Exquisite Death: Dark, Friends to Lovers Romance (The Gilded Sovereign Book 3)

Chapter 12

Tarian’s never shown anyconsideration toward me since I’ve known him. In fact, he’s never been particularly nice to be around. I’ve always known Tarian Calvert is broken. I can see the pain etched on his perfectly sculpted face, and his stare is filled with the ghosts of his past.

I’m not sure anything can mend him, not even love.

Blinking a few times to stop the thought from taking root in my mind, I focus on our conversation. I don’t know why he mentioned my mother, but right now, I don’t want to think about her.

When my mother married Leonard Harding, I thought World War Three would break out when two broken families joined into one. Kelli became my stepsister, and I had to deal with her moving into our house. She acted as if she owned the place, so in the end, I chose to hide in the shadows.

“What are you looking at?” I ask, gesturing to the laptop.

I can see the turmoil in Tarian’s expression. Rage is emanating from him as his gaze drops to the screen in front of him and he regards whatever is displayed there.

Silence hangs between us.

The atmosphere feels threatening. And for the first time since I’ve been with Tarian, I shiver with a cold trickle of fear.

“My mother left a flash drive with Thane,” he tells me while continuing to stare at the screen. His voice is devoid of any emotion now, as if a switch has been flicked. “There are three letters, two of which I’ve read, but the one addressed to me, I can’t bring myself to open.”

I watch him with curiosity. The idea of Tarian being fearful of anything seems strange. But what’s even more odd is the fact his mother’s written him a letter even though she could tell him what she wants to say, face-to-face.

Why would she do that?

She should talk to him. No matter how angry he is, she owes him that much at least.

“Would you like company while you read it?” I finally offer.

I have a feeling Tarian would never ask for my help. He’s too proud to admit he’s scared, or angry, but his expression speaks volumes.

“I don’t want to talk about the contents,” he says, but before I can respond, he continues. “But I’d like it if you’d stay here with me.”

There’s pain in his words, and the anguish in his confession grips my heart.

Nodding, I settle back in the seat with my drink, and sipping the alcohol, I watch as he wakens the laptop. His gaze locks on the screen, and the corners of his mouth turn down at the sides.

I’m not sure what’s written in his letter, but it’s not good.

Not at all.

When I finally swallow the last of my drink, I stand up, and Tarian’s gaze darts to me. There’s a shimmer in his eyes, and I can tell he’s trying his best to hide his sadness, but I can see it written all over his handsome face.

I hate that I want him because I know he can never offer me the relationship I need.

He’s too closed off to feel anything. Deep down, I thought if I stuck around and showed him he’s worthy of love, he would change. But you can’t force someone to be who you want them to be, and you can’t make them see something they’re not willing to accept. And as much as I want Tarian, I’m just as afraid of what could happen if he did relent and we took that step into unknown territory.

The truth is, whatever happens between us, the chances are I’m going to end up losing him anyway.

I grew up watching Tarian Calvert from afar. He was my first crush, and my unrequited obsession. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done to be near him. But he never saw me as anything other than a naive young girl who tagged along to the Sovereign family get-togethers.

Every year I watched him change—he became more distant, he got colder, and he switched off everything inside that made him human. Maybe having to come to terms with his mother’s choices and his uncle’s actions will finally push him outside his emotionless comfort zone where he likes to hide.

The only time I’ve ever seen Tarian let go of his icy exterior is when he’s with Etienne and Ares—the two men who are like brothers to him. I’ve watched him give them genuine smiles of happiness, rather than the fake, plastered-on grins he gives everyone else.

“Thank you for sitting here,” he tells me, dragging me out of my thoughts. “I’m not someone you should want to be around, Grecia. To be honest, I’m not sure why you’re still here.”

“I’m here because I don’t believe in giving up on my friends.”

Even though I call us friends, it’s a lie.

I know it is. He knows it is.

We’re not friends. We’re something else, something more.

I’ve felt the electric current that flows between us. It was present on the plane when his body pressed into mine and he nearly kissed me. He let go of his control for just a second. His walls toppled, and I saw the broken boy underneath the cool exterior.

Tarian pushes up from his chair and stalks around the desk. He closes the distance between us, and when he’s inches from where I’m sitting, his hands grasp the arms of my chair and his face leans into mine. We’re a hairsbreadth apart, and his warmth cocoons me. He may not be touching me, but it feels as if his palms are all over me.

“Are we friends, Grecia? The only people I consider to be my friends are Ares and Etienne,” he responds, keeping his voice as cool and calm as ever.

Tarian doesn’t lose control, but this is one of those moments when I wish he would. I know if I move or attempt to kiss him right now, it will change our dynamic, but I’m still not sure if it will push him away or finally make him accept the connection between us. It might bring us closer, but I could also end up losing him forever.

I’m not ready to take the risk, so instead, I settle back in my seat and smile. I shrug off his comment as if it’s nothing, but my body is trembling, and I know he can see it. He’s reading me, his gaze trailing from my shaking hands, up to my mouth, and then to my eyes.

“Tell me you want me to fuck you,” he murmurs, his voice so low I almost can’t hear it.

My heart is thudding against my ribs painfully.

“Why should I tell you that?” I choke out past the lump in my throat.

He tilts his head to the side, and his tongue toys with his lip ring for a moment as he considers his answer.

“Because you do.”

“How would you know what I want?”

The corner of his mouth lifts, and the silver piercing glints with promise.

“Because I can see what’s locked inside that pretty little head of yours, Grecia. You want my dick deep inside you, but you’re scared that if we fuck, you’ll never want to be with another man.”

“You’re such an overconfident asshole, Tarian. Your delusional if you think I’d be so obsessed with you that I couldn’t move on,” I bite out as I push my hands against his chest. “I’m not like those other girls.”

The moment my palms land on his body I realize I’ve made a mistake. His heat sears me. It feels as if I’m a live wire with electricity shooting through every nerve ending.

He tilts his head to the side and smirks. “I think you’re the one lying to yourself.”

“Fuck you, Tarian. I told you I was here for you as a friend.”

He shakes his head and chuckles before stepping back and allowing me to rise from the chair. His gaze falls to my bare thighs, and he watches as I move away from him. A spark of something in those blue depths has me stopping to see if he’ll apologize, even though I know he won’t.

A girl can dream. Can’t she?

“You’re cold and heartless.” I remind him of something he once said to me. “That’s a fact.”

“And I’m calling you out, Grecia. My family is fucked up, and here you are wanting to bounce on my dick. Don’t deny it. I can read you better than any book,” he tells me.

Anger burns in his stare, and I realize this isn’t about me and him, this is about whatever he’s read on the laptop.

He’s projecting his rage for his mother onto me. And that’s not something I’m willing to accept. I understand what it’s like to have fucked up parents. I get what it means to have family you’d rather run from than deal with. But I refuse to surrender to an attack for something I had no hand in.

“Listen to me, Tarian Calvert,” I grit through clenched teeth as I take two steps toward him, only stopping when his body is flush with mine. “You’re a fucking asshole, and if you think I can’t walk away from you, then you’re sorely fucking mistaken. You may have been born into a shitty family, but so has everyone else in Tynewood. Me, Ares, Etienne, even Dahlia and Rukaiya. Do not ever, and I mean ever, project your bullshit onto me.”

Spinning on my heel, I make it to the door before he starts to speak.

“I…”

I still at the sound of his voice. I wait for him to say something more, to utter words that will make me stay, but after a long moment of silence, I walk out the door.

Time for me to go home.

Thane’s going to have to let me leave.