19. RememberedImagined
REMEMBERED OR IMAGINED
T he feel of Ryder’s arms around Grayson was comforting. It felt right . Natural even. And arousing. It had been too long since he’d been with anyone and his body was hungry to be touched.
Normally, he wouldn’t allow the guys he was with to hold him and kissing was only done with closed eyes. He almost always engaged in desperate, passionate, hot, but also impersonal sex. The thrill was the act, not the person. There was nothing intimate about it. Nothing comforting.
Yet here he was, leaning back against Ryder’s muscled chest, letting those massive arms enfold him, and not feeling claustrophobic or the need to break away. He imagined what it would feel like for Ryder to run a hand through the back of his hair and along his neck, just dipping his fingers into the collar of his sweater. Goosebumps rose on his arms at just the thought of those powerful yet elegant hands gliding along his bare skin.
All he had to do was turn around in Ryder’s arms and look up into that handsome bearded face through his lashes and he would find out if his imagination captured reality. Ryder would know what he wanted with those needy glances. The Weryn Vampire wanted it too, Grayson guessed, from how easily Ryder touched him and the smoldering look in his silver eyes. From the first moment they’d met, Ryder had been interested. They could go somewhere--back to his rooms, back to Ryder’s place--and feed this hunger in both of them until it was satiated.
But it wasn’t just raw desire that had him craving more of Ryder’s touch. When the spirits had come and the memories-- no, not memories. Nothing like that has ever happened to me-- had flooded over him, Ryder’s strength had been like a lifeline. He’d been safe even as his fingers had dug into Ryder’s back and he’d buried his head against Ryder’s chest. The Weryn Vampire’s scent had been warm and welcoming like cinnamon and fresh cut wood. It had blocked out the cold, icy smell of the spirits and the memory-- not memory! --of their touch.
But, like always, the familiar warning thoughts crowded one on top of the other like they always did whenever he got too close to someone.
Counting on someone else is dangerous.
They’ll let you down.
Everyone’s out for themselves.
Don’t let yourself get too comfortable with this.
Don’t trust this.
Don’t trust him.
With every thought, Grayson had gotten stiffer and stiffer in Ryder’s arms, his passion cooling, until he stepped out of Ryder’s grasp altogether, feeling like he couldn’t breathe properly. He needed to be free and loose for when things happened.
What things? He didn’t know. Hadn’t the Vampire woman and Lawson shown him there were plenty of reasons to be prepared for anything? Things were more dangerous here than they had been on the streets. Back there he’d been the only one with powers, but here? Here he was just one of many. So he couldn’t be weighed down. He needed to be able to get away or act immediately to protect himself.
He had felt the reluctance in Ryder’s arms in regards to letting him go. He shrugged off the regret at how he suddenly felt chilled without Ryder’s warmth. He clapped with the rest of the students at the end of the parade, acting as if he’d lost nothing.
“Are you all right, Grayson?” Ryder asked softly over the clapping and the cheers.
“Fine. That was pretty cool. The parade. Not what I thought it would be,” Grayson said neutrally even as his stomach knotted when Ryder lifted his hands to touch him again, but dropped them at the last moment. “I thought it would be cheesy, but it wasn’t. All those powers. Pretty impressive.”
“Yes, it was,” Ryder said equally neutrally. “But some of the gifts can be… overwhelming. Kaly’s gift--”
“I wasn’t scared,” Grayson shot out and immediately pressed his lips together. The disbelief that flashed in Ryder’s eyes for that moment though told him how foolish he sounded. “I was just… I don’t know.” He turned his head and saw Ryder’s handsome face, looking just like he’d imagined and he swallowed. “It’s going to sound crazy, but maybe not. You guys say that reincarnation is real so maybe...”
Ryder’s eyebrows drew together. “Maybe?”
“It was a memory. The spirits… the way they rose up like mist and then came towards us… for a second, I remembered that,” Grayson said.
“You remembered that?” Demos asked and he shared one of those quick glances with Ryder.
But Demos couldn’t possibly understand what had happened in just a few seconds. It wasn’t something that Grayson could really explain.
“You thought you’d seen spirits like that before?” Ryder asked almost too casually.
“I don’t know. I…”
Grayson’s eyes went unfocused as he recalled what he’d seen or imagined or remembered or whatever it was. He had been in a dark field. The tall grass had been mostly beaten down around him as if a great number of people had walked that way. A whole army of them.
There was blood on the crushed stalks and he thought that, in the distance, he could see bodies on the ground. Black mounds among the tall grasses. And then there was this mist that filtered through the stalks that were washed of all color by the moons.
