Chapter 22
CHAPTER 22
L IKE A GOLF PUTT THAT CIRCLED THE CUP, going in before popping back out, Hanna’s decision about Joe kept going in and out, yes and no. The mayor’s anger set her back on her heels. This decision would not simply affect her, Mandy, and the Buckleys, but the whole town. Used to trying hard to look at the whole picture, Hanna wondered why she hadn’t seen that issue when she first got the letter.
Back at her office, she dug Jared’s phone number out of her desk drawer. After punching the numbers into her phone, she paused. It was almost noon. Was Jared home, or was he still at the fire? He’d have his phone with him either way, and if he didn’t want to talk, or couldn’t, he could just let it go to voicemail.
Taking a deep breath, Hanna pushed Call.
The phone rang four times. She was about to disconnect when Jared’s sleepy voice came over the line. “’Lo.”
“Jared? Did I wake you?”
“Hmm, yeah, but it’s okay. I needed to get up. What’s going on, Hanna?”
“I, ah, well, where are you, at the fire? Or home?”
“Home for a few more hours. Do you need something?”
“I just need to talk to you, run something by you...”
“You want to meet somewhere? You want to come here?”
“Ah.” Hanna thought for a moment. Did she want to meet somewhere? This was a small town, Jared and her meeting someplace was bound to start tongues wagging.
“I can come by your place. Say when.”
“Now, ah, well give me fifteen minutes to shower and get some coffee.”
“How about I come by in about forty minutes?”
“Fine, that would be great. See you then.”
As Hanna disconnected and sat in her chair, an odd feeling came over her. She shook it off. I’m only going to talk to him about Joe. That’s it.
Fully awake after Hanna’s call, Jared checked the clock and jumped in the shower. Still a few hours left of his leave, so he had time to visit with Hanna. As hot water pounded down on his head, he puzzled about the visit. What on earth could she want? Maybe she wanted to know about the fire lines.
No, she’d get her info about that straight from the fire chief.
Could she want to know what Jude was up to?
No, he doubted she’d come to talk to him here if that were the case.
Lathering up with shampoo and soap, he tried to shut out the questions in his mind. She’d be here soon enough, and he’d find out. He shaved close and dressed in clean jeans and a tank top. Even after using all the soap and water, he could still smell smoke and knew it would be a while before he didn’t. He hoped Hanna didn’t smell it.
He checked the mirror one more time. Staring at his reflection, he started laughing. He felt as amped-up as a teen going on his first date.
His smile faded. This wasn’t a date. Hanna was spoken for, at least for the time being. He paced a bit, still struggling to guess what she wanted to talk to him about.
He hoped she knew about Carver. Surely Hanna knew the disgruntled ex-cop lived next door. Jared peered out the window. The busted SUV was gone. Carver must’ve had someone come tow it. Jared was surprised he’d not heard, but then he’d fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The house looked empty, and there was no audible music. Just then, Hanna’s cruiser turned down the drive. Jared opened the door and stepped out onto the porch to greet her.
As Hanna drove up to Jared’s house, she almost stopped before turning into his driveway. That’s why the address was familiar—Jared was staying right next door to Jude Carver. She saw the smashed mailbox. What was up with that? Hanna was not in the mood to get into it with Carver.
Oh well. She continued down the drive and saw Jared step out his front door. Though she’d seen him many times since his return, today Hanna felt a jolt as if she’d just touched a live wire. Memories exploded in her thoughts like claps of thunder. Ten years had aged him in a good way. He’d been lanky when he left, even thin; his ropey-muscled physique had helped him to be a good rock climber. Jared had been a talented all-around athlete. He never played organized sports, always bristled at the rules and coaching. Structure was not his friend. Even belief in God was too structured for Jared back then.
A thought yanked Hanna like a full stop on an anchor line after a long fall. If things had been different, if Jared had embraced faith and asked Hanna to marry him, she would have run away with him in an instant. But he couldn’t and she didn’t.
Moving on.
Jared had filled out, shoulders and arms well muscled, his brown hair longer and a little wavy, and Hanna wondered how he liked being a firefighter. Talk about structure. Obviously, a lot had changed besides his build. She’d not been by to talk to him for a lot of reasons. The primary reason being that it made her feel disloyal to Nathan.
That was silly. She wasn’t certain her relationship with Nathan would evolve into a serious one. True, she considered him her steady, and she loved being around him, but what she felt for him did not yet meet the intensity of the feelings she’d had for Jared at one time.
That thought jarred her for a minute. Were her feelings past tense?
They had to be. Jared was simply an old school friend; that was how Hanna knew she should see him. A comparison came, unbidden, to her mind: Nathan looked more like an academic, while Jared looked every bit a firefighter, a jock.
It took some mental gymnastics to get the comparison out of her mind. She kept her expression neutral and climbed out of her car. This conversation was to be about Joe, that’s all.
“Hello, Jared.”
“Hanna. Good to see you.” He took a step off the porch. A lock of hair fell over his forehead when he did. He brushed it back with one hand. “I will admit it’s been driving me a little crazy.”
“What has?”
“Why you suddenly wanted to come see me. Sometimes I feel as if you’re avoiding me like the plague.”
Hanna stopped about four feet from Jared, holding his gaze, watching his hazel eyes dance.
“Not avoiding. Just staying busy with a lot of stuff.”
“Is some of that stuff why you’re here?”
She nodded.
“Do you want to come inside? Have something to drink?”
