Lula
As Exile, Nova, and the girls started their journey back to Little Memphis, Rowdy and I arrived at the hospital to learn Stevie had been discharged an hour earlier. Hazard and Anise had escorted her to the Sorority House, where they were staying while their daughters healed.
Graham was on watch duty in front of Cher’s room. He looked refreshed and still damp from a recent shower.
“I just took over for Vanessa,” Graham explained while Rowdy grabbed a chair to keep watch with him. “Sabrina will be here in a few hours. Let me know if you need anything.”
Inside the room, the curtains were pulled back. Stevie’s bed was stripped down. A chair sat next to Cher’s bed, where she rested with her eyes closed. Her casted arms were set up on pillows to keep them level. Her left leg cast was covered in our friends’ colorful signatures.
I settled into the chair and caressed Cher’s fingers sticking out of her cast. Her nails were painted pink and green.
As I sat quietly with Cher, I considered Exile returning to Little Memphis. Though he sounded happy to come back, I felt guilty over him giving up important parts of his life to be with me.
“You look sad,” Cher said, startling me from my thoughts.
“I’m worried about you.”
“I know, but you seem sadder than before. Am I dying? Is that why you look like you’ll cry?”
“No, the doctor said your memory recall is good. She thinks you’ll go home in a week or two.”
“Then, why are you sadder than the last time you visited?”
“It doesn’t matter. We should talk about you.”
Cher studied me with her glassy eyes. “Want me to tell you about my out-of-body experience?”
“Of course,” I said, stroking her fingers.
“I saw myself in the ER. Stevie was nearby, bleeding and crying. I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn’t. I moved away from the hospital and saw my parents speeding to Little Memphis. I could feel how worried they were and wanted to tell them I was with them, but I couldn’t.”
When Cher hesitated, I sensed she was getting tired. Taking a deep breath, she focused on me and spoke again.
“I found myself at a pancake place. I wanted a big stack with lots of butter and syrup, but I couldn’t eat since I didn’t have a body, and no one could see me.
I kept floating around, wanting to do stuff.
It was very frustrating. So, when I came back to my body, I decided I was going to do whatever I wanted.
Even though I’m all messed up right now, I can be seen and heard.
Soon, I’ll be walking around and eating my pancakes and hugging my parents and chasing Stevie when she pisses me off. ”
“I’m sorry this happened.”
“I’m not,” Cher said and closed her eyes. “I was coasting through life. Now, I plan to make moves. I’ll be a superstar. Just you wait.”
“I believe you.”
“Are you coasting through life? Is that why you look sad?”
“No, I don’t know. Maybe,” I said, fumbling with my words. “Exile is giving up a lot for me. We’re going to try and make a long-distance relationship work.”
“Don’t try. Just do it.”
“It’s not always that easy.”
“Vanessa said you’ve been silly sweet since you met Exile. Does that mean you’re in love?”
“Yes.”
“Then, why is there any question if things will work?”
“Love isn’t always enough.”
“If Exile makes you happy, you can’t be selfish. If he’s not enough, nothing you do will keep things going.”
“Is that how you felt with Tricky?”
“He wanted me to be like his mom,” she said with her eyes closed. “But I’m like my mom. I could have pretended to be more like Amanda to make him happy. Or I could be myself and make myself happy. I wasn’t willing to sacrifice for Tricky, so it was over. What are you willing to give up for Exile?”
“I want to keep him, but I’m afraid to trust in the magic I feel with him. If I’m wrong, he’ll have given up so much. His sister and nieces are giving up a lot, too. I just don’t want to fail.”
“Not everyone is as lucky as I am with having an out-of-body experience. You should take advantage of my good fortune and learn from me. Dream big. Take what you want. Don’t let people steal your sunshine. Basically, be a greedy dickhead to ensure your happiness.”
Smiling at her wording, I stroked her fingers and imagined Exile.
He was the perfect guy for me. I couldn’t imagine anyone better.
The only sticking point was where we called home.
He said Nova and the girls were excited to come back.
Exile also mentioned selling his home and finding a place to fit us all.
I wanted to believe we could be happy together, but my rational side kept putting up guilt-ridden what-if roadblocks.
Cher’s breathing shifted as she dozed off. I stayed at her bedside while coming to terms with how my life couldn’t stay the same if I wanted to keep Exile. For him, I had to be audacious.
Rowdy and I arrived at our parents’ house to find Dillon waiting for me on the front steps. I assumed she wasn’t inside with everyone else because of some tiff, especially after she came running at me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I got scared.”
“Of what?” I asked as we walked to our house.
“Exile is gone. Everything feels too quiet. I worried you wouldn’t come home from the hospital.”
Holding Dillon against me on the couch, I reassured her about how careful I was being and promised Exile would be back in Little Memphis soon.
“It feels safer when he’s here.”
“Are you going to be okay to visit your dad?”
“Yeah, but I want Exile to be here when I’m gone. He will protect you.”
Rather than focus on Dillon’s fears, I shifted the conversation to a Baton Rouge house.
We both loved making lists, so we worked on one for the realtor.
We tried to stay realistic, but we had come up with nearly two dozen “must-haves” before we received a text about Exile and Nova entering the community.
Heading outside, my daughter and I excitedly awaited the arrival of the rest of our new family. As soon as they pulled up, Dillon rushed forward. She only said hello to Exile, but her gaze held such affection already.
Like me, Dillon would never forget how this man swept into our lives and wrapped us up in his protection.