It had drifted slowly towards him like that old line about a cat on creeping paws. He remembered or imagined that he had gathered his power inside of him. His power was a burning, roaring fire far greater than he’d ever built within himself before. He’d used the air, thickening it by pushing molecules together, and sending it towards the mist, trying to disperse it. But it hadn’t worked.
The mist kept coming.
He remembered–or imagined–the dry sound of the stalks as he started backing away from the mist, still slashing at it with his power, still looking for something--or someone--more substantial to attack. But there had not been anyone in view.
He’d remembered–or imagined–thinking that maybe one of the black mounds, one of the seemingly dead bodies, wasn’t really dead, but was just pretending to be to evade his power. But none of them stirred to alert him to their charade.
The mist kept coming.
He was moving more swiftly then, turning and running but still glancing back to check on the location of the mist. It was the thin crawling strands anymore between the stalks. Instead, it was a white wall behind him. There were voices, so many voices, and then he was surrounded by the mist as if it were a wave that had crashed down upon him and there was silence. So quiet. Like the sound had been sucked out.
He remembered–or imagined–stopping running as he could not see where he was going and that was dangerous. He built the fire inside of him higher, preparing for something or someone. And then the mist looked at him. It was then he understood that it wasn’t mist at all, but spirits with faces pressed tightly together. They were the mist.
They came for him…
And that was all he remembered… or imagined . He’d snapped out of it in that moment as he’d turned from the spirit and found Ryder’s chest.
Grayson raked a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what I mean. I can’t remember something that never happened to me. I mean unless… I don’t know.”
Ryder though just nodded as if what he was saying made complete sense. Grayson didn’t feel that Ryder was simply patronizing him. That chill filled him again and he rubbed his arms. The air wasn’t that cold and his sweater, as much as he disliked it, was warm. But he was still cold.
“Perhaps we should get you back to your rooms,” Ryder suggested. “You look a little tired.”
The thought of going back to his rooms where the fire danced in the grate and a warm, soft bed waited for him sounded really good then. Especially when his mind conjured up being spooned by Ryder in that bed. He’d never let anyone sleep with him ever. But, again, here he was wanting things he shouldn’t. Wanting things that weren’t safe. But he did feel safe with Ryder even though the Weryn Vampire was associated with dangerous people like Lawson.
“I…”
Before he had a chance to answer, a servant came by with a silver tray with more champagne. Another followed with mini-burgers, steak sandwiches, melty ham and cheese toasts, crab puffs and more finger food. His stomach growled and Ryder took some of the food to simply hold for him because he couldn’t carry enough.
“Hungry after using my gift, I guess,” Grayson said between bites of the smoky ham and the sweet crab.
He’d noted the fact that the servant’s eyes were not silver--nor had the eyes of the people who had brought Ryder and Demos’ clothes earlier--which meant that they were human. “Are all the people who work here human?”
“Some.” Ryder shrugged and offered Grayson a tiny burger with cheese and bacon. He popped the whole thing in his mouth. “They are Acolytes, but others are young Vampires who are earning their place.”
“Acolytes? They’re humans who you feed from, right? Ones that give themselves over in exchange for the chance to be turned?” Grayson searched his memory for the definition of the term.
“Some of them. Others simply want to be near us and our power. And others have desires they can only be quenched with our fangs,” Ryder answered.
The arousal that had cooled burst to life in Grayson once more. He couldn’t help but understand the desire to be with a Vampire as he stared at Ryder’s long legs, taut waist and powerful chest. He could easily imagine those lips and tongue and teeth against his throat. Yes, he could understand those desires very well. He finished his champagne.
“Look at this. Look at how weird this is,” Mairead said as she came over with Eiji, swallowing champagne herself.
Grayson glanced to where she gestured. The Vampires stayed in their Bloodline clusters, not eating or drinking, but smiling to a certain extent. Yet they were not going over to any of the students. And, at the moment, none of the students were going over to them. In fact, Grayson, Mairead and Eiji were the only humans mixing with Vampires.
“I admit this reminds me of some bad middle school dance where the guys stay on one side of the room and the girls on the other, ” Grayson said.
“Why is no one going up to them?” Mairead’s eyes narrowed. “There was nothing in the materials about keeping our distance, was there? No, there wasn’t.”
Grayson was sure she would know if there were.
“Maybe it will take one brave soul to break the detente,” Eiji suggested.
“Perhaps, though everyone is pretending they didn’t see Grayson and Ryder cuddling.” She cast a narrow-eyed glance at him.
“Ah, well, yeah, the Kaly…” Grayson muttered and rubbed the back of his neck.
“Right. Sure. Likely story,” she said.
“You grabbed my hand, Mairead,” Eiji pointed out.
“I thought you grabbed mine.” But her cheeks were red.
