Every Hidden Truth (Far From Ruined #2)

7. Take Care of Each Other

7

Take Care of Each Other

A few hours later, I reclined on the couch with Ben lying between my legs as I fought sleep. His cheek rested on my stomach, his eyes drooping while we watched a Family Guy rerun on TV. My fingers had long since stalled in their petting of his curls. Unconsciousness teased the edges of my brain as I cradled his torso between my knees.

If the world came to an end at this moment, I could die a happy man. I couldn’t remember ever being more comfortable.

After our make-out session on the pool table, Ben had suggested watching TV. At the time, he could have suggested a bikini wax, and I probably would have agreed. I hadn’t exactly been thinking with my brain.

He’d arranged us on the couch and settled innocently between my legs. He hadn’t moved an inch since I started sifting my fingers through his hair. I’d never been one for cuddling, but I liked holding Ben.

Turning from the TV, he nuzzled my stomach. I inhaled sharply when he lifted my shirt high enough to press his lips to my bare skin above my belly button.

“What are you doing?” My voice cracked as I shook off the edges of sleep.

He rested his chin on the spot he’d kissed as his thumb rubbed over my revealed hip bone. “I like this.”

It wasn’t really an answer, but I smiled down at him, twisting a particularly curly lock of gold around my index finger. “Me too.”

“Wanna make a bet about how many scandalized looks we’ll get tomorrow at school?” The joke fell flat when I stiffened, and his smile faded as I shifted my attention to the TV. He rose, propping himself on his elbows on either side of my waist when I avoided his gaze.

The night behind the stage came back to me in a rush, and I fought the bile rising in my throat. Boyt had threatened Ben that night. Maybe he hadn’t meant it, simply using Ben to manipulate me, but how could I be sure?

Merely being my friend had put Ben in danger. What would happen when we waltzed into school and shoved our relationship in Boyt’s face? It would be yet another block on the unstable tower of his self-restraint.

If he hurt Ben because of me… the thought was unthinkable.

“Silas?”

My stomach filled with lead as I grudgingly faced him. “Well, we don’t have to, like, rub it in people’s faces, do we?”

Hurt colored his expression, and as he sat back with a leg bent underneath him, I followed, curling into a ball and hugging my knees. My chin rested on my knees as I searched for a way to explain without revealing what Eric had tried to do. He hadn’t succeeded, and rehashing it would only lead to bad memories and arguments.

“I mean, it’s none of their business, you know?” I said.

“Well, I wasn’t planning on giving you a blowjob in the lunchroom, but—you want to keep us a secret?”

I shook my head, scooting across the cushions and resting a hand on his leg. “No, not a secret. That’s not what I meant. It’s just—I mean, it’s no one’s business but ours. And they’re assholes. They’ll just give you shit, and—”

“Let them talk. I don’t care what they say.” He took my hand, examining my palm. “I’m not ashamed of you.”

“I’m not ashamed of you either, you idiot.”

With a growl, I shoved him against the back of the couch and crawled into his lap. Straddling his hips, I framed his face with my hands and forced him to look at me. Why he thought I’d be ashamed of him was an absolute mystery.

“I’m not ashamed of you, Ben. But I know those kids, and they’re awful people. You have a good reputation. They’re nice to you, and if you saddle yourself with me—”

He cut me off again, his fingers circling my wrists. “I don’t care. I told you already that I would choose you every time. I like you, and I want to be your boyfriend everywhere, not just behind closed doors.”

The sentiment hurt my heart. The only relationship—if I could call it that—I’d ever had was behind closed doors. Eli never touched me unless we were in his room or at a party where no one knew his boyfriend—the boyfriend I knew nothing about.

At the time, I hadn’t cared because he was attractive and actually wanted to have sex with me. We’d fucked without strings or expectations. I thought it was what I wanted, until it wasn’t.

“I’ve never done this not behind closed doors,” I admitted.

“I know, and I’m not going to push you for something you’re not ready for. But I don’t want to be your dirty little secret.”

“They’ll give you shit. Your teammates, Jake fucking Thompson, and”—I licked my lips as my gut twisted—“and Boyt.”

The change was instantaneous. One moment, Ben watched me with conviction, and the next, the ocean in his eyes froze into chipped ice. I flinched at the rapid transformation. My Ben was gone, replaced by a terrifying, angry version of himself.

“If you think for one second that I’m afraid of that psychopath, you’re wrong. I hope he comes after me.” His grip on my wrists tightened until my bones squeaked in pain, and I cringed. “I’ll break more than just his nose.”

