Every Hidden Truth (Far From Ruined #2)

24. Cotton Sheets

24

Cotton Sheets

We were tangled so close I couldn’t tell where I ended and he began. He trembled beneath me, and I burrowed into his embrace as our sweat cooled. His fingers dug into my back, his lips ghosting over my skin as he whispered soft words of adoration.

I curled into him as my eyes burned, my throat thickening against my will. I wanted to beg him to hold me forever, but like all things, this moment, too, would end. I didn’t want to lose this, whatever this was, not now that I’d found it.

“Si? You okay?” Ben’s voice was deep and husky as he cradled me to him, his hands running over my back in loving sweeps.

I nodded, unable to form words to explain the stinging moisture accumulating in my eyes. “Just… don’t let me go yet.”

He didn’t. He held me close, like I was fragile and irreplaceable.

After kissing my cheek, he slid his lips to my ear, and his whispered promise nearly broke me. “Never.”

One lone tear escaped the corner of my eye and trailed down my cheek, mixing with our combined sweat as it disappeared into Ben’s neck.

Wow, I thought. So this is what it feels like.

Warm and sated, I woke from the memory to the sound of Ben’s deep breathing in my ear. Blinking my eyes against the sun streaming through my open blinds, I burrowed into my pillow to hide from the light.

I must have forgotten to shut my blinds last night. I had been rather distracted, hadn’t I?

With a satisfied smile, I basked in the smell of spring soap drenching my sheets and the hot, deliciously naked body framing my back. Ben’s limbs coiled around me, locking me in place like an anaconda about to swallow me.

I snorted at the thought, and Ben groaned.

“Shh.” His garbled rebuke slurred against the back of my neck. “Too early. Go back to sleep.”

I tried to obey, but the sunlight was too bright. And now that I was awake, I couldn’t ignore the dull ache in my ass and thighs from last night. Not that the sex had been rough, but after a six-month dry spell, my body needed to get back into the swing of it.

Stretching the best I could in Ben’s vise-like grip, I tightened then relaxed my muscles in hopes of working out the leftover discomfort. It was the best kind of soreness, but I winced nonetheless.

Ben groaned against my neck, clearly unhappy with my movement, and I snickered under my breath as I settled once more.

“I’m still sleeping,” he grunted, nipping at a tender spot on my shoulder where he’d bitten me last night.

I jerked at the sting. “Ow.”

“Sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry at all, but I melted when he kissed away the pain. “I didn’t mean to leave a mark.”

Yeah, right! He’d littered my body with love bites and hickeys, and he’d enjoyed every second of it. To be honest, I didn’t mind it either. Apparently, I was a bit of a masochist because I’d enjoyed the subtle pain of his teeth sinking into my skin.

As his hand cupped my hip, I wiggled my ass against him, and he gasped, his fingers digging in. “You really want to tempt me right now?”

“Maybe.” My sly response cut off as he rolled on top of me, blanketing my back with his weight.

The drowsy lust froze over as a leaky faucet echoed in my ear.

“Wait, no,” I said, pushing against the mattress, and Ben rolled off me immediately.

“Sorry, I didn’t even think—” he said, but I cut him off as I sat up.

“No, it’s fine. I promise.” I crawled into his lap and kissed the worry off his face. “Don’t ruin the moment. I swear I’m good.”

It took several more kisses for him to relax, but eventually, he reciprocated. Our naked bodies tangled, and I shivered as his hands slid down my back and cupped my ass. His fingers dug in, and I bit back a moan.

Slowing our kiss, Ben eventually pulled back, his brows furrowing. “Wait, did our alarms go off?”

I scrunched my nose. “I don’t think so.”

“We are so late for school.” He wriggled out from underneath me and checked the phones we’d left charging on my side table. “Like, really late.”

We exchanged a look, and I shrugged. “Play hooky?”

Ben didn’t look entirely convinced, so I slid my hand up the inside of his thigh until a strangled noise escaped him. Then he nodded. “Yeah, hooky sounds good.”

Chuckling darkly, I pulled Ben back into a messy kiss.

Last night, he’d been shy and unsure, following my lead. This morning, he moved with more confidence, though he paused often, checking in to make sure I was okay, that he wasn’t going too fast.

