15. Illinois License Plate
15
Illinois License Plate
When I got home Wednesday evening, I took pause at the shiny Honda parked in the driveway, studying the Illinois license plate suspiciously. We didn’t know anyone from Illinois, and other than going to Uncle Rick’s for Thanksgiving tomorrow, we weren’t expecting family.
As I climbed out of my truck, the front door opened, and my brother stepped out onto the porch.
“Will?” I sprinted up the porch steps and, much to my surprise and his, threw my arms around his neck. “Oh my God! What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Well, hello to you too.” He chuckled, wrapping his arms around me as I rested my chin on his shoulder. “We wanted to surprise you guys for Thanksgiving.”
“Bastard.” I laughed, pulling away to peek up at him, except I didn’t need to look up as much as I remembered doing over the summer. Either he’d shrunk or I’d grown.
Will smiled, his brown eyes crinkling at the edges. “Damn, you’ve gotten tall.”
He clapped my shoulder, and I grinned. “About time, right?”
Will led me into the house with his arm around my shoulders, and I liked how we were almost the same height now. Dad was still taller than both of us, but my vanity crowed in happiness.
“Hi, Silas,” Cora greeted with a dreamy smile as she rose from the couch.
Shrugging off my coat, I waved. “Oh, hey, Cora.”
She tucked a flaxen chunk of hair behind her ear as she glided over to me and pulled me into a hug. I wasn’t a hugger, but Cora was, so here we were.
“Good to see you,” I said, and it wasn’t exactly a lie.
“You too.” She patted my cheek as she studied me intently. “You seem better than the last time I saw you. Your aura’s brighter. I’m glad.”
“Well, that’s swell,” I said, shooting Will an impatient stare over her shoulder.
Will just hid a smile behind his hand.
“There’s a murky area, though. You should look into that,” she said sagely.
“It’s on my to-do list.”
“Quite a surprise, huh?” Dad groaned as he stood up and slapped Will on the shoulder.
“Yeah,” I said, kicking off my shoes.
It was easy to ignore how much I missed Will when he was at school, but the truth was, I was lonely without him. My throat tightened with emotion as I watched Will and Dad settle back into their seats in the living room. Cora curled up beside Will, tucking herself under his arm.
Instead of taking the last spot on the couch beside Cora, I opted for plopping down onto the carpet. I raised my knees and rested my arms on them, chin propped on my wrist.
“It’s nice to have more space,” Will was saying, exchanging a weighted look with Cora before adding, “Especially since we’re gonna need that second bedroom.”
I straightened at that, even as Dad frowned.
“Well if you need a roommate to afford the place, then you shouldn’t have rented it,” he grumbled.
“We can afford it just fine, Dad.” Will chuckled as he took Cora’s hand. “But I think you’ll like our new roommate.”
Dad had yet to make the connection, but I found myself blurting, “You knocked up your girlfriend?”
“We prefer the term pregnant, ” Cora said coolly.
Dad nearly choked on his beer as Will pulled a square black-and-white picture from his pocket. “Eight weeks along. Due in May.”
There was a beat of silence where all eyes fell on Dad’s white face. He quickly flushed a terrifying shade of magenta before the biggest grin spread over his face. “I’m gonna be a grandpa?”
The living room filled with celebratory cheers and congratulations, but I remained on the floor, fingers digging into my legs. My brother was having a baby. My brother was going to be a dad. I was going to be an uncle. Oh God, I wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility. I was way too young for this.
“Silas?” Will’s voice cut through my selfish panic, and I blinked up at him. “Do you want to see?”
He offered me the ultrasound photo, and I took it carefully. I saw blobs in varying shades of gray, but when Will pointed and said, “See it? Right there,” I nodded anyway.
Lowering my voice so Cora wouldn’t hear, I whispered, “You do know about condoms, right?”
“Dick,” he said, but he grabbed my hand and hauled me to my feet, dragging me into a hug. “You’re gonna be an uncle.”
“Holy shit. Congrats, Will.” He released me, and Cora took his place, drawing me into another hug. “Congratulations, Cora.”
“Thank you, Silas.”
“My boy’s having a baby,” Dad said, face flushed from beer and happiness. “I don’t believe it.”
Will’s hand gripped the back of my neck and squeezed lightly as Dad enveloped Cora in another hug. Leaning in, Will whispered, “I’m gonna marry her, you know?”
“Yeah?”
He nodded. “Yeah. You’ll be my best man, right?”
“You’re gonna marry her now?”
“Not now.” He hip-checked me. “But eventually.”
“Shouldn’t you wait to ask me until after you’ve asked her?” I said incredulously.
“Probably. But you’ll do it, right?”
Angling my head, I looked up at him and grinned. “Yeah, Will. Of course.”
His forehead met mine, his fingers digging almost painfully into the back of my neck. “Good. That’s real good.”
Lying in bed a few hours later, I unlocked my phone and pulled up my text thread with Ben and shot him a message.
Silas: So my brother’s in town and knocked up his college girlfriend. Come graduation, I’m gonna be an uncle.
Ben: Wow. Is that good or bad?
Silas: It’s good.
Ben: Congratulations, Uncle Silas.
Silas: Thanks.
Ben: I didn’t know your brother was coming home for the holidays.
Silas: I didn’t either. It was a surprise.
