Estranged Heart

Ten

Elijah

Working at both restaurants is still new for me. I don’t know how I’ll ever adjust to managing food and this many staff, but I can’t simply walk away. I can’t watch everything Landon worked hard for diminish to nothing. His dreams became my dreams, and he might be gone but everything we created together doesn’t have to be.

Wait staff walk past me as I play host, waiting to seat the next guests. We’ve lost two waiters and a manager this week. Between being here, the other location, the bookstore, and handling funeral arrangements, I haven’t had a chance to arrange any interviews. Openings have been added to job sites and hiring flyers have been placed on the windows. Applications have been submitted, and once I have a damn minute to breathe I’ll look them over. Who knows when the hell that’ll be.

“What are you doing up here, Elijah? I thought you were leaving for the night?” Lydia, one of the waitresses, asks.

“I was, but Chelsea got a flat so she’ll be an hour late.” Whoever the hell Chelsea is. All I know is she works as a hostess here and is scheduled tonight. Why didn’t I take time to visit the restaurant more and to meet the people my husband surrounded himself with daily? Maybe because I didn’t think our days together would be so limited. We were supposed to have more of them. Will I ever stop burdening myself with the ifs, whys, and whats?

“It’s been a little crazy here today, hasn’t it?” Lydia says, pulling me from my reverie.

“Yeah. Hopefully it’ll settle down soon. You go take your break. I’ll be okay up here.”

“Okay.” Smiling, she tugs off her apron and returns to the back.

A slew of customers come in, and after I seat them all I direct one of the bussers to the tables needing to be cleaned before stepping back behind the hostess stand to take a breather. The front door creaks open and I sigh, hating how short my break was, until my eyes land on a pair of striking, widened, blue ones.

At a loss for words and mouth agape, I stare at the man I’ve only known as Flower Shop Guy for the last week. For some reason I keep forgetting to ask his name, and he always leaves before he can tell me. When I made the joke about him figuring out where the restaurant was on his own, I wasn’t being serious. Oddly, I’m not at all disappointed or bothered. With anyone else I more than likely would be. What makes him so different?

And why am I still holding onto his bird-shaped napkin in my glove box? Maybe because it matched the ones Landon used to have on the table during special occasions. He learned a little origami at work from an employee, and at one point, him practicing his new skill led to different paper animals all over the house. Some still remain in his office.

Fumbling with his shirt, Flower Shop Guy glances around the restaurant before meeting my gaze again, his face tensing. “Hi.”

Clearing my throat, I offer him a smile. “Hey. It’s you again. Looks like you found your way here after all. You sure you’re not following me? Because these have to be some weird odds.”

His face flushes and he rocks back on his heels. “Positive. Definitely a strange coincidence. I had no idea this was your restaurant.”

“I’ve only recently started coming in here. Do you eat here often or something?”

Shaking his head, he continues to fumble with his shirt. “No. I’ve oddly only been here one time. But I’m trying to be better about that now I’m driving again.” Huh? I’m not sure which statement to question more, but not wanting to pry too much into his personal life, I go for the one anyone else would choose to continue the conversation.

“Do you know someone here?” Not sure why else he’d have a reason to want to come here more. Why I’m hoping for the reason to be a family member instead of a boyfriend or girlfriend, I don’t know. So many things can’t be explained when he’s around. He’s been a distraction I didn’t think I needed. I laugh and smile more whenever he’s in close proximity to me, forgetting I’m supposed to be drowning in sadness. I can’t figure out whether that makes his entrance into my life a blessing or a curse.

“Yeah. I came to have lunch with my wife, Stacey.”

My body stiffens. He’s married. My eyes drop to his ring finger, the silver band shining brightly under the restaurant lights. I’ve never noticed it before. So he has a wife—big deal. Not any of my business or concern. People are allowed to be married if they want. I was too, not long ago, and Landon was also a big surprise. Not in the same way. Of course not in the same way.

“Oh, that’s nice,” I say awkwardly. “Does she know you’re here?’

“I’m not sure.” He glances around him as if expecting her to pop up out of nowhere. “I texted her but she must be busy. I can always wait outside if I’m in the way.”

“Nah, you’re fine where you are. You can have a seat somewhere if you’d like and we can bring you water or something while you wait.”

“No. I don’t want to be too much trouble. Here is fine.” He runs a shaky hand through his hair.

He’s a lot more nervous and fidgety today than he was the last time I saw him. Holding a book in his hand while browsing all the shelves he was completely in his element, wearing a natural smile on his face. It only faltered briefly when I first approached him, catching him off guard. His demeanor relaxed as conversation flowed easily between us. I’m waiting for it to happen again. For him to joke or walk a little too close the way he did last time.

