Every Hidden Truth (Far From Ruined #2)

2. Fuzzy Hat

2

Fuzzy Hat

I woke Saturday morning from a dream I should not have been having, morning wood tenting my pajamas. With a groan, I turned over and buried my face in my pillow as the last remnants of the dream evaporated like smoke.

Dreaming about Ben in any type of naked scenario was literally the last thing I needed in my life. But my brain was an asshole.

Forcing myself out of bed, I stumbled toward the bathroom and started the shower. I glared down at my morning wood until it deflated, refusing to jerk off to thoughts of Ben or his face or his general existence.

Plus, masturbating had proven to be a bit of a touchy subject, no pun intended. Sometimes, everything worked the way it was supposed to. Other times, bad memories surfaced, and I’d lose my erection instantly.

Since I wasn’t exactly sure what to do with all that, I’d kind of stopped jerking off in general. It wasn’t really worth the risk.

Once I’d finished with my perfunctory shower, I dressed for my job at the library and packed a duffel bag with what I’d need for sledding later that afternoon. Ben sent me a good morning text on his way to swim practice, and I sent him one back as I climbed into my second-hand Ford Ranger and headed to work.

I sat at the front desk, checking out people’s library books all morning. I much preferred returning books to their spots on the shelves over interacting with people, but it was only for a few hours.

At one o’clock, I kissed work goodbye and raced to my truck. I blasted the heat as I gunned the engine. Poor Mabel groaned under the stress I put on her cold engine, but I patted her dash consolingly.

“You’ve got this, girl.”

She responded with a shudder as her gears ground. She always got stuck in second gear during the winter, and I jiggled the gear stick, trying to loosen her up a bit.

Once I made it to the park and climbed out of my truck, I typed out a text to my dad as a reminder to set a maintenance check-up. I hated the thought of Mabel’s transmission taking a dive, but I worried, at this rate, she wouldn’t last the winter. It was only the beginning of December, and Indiana still had several long months left of perma-cloud and snow. I didn’t like the possibility of getting stranded in a blizzard.

Standing beside the passenger side of my truck, I dug out a pair of sweatpants and pulled them over my jeans. I slipped Ben’s California hoodie over my long-sleeved shirt, shrugged on my winter coat, then laced up my snow boots.

Plopping my rainbow hat on my head, I ensured my wallet and keys were safe in my jean’s pocket before shoving my duffel into my truck and shutting the door.

I shot a text to Ben and Kim, letting them know I was here. When I didn’t receive an immediate reply, I wandered toward the sound of children screaming. My memory was hazy over the exact location of the hills, but as laughter and shrieks grew in volume, I figured I was headed in the right direction.

As I came upon the top of the hill, I grimaced at the sheer amount of people. Small children screamed shrilly as parents shouted at one another over the noise.

“Silas!” Someone called behind me a second before a snowball hit my shoulder. I turned, brushing the powder off my coat as my friends waved.

Kim wore her hair in an afro puff, ears covered by leopard print earmuffs. Beside her, Jordan was wiping the fog off his hipster glasses while Caroline straightened a floppy, knitted hat over her blonde hair. Harris wore a bright yellow coat that practically blinded me, but I only had eyes for Ben.

Ben, who was crouched down collecting snow to make another snowball. Ben, who was giggling like a little kid as he shot me mischievous looks. Ben, who looked really hot, even with his snow-chapped cheeks, damp clothing, and a weird, fuzzy hat that resembled a Russian ushanka.

Seeing as he was fitting together another snowball, I assumed he’d sent the first one. “Are you sure you want to declare war on me, Adams?”

He stood, snowball at the ready. “Maybe.”

I arched an eyebrow.

He bit his bottom lip, practically vibrating with childlike giddiness.

“I’m gonna kick your ass,” I warned, and he giggled again.

Then he chucked the snowball right at me. I dodged it, but only barely. And thus began the snow war of the century. It was every man for himself, and my side ached from laughing as I hid behind a tree to escape Ben and Kim’s joint effort to pummel me with snowballs.

As Ben ran away, I threw one at his back, hitting him right in the ass. He cried out, cupping his butt cheek as he fled. By the time we were too exhausted to keep fighting, I’d exacted my revenge, and Ben was covered in snow.

He didn’t seem bothered, plopping onto the ground beside me with a contented sigh. “That was fun.”

Brushing snow off his fuzzy hat, I said, “Told you I’d kick your ass.”

“Whatever, I got you just as much as you got me.”

“Puh-lease, I grew up here. Snow is in my blood.” I leaned in, dropping my voice low and gravelly. “You think snow is your ally. But you merely adopted the snow; I was born in it, molded by it.”

Ben snickered at the altered quote. “Your Bane impression is terrible.”

“Hey, I’m hungry!” Kim interrupted us, pointing to a small food stand near the gazebo. “Let’s eat.”