Grayson hadn’t thought he would like Mairead. She was brash and rude, saying out loud what should only be thought. But she’d come back when he needed help and she evidently saw Eiji as her charge. Grayson wasn’t sure if Eiji needed Mairead, but he didn’t seem to object to her. And Grayson found himself softening towards her.
“It was impressive. I mean all of them were awesome, but the Kaly… they’re a little different,” she said with a shrug.
“And it appears we have caught their Immortal’s interest… or Grayson has,” Eiji noted.
Grayson’s head jerked up. Caemorn and Balthazar were being lowered to the ground. He wondered if the Ashyr Vampire holding them up would make her way over to confront him then about what he’d done. But it was Caemorn, just like Eiji had said, who started towards him the moment that his booted feet hit the ground. The sound of his walking stick tapping against the stone road as he strode to Grayson.
“What is the deal with every Immortal wanting to talk to you?” Mairead asked.
Grayson was starting to wonder himself. If he was to keep a low profile, this wasn’t doing it. But maybe he wasn’t. Maybe by making him a “favorite” or something then Sect members would gravitate towards him.
Ryder stood on one side of him and Demos went by his other the moment the lithe, blonde Kaly Vampire dressed in crimson stopped in front of Grayson. The memory or imagination of the mist becoming spirits had sweat breaking out on Grayson’s brow. But he held himself still. Mairead and Eiji lingered nearby, but Caemorn cast a single look in their direction and Eiji took Mairead’s arm and gently tugged her away. She squawked, but not too loudly and didn’t really resist. Caemorn then turned his attention fully back to Grayson.
“Grayson, my name is Caemorn,” Caemorn introduced himself.
“The Immortal Kaly, right? Just like Balthazar’s the Immortal Eyros?” Grayson asked.
Saying the name “Kaly” felt familiar despite its unusualness. Again, there was this feeling of remembering and imagining.
“Exactly.” Caemorn dipped his head.
He was an elegant Vampire dressed neatly in a long, crimson coat, fitted black pants and boots. He had blonde hair so pale it was almost white. It was shorn close to the sides and slightly longer on the top. His features were fine, almost delicate, and he spoke and moved with precision as if every single thing he did was thought of and considered carefully.
“What can I do for you?” Grayson asked.
“He needs to sleep, Caemorn,” Ryder growled. “He’s exhausted.”
“Is he?” Caemorn lifted an elegant pale eyebrow. “Well, I suppose it is exhausting to be manhandled by a Weryn Vampire.”
“I handled Lawson just fine,” Grayson stated stiffly.
He hated how Ryder flushed and dropped his gaze, looking guilty over Lawson’s actions.
“Yes, but you were seen,” Caemorn stated.
Grayson looked over his shoulder at the female Ashyr Vampire. She had been waylaid by Balthazar who was forcing her to pet Meffy. Her eyes kept shifting to Grayson though.
“Yeah, well, that was bound to happen,” Grayson said, trying to act like he had wished to keep it hidden for at least a day. He’d managed to keep it secret on Earth most of his life. But here he’d been sloppy, yet he didn’t quite care.
“Indeed.” Caemorn smiled thinly. “Some gifts cannot be hidden. But I am here to ask if you would like to attend an interrogation tomorrow.”
Grayson blinked. “Ah… who are you interrogating?”
Ryder shifted. “He doesn’t have to be exposed to her again!”
“We can tell him what we find out. He doesn’t need that,” Demos agreed.
It took Grayson a moment to understand what he was talking about. “You mean the--the female Vampire that killed Sam? She’s dead, isn’t she? I killed her.”
Grayson quickly looked over at Eiji and Mairead who were sipping champagne and talking quietly together. They hadn’t heard what he’d said. He focused again on Caemorn.
“No, she is not dead. That would make things easier.” Caemorn pressed his lips together. “But Balthazar insisted on keeping her alive and then diving into her mind. He will do that tomorrow. We thought it would be good for you to be there. Unless you wish to sit through classes on Vampire through the Ages.”
“You don’t have to go, Grayson,” Ryder said. “I don’t know what they expect you to add.”
“Perhaps he would like to know more about the people who changed his life forever and murdered his friend?” Caemorn lifted that eyebrow again.
Grayson didn’t know what he felt about the Sect Vampire still being alive. He thought he had killed her. He thought he had avenged Charlie in part.
“When you’re done questioning her, what happens to her then? She’s let go? I mean Sam was just a human, and just a homeless human at that so he matters even less than the other other mortals so--”
“No, Grayson, as you will discover Balthazar’s gift will allow him to turn her into our greatest ally,” Caemorn said.
“Like they did with the monsters?” Grayson asked.