I lost patience first, practically demanding that he fuck me like he meant it. He proceeded to do just that, proving once and for all that I was, in fact, a screamer. Thank God Mrs. Kolkowski was mostly deaf.

Sweaty and gasping for oxygen, we collapsed onto the bed minutes or possibly hours later. I couldn’t tell; I was too blissed out.

Ben wrapped me in his arms, securing me to his side, and I hitched my leg around his hips, my calf resting between his thighs.

“Holy shit.” He panted as he threw an arm over his eyes. “That was… I think I died.”

With a chortle, I kissed his chest, sucking a nipple into my mouth. He whined like a baby, tugging on my hair to stop me.

“I don’t think I can walk.” I pecked his collarbone and snuggled into him, and he tightened his embrace.

“Did I hurt you?” His genuine concern warmed my chest, and I shook my head.

“No, I’m fine,” I said, even though my ass was definitely going to be sore now.

Sensing the lie, Ben tilted my chin up and arrested my gaze. “Silas, was I too rough?”

“I’m pretty sure the whole, ‘God, Ben, fuck me harder,’ was a clear indication that you were not too rough.” I arched an eyebrow as he looked away, flushing to the tips of his ears.

He hid his embarrassment beneath his forearm, but his lips tipped in the corners. “Always so crass.”

“I’m not responsible for what I say in the throes of passion,” I dismissed, tucking my head under his chin.

We lay together, our skin smelling of sex and sweat. I listened to the erratic beat of his heart slow to a more natural rhythm and drew designs on his torso as he massaged my scalp. I could have drifted back to sleep, but I didn’t want to miss a single moment of this.

“You wanna jump in the shower?” he asked after a fashion, and I shook my head.

“Not yet. I just wanna stay here for a while.”

“Okay.” He pecked the top of my head, and I smiled.

At some point in the late morning, we showered the dried salt from our bodies and changed my sheets. Dressed in only our boxers, I sat on the kitchen countertop as Ben cooked his famous cheesy eggs. I tried to ignore the now-obvious ache in my lower body, but I snuck an aspirin or two when Ben wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t want him to regret what we’d shared this morning—or last night—because I sure as hell didn’t.

Last night had been nothing like I’d ever experienced before. It had been amazing and terrifying and heart-wrenching. It had felt vastly more significant than simply sex between two bodies. And then he’d stayed and held me afterward, whispering adoration and promises against my skin.

It had been the best night of my life, and well worth any soreness I now experienced.

When the eggs finished cooking, Ben joined me on the counter, and we ate in comfortable silence. His shoulder brushed mine every so often, and our dangling feet bumped purposefully. It was the best breakfast I’d had in a long time.

I cleared my plate first and rested my head on Ben’s shoulder as he ate. I kissed the curve of bone and muscle, grinning against his skin as he peeked at me from the corner of his eye. He chewed his eggs with a shy smile

“I’m glad you stayed,” I blurted, and he set aside his mostly empty plate and cocked his head curiously. “No one’s ever stayed before. Well, technically, I’ve never had sex in my bed before, but, like, the other times, I wasn’t allowed to stay. I just mean—”

He interrupted my mushy sentiment with a kiss, then nuzzled my cheek. “Where else am I gonna go?” he said, and the fire I’d been nurturing in my chest erupted into an inferno.

Those three words teased the tip of my tongue, but I bit them back as insecurity and fear reared their ugly heads. Last night, there had been moments where I’d wanted to tell him, where he might have reciprocated, but we’d kept our silence. Maybe it had been too much in the face of the intimacy we’d shared. Or perhaps, I hadn’t wanted it to happen in the heat of the moment.

I knew with every fiber of my being that I loved him, and I was pretty sure that he loved me too. It shouldn’t have been so difficult to voice it. Yet the words stuck in my throat, strangling me.

Ignorant of the war happening between my head and my heart, Ben smiled and pecked my mouth sweetly before hopping off the counter. He collected our plates and took them to the sink to rinse off. Then he placed them in the dishwasher.

As he prepared to wash the skillet he’d used to make the eggs, I jumped off the counter and stood a few feet behind him, wringing my hands. I opened my mouth, but no sound escaped. I swallowed to wet my desert-dry throat, then tried again.

Come on, Silas. It’s not that hard. Just say it!