Jumping to his feet, Ben wiped his hands clean of snow before offering one down to me. I took it, his fingers icy beneath my palm. He hoisted me to standing, and I reached up with my free hand to straighten his hat.

He grinned, giving my hand a squeeze. I could do nothing but smile back.

As a group, we headed toward the food cart, and Ben fell into step beside me, looking adorable in his fuzzy hat and slush-covered jeans. His apple-red cheeks and bright eyes made him appear younger than his eighteen years. Or maybe it was the childlike happiness bouncing in each step as we made our way to the line of people already waiting to be served.

Warmth from the heater inside the tiny shack poured through the window as the guy manning it leaned over to take our order.

“Hot chocolate and a chili-cheese dog,” I said as I handed the kid a twenty, pointing my thumb at Ben. “And whatever he’s getting.”

“You don’t have to—”

“Shush, and order,” I commanded, and Ben obeyed.

“Thanks,” he said as I collected my change.

“You’re welcome.”

Picking up our cheap, unhealthy food from the next window a few minutes later, we joined our friends at the picnic tables. Ben sat beside me and shared his fries. When he asked to taste my hot chocolate, I handed it over and he took a sip, sighing in bliss.

“That’s good hot cocoa.”

“It’s a little too sweet,” I said around my bite of hot dog.

Ben grimaced. “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

I stuck out my food covered tongue, and he pretended to gag. Then we laughed.

“Boys are gross,” Caroline said, and Kim hummed in agreement.

Once everyone was fed and watered, we headed back to the hills. Ben had to be freezing in his damp clothing, but he didn’t complain as he dragged a two-person sled behind him, smiling like a kid in a candy store. His dimple carved into his flushed cheeks, and several loose curls escaped the confines of his hat to tickle his forehead.

He caught me staring more times than I wanted to admit as we climbed to the top of the hill. Kim and Caroline sat on the wooden toboggan as Harris gave them a running start, hopping on the back at the last minute. Jordan took the circular one-person sled, and Ben lined up the plastic two-seater before gesturing for me to sit.

The sled was old and rickety. I imagined the plastic cracking and impaling my ass when we hit a bump. But Ben was excited, his smile wide and unhindered as he waited for me, expectant. How could I refuse him?

I climbed in with a silent prayer for protection, and Ben gave the death trap a shove before leaping in behind me. His legs landed on either side of mine, and I startled as his arms slid around my waist from behind. Holding me tightly, he laughed as we soared down the hill, the biting wind stinging my cheeks.

Faster and faster, we gathered speed, plummeting toward the bottom. He grasped me tighter when the sled shook beneath us. When we hit a large bump, the sled spun. I shrieked and grabbed onto the only handholds I could find—Ben’s arms at my waist. We both cried out in panic as we spun in circles.

In an effort to gain control, I stuck my leg out and dug my boot into the snow.

Unfortunately, that only accomplished flipping the sled completely, and we tumbled into the snow, rolling over the frigid, packed earth. Something hard smashed into my spine. I kneed Ben somewhere soft and squishy, making him grunt in pain. I hoped it was his stomach and not his balls.

The sky above me swirled like a drain as I blinked away dizziness and caught my breath. A heavy weight pressed into my gut, and I glanced down as the pressure vibrated. Ben and I were tangled, his arm somehow stuck between my legs as his face smashed into my stomach. His shoulders shook with laughter.

Peeking out with one eye, he smiled wide, then buried his face in my stomach to muffle his guffaws. As my hand landed on his back, I burst into laughter right along with him.

“You kicked me.” His mumble was barely discernible, muffled by my coat.

I patted his back. “Sorry. You okay?”

He nodded against my navel, his cheek on my belly. He continued to lay on top of me, completely at ease with his proximity to not just me but, specifically, my crotch.

A sweet, slightly shy grin lit his face. “That was fun.”

“We almost died.”

“What’s life without a little risk?” Snickering, he lifted himself onto his hands and knees. His eyes widened at the position of his hand between my legs, inches from my groin. “Shit, I didn’t punch you anywhere important, did I?”

I sat up, my palms burning from the cold of the snow beneath me. “No, my dick’s fine. Thanks for asking.”

With a blush, he sat back on his heels and brushed the excess snow from his clothes. “Good to know.”

I wrapped my arms around my raised knees, our bodies way too close for us to be talking about my dick. Ben’s wind-chilled cheeks darkened further, his tongue moistening his bottom lip. Wanting to erase the distance between us but too afraid of rejection, I angled my head and held eye contact.

When his frigid fingers slid under my sweatpants-jean combo to circle my ankle, I inhaled sharply.

“Silas,” he whispered my name, and I swore he leaned in, gaze locked on my parted mouth. “Si, I—”

“Oh my God, are you guys okay?” Caroline cried, breaking the charged moment, and Ben immediately pulled away as my friends ran to our accident site. “You didn’t break anything, right?”

