes easier. Then, when I stand behind the counter, the front doors ring open and one look into the eyes of the stranger entering has all the blood rushing to my head.

“Hello,” he says, his voice deep and smooth, causing the hairs to rise on the back of my neck.

“Hi,” is all I manage to say, the rest of my words catching in my throat.

“I’d like to place an order. Can I do that here or should I call it in? The last place I stopped at said they were pretty booked. I’m really hoping you guys have some openings.” He steps closer, his brows rising. I know him. I’ve seen his face before but I don’t know where or why he’s causing a strange reaction within me?

I can’t even explain what’s going on inside me at this moment. Chaos, warmth, a strong want, and confusion all at once. A sweet scent of wine hits my nose. My heart pounds in my chest, almost as if it’s dancing and singing. Strange.

“Yeah,” I finally respond, pulling myself out of the trance he had me in. “We can do it here. Do you know what you’re needing, or would you like to see what we have?”

He shuffles in place, appearing a little hopeless and lost. “I have no clue what I’m doing, if I’m being honest.” He releases an awkward chuckle.

“Honesty is always a good place to start.” I pull out a few photo albums displaying an array of arrangements. “What’s the occasion you’re shopping for? Anniversary, wedding, birthday, or something else?”

His face drops and his hooded eyes tell me everything I need to know before he can say the word.

“Funeral.” He shoves his hands in his back pockets, leaning more on one side, coming off more vulnerable than before. It’s the first time he’s said the word out loud and he’s struggling. “I . . . My husband passed away and my friend thought it would be a good idea since he loved flowers.” His face is pained and my heart cracks in two. This could’ve been Stacey with someone else standing behind this desk. We don’t all get a second chance, and right now I don’t feel deserving of it. This poor man.

Reaching below the counter again, I grab another book and lay it on top of the others. “I’m sorry to hear that. I’m more than happy to show you the different options we have. What was his favorite flower?”

“Lilacs.”

I smile, flipping through the pages. “Wonderful choice. He had good taste. Here are a few arrangements that could work.” I push the book closer to the edge and he inches closer to take a peek.

“Thanks.” His eyes leave mine and drop to the first page.

I don’t realize my hand is still in the way until he tries to flip the page and his fingers graze mine. Tingles dance along the skin he touches and I quickly pull back, my head spinning and body craving to be back where it was. What the fuck? This man is a stranger and we don’t exactly play for the same team. Or, I didn’t think I did.

“Everything okay?”

I look up into his big brown eyes and this time I allow myself to get lost in them for a little longer. My breathing is once again all over the place, and I remember where I’ve seen him before—my dreams. He’s a real person. Who is he, and why does he keep invading my sleep? What I want to know more than anything is why I want to keep him here for as long as I can.

I don’t know him, but something inside me does, and it’s calling for him to come closer. “Sorry . . . I . . . got a paper cut and they always take me by surprise.”

The corners of his mouth curl. “They really are painful for being so small. Can I see?”

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine. We should go back to focusing on your order. That’s more important.”

“The person handling it is too. How else can I expect everything to go right if you’re too beat up by paper to do your job properly?” He smirks and my cheeks heat. Oh my God, I think I’m blushing. I’m too old for that and this isn’t the right time. Not when he’s staring right at me and all the sunshine from outside is blazing through the glass door putting me more on the spot.

Letting out a shaky laugh, I stand taller, reaching for the book again. My hand accidentally lands on his and this time I take longer to pull it back. He’s so warm and inviting. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to play a round of rock, paper, scissors with you.”

“It’s okay. It was my favorite game growing up.” He gives me a cheeky smile.

“Isn’t it every kid’s? I mean, how else do you figure out who’ll do something first?”

“That’s a fair point. Too bad deciding on the right flower arrangement can’t be as easy.”

Looking down at the option his fingers are still on, I place the tips of mine on the same image. “I think what you’ve chosen so far is perfect. Subtle but beautiful.”

“Yeah.” He perks up a little. “Very fitting for Landon.”

“That was your husband’s name?” Why does it sound familiar?

He nods, swallowing hard. “It was.”

“I’m sure he’d love anything you chose.”

“How do you know?” He lifts his hand tilting his head.

“Because most people do when it comes from the heart.”

He looks down at the picture and back at me. “I’ll go with lilacs then. Maybe a mixture of lighter purple and white flowers too.”

“Any specific kind?”

His lips twist and he thinks for a few minutes before answering me. “I’ll let you pick, since I’m sure you know what you’re doing.”

“I at least like to pretend I do.”

“If you put together any of these in the photos you’ve shown me today, then you pretend pretty well.”

I’m feeling flushed all over again. I need to get a damn grip. “I actually did the one your finger was just on.”

“Then I have no doubt you’ll take very good care of me.”

“I’ll sure try, Mr. . . .”

“Pena,” he blurts out. “My name is Elijah Pena.”

“When would you like to pick these up, Mr. Pena, or do you want them delivered?”

“Delivered, if it’s not too much trouble. Next Saturday at two p.m. at this location.” He hands me a card providing the address of a funeral home. “You can keep the card. I have everything memorized already.”

“I’ll write it down and you can always give us a call if there are any changes.”

He hands me a wad of cash after I tell him his total. After ringing him up, he grabs a business card from the front, and lifting it up, he says, “Taking one of these, since I don’t even know the name of the place I just walked into.”

I smile. “Reese’s Flowers.”

“Thanks, and thank you again for all your help.”

“It was no problem. I’m glad I was able to.”

“Me too.” He offers me a gentle smile before exiting the shop and I already know I don’t have to wait until delivery before I see him again.