But it was that hard, okay? I’d never told anyone, except Dad and Will, that I loved them. And they were family, so it was easier. They were kind of obligated to love me back. Ben wasn’t. If I said it, he might not say it back. There was a very real possibility that he didn’t love me at all.

So it was hard, and the words lodged in my throat.

“You gonna help me or what?” Ben teased with a grin thrown over his shoulder.

I opened my mouth to say, “Sure,” but what came out instead was, “I think I love you.” And everything stopped. The earth froze in its rotation. The birds went quiet, and the light snow paused its falling.

Every muscle in Ben’s body locked, and he jolted like he’d been electrocuted. “What?” he said in a whisper, but it cracked through the room like a gunshot.

That single word set everything back into motion, and as the world started spinning once more, I started to ramble. “I think I love you. Or, well, I know I love you. And I wanted to tell you last night, but I didn’t want you to think that I was only saying it because your dick was up my ass.”

Ben turned, eyes wide as dinner plates, and heat flooded my face and painted my neck. But my motor-mouth was already running, so I just kept talking.

“Not that I didn’t enjoy your dick up my ass. I did very much. Obviously. But that’s not the reason I love you. You’re just the best person I know, and you make me better and nicer and happier than I’ve ever been.”

As I continued blabbering, Ben approached me slowly, like he was drawing near to a cornered animal.

“And you don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know because you should know that you’re loved. By me. Because you’re just really great, and I—I just—is that okay? Can I just love you? Please just let me love you.”

I finally managed to close my stupid mouth when Ben came to a stop right in front of me. His hands cupped my face, and his ocean eyes were crashing and swirling like a hurricane.

“Say it again,” he said.

“All of it?” I shook my head. “I literally don’t remember. I’m pretty sure I just stroked out or something.”

He smiled. “Say it again, Silas.”

And because I could deny him nothing, I said, “I love you.”

For a moment, his eyes went glassy, like he was going to cry, but then he blinked it away and beamed at me like I was the sun. Which was just ridiculous because he’d always been the sun. I was just a tiny piece of space debris alight in his orbit.

He said, “You have no idea what you do to me, do you?”

And, “You hit me like a storm, whipping through everything and leaving me in ruins.”

And, “You absolutely destroy me.”

That sounded violent and painful, and yet he was still smiling.

He said, “But then you put me back together, fitting the pieces in ways I never knew they could go.”

He said, “You look at me, and I feel real. You look at me, and you see me.”

He swallowed thickly and said, “You look at me, and I’m not invisible anymore.”

“Ben,” I croaked, but whatever else I might have said was lost as he smashed our mouths together.

He kissed me like a man dying in the desert and I was his oasis. He kissed me like he wanted to crack me open and crawl inside me. He kissed me like he loved me, and I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back.

I craved him with every molecule in my body. I was his: heart, body, and soul. Even though he threatened to consume me until there was nothing left, I surrendered willingly. I’d give him everything.

“I love you,” he whispered into my quivering mouth, kissing me again and again until I was breathless. “Do you hear me, Silas? I love you.”

He spoke it like a promise, offering me the jagged shards of himself, and I took them with the utmost care. I fit the pieces inside myself, making me whole. Then it was my turn. I offered him my tattered, ragged heart, praying it was enough. And he cradled it in his hands, using my broken fragments to seal his own gaping wounds.

Warped and twisted, pieced together like a discombobulated tapestry, we fixed each other. We were bent and bruised, disfigured and damaged, but we were not ruined. Our scars didn’t make us weak; they made us fucking beautiful.

Words were cumbersome and unnecessary, so I tightened my hold on his neck as he half-carried, half-dragged me through the house. He climbed the stairs, kicked open my door, and planted me on the bed.

Crawling after me, he tucked the covers around us and yanked me into his body. He held me like he would never let me go, and I curled into him, wishing I could burrow inside his body and never leave.

We couldn’t stay here forever. Tomorrow was a new day with expectations and responsibilities. Life would move on.

But today? Today, we would lay in my bed. We would waste away under cotton sheets and lose ourselves, if only for a while. We would relish every kiss, every touch, and commit them to memory. Because this was forever ours.

We mapped each other’s skin, learning every path and trail. We explored and discovered until I knew his body like the back of my hand. It was the most exquisite type of torture, and we surrendered until there were no more secrets between us.

By the time the long rays of sun stretched across my bedroom floor with late afternoon light, we had each other memorized.