Ben rose to his feet and tugged me to stand as we reassured my worried friends of our uninjured status. We salvaged the sled, which was thankfully still usable. After laughing off the incident, we climbed the hill once more, dragging our sleds behind us.

Flustered by the confusing exchange with Ben, I shoved Harris aside and joined Kim and Caroline on the toboggan. Jordan, Harris, and Ben shared the other sleds between the three of them.

Thankfully, no one brought attention to the maybe-almost kiss between me and Ben. I prayed it meant no one noticed.

Half-frozen, we called it quits as the sun began to set and gathered our belongings. We trekked through the snow banks toward the emptying parking lot. Caroline jumped on Jordan’s back, and he hooked his arms under her legs as he hoisted her higher. Kim and Harris giggled quietly, sharing a joke I hadn’t heard. Ben walked beside me. Our arms brushed at even intervals as we carried two out of the three sleds.

“Taco Bell, anyone?” Kim asked as we shoved the last sled into the trunk of her SUV.

A chorus of agreement rang through the air, and we headed back to our respective vehicles with the plan to meet at the Taco Bell down the road. Ben followed me to my truck, snickering to himself as he tugged on the long strings of my rainbow hat.

I batted his hand away and unlocked Mabel. I shed my sopping wet coat and sweatpants as Ben leaned his hip against my truck bed. Silently, he watched me shove the damp clothes into my duffel, a nervous smile teasing his lips.

“You’re coming to Taco Bell, right?” I verified as I shut the door.

“Uh-huh.”

We stood in a strangely charged silence as Ben worried his bottom lip. He opened his mouth to speak then hesitated. My eyebrows rose in teasing question at his adorable timidity.

“By the way, I like your hat,” he blurted as he tugged on the long, dangling string again. Then he turned abruptly and walked toward his silver Impala.

“Um, thanks,” I mumbled, too quiet for him to hear.

I fingered the string of my rainbow winter hat as I watched Ben lower himself into his car. Chuckling to myself, I climbed into my truck and started the engine.

As the sun set completely, bathing the evening in darkness, we pigged out on cheap Taco Bell. Ben sat beside me, stealing nacho chips when he thought I wasn’t paying attention, and I pretended not to notice. His foot found mine beneath the table, our shoes pressed together. I failed at convincing myself it was an accident.

Too soon, we finished the food and conversation dwindled.

As we cleaned up our trash and tossed away empty cups, the distance between Ben and me was subconsciously reinstated.

“Anybody up for a nightcap?” Kim asked as we stood in a huddled group just outside the doors. The plea leaked through her voice as she feigned nonchalance. “Dad’s ‘working’ tonight, so the house is empty and the liquor cabinet is unlocked.”

She hated staying at her dad’s every other weekend and usually invited people over so she wouldn’t be alone. Her dad was a total ass, so I didn’t blame her.

Caroline and Harris agreed immediately as Jordan shook his head. “Mom works tonight, so I gotta get home.”

Being the oldest of three siblings, Jordan babysat a lot while his mom worked. He never talked about why his dad was never around, and we knew better than to ask.

“Okay, rain check then.” Kim turned to me expectantly, and I hesitated.

I didn’t have any plans, but something held me back from agreeing too readily. Shooting Ben a questioning glance, I met his equally curious gaze. Somehow, I read his mind, and we both grinned as we shook our heads.

“Rain check for us too,” I said as Ben’s fingertips teased the back of my hand, and my stomach flip-flopped.

As Caroline and Kim exchanged suggestive smirks, I covertly flipped them off before hauling Ben away from their overly excited giggles. The last thing I needed was for them to open their big mouths and ruin this—whatever this was—before it began.

“Have fun!” they called after us.

I ignored them as I led Ben to our side-by-side vehicles. Stupid, nosy girls.

“Silas—”

“Do you want to come over?” I spouted at the same time, cutting him off as we stopped at the end of my truck bed. “We could, um, you know, hang out.”

Hiding my fidgeting hands in my pockets, I chewed my bottom lip as I awaited his answer. It was a simple question, yet we both understood the unspoken current of importance buzzing between us.

Ben nodded as the ocean in his eyes crashed and swirled like a maelstrom. “Yeah, okay.”

“Okay,” I squeaked, clearing my throat to muster a more manly, “Cool.”

“I’ll meet you at yours?” We walked around the nose of my truck as I agreed, and my breath hitched when his thumb grazed along my palm. “See you soon, Silas.”

A dark promise hid beneath the innocence of his words, and I shivered as his breath ghosted over my chilled cheek.

As I climbed into my truck, I peered out of the corner of my eye as Ben lowered himself into his car, and nausea bubbled in my gut. Things were about to be decided, and I feared there’d be no going back.

Our relationship balanced on a precipice, one nudge away from toppling over. Both directions were equally terrifying, but I knew things couldn’t remain the way they were now. One way or another, we had to fall this time.