“Ben, you’re hurting me,” I whispered, and his eyes widened before he released me with a grunted apology.

Pushing me off of him, he scrubbed his face as he took a deep breath and let it out through pursed lips. “I know I pissed him off, but he hasn’t spoken to me since…” he drifted off, casting me a concerned look. “He doesn’t even look at me when we pass each other in the hallways. He won’t come after me because he knows I can take him. He’s a coward, Silas, and cowards only pick on the ones they know they can beat.”

“Wow, thanks,” I bit out, and Ben winced.

“You know I don’t mean it like that. I know how to fight, and I proved that when I broke his nose. That’s why I don’t think he’ll try anything. He’ll huff and he’ll puff, but it’s all empty air.”

Except it wasn’t. Ben hadn’t been there behind that stage. He didn’t understand the depths Eric was willing to stoop to.

“If he ever hurts you, I’ll never forgive myself,” I said, and I hated how I was pleading. “I know you think you can take him, but he never fights fair. They’ll gang up on you.”

“So, what? We hide on the off chance he gets pissed about our relationship?” Rising from the couch, Ben placed his fists on his hips and glowered. “That’s crazy! He can’t dictate what you do or who you date. You can’t give him that kind of power.”

I stood too, knocking his shoulder to force him back as my own temper sparked. “I’m not giving him anything! Any power he has was taken from me when he—” I choked on the words, unable to say it, and suddenly, Ben was there. His arms surrounded me as my face pressed to the crook of his neck.

“I won’t let him hurt you,” he rasped against my ear, kissing beneath it. “I won’t ever let him touch you again.”

For a moment, I allowed the helplessness to swallow me. Ben didn’t let me go. He didn’t let me fall. He held me up as I buried my fear, forcing it down until I could breathe again. I didn’t want to be afraid anymore.

“We just have to stick together,” he said, rubbing my back gently, “and be honest with each other.”

Honesty. Yeah, that was easier said than done.

Even now, I didn’t tell him about what Boyt had actually said and done that night backstage. I didn’t tell him how close I’d come to having Boyt’s dick in my mouth. And how it would have been done willingly.

No, not willingly. Coercion was just as bad as brute force. But it was a mindfuck all the same.

“Ben, I—”

“I’m not saying you owe me every thought in your head, okay? I know I’m not the best example of transparency, I just…” Ben withdrew until our foreheads met. “If something bothers you, you can tell me. If Thompson’s talking shit, tell me. If you have a nightmare—and I know you still have them—then call me. If Boyt even looks at you funny, then let me help. Let me be here for you. Let me take care of you.”

Slipping my arms around his neck, I rubbed our noses together as my heart writhed. I didn’t need him to take care of me. I just needed him to stay, to stand by me in the face of my demons.

“How about we take care of each other.”

With an exasperated sigh, he nodded. “Okay. It’s a start.”

I laughed humorlessly as I drew him down to kiss me, and he responded immediately. He crushed me to him, his tongue barreling past my lips and plundering my mouth. I tasted his aggression and anger, his frustration and desperation, and I submitted. Moaning into my mouth, he kissed me hard, branding himself on me, and I arched with a gasp as his fingers slid under my shirt.

Hands lowered to my ass then farther, cupping my thighs and hoisting me into the air. With a yelp of surprise, I circled his waist with my legs and clung to his shoulders to keep my balance. Above him now, I smiled and tangled my fingers in his hair, kissing him hard.

It was all tongues and teeth, and then we were moving. My back met a mattress, and I tightened my limbs to keep him on top of me, desperate for connection, for whatever he was willing to give me.

He ground down against my hips, and my head fell back against the mattress as I dug my fingers into his shoulders. Whether to push him away or drag him closer, I didn’t know. My body was a live wire, and I wanted more while simultaneously needing an escape. Because he was heavy, and for a moment, I felt trapped by the weight.

Ben stilled, lifting off me until we weren’t pressed together anymore. I panted into the ceiling as his breath puffed against my neck. Had he noticed my uncertainty or was this for him?

“Sorry,” he said. “Didn’t mean to get carried away.”

“Uh-huh,” I said, trying to calm my racing heart.

Catching his breath, he rolled off me, taking me with him until we faced each other. Our breathing fell into sync as we lay tangled in one another, eyes locked. The silence was expectant, his stare boring into mine until I swore he could see into my soul. Hopefully he couldn’t see the ugly truths I was trying to hide.

Because Ben was wrong. Some things were better left in the dark.