That had been impressive, but he couldn’t see that working long term. The one Eyros Vampire had lost control of one of the hags for a moment.
“No, not like that. That was crude .” Caemorn grimaced. “Flashy, but crude. She will literally be ours in all ways.”
“So she gets away with it?! She’s--”
“She won’t be her anymore, Grayson,” Caemorn almost gently interrupted his rushed angry response. “The person she was will be gone . It is a punishment beyond anything you can imagine.”
Grayson wasn’t sure what that meant or how it would work. But he accepted it. For now.
“So would you like to be there to learn some answers?” Caemorn asked.
“Yeah, yeah, I’d like to,” Grayson said.
Ryder did not look happy about it. “Then I’ll be there, too.”
Slowly Caemorn turned his silver-eyed gaze on Ryder. It was such a cold and distant look as if Caemorn were staring down at an insect. “Won’t you have your hands full? You have to ensure that Lawson leaves tomorrow, do you not?”
Ryder’s jaw worked. He didn’t back down from Caemorn even though many strong people would have. He didn’t respond though. Finally, Caemorn tipped his head.
“Pleasure to meet you, Grayson. You will be collected tomorrow at the appropriate time,” Caemorn said.
The Kaly Vampire turned neatly on his heel and walked off, his cane tapping on the ground. Grayson’s shoulders slumped. He was suddenly exhausted.
“Come, let’s get you back,” Ryder said gently, putting a hand on Grayson’s shoulder.
“Y-yeah, that sounds good.” Grayson nodded.
“Will you be all right by yourselves? I want to talk to our people and… check in on Lawson and Natasha,” Demos said.
“That sounds good. Keep me apprised?” Ryder asked.
“Will do.” Demos nodded his head and stalked off.
Grayson watched as Demos headed off towards the Weryn. They were all dressed--seeming in versions of black leather and fur--and staring intently at Grayson and Ryder. In fact, the intensity of some of their stares were strong enough to burn through metal. Ryder glanced over, but seemed mostly unmoved by their looks.
“Let’s go,” Ryder said, putting a possessive-protective hand on Grayson’s lower back.
“Heading back to the dorm. See you two later!” Grayson waved to Eiji and Mairead.
Seeing Ryder’s hand on him, Mairead simply lifted her eyebrows. Eiji waved back and the two of them headed towards a grouping of Vampires. They were going to break the ice. The Ashyr Vampire and Balthazar were nowhere to be seen. He wondered if Balthazar had changed her mind about what she’d seen Grayson do. He didn’t know what to think about that. He was slightly ashamed at the relief he felt at the thought that she might not remember what he’d done.
He and Ryder walked in silence back towards the dorm. Grayson’s mind flitted from one image to the next of the parade, of Lawson, of Ryder’s holding him. The last he got rather stuck on.
“Are you sure it’s a good idea that you’re around me so much?” Grayson asked.
Ryder’s eyebrows rose as he turned to Grayson. “What do you mean?”
“Your people--the other Weryn--didn’t look happy about it. Lawson’s anger was focused on that, too. He was pissed because he thought that you were not going to hold the line about the whole no-fledglings thing,” Grayson said quietly.
“He had no true reason for his behavior,” Ryder growled.
Grayson had to admit that he liked the fact that Ryder didn’t think there was any acceptable reason for what Lawson had done.
“Yeah, but your people are going to think you’re breaking from tradition, because they’ll think you’re courting me? What do you call starting a relationship with someone you want to turn?” Grayson asked.
“Courting is appropriate.” Ryder smiled. “You do not need to worry about the Weryn. Demos will calm them. And once Lawson leaves tomorrow, the rest of the issues will be solved.”
“Will he leave?” Grayson asked.
Ryder frowned and Grayson had the urge to tease those lips back up into a smile. “King Daemon requested I be the representative of the Weryn here. Lawson must go.”
“I’m sure you’re right,” Grayson lied, though he hoped it was true.
They reached the dorm and went up the steps to the doors. They slowed down then. Grayson assumed that Ryder would leave, meet up with Demos, deal with Lawson and the fallout. But Ryder gestured for Grayson to precede him into the dorm.
“You’re going to walk me to my door?” Grayson smiled.
“I am going to spend the night with you,” Ryder stated simply.
Grayson blinked. “You’re going to--”
“Keep you safe, Grayson,” Ryder told him. “I will do whatever it takes to accomplish this. So… may I come up?”
Grayson stared at that handsome face. The voice in his head that warned him of becoming attached, of trusting, of wanting too much, of putting himself at risk started to babble. But he shut them out. Those steady gray eyes were stronger at this moment than his doubts.
“Yeah, yeah, I want you to come up.”