Hanna shook her head. “I won’t keep you long. You said you had to go back to work. Can we sit on the porch for a moment?”
“Sure.” He swept his arm to point to the two old rockers on the porch.
Hanna walked past him and took a seat, and Jared followed.
“I’ll get right to it. It’s about Joe.”
“Joe?” He stopped halfway into his chair, eyes wide with surprise.
Hanna nodded and then let the words tumble out, telling him about the letter, Nathan, Mandy, and the mayor.
“Wow,” he said when she finished. “You have been busy with stuff. And not just plane crashes.”
Hanna sat back, exhausted by the recitation. Yeah, busy was correct.
Jared leaned forward, elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands together, a pensive expression on his face. “You’re not asking me to tell you what you should do, are you?” He looked at her sideways.
“I don’t know what I’m asking. You and Mandy are the only two people who understand how difficult it was to have Joe called my father. I know what Mandy thinks, and I’m inclined to say yes for her. But...”
“It’s a big request, a big responsibility.”
She nodded.
“I can understand Mandy wanting closure. She forgave Joe a long time ago. Where her parents’ remains are is a loose end.” He steepled his hands and tapped his chin with his fingertips. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Have you forgiven Joe?”
Hanna took a minute before answering. “Before I got this letter, I would have said yes. But now, I don’t know. Joe Keyes has been a monster in name only my whole life.” Hanna surprised herself with the answer. She doubted that she would have been as candid with Nathan.
Jared straightened and sat back in the rocker. “Don’t look at Joe through your mother’s eyes. Paula took everything so personal. What Joe did was horrible, but it was never about your mom. She never saw anything except how her life was affected. I doubt she ever even considered the real victims. I always loved the fact that you never let her bitterness affect you. Don’t start letting it do that now.”
“You think that’s what I’m doing?” His analysis of her mother was spot-on. If Hanna had a nickel for every time her mother moaned about what Joe had done to her , she’d have a truckload of nickels.
“I don’t know. What I do know is that you are a kind and compassionate woman. I imagine on some level it bothers you to think about Joe dying alone in prison. He’s paid for his crimes here, and he’ll face God eventually. Dying alone would be an empty death.”
Hanna considered this. Joe’s crimes should have merited the death sentence. His plea deal forestalled that. Though California had not executed anyone in years, and now had a moratorium against the death penalty, it was unlikely he’d have been put to death even if he’d received that sentence. He’d served thirty-five years in prison. Some killers nowadays got off with much lighter sentences. Looking at the situation as chief of police, could she agree that Joe had paid for his crime?
Am I holding something against him?
“Nothing in this world will bring back Mandy’s parents or change what happened that night,” Hanna said, looking past Jared to the roadway, thinking out loud. “I know that. Maybe the bottom line is, I just don’t know what to say to him.” She redirected her gaze to Jared. “Am I supposed to tell him I forgive him? Do I pretend that he didn’t tear my mom up, destroy my childhood?”
“That’s something else that can’t be changed. What do you expect him to do about that now? You survived, came out stronger I bet. There is something to Romans 8:28.”
“You think that I should say yes.”
“Doesn’t matter what I think or don’t think.” He held out both hands palms up. “Here”—he raised up his left—“is you saying no and never having the chance to talk to Joe about anything, and here”—he lowered his left and raised his right—“is you saying yes and making the mayor and maybe the whole town angry but opening the dialogue with the man who ruined your mother’s life. Same weight, but what can you live with?”
Hanna folded her arms. Jared was right. It did all come down to what she could live with. She felt as if a weight slipped off her back and she could stand up straight. An issue that had seemed so clouded a few minutes ago was now crystal clear. Jared did that for her. He seemed to have a clearer vision when it came to difficult subjects.
When they were in high school, Marcus Marshall was interviewed about his book Murders at Beecher’s Mine Cabin . It was an anniversary interview, she didn’t remember which one, and it stirred the subject up again. It was Jared who helped her navigate the questions and the stares.
“It’s history, it will always be history. Just make peace with it.”
He had come to dinner and even helped calm her mother down.
“That’s an even-keeled guy,” her mother said, high praise coming from Paula for any man. Hanna wanted to give him a hug. She resisted.
“Thanks, Jared,” she said now, then stood, and so did he. “You helped me put things in perspective.”
“I wish all problems caused by stuff were so easy. Glad I could help.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, and Hanna stepped past him.
She turned back when she reached the bottom step. “Why do you think it makes the mayor so angry?”
“I have thoughts.” He leaned against a support post. “She is sweet on Everett; everyone at the station knows that. Maybe she’s worried about how this will affect him. Then again, she grew up here too. What is she, ten or fifteen years older than us? Maybe it ruined her teen years in some way. But I would not give her attitude too much sway in your decision.”
Hanna reached her cruiser and opened the door. “When do you have to go back to the fire line?”
“Couple hours. The wind dying down has helped a lot. Before you go, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, what?”
He hopped down one step. “How about dinner one night? Prove you’re not avoiding me. I’ve been back awhile and I’d really like to have time to catch up.”
The question both surprised and excited Hanna. Yes was on the tip of her tongue. It took a beat for her to answer. She would like to sit down someplace quiet and get reacquainted with Jared. Better sense prevailed.
“Dinner? Ah, I’m seeing someone.”
“We’re friends, Hanna. Friends talk. Years ago, it was easy for us.”
She had to look away from his piercing gaze. “Yeah, it was.” Turning back, she said, “I’ll think about it. Be careful.”
“I will. And Hanna?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t be a stranger.”