For whatever reason, him being around feels more right than it should—familiar and comfortable. He’s a stranger so nothing about it is logical. What I don’t understand the most is why I felt like we’d met before when I first ran into him at the floral shop.

“There you are.” A soft voice comes from behind me. Stacey is rounding the corner with a smile plastered across her face, flattening her hands over her apron. She continues approaching her husband, paying me no mind. “I sent you a text a few minutes ago. Did you not get it?”

Staring down at his pocket, he grabs his phone and checks it, appearing dumbfounded. “Oh. I didn’t hear it.”

“Ah, that’s alright. All that matters is I found you. Want to eat here or the place across the road?”

His face wrinkles as if he’s making the most important decision of his life. “Second option. I’m in the mood for egg rolls,” he says stiffly, his smile plastic and unconvincing. Nothing about him is easygoing today and he’s so serious with all his responses.

“Great, Chinese it is. I could do with a change anyway,” she responds, not at all thrown off by his actions or strange temperament. Who is this man? My gaze shuffles between them, and I can’t stop myself from listening in on the conversation. I guess I’m still searching for the person from the bakery, who joked about making me take the first sip of his drink and didn’t care if strawberry jelly dripped from his face while he lit up under the mellow lights, but he’s nowhere to be found.

Grabbing him by the arm, she cranes her neck to face me. “I’ll be back in thirty. Try not to miss me too much!” I don’t know Stacey well, but we have talked more than once—the first time being when Landon was alive. She’s a nice, upbeat person. Not very dependable or great with time management, but easy to get along with, nonetheless. I’ve kept her on because I’m familiar with having my life flip upside down, leaving me hanging in the balance.

“See you then, and nice meeting you again,” I shout toward the man whose name I still don’t know. Why don’t I ever think to ask? It’s an easy question that anyone else would think of, but basic things don’t always come to me when he’s around. We start talking and are suddenly caught in some strange universe of our own. One where all bad things disappear into the distance and all I see is him.

It’s like I don’t know how to make anything else exist until he’s gone. It’s not that I want him. Sure, he’s attractive—gorgeous even—but my heart still belongs to Landon and probably always will. No way can I be lusting after someone else so soon. So what the hell does this all mean then?

“Yeah, same.” He waves his hand in my direction as they exit the restaurant, Stacey’s gaze bouncing between us with interest as her arm clutches him tightly—possessively.

He’s her husband, the one who’s sick all the time. I’d never guess anything was wrong by looking at him, but hey, maybe he’s as good at pretending as I am. If he was constantly struggling like Landon said, I understand why he didn’t get out much before. Is he better now? Was he having a good day all the other times but not doing as well today? It could explain the change.

He didn’t laugh, smile, or show much of a personality. If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume he was someone else. How am I supposed to know who he truly is? I’ve been around the guy only four times but out of all of them, today he stood out to me the most, and not in a good way.

Was he being himself then or now?

Shaking off my thoughts, I shift my attention to sorting the menus. When Chelsea comes in, pinning her name badge to her apron, she apologizes profusely while rushing toward the break room. After she’s done putting her purse away and clocking in, she replaces me at the front and apologizes again.

“Flats can be unpredictable. Nothing you could’ve prevented. I’m only glad you’re okay, and here.” Offering her a comforting smile, I pat her on the shoulder before telling everyone bye for the day. No messages or missed calls from the police station wait for me on the phone. Nothing new regarding Landon’s case. The wait is killing me. My patience is wearing thin.

Are they really looking into everything I asked them to? Did they not find anything on his phone or any suspicious activity at the doctor’s office he had all his testing done at? If I knew where to start, I’d take matters into my own hands, but all I can do is be patient and hope they do their job.

Instead of going home, I drive to the place I sometimes go after work—where I last felt happy and complete. Not having justice for my husband, dealing with all these confusing feelings, and after the weird interaction with the Flower Shop Guy, it’s definitely needed.

Twenty minutes later, I arrive at the lake. A picture of Landon and me in front of the water is taped to the visor, and I stare at it for a while, carrying our happy moment with me as I get out of my car. Leaving my phone behind, I walk out to the dock where I last held Landon’s hand, and I kick my shoes off. Rays of sunlight beam along the calm lake water. I smile, focusing on the beautiful view in front of me as I sit down on the edge of the dock, dipping my feet into the water.

“It’s always so perfect out here,” Landon used to say. “It’s like the sky and water knew we were coming, wanting to give us their best.”

It does feel perfect out here right now. Whether it’s true or not, I like to think the days where the weather is just right and the water is inviting are the days he’s here with me. The best ones are still being reserved for us .

Yes, something horrible happened here, but lots of wonderful things happened too and they will always be what brings me back.