Ben: That’s awesome.
I snuggled into my mattress as muffled voices echoed from Will’s room. My brother said something, and Cora laughed. It made me smile. Until her laughter took on a different tone.
Fingers hovering over my screen, I glanced at the bathroom door, Will’s voice deeper than it had been before. Like he was… trying to be sexy?
“Oh gross,” I said, opening my side table and searching for my headphones. I did not want to hear this.
Cora giggled.
“No, wait,” I whimpered as I grabbed my headphones and struggled to untangle the cords. “Don’t fuck yet.”
Will groaned.
“Why me?”
I finally managed to get my earbuds untangled when the creak of bed springs started. I opened my music app and blindly hit play, dialing the volume up. When I could no longer hear the sounds of coitus, I relaxed into my bed.
My phone vibrated, and I clicked the message logo.
Ben: You still there?
Silas: Yeah, sorry. Had to scramble for my headphones.
He sent me a lone question mark. With a snort, I sent him an eggplant emoji, a peach emoji, and a sweat emoji. The reply bubbles appeared, then disappeared. Then appeared again.
Ben: At least offer to buy me dinner first.
Silas: NO! That wasn’t a proposition. My brother and his girlfriend are fucking and I can hear it and it’s gross!
He sent me twelve laughing emojis.
Silas: This is not funny. It’s practically a hate crime!
Ben: Because they’re having heterosexual sex in your vicinity?
Silas: HATE CRIME!
Ben: You’re ridiculous. I’m going to bed.
Silas: If I have to suffer, so do you.
Ben didn’t reply.
Silas: Ben!
He still didn’t respond.
Silas: Beeeeeeeen!
He was still reading the chat but not replying, and I pouted.
Silas: BEN!
Ben: Stop screaming my name.
Silas: Terrible word choice given our topic of conversation.
I bit my lip as I sent a winking emoji.
Ben: Are you insinuating you’re a screamer? Because I don’t think we’re far enough along in our relationship for that revelation.
Burying my face in my pillow, I laughed.
Silas: My lips are sealed on that front. A boy’s gotta keep some secrets.
Ben: Wise words.
Neither of us added to the chat for a minute or two, and I utilized the break to check if the sex noises had stopped. Their bed wasn’t creaking anymore, so that was at least an improvement.
Silas: Status report: No more scarring noises coming from my brother’s room.
Ben: Thank God.
Silas: I’m an atheist.
Ben: Really? Or is this another instance of sass?
My first instinct was to deflect, but I decided on honesty instead.
Silas: TBH I don’t know whether God exists, but I figured if he does, then he is much too busy worrying about nuclear war, famine, and genocide to see little ol’ me.
Ben: That’s depressing.
Silas: You believe in God?
Ben: I’d like to think there’s something out there bigger than all this shit. That things happen for a reason. That there’s justice.
Silas: Justice?
Our conversation had taken a heavy turn for one in the morning, and I waited for several minutes as Ben typed and then erased and started over again.
Ben: Life isn’t fair. Death should be.
Silas: Death is death. Blackout. Game over.
Ben: Then what we do in this life doesn’t matter. I can’t live like that.
Silas: What we do in this life matters more. It’s all we have.
An exceptionally long pause followed my text, but eventually he responded.
Ben: Maybe I just want the comfort of believing there’s a place where my mom still exists.
My heart shuddered at the reminder of his mom’s death, and I floundered for what to say. My mother left of her own choice, but Ben’s mother was stolen from him. There was a tragedy to his experience that didn’t exist in mine. I wanted to lighten the sad atmosphere, but I didn’t want to dismiss his pain, especially when I couldn’t understand the depth of it.
Silas: I guess we won’t know until we die. If there is a heaven, I probably won’t see it since I’ll be burning in hell for liking guys.
Ben sent a laughing emoji, and I grinned, watching the bubbles on my screen as my stomach flip-flopped.
Ben: For what it’s worth, I don’t believe you’re going to hell.
Silas: Whew! I was worried there for a second.
Ben: Smartass.
Silas: Always.
I wasn’t sure what to say next, but Ben beat me to the punch.
Ben: Well I’m off to bed. Have a good Thanksgiving.
Silas: K. You too.
Ben: Goodnight.
Silas: Goodnight.
I waited for him to say something else, but when my phone stayed silent, I clicked off the screen and placed my phone on my side table with a sigh.
Curling onto my side, I closed my eyes and drifted toward sleep. I was on the precipice when my phone buzzed on my nightstand, and I jerked into full awareness. My heart leapt into my throat, and my belly swarmed with winged insects as I hurried to check Ben’s message.
Except it wasn’t Ben. I didn’t want to analyze why that disappointed me so much.
Glaring at the empty text message from some unknown contact, I cursed whatever glitch in the system that had caused the teasing hope. Fuck you, Unknown, getting my hopes up for nothing. Stupid cell service.
I deleted the mistaken text and returned my phone to my side table. Punching my pillow, I snuggled into my blankets and closed my eyes.
Go to sleep, Silas, and for fuck’s sake, do not dream about Ben!
But my subconscious must have hated me because, as my mind spun into unconsciousness, my dreams filled with blue eyes, blond curls, and dimples. I tossed and turned in a restless sleep full of the ghosts of spring